Let's make a present day-fantasy setting

I for one welcome our new [REDAKTED] overlords

Not succubi though, they're on tinder.
*swipe*

Rolled 18 (1d20)

/x/ actually manages to summon succubi

Rolled 1 (1d20)

Almost all debt collectors own dragons. If you slay the dragon, your debt goes away.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

About 50 years ago, a very clever conman created a ponzi scheme in which he helped demons steal souls. When it collapsed, he ended up with a lot of demon souls, so he compelled them to work on earth as cheap labourers, and set up a megaconglomerate.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

A wizard drew a butt on the moon

Rolled 5 (1d20)

Elven cities and villages are in big parks, like Central Park in NY or Retiro in Madrid

dice+d20

mobile phones double as spellbooks

in the "options" bit m8

If you talk shit about a god in the presence of one of his/her high clerics, the god gets their friends and they break into your house at night, hold you down to your bed and beat you with tube socks filled with oranges.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

fuck

Rolled 20 (1d20)

Tumblr is full of posts supporting half-elves rights and marriage between different races

If you slay a dragon you get arrested for killing an endanger animal

Rolled 5 (1d20)

lets try that again, i'm fucking tired:

Mobile phones double as spellbooks

Hmm my roll must of been formatted wrong

No caps?

Rolled 19 (1d20)

Traffic laws become stricter during mid summer to prevent time looping automobile accidents.

Only Gnomes work in tech support.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

Donald Trump is an evil Lich

fucking what roll dammit

Only Gnomes work in tech support.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

crazy old people and hobos are just wizards in disguise

Rolled 10 (1d20)

FUCK

Rolled 6 (1d20)

Anime is real, but only on a single day of the year.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

The Wiimote is considered a magic item

Rolled 9 (1d20)

A drug to cure magically induced pregnancy can be bought over the counter in most pharmacies.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

There is a movement in favour of "Free Range" Imps as wizard familiars, because the traditional method of summoning binds them to the wizards will and is considered cruel.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

Corporate necromancers frequently outsource labor to cheap foreign undead hordes rather than trying to look for local undead labor options.

Screw you.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

Orphans have been known to rapidly gain "levels" in a class unique to them over the span of five years.

If a jew lives to the age of 150, he enters a 50-year process of mutation that turns him into a dragon.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

I can't into rolling, apparently.
Trying again for jew dragons.

...

Rolled 9 (1d20)

In order to be legally considered an adult, you have to prove to the courts that you are educated, capable of taking care of your basic needs, and capable of getting a job.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

The owner of a building can be fined for having fake gargoyles.

Rolled 1 (1d20)

Spells that detect alignment/morality/whatever are illegal under hate crime laws.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

The number one cause of death in teens and halflings is spell casting and driving. Don't magic and drive folks.

Rolled 5 (1d20)

Blacks are violently racist towards orcs. Whites are inexplicably pro-orc. All half-orcs are half-white.

>common thing

Apparently there are good reasons for having fake gargoyles and everyone agrees that it's a dick move. But not worth more than a fine (That's tricky because my first thought is that planting a fake gargoyle is something an evil cultist would do to let evil spirits into a place, that wouldn't just be a fine).

Lol. The new standard is that if you're capable of arithmetic, not die 1 day outside of the city limits anti-monster safety zone, and not having a diet consisting of sapient creatures, congratulations. You're legally a functioningl contributing member of society.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

Diligently maintained prismatic wall along all of Florida's land borders. Kraken border patrol along all of its coastline.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

Linda Glocke is an epic-level spellcaster capable of destroying ISIS.

That's odd, I made the exact same facial expression on reading that headline.

Your alignment is listed on your driver's license and tax paperwork.

The internet works on akashic memory, and every smartphone has a ghost bound into it to make the connection and handle the decision making.

There are good reasons for it because having fake gargoyles is much cheaper than real ones and it works just as well since most potential intruders can't tell the difference, but after lobbying from the Gargoyle Union the practice was made illegal.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

Rolled 4 (1d20)

Someone founded a cult around the rumor of virgins becoming wizards at age 30, but entry involves paying them to do the party catering on that exact day.

Rolled 5 (1d20)

Disgusting spider creatures from the depths of the earth have the hippest new cuisine and are opening restaurants everywhere.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>Your alignment is listed on your driver's license and tax paperwork.
College students do evil things despite their good alignment and claim to be "transevil" and that you need to check your privilege.

Is all the rage right now
>Everybody talks about mixed-race rights and Tumblr in particular is blowing up. Literally blowing up.

Is a common thing
>Send a demon a whatsapp message to summon them! All the teens are doing it!
>/x/enophiles are able to summon succubi on a daily basis. It's not hard.
>Traffic laws are stricter during mid-summer to prevent time looping automobile accidents.
>Corporate necromancers frequently outsource labor to cheap foreign undead hordes rather than trying to look for local undead labor options.
>The number one cause of death in teens and halflings is spell casting and driving. Don't magic and drive folks
>Everybody knows mst gargoyles you see are cheap, illigal fakes. And it has become a real problem nowadays.
>Jews are actually a dragonborn race and will morph into their greater forms at the age of 150.

Is a niche thing
>Demons are known to excel in corporate roles and office jobs because of their lack of a soul. Although most demons prefer to pursuit other careers.
>Some crazy old people and hobos are actually wizards, most are just crazy old people and hobos.
>Only Gnomes work in tech support. Only very desperate people use tech support.
>Only a few fanatics are still protesting to make non-free range imps illigal.
>Florida is guarded by strong magic barriers and even monsters. But nobody really cares about Florida, so it isn't a big deal.
>"I heard Linda is going to unleash her magical vengence upon ISIS." "Jeez, doesn't she have anything better to do?"
>Some phones have ghosts in them to make a connection to the akashic memory internet. You are however considered a huge nerd when you don't just go for standard Wifi.
>Some college students that act evil despite a good alignment claim to be "transevil". The authorities see through their bullshit.

Rolled 1 (1d20)

Specially trained sexual Jewish superheroes combat these creatures wherever they appear, to preserve the honor of the Tribe of Israel.

Rolled 5 (1d20)

Demihumans protest outside of courthouses whenever the term "human rights" is used, despite it being a misnomer and applying to them as well.

Used to exist
>Potions in coffee cups weren't really useful in battle.
>Spellbook pdf's weren't 'authentic' enough for real wizardry.
>Also 'mobile casting' or using your phone as a spellbook has fallen out of fashion.
>Students used to ditch Magic 101, so they changed the name of the course to make it appeal to young people.
>A wizard once drew a butt on the moon, but it's been whiped away now. *puns*
>Elves used to live in public parks, but that became illigal.
>Religious people used to come into your house and beat you if you insulted their god. It's a crime now.
>Donald Trump used to be an evil Lich, but now that he's running for president, he's a reeeeally normal and super good guy. Really.
>'Anime-is-real' day used to be a thing. We stopped it. Thank the gods.
>You used to be able to buy a drug that cure magical pregnancy. Now you have to go see a shifty wizard across the border to get it removed...
>Orphans used to rapidly gain unique 'class levels', but the budget has been cut back.
>Back in the day, you could only be considered a responsible adult if you had proven yourself to be educated and capable. Now... Whatever.
>There used to be a lot of white-black-orc racism, but it's considered a thing of the past.

Is too weird to even mention
>'Orks control the media' is the kind of insane conspiracy you'd see written the piece of cardboard that hobo on the corner is wearing. Or posted on politically incorrect message boards.
>So is the belief that nowadays you'd get arrested for detecting alignment in hate crime laws.
>Only an idiot would believe that debt collectors own dragons. And some idiots do set out to slay those dragons.

This is good stuff!
Except the jew dragons, I really had a hard time writing that in a way that doesn't just sound like an uninspired /pol/ joke.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

Level caps are a thing. A low-enough cap lets you apply for disability allowance.

Rolled 7 (1d20)

There are devices specially designed to let people glide on days where it rains from the ground upward.

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>Except the jew dragons
Fuck you. Not every weird reference to judaism is automatically antisemitism.

Rolling for jews growing glorious defensive scales when they ingest a sufficient amount of gold.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

There's a proximity-based Augmented Reality service exclusively for people below a certain level of magic aptitude. Rumor has it that the service's founders actively answer prayers stored in these "virtual sky lanterns".

Rolled 12 (1d20)

Firearms are useless because of bulletproof magic everywhere. Only enchanted melee weapons are used in war.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

A jewish dragon's breath weapon is hydrogen cyanide.

>Not every weird reference to judaism is automatically antisemitism.
But comparing them to the money-hoarding monster does raise suspicion.
But rules are rules, jews are bad-ass lizards now.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

David Bowie was actually an aasimar

Rolled 20 (1d20)

Cellphones occasionally have their numbers replaced with ones that call alternate dimension versions of people. Nobody has yet found a way to actually access those dimensions in other ways yet.

Rolled 20 (1d20)

The Isreali Air Force has been granted the authority to have jew dragons conduct air strikes in Scandinavia and specific parts of Russia whenever global warming frees a batch of nazi zombies from the permafrost.

>Keit-Ai found the ultimate way
You son of a bitch.

Japan's wildlife has changed in the wake of America's nuclear strikes.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

Lemme roll 4 u

Rolled 15 (1d20)

Fuck, forgot to roll.
Trying again.

Rolled 14 (1d20)

How about no.

Rolling for a team of semi-magical, heavily armored knights that hunt down namefag shitposters from the fantasy version of Veeky Forums.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

It is technically not illegal to sell man-eating insects because mosquitoes are qualified as such.

The President of the United States can be impeached through a trial by combat.

Iz you that angry guy from beastraces thread?

Rolled 10 (1d20)

God fucking dammit.

No, everybody hates pointless, attention-whoring namefags.

...

Well fuck u and fuck dis whole thread, you dickless shitcunt.

Rolled 7 (1d20)

A unique funeral service allows the recently deceased to become doors. This involves a secret punching technique, and the strength of the punch is proportional to the quality of the final product.

That's not me.

'kay. I rejoin da anonymous hivemind then.

Wow, the WAAAGH iz growin'.

Nobody cares, go some place else. You are both shitting up a good thread.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

Undead are legal work force

Rolled 6 (1d20)

Lusty brown elves are becoming a real nuisance in large forested areas all over the world.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

A number of illegal loggers from the Amazon has found fortune and fame by becoming adventurers and ridding the world of this horny, brown menace.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

It has become legal to go to bard schools and learn how to seduce people with magic

Rolled 7 (1d20)

Cities that represent something important for certain religions (e.g. Rome, La Mecca) can summon in their defence angelic warriors, and have actually Angels and other divine beings living among the mortals.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

Highly magic resistant, gigantic monsters often are summoned by evil people just for shit and giggles.

Rolled 14 (1d20)

A uniquely crafted d20 dice has absolute authority over the 10m spherical area surrounding it. It grants the user's wish with success directly proportional to the result; 20 is exactly as desired, 1 is exactly opposite.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

There is no "world hunger" anymore, because strong wizards have found a solution to that.
They actually don't even know how they themselves managed to do that.

Rolled 5 (1d20)

Using pizzas as makeshift summoning circles is now a thing.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

Smoking spriggans is technically legal in fifteen states.

Somebody wanted to stop once and for all the plague that is the question "Redeemed succubus, what do?", totally cancelling succubi from existence.

Rolled 8 (1d20)

Several popular pizza chains have opted to embrace the fad by offering the 'infernal cut' at no extra cost, or for $2.99 extra to cut it with a licensed Athame.