Things only the meanest DMs do

>attack someone's familiar

Mind control during combat.

In Only War the gm pitted us against a psyker boss who could use a reaction to, instead of dodging or parrying, switch places with one of the PCs.

Organize a game for a whole bunch of people, get them hyped, work to make them build characters, organize the game...and then at the first session/after the first session disappear into nowhere.
On purpose.

>using the families he insisted we add to character backgrounds as the BBEG's literal fuck/murdertoy's
>throws a little mascot character he deliberately makes adorable and lovable for the sole purpose of breaking our hearts down the line
>refuses to provide coasters but demands we use coasters

>YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!
>you can't do anything

...

Reading that always makes me sad and annoyed, because its a perfect case of an innocent quirk being fucked with simply because the GM wants to fuck with you. No rhyme or reason to it, no purpose in the scheme of things, they just want to try and frustrate you. Which is the opposite of what a GM should do.

You guys just sound like you're used to care bear GMs.

Ask for a page or more of background and then kill off everyone's characters during the first session.

It would be more dramatically interesting to prompt a rescue mission from this event via kidnapping...
Straight murder is rarely a good storytelling option.

>"This advisor tells you to go kill this village and by the way he looks really shifty and untrustworthy"
Uh okay let's not do that this guy is obviously bad news also people who kill villages are generally bad guys?
>"Okay what do you do instead?"
Uh let's find out why this advisor wants us to kill a village?
>"Okay so you go to the village and they immediately attack on sight!"
Wait so we don't get to get a look at the place first or sneak around and try to see what they're up to, or...?
>"Okay you sneak around and they find you and they attack you immediately!"
Okay I guess we try to disengage and say we're not here to-
>"They ignore you and yell expletives and keep attacking you!"
We leave?
>"They chase you and keep attacking you!"
Ugh okay fine we defend ourselves, I guess.
>"You killed them all!"
Great, I guess. So let's explore this village then.
>"It's full of freed slaves!"
So we freed them, or...?
>"Nope the people you killed freed them from the advisor who was using them to build his evil empire!"
Uh huh.
>"They're all sad and angry at you because you killed the people who freed them and you were helping the evil advisor all along!"
Uh huh.
>"You're all monsters! Feel bad about the bad things you did!"

A classic maneuver.

now THATS fucking badass. like a god-tier chekhov's shotgun!

Mordenkainen's disjunction is literally made by sadists.

Rolled 740 (1d1000)

After the session, explain exactly where the party made mistakes and go on about how much harder we made everything for ourselves.

Amputation, permanent damage and general disfigurement.

Luckily the DM only did the later to my character. No saves allowed.

>minmax master swordsman bodyguard type for a friend's suave face character
>me and the rifleman murder everything awh hell yeah
>daemon Lord out of nowhere
>calls my charger out as a vampire to the rest of the party (not cool, man)
>mind controls said character
>only one survivor.

It's fun but goodness if it isn't a massive dick move.

What is Mordenkainen's disjunction?

>bases campaign almost exactly on published series and tells us about it
>gets butthurt that people watch the series and adds extra dice and rerolls attacks to hit those who went ahead.

>All magical effects and magic items within the radius of the spell, except for those that you carry or touch, are disjoined. That is, spells and spell-like effects are separated into their individual components (ending the effect as a dispel magic spell does), and each permanent magic item must make a successful Will save or be turned into a normal item. An item in a creature’s possession uses its own Will save bonus or its possessor’s Will save bonus, whichever is higher.

It's an AOE spell that can permanently destroy magical or enchanted items in its spell radius

Will Save or lose Magical gear (becomes mundane, irreversibly).

You know how players are about losing gear...

its the one spell that kills all of your hard earned phat loot if you have any.

Mordenkainen's disjunction, or Mage's Disjunction in PF, strips all targets in an area of all magical effect, whether its from equipment or enchantments and spell. on top of this, it reduces your magic resistance by 10 for the duration, which is 60 seconds, or 10 turns in 3.PF

Monk wins again note: this is the first time monk has ever won

Everyone's gear is destroyed.

It can destroy the whole progress of the character.

I rather enjoy warforged plating (it also exists in graft form for non constructs) solely because it cannot be attacked or assailed in any way without first destroying the wearer.

Anybody who can cast Disjunction will make short work of monk regardless of gear or lack thereof.

in adnd 2e you 'only' lost con if your familiar got ganked

when does the monk not get magic items? i mean, sure, he doesnt get too penalized by lack of magic item, but its still a monk in 3.pf, which is literally stuck in suckmode for the duration of the game

Monks are just as bling dependent as anyone else unless they take Vow of Poorfaggotry.

Vow of Poverty?

Rust Monsters.

With wizard levels.

>Amputation, permanent damage and general disfigurement.
I think its fine as long as there is a save for it

Speaking of spells made by sadists, there's two spells that are just genuinely evil.

Soul's Treasure Lost, which disintegrates whatever is the most valuable item in someone's possession, and Love's Pain, which is a ranged touch attack that deal up to 10d6 to the person who is hit by the spell's dearest loved one or closest friend.

Any game master who hands out XP for "good roleplaying"

The campaign quickly turns into "who can make the DM laugh the most" which includes retardation like bears dancing during combat and dwarves getting drunk in combat to take penalties on purpose.

In other words, it is total shit. I am so sick of "fun" and "humor" being a priority in RPGs. It isn't. The ONLY priority in an RPG, is creating a good story. Which CANNOT be done while engaging in lolrandumb faggotry.

Forever DM, let me say a few mean things I use to do which annoy my players.

>Almost any group of low CR enemies which should be a breeze to fight are actually Tucker's Kobolds level units
>Seemingly meaningful items, locations and messages that I add for flavor but don't really mean anything. (when the players come up with a 'guess' that I like, it might become that though)
>Every single shopkeeper is basically Rick from Pawn Stars.
>Dwarf settlements are handled like the most insane fortress you can imagine in DF
>Keep accurate track of ammunition
>Fatigue rules
>"Sure, you can rest halfway through the dungeon to recover spells after these four encounters, but the boss will flee/objective will be lost!"
>When the PCs are having a good winning streak, design that anti-party encounter so that they don't get cocky. Not a TPK, just that unexpected boss fight.
>Difficult terrain. Even on the air.
>PC is necromancer fond of animating the corpses of powerful foes. Most powerful foes selfdestruct on death.
>Mordenkainen's Disjunction. Repeated, Twinned, Quickened.
>What was that, Waves of Exhaustion?
>You killed the enemy, but actually the enemy still won
>That NPC never forgot you wronged him. Yes, that one from the first session a year ago.
>What, did you think that only PCs could resurrect?

>Your waifu can't take 10d6 damage
They did you a favor desu

Assuming 3e:
1. Will save is by far the strongest to build up.

Assuming 3e, AD&D, or I THINK BECMI and OD&D:
1. Protection from Evil, a first fucking level spell, gives compleat immunity to nongood summoned monsters in melee as well as compleat immunity to mind control (even from good casters).

Assuming 4e:
1. You should get the feat thingy that makes it so you can roll a save vs such things at the beginning and ending of your turn.

Assuming Everything WoD Eever Except Nwod:
1. Grabbing Willpower 10 is virtually always a good idea.
Protection against mind control doesn't require "specialization." Its just part of a good char.

>cast mind control on a PC
>make PC use a wand of Love's Pain
>cast Mordenkainen's Disjuction
>summon a rust monster
>teach the rust monster everything in Torn Asunder
>amputate the PC's and kill their familiar's
>go back in time, kill their families, then father the party

>use memory/mind fuckery magic to make a party member think the BBEG is his true love
>Love's Pain on him until the BBEG is dead
Problem solved.

Well, no actually, the highest priority in RPGs is that everyone at the table has a good time and enjoys themselves.

>>Mordenkainen's Disjunction. Repeated, Twinned, Quickened.

This is why I find it very useful to have a sculpted Antimagic Field protecting myself, and Sevenfold Veils up.

Well, no actually, you are wrong.

> everyone at the table has a good time and enjoys themselves.

This can be accomplished by mutual masturbation. Your argument is invalid.

I think this is acceptable and not even an exploit. It costs 1d6 intelligence each time you cast it (or charisma if you're undead), is a corrupt spell, allows spell resistance or the spell immunity spell, is blocked by AMF, and involves mind raping a PC in a way that may very well have all sorts of odd consequences. I'd allow it.

>that card

Not everyone has a group that they'd enjoy masturbating. I love the idea though.

>This can be accomplished by mutual masturbation
I have yet to have an RPG session that isn't this

To be fair, I only do this with new groups who are used to door kicking dungeon crawl games that need a different mindset for my games. For example:

>running Rogue Trader at groups request because fuck yer spess privateers
>first couple of sessions go rough as party dives headfirst into every possible fight
>engage like DnD battles ie move a bit and shoot, no use of cover, no suppressing fire, no frags etc.
>get shredded regularly with long medical recovery times for pcs
>bee-line straight for objective and only receive base profit with high costs
>explain how to take better advantage of combat environments
>point out things they missed that could be bartered for hefty profits
>point out that despite being badasses you don't have to solo an entire derelict ship
>group hires mercs and now play more like field officers with an army of minions taking on much larger and lucrative endeavors
>firefights are swift and decisive with minimal casualties when they break out
>if it isn't bolted down the rogue trader will magpie it for their dynasty or to sell to some shady fuck on Footfall
>pit rivals against each other so they don't have to dirty their hands
They are having a blast now and I couldn't be more proud of how creative and ambitious they have become.

That doesn't even make sense. You're being silly.

If everyone at the table didn't have a good time and enjoy themselves, then you haven't had a good game session. The way that's accomplished will differ from party to party, but be that through having a goofball, random session or telling a serious, mature story, the high priority needs to be that every player has fun. Otherwise there's no reason to play.

You're retarded.

>If everyone at the table didn't have a good time and enjoy themselves, then you haven't had a good game session.

Except if one player is a shitter who tries to hijack the game for cheap humor, and he didn't have fun, that is a good thing.

> the high priority needs to be that every player has fun. Otherwise there's no reason to play.

So the only reason to do anything ever is to have fun? Fucking hell...

That's small time.

>Protection from Evil, a first fucking level spell, gives compleat immunity to nongood summoned monsters in melee as well as compleat immunity to mind control (even from good casters)
>tfw playing paladin
>DM mind controls party meat-shield (Not me, I forget if the other guy was ACTUALLY better, or just had a worse will save.
>Has the fight set up so meatshield party member can guard a single square passage way while squishy Psion boss blasts us
>Has the smuggest grin on his face
>My turn "I cast protection from evil"
>He gives me a look
>I read the spell description.
>He sighes and meat shield bro is free
>We just beat the shit out of that psion
Was pretty great, honestly. That was also the game where the DM was using the "20 on a skill check means roll again and add it" house rule and I rolled a 60-something on a skill check and passed my (human) character off as an Iron Golem.

Keep track of gold

>refuses to provide coasters but demands we use coasters

...

>get well soon
Oh god that whole picture got me going but that fucking card.
i know you have more. don't you hold out on me!

This.

Kill a few family members but have at least 1 be kidnapped so now the pc in question has a hardcore motive

Amputation legitimately creeps me out.

I cried at the end of RWBY

You. You I like. You're a cunt but I bet your games are fun as fuck

>>Almost any group of low CR enemies which should be a breeze to fight are actually Tucker's Kobolds level units
>>Every single shopkeeper is basically Rick from Pawn Stars.
>>Dwarf settlements are handled like the most insane fortress you can imagine in DF
While funny, these are not things to annoy players, you're trying to drive them mad.

Good thinking. I never once found out prot/evil did what I said it did back when I actually played the game.

Theres nothing wrong with turning a once strong entity into a mass of flesh who's only purpose left in life is for the pleasure of others. There's also nothing wrong in casting away unneeded baggage since that entity won't be needing them and means they're entirely reliant you for survival. They even eat less.
Prove me wrong.

You're removing a maintenance and mobility system and introducing massive infection and healing risks just to complete your fetish.

I mean, I've got no problem with that, but don't try to pretend it's some efficiency or cost-saving measure.

>pic
oh, it's raining

but what if I am the waifu Senpai?

This happened to me in a sandbox game about freeform magic.

I mean there are systems that are based aroudn this and they're great.

Savage Worlds injuries can turn you into a cripple but you can still kick ass and you REMEMBER those inujries and sick scars. "I got this back from this villain when this happened"

any game with cybernetics usually has that as a cool factor as well.

Flip a table.
Walk away.

Hahaha pussy.
I'll never watch RWBY.

Not really. Modern medicine has bumped the mortality rate of even traumatic amputee's down to 44% at all 4 limbs, 37% at 3, 20% at 2, and 9% at 1 assuming medical intervention afterwards.
Surgical amputee's taken care of properly sit at 10% at 4, 6% at 3, 5% at 2 and 4% at 1.
Mortality rate afterwards within 3 years to infection sits around 0.04% in america. Hell we even got hemicorporectomy patients to live upwards of 22 years, thats double what it used to be.
Imagine the landslide of progress we could make if we turned them out like a factory compared to shit thats happened in the past 30 years.

Pretty much every time a video game tries to make you feel bad for killing imaginary people because you were trapped into having no other meaningful interactions with them.

I still remember Spec Ops.
>waaa you killed people that's bad
The only thing it managed to do was making me hate the main character and blame him for everything. I had more remorse in Fallout where I can really choose what to do and fail to do so.

>this
Then i went out and spun my friends such wonderful tales of the game and how amazing its multiplayer was and let them borrow the disc.
One even cried a bit at the white phosphorus scene in Fury.

I was completely disgusted with Walker at this point. And to put this into context, I managed to finish Hotline Miami. The game where the protagonist is a sadistic monster.
Walker is worse than Jacket because he doesn't even assume his bloodlust.

He didn't know exactly what he was doing but his weakness was disgusting.

He knows he's to blame for the white phosphorus thing, but he keeps blaming the 33rd Damned for this.
For crying out loud, he doesn't even mercy kill the poor guys burning alive.

system shock roll or die nucca

So 10% compared to... 0%... for not chopping off all 4 limbs...

That's supposed to be an argument in your /favour/?

And you're still not addressing all the ass-wiping, food-handling, chair-pushing, sore-bandaging, upper-arm-curl-based bullshit you'll need to do to move your waifu around. The sheer, permanent inconvenience

Once is fine honestly because its a modest hook, anything more than that is just being unoriginal.

you realize that being funny != roleplaying right? if so, tell your dm. if you don't reward roleplaying, you get dumb murderhobos.

Maybe his DM is a retard.

it seems like it.

>I am so sick of "fun" and "humor" being a priority in RPGs.
>I am so sick of "fun”
The problem is the quotation marks. Fun is not a buzzword. See below.

>"humor" being a priority in RPGs is bad
>Creating a good story cannot be done while engaging in lolrandumb faggotry.
These are good opinions that I agree with.
Any session, even horror games, can have occasional humor, but too much is annoying as hell

Here is why you are wrong and a fool:
>The ONLY priority in an RPG, is creating a good story
>the highest priority in RPGs is that everyone at the table has a good time and enjoys themselves

One of those assertions is a hyperbolic reduction of many valid forms of gaming to badwrongfun.
One asserts that the most important aspect of a game is that everyone engaged is enjoying it, or having fun.
By asserting that the highest, but not only, priority is enjoyment, or fun without the quotes, that user was actually supporting that the games you played where your game was ruined by “fun” and “humor” were bad as you were not having actual fun/enjoyment.

>This can be accomplished by mutual masturbation. Your argument is invalid.
This is foolish.
user’s argument did not assert that rpgs and only rpgs are activities where “everyone at the table has a good time and enjoys themselves.”
In fact, by implying there are other priorities, he invited other qualifying attributes, or priorities, to an rpg besides fun, such as creating a good story.

>Except if one player…
If one player wants a different kind of game, he should play in a different group.
Protip: If everyone in your group loves (not tolerates, but loves) the lulrandumb humor, then you are that player.

>So the only reason to do anything ever is to have fun? Fucking hell...
No, you illiterate, the most important reason to play a *game* is to have fun.
You are playing a game, not crafting serious stories worthy of archiving for future generations.

Thats part of the fetish, user. She literally has to rely on you for EVERYTHING. She wants a potty break? You gotta help her every step because she is literally incapable. She could beg all day and if i say no she can go on to beg me to clean up the mess on her doggy bed before bathtime. an entire life in your hands to deny or indulge as you see fit, every and all scenario's for you to say yes or no too. I could leave her in a bathtub full of a half inch of water before going on a nice 2 day camp and hiking trip just because i can.

TL;DR

This is Veeky Forums, not /d/.

But what if the girl doesn't want to have less legs and arms, user.

...

Disgusting.

Fine.

TL:DR version: Thog Edit

You wrong.
user say, "Enjoyment best" = ok
You say, "Story only" = not ok

Fun /= bad

People play game to enjoy.
"Play game" /= “anything ever”

Ban someone from your game, for playing the game "wrong" or liking badwrongfun or enjoying things that you don't enjoy.