Cringe Backstories

What character backstories do you see alot that make you cringe? Myself: The cleric or paladin looking for redemption from their god

I utterly hate this backstory. If your looking for redemption in the eyes of your god, then from my point of view, you've fallen from grace with your god. Which, again in my view, means you should be a ex-whatever class you chose and shouldn't have your classes powers.

Also this backstories tends to attract people to play moopy/depressing/sulks-in-the-corner characters.

...

>My character is a potato given sentience from all the magical radiation we released at the end of our last campaign
>Also he found a green dragon egg and thought it was a big green potato and kept it and hatched it and now he has a green dragon as a pet

This is a genuine character one player tried to pitch to me. I vetoed that shit instantly.

>"okay. My dude, he like, has two chains on his arms'
>riiiight.
>"And he can, like, whip people with them. Grab them with the end of the chain"
>kaaaaay
>"..."
>and what his name? Who is he? Why does he have chains?
>"I dunno. I just thought it was cool"
>facepalm

Wow, you are talking to me right up.
Here's my character's backstory.

>Satyr man that was a student in arts, theater and song, not a bard though, but close. He was a very social person and charming and trusting of others and basically a great guy to have around
>One night he was brought in a dark alley where he was stabbed in the eye, murdered on the spot
>He awoke to a damp and dark cave-like place where the shadowy person brought him back to unlife using a ritual, now being rendered a skeleton and losing a massive portion of his memories

>enslaved by his new master he was made to do the necromancer's bidding until heroes came and killed him
>the heroes found him and almost killed him until he asked them for mercy and to be helped instead.
>after debate and talk, the group helped my character out by bringing him to a church to the goddess of death and the lost souls
>Clergy wanted to free him, but my character thought there was more to his unlife than this and asked if he could serve the church
>the clergy made him pass a standard test every man of faith passes, one to see if he could potentially wield the power divine, in which he was shown to be graced with the gift of performing miracles and was then on trained as a formal cleric of the goddess of death

I'm playing a sweet skeleton goatman and he's bro with an Ork paladin, a Dragonborn cleric and a Human warlock and together we are a merry bunch of misfits junior inquisitors in not-India

>marry bunch of misfits

Yeah but, from my understanding, your not playing the incredibly boring brooding character who just wants to pout and whine about past misdeeds

>I'm a bounty hunter, finding/killing (insert plot macguffin here) will get me paid.

This shit is only acceptable for new players who aren't good at roleplaying yet and just trying to learn the system. Otherwise, for fucks sake, give your character a better motivation than just being in it for the money. And if they ARE in it for the money, at least give an explanation for why they so desperately need money that they're doing something something as dangerous as adventuring instead of getting a "normal" job.

The bard that just wants to be famous, make money, and fuck bitches. It's the laziest motivation and backstory for a bard.

Make him be a blacksmith and have him fight with one chain-whip and a big hammer. He got attacked one day at his forge and those were the improvised weapons he picked up. Liking what he could do with them, he then trained himself in their use.

There is nothing wrong with people who are just in it for hookers and booze.

>Which, again in my view, means you should be a ex-whatever class you chose and shouldn't have your classes powers.
Too bad. Doesn't work that way.

> My character was just a guy, he served in the army and shit, than he became a mercenary. He works for money now.

The guy who wrote that shit immediately told me that "Backstory is what happens until level 5" with a straight face. He then proceeded to never roleplay or put any effort into the game whatsoever for the entire campaign.

>There is nothing wrong with people who are just in it for hookers and booze.
>As evidence, here is a picture of a character who was not just in it for hookers and booze.

I'll admit, if you're really JUST in it for the hookers and booze, it seems there are plenty of ways to get the money for hookers and booze that are way more likely to let you survive to see the hookers and booze than adventuring is. Like, at least make them deranged adrenaline junkies on top of that, or something.

>was looking for more players
>get some random guy who seemed pretty normal and had his character ready
>we were in a rush so I didn't read their backstory, figured I could write it in somewhere later down the line
>New guy - "Do I roll for it now?"
>Me - "Roll for what?
>NG - "Read my backstory" *snicker snicker*
>Female elf who was born to a noble family but is a hermaphrodite. In shame the parents made her stay away in a far away tower till they could find some way to fix her. Found a wizard that could give her a singular sexual organ but he ended up putting a cursed chastity belt on her for...reasons?
>No one was able to take it off so she is no longer able to remove waste from her body cleanly without it just "oozing out". Parents get another wizard that puts a spell on her intestines to teleport her bodily waste into a random 10x10 square in certain intervals of time a day.
Me - "Dude...Really?"
NG - "Yeah man, thought it would be nice comic relief."

The character died in that same session and his new one was an aarakocra that tried to go from rags to riches by shitting on peoples roof and offering to clean it for a fee. He raged when it quickly became apparent that his scat fetish would not land him 500+ gold per house to just clean up bird shit.

You're a terrible Catholic.

...

Our game group has a player who ALWAYS has this problem.
And it's usually up to me with the other group members to try and cobble something for him.
Playing World of Darkness with him makes me want to smash my face into a wall every time.
I can ignore it in a fantasy setting, what ever be Smash Fucker McSworddick but in a modern setting where your character has to be a little more conspicuous...
Here's an example
My bf is trying to run a Geist this Sineater game.
Make characters all well and good and then it comes to Smash fucker.
>His sineater is named Sasuke.
>Fucking Sasuke.
>Swears up and down fucking on the pain of death it's not an anime reference
>He lives way out in the boonies of Japan
>Only thing he can tell us about his character is that his family still practices traditional sword fighting
>No hobbies, no interests. Just descended from samurai
>Family murdered by the vampire yakuza
>His geist is a samurai ghost and a tiger spirit that gives him an ancient katana that is still battle ready
>he avenges his family. You know. Against the fucking vampire yakuza. Before the game even begins so he already has taken away any interesting story arcs this character could have had.
>He also had no excuse WHY the vampire. Fucking. Yakuza. put a hit out on his family and never cleared with the GM if any of that was okay.

He also has the most...terrible naming conventions. Instead of looking up ACTUAL names he guesses or makes what /he/ thinks is "cool names"

Native American character?
John Redeagle

Character from a Polish family (who is supposed to be a smooth ladies man like Tony Stark)
Horace Plotski

British Character?
Jack Montana
"Cause Brits love cowboys!"

Norwegian?
"Johann Jorgenson"

I'm sorry I turned this into a player bitch post but...
I've had to help fix ALL these characters. I need to get it out somehow or I'm going to smother him in his sleep.

He's also guilty of my biggest pet peeve of annoyingly generic dwarves.

You don't really know much about Conan, then. Comic book Conan and the second movie Conan is all about booze and bitches.

That picture is from neither of those.

>Junior officer in campaign against black company-style sorceror bbeg
>everybody dies
>victory, goes home, can't deal with normal life
>starts adventuring to pay for his worsening habits and out of an unacknowledged desire to die

This, 100%. I have a player who ALWAYS does this. Running a game where another character is looking for her lost father and another is trying to bring honor to their Lord whom they think has a legitimate claim to the crown... then the third player is a basically some random merc who's with them for the money. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't constantly whine that he's "bored" when the other two players are pursuing their personal goals and his own character doesn't really have one. Like, I'd gladly throw in plot-hooks related to his backstory or long-term goals, IF THEY EXISTED.

I also hate what I call "Charisma Whore" characters. You know the ones. The Bard who tries to sleep with everyone. The scantily-clad Sorceress who sees charm and seduction as the first answer to every problem (you know, instead of her magic powers, unless said magical powers are charm-related or make her hotter.), ect. I'm not against characters having charm or sex-appeal, but when it's their go-to answer for EVERY SITUATION, it's almost as bad as Magical Realm.

Here's your (you). Have fun being purposefully obtuse.

He sounds like a pretty good Calvinist, though.

I never play those 'in it for the money' characters, but as a DM if you can't figure out how to toss them a bone and give them something to chew on while the others are exploring their backstory - you know, give him something to expand his character with? - you're a shit DM and you need to get out from behind the screen and into a noose.

My edgiest edgelord.
I want to preface this by saying this was my second character I ever made, I was at around stage 2 of pic related at the time.
Pack your band-aids when handling this edge
>Male drow, born into low class of his society.
>Has dealt with torture and oppression on a daily basis.
>Has learned to steel himself in the face of the worst of tortures..
>Despises the chaos and treachery of his people.
>Escapes after years of enslavement/torture
>Makes it to the surface
>Nidal
(Pf setting, think shadow Nazis worshipping hellraiser)
>Attempts to eek out a meager existence on the fringe of society
>Garners the attention of the Shadow Council, (or whatever their oligarchical leaders are called) on account of his suspicious/skulking behavior
>Brought before the leaders of the entire damn country
>Tortured for information, they think he is a spy.
>He doesn't react at all. He knows what true pain is.
>They are impressed with his constitution and end up converting him into an inquisitor for Zon-Kuthon.
mfw I made a character who was 'so tough' he withstood torture from the high priest of the god of torture

Not who you are talking to but some players really make that hell on the GM. Not even trying to engage with plot threads and instead just focus on 'What's the next job'.

At least, I've run into them a decent bit in Shadowrun. I don't tend to invite them back after the first campaign if they show utterly zero interest in engaging in NPCs or backstories.

So, what's the extra adventuring hook that comes from being an adrenaline junkie on top of liking hookers and booze?

Not that guy, but this is seriously what you sound like:

>You can't DM for a retard
>You should kill yourself.

2/10 got me to reply I guess.

Dunno, my only point was on the sense-making side.

Bleieve me, I tired, sooooo many times. Unless I railroad him into a side-plot (in which case I get accused of railroading), his character's reaction to everything is "Well, I'm not getting paid, so this has nothing to do with me." and he proceeds to ignore the plothook completely.

Player won't engage with plothooks, if I force plothooks he accuses me of railroading, player won't give me the slightest scrap of an idea of what he wants besides loot and exp, don't wana just kick him from the group because one of the other players wants him there...

So please oh wise and honorable expert GM, some advice on what I'm actually supposed to do here, please?

What's with all the sudden hatred for mercs? You'd figure, at least by reading this thread, we're on the same page as heterochromia snowflakes and dogs in human form.

Mercs are fine. If "merc" is the entire character though, it's almost as bad as "adventurer" for a character description. People who do this seem unable to engage in plot hooks or get invested in the world unless it's a "job", and that can make a boring campaign overall if there's not something more to the character and their development as the campaign proceeds.

It's just sort of boring as a sole motivation. Admittedly plenty of other types of characters can be boringly one-dimensional in that sort of way, but the merc who is psychologically incapable of caring about anything that isn't their bank account incrementing upwards is one of the common ones.

You're one of those people who expects everyone else to be able to read your mind then gets mad when they don't, arentcha'?

>I have two attention whoring, cliche'd af characters and a guy who just likes to fight things and dungeon crawl.

>skeleton cleric clinging to his undeath
That sounds like an interesting concept.

Yeah, except that the "attention whoring" characters are perfectly fine with helping eachother and working together. Their characcters formed a bond and each want to help the other and it makes for good interactions and character development.

It's the dungeon-crawler who's the problem here. And it's not even like he hasn't had his chance to dungeon-crawl, there's been plenty of that already, but the very SECOND we're not dungeon crawling anymore he starts bitching that he's bored and how "nobody gives a shit about this other stuff" (even though the other two players clearly do).

So I'll take this continued shitposting as a "no" in response to me asking for advice then.

>EVERYONE ELSE'S CHARACTERS ARE ATTENTION WHORES AND SUCK AND IT'S ALL THE DM'S FAULT!

That guy detected.
JFC I'm glad my group throws out garbage like you after a single session.
JFC I'm glad

>You'd figure, at least by reading this thread, we're on the same page as heterochromia snowflakes and dogs in human form.
Exactly that.

If the DM can't deal with the fact that the easiest goddamn character to DM for, the bread and motherfucking butter of Dungeons and Fucking Dragons.

If you have characters that need their own personal dramabomb sidequests, run that shit away from the main session, you fucking retard.

They should offer to pay him to help with their dumb garbage. His character thinks it is a waste of time.

Ah, so you're one of those "DnD is only meant to be dungeon crawling and killing things" players.

I understand now, your advice isn't needed though, thank you.

Ah, so you are one of those improv class rejects who thinks DnD is about voice acting around a table?

Sure, yup, you win. Congratulations. You're free to go troll another thread now. Thanks for the input.

Your cliche'd mary sues are not brilliant, you just don't have good taste.

I'm the GM... they're not even my characters... but OK.

You done yet? Actually, forget it, keep posting you want, but I'm done after this one.

>I also hate what I call "Charisma Whore" characters
I also fucking hate DMs who only put enemies that can't get reasoned with.

It's really infuriating to see that charisma is basically a spellcasting ability and nothing more because everyone has to be fought to the death, nobody is willing to give out informations even when faced by a smooth talker and 4 dudes armed to the teeth, and you can't even rile a crowd to do anything.

Don't you know? There has never been an economically motivated mercenary in the history of the world. Everyone must have "deep and meaningful intrinsic motivation" to travel away from their home for the chance for unimaginable wealth.

honestly this isn't a terrible concept. You have a character with a good reason for being inured to physical pain (being a male drow in a drow society) and thereby it stands to reason that they'd induct him into their ranks once they realized he was tougher than usual. If you wanted to dial it down a bit, you could say they did eventually break him, but were still impressed by how long it took. You could also go the total opposite direction and say that he turned out to be a -terrible- zon-kuthonite, because his mind simply no longer registers pain much at all.

One of my personal hobbies is going back in time, grabbing all my shitty edgelord characters, and reworking them until they're actually good characters. The starting concept matters much less than the execution.

Not that guy but reasoning with enemies is fine. Expecting to walk into a battlefield and convince the enemy commander to give up a war campaign because you have 18 charisma and a charm person spell is not. We've all heard horror stories about Diplomancers, right?

>What's with all the sudden hatred for mercs?
Like user said:
>There is nothing wrong with people who are just in it for hookers and booze.
Key word being "people"
A person who is a merc out for money and booze could be a good character.
A race/class only out for money and booze is not.

>Expecting to walk into a battlefield and convince the enemy commander to give up a war campaign because you have 18 charisma and a charm person spell is not
Of course not, but to expect that all the enemies are absolute bastions of incorruptibility and loyalty to their cause is fucking retarded as well.

Especially when dealing with mercs ffs.

There have been economically-motivated potato-farmers too, that doesn't mean they'd be fun to roleplay.

How did I turn hookers into money?
I mean, I know how it's usually done, but just there?
No idea.

>Pathfinder game
>one of the party members is an awakened Fox
>he's a chaotic stupid swashbuckler with monk levels or brawler or something
>no reason for being with the group, literally just shows up one day and people seem to just go with it
There was a loli tiefling too. God I'm glad I abandoned ship.

I don't recall a specific situation being mentioned, other than OP complaining about characters who try it in literally EVERY situation.

because a potato farmer's motivation is why they wouldn't be fun to play
You spud.

one of my favorite characters I ever DMed for was literally a potato farmer whose farm hit a blight and he pulled out his militia gear to get money so that his wife and kids didn't starve to death.

Be a pimp.

>Chaotic-anything
>Evil anything
>Alignments in general

If you don't think the vast, vast majority of regular human choices are lawful neutral, you don't actually understand alignments.

maybe I'm a pleb but for a non-serious campaign I find this genuinely cute and fun

Conan was always about "just for hookers and booze". That is his starting motivation but his stories always take him in other direction and If he is lucky he will get booze and a wench on his side by the end of the story.

Stories never revolve about booze and hookers but that does't change the fact what his motivations are.

If your player is not doing anything and is emulating a plant... that is where your problem lies. Not the problem of motivation but the problem of player mentality

>Understand
>Alignments

Pick one, because alignments make zero sense and this have been proven hundreds of time now. Only 3.PF drones who have never played any other system will defend it.

I fucking hate alignment system. If GMs are shoving it down theirs players' throats i wish they at least used superior RIFTS alignment system.

There is nothing worse than when the game is forced to halt for 15-30 minutes for a debate when a player justifies his actions and why that action was

Give him something really really nice and let he enjoy for 2 sessions. Make an expert thief steal it.

This. Alignments shoehorn people into really narrow stereotypes that serve no purpose except to make even worse mechanics work. Interesting, Complex, and Real characters don't have alignments.

If you can't see the difference between that and the character this DM is talking about then you need a stronger prescription

Keep doing what you're doing. It's a good thing when a GM gets involved and actually builds their story around their players' characters. If one of your players wants to gimp himself by not taking advantage of that, it's his own damn fault. Let him whine, he should be damn grateful you haven't kicked him out yet.

I remember one involving a russian princess who was kidnapped by vampires after they killed the Czar and Czarina. She was taken to Japan where an ancient shaman taught her magic and she was turned into a vampire herself. Following that, she joined a ninja clan and learned ninja shit and how to fight with a katana because why not. And finally, she started her own vampire/witch coven in Salem, Oregon centered around burning churches.

The player was some guy my group had invited to play with us from college. I let them in because I wanted to see the beautiful trainwreck sadly nothing came of it. Ended up becoming an alright player to be honest, but they still get a lot of shit from us about this character.