Jumpchain CYOA Thread #842: Individual Results May Vary Edition

In reply to Touhou gets wanked because, despite potentially being one of the light hearted settings (as long as you don't take the 'serious' drawback), most of the characters have absurd bullshit abilities.

There is someone who can easily stop time and warp space. She works as a maid. For a vampire who can manipulate Fate, and whose little sister can destroy anything physical.

The main protagonist, Reimu, can selectively phase out of reality. Not just space, reality as a whole.

The big powerhouse of the setting, Yukari Yakumo, has Border Manipulation. That is, manipulating things that relate to borders. Including concepts. This give her borderline omnipotence.

The reason they use spell card rules and do friendly matches is that they're basically in a small pocket world, and having all the super-powerful beings (especially that one bird girl with nuclear sun powers) go on all-out fights would kind of reduce it to a barren wasteland. Hence the drawback for it saying as much.

FOOLED YOU! I WASN'T PRETENDING AT ALL!

So, kind of like Dresden and Cthulhu? We see all the crazy shit because the MCs go chasing it, but the average person just has a slightly higher mortality rate and never notices half the madness?

That's fucked up man, it's not the waiter's fault the soup was sub par, that's the chef's fault.

RAGE!!!

>The big powerhouse of the setting
There are things like nigh-omnipotent dragon gods above her.

>Borderline omnipotence
Yeah, no. She can't affect things or beings of a certain power level higher then herself. That's why she can't affect the moon or it's residents with her power or the god's shrine. Stop wanking her.

"Well, I'm not exactly human."

>The reason they use spell card rules and do friendly matches is that they're basically in a small pocket world, and having all the super-powerful beings (especially that one bird girl with nuclear sun powers) go on all-out fights would kind of reduce it to a barren wasteland. Hence the drawback for it saying as much.

It was also Reimu's way of levelling the playing field for all of Gensokyo's residents.

I was being merciful to the waiter, you do NOT want to see what happened to the chef.

"The moment I joined the fight, you lost."

So, I had researched that stuff when I was making the jump.

Got the nice clean weight of 2K tons for the train, with the actual size and stuff being noted but considered an afterthought, even though the weight was gotten from them.

What I'm saying here is you're not gonna get an answer for a while because I am garbage at googling things I had already found before.

I still have a, "No Genocide," rule, but there is nothing in there about species wide curses...

Occasionally use legion voice in normal conversations just to screw with people.

"If I dont know what I am doing then they sure as hell dont."

Huh?

Oh, neat.

I wonder if Kender can be trained with electric shocks. It's a good megaproject, don't you think?

All the time. Especially when it would be amusing.

"It's not what it looks like!"

I know I should be sleeping but I just have to ask

Will Draconians be a thing?
I want them to be a thing.

>"It's not what it looks like!"
"It's exactly what it looks like."

Only sometimes.

"Do NOT bully the robots."

I once tortured a man to the point where he thanked me for the opportunity to kill himself because he was mean to a monkey

there's good news and there is bad news.

I blew a thousand cp on real eater to change the aesthetics of other options I buy.

>No, [name here], you are the demons.

You should place the curses on random objects designed to trigger the kenders thief instincts.

Possibly with a warning label of "Shiny object do not steal'.

Dragon Rider (600 – Discount Drop In): Throughout history, dragons and humanoids have formed formidable fighting partnerships. By selecting this option. . .

Draconian (var.): Draconians are the youngest of Krynns races. Created a few years before The War of the Lance by the Dark Queen Takhisis and her followers. . .

So what else is new.

I say "Hey!" and "Listen!" a lot, like a certain annoying fairy. It started out as a jokey answer to drawbacks that'd force you to say a catchphrase or something, but then I ended up using it a fair bit even without those drawbacks.
It tends to piss off my companions.

The wording also tends to vary, but I tend to use some variation of the whole "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry" bit a fair amount.
I feel like it's fair to give people a warning, y'know?

I think there might actually be Kender in certain parts of Ravenloft. I might be wrong, though.
Every time I imagine myself meeting one in that setting, it usually ends with me crying while the Kender acts like an unapologetic little shit.

That was back before I was a gigantic asshole, so my companions would probably even feel bad for me!

...
God, it'll be so fun to just murder those things en mass, don't you think?

I've used shapeshifting powers just so I could go trick or treating again.

I never did have the heart to tell them it wasn't a costume.

his neck is fucking terrifying, which is sad considering how beautiful that movie is

>I think there might actually be Kender in certain parts of Ravenloft. I might be wrong, though.
Would certainly fit Ravenloft's reputation for being one of the worst places to be.

Could even say he looks kinda snake-y.

Portals, to drop things on people or drop people into things.

Never gets old.

We try to avoid cliches, but we do keep a tally of opponents who use them.

So far "What are you?! You're not human!" is in the lead, narrowly overtaking "I'll show you the power of my determination!".

...oh boy.

You're not wrong about most of it but-geeze, people really need to give stop exaggerating Yukari's power.

...wow.

You know, I'd never understood why these things were so hated. Not a big D&D fan

But now.

I am enlightened.

Actually we're genuinely curious what they taste like if so many races want to eat them.

And...time to ask the big question.

How do you think SMT 1's YHVH would react to knowledge of the existence of multiverses beyond the ones he created which he didn't know about, which are completely outside his control and some of which have no gods in them at all?

...

Fuck you, it's my magic, not yours, mine.

>Dragon Riding
Silly user I'm already a dragon...That'll be for my other non-dragon companions to use...I need a rider just in case things get hot

Yes this is gud. This jump is already 11/10

I'd... Advise against trying to kill off the Kender. There's a reason those fuckers are still alive, and it's not plot armor. Not alone, at any rate.

Every last one of them is a PC. The entire species has been having level-appropriate encounters since they were children, and never, ever stop. They're an entire civilization of murderhobos, minus the murder part.

Don't make them add it.

Kender sounds like the best grounds to experiment on a line curse. See whether you can curse them with a sense of morality.

>people really need to give stop exaggerating Yukari's power.

They never will - because here's the thing.
It's a reward for an objective in that jump, which means people can get it. And if they can get it, they want it to be as strong as possible.

So, I've always just thought of them as thieves elves or something, since I never actually read a book with them in it.

Just wanted to say they really do deserve their bad rep. Even look like shits.

>every last one of them is a PC

... Fat, greasy, Cheeto-stained neckbeard wot enjoys a lolrandumb playstyle?

Fuck that makes more sense than it should.

Yep. That's why the fluff treats all of them like special snowflakes. Because they're an entire race of That Guys.

I must note, I do like the idea of unleashing a mutagenic virus upon an unsuspecting population, and I can't think of a better one to try it on.

they have one they just don't have any concept of property ownership

Wouldn't trying to curse them with a sense of manners work better?

If that were the case they wouldn't be taking everyone's shit.

Then they'll just be smiling while they steal your shit. No thank you. I'd rather give them what people consider to be a proper sense of right and wrong.

His wrath and ambition will be nothing short of divine.

that's exactly what I said though isn't it? There taking everyone's things because they don't know things belong to people but they are not malevolent

Wait, so-they're basically an entire race of Belkars?

Also that's perfectly fine, all that exercise probably means the quality of meat will be pretty good, albeit gamey and tough to chew. Hmm. Probably have strong bones tendons too, so those'll make for a hearty broth. Dangit, if only we'd kept some soma to use as a spice for roasts and stirfries.

Wouldn't it be more efficient to curse them with a panic attack-inducing phobia for pockets, doors, backpacks and treasure chests? A lot of negative reinforcement and misunderstandings with the law from blundered attempts at "borrowing" things and that ought to weed those proclivities out through natural selection.

>Our dad is going to freak

Whelp.

A race-wide curse where if they touch something that is of someone else's property, they get zapped.

Zap increases in intensity the longer they hold the thing that isn't theirs.

I regularly use alchohol tolerance and infinite stomach perks to win drinking and eating competitions.

I have regularly given people some variant of the World of Cardboard speech.

So, he's basically going to be trying to pull a You on the multiverse.

You ruined everything again.

Please state your source, because as far as I've read in her profile and seen in the official manga and games none of what you mentioned pings.

Firstly, there is something you need to parse:
>Imperishable Night - Manual: The danger and potency of the power to manipulate boundaries is beyond imagination. It's something that can only be controlled by those who are able to withstand its stress, or some weirdo youkai like Yukari.

That was a direct quote from the I.N. Manual, Yukari is in fact, fucking powerful, in fact she could be counted much like Yuuka, as an outlier.

Her limitations seem largely related to distance and while yes, there are those more powerful than her, they are on the level of Watatsuki no Toyohime, who quite frankly, is bullshit even for Touhou.

The Lunar Princess can manipulate the Boundary between the Scientific and Fantastic versions of the Moon and the Mountains and Sea. She's a perfect counter to Yukari's own Boundary Manipulation on top of that bullshit fan of hers.

Source on the Lunar Princess: Symposium of Post-mysticism/Interview

Exact quote:
> Toyohime has "the ability to connect mountains and seas", which is an ability to move anywhere she likes. Most importantly, she can move between the Lunar Capital and Earth, with Gensokyo being the "mountain" and the moon being the "sea".

If you dislike Touhou and the fandom, fine by all means, continue on good sir, I won't begrudge you. Even I think that they can go way too far at times, however, stating counter-arguments like that without backing them up, is a little iffy to me boss.

By the way:
> en.touhouwiki.net/wiki/Yukari_Yakumo
Her full profile.

What are some good Perks to give me access to teleportation portals? I don't know if anyone's ever read Mark Waid's Irredeemable, but I want to get to the level of Qubit from that. Would portals along with aperture tech from Portal and considerable science, smarts and inventing Perks be good enough to make me a God of portals ?

You don't own the things you claim to own. It's not your shit just because you claim it's yours. You only have the gall to call it as yours because you think you're strong enough to stop other people from using it if they ever wanted to.

Oh god, a first-year philosophy student.

>Wouldn't it be more efficient ...

Probably, but efficiency for efficiency's sake ends up with no useful work and nothing doing anything ever in the entire universe.

Stagnation is no one's ally. Not even yours, despite what you may think.

>Then they'll just be smiling while they steal your shit. No thank you. I'd rather give them what people consider to be a proper sense of right and wrong.

Okay let me rephrase that. By manners I meant 'a realization that normal kender behavior makes them annoying rude hypocritical jerks'.

A sense of right and wrong only works if they give a damn about the 'this is wrong part'.

might not be cliché but
>"Bitch, I EAT people"
Is always there. Also,
>"It's not what it looks like !"

So then clearly there's nothing wrong with killing kender whenever you see them. They only claim to have ownership over their lives because they assume no one will takes them away. If you have the strength, you have the right to kill them all.

> The entire species has been [...]
... just so you know, I don't really "do" level-appropriate.

At best, I'm the Final Boss who swings in a couple times in the early game to kick the heroes around for a bit before finding something else to do. I'm Gades from Lufia. That's me on my vacation day.

If I am genuinely, seriously, legit trying to kill someone, there's not really anything that's off the table. Which means I'm not even fighting, because fighting is dumb, when I could be throwing viruses and poisons and turning the world into a nuclear hotzone.
It really doesn't matter if you can beat up one superscienced robot when I can field millions of them at a time.
My options are open!

"Fair" is just what people do when they're trying to have fun. But I don't really find fighting fun. Ergo, it won't be much of a fight.

Kender shouldn't mess with ME.

Doormaker from Worm. I have cirrhosis now.

No, someone who recognizes that if I'm strong enough to take something and kill anyone who tries to take it back, it was never theirs to begin with. You're only borrowing the things you say are yours from the rest of the universe until something bigger than you takes it back.

>Wouldn't it be more efficient to curse them with a panic attack-inducing phobia for pockets, doors, backpacks and treasure chests? A lot of negative reinforcement and misunderstandings with the law from blundered attempts at "borrowing" things and that ought to weed those proclivities out through natural selection.

Wasn't it that kleptomania that saved Reality at one point? Been a while since I read the books, but I remember the Kender stealing some artefact that would have been used to obliterate a god or something right when it was about to be used.

Oddly enough being a part of a civilization - something I'm sure you're unaware on how to do - means acknowledging certain things. Like boundaries, for example.

Because here's the thing, esé. Stealing money from someone because you think you're strong enough to claim it is going to get you shot like the dog you are.

Never read that.

Wakfu has Eliatropes, Shadow Ops has Portamancy, and Worm take a drink has Doormaker and the Dimensional Breech Controller. All pretty good portal stuff.

The items belonging to me are mine because I was either given them freely, created them from raw material lawfully obtained or created ex nihilo, or exchanged goods or services for them.

Implying that I don't own my belongings further than my ability to defend them is like saying my life is mine to do as I please until someone with a gun decides what I should be doing for a living.

In short: No offense, but get bent.

I would suggest Doormaker from worm, Portamancy from Shadow Ops, and maybe Eliatrope from Wakfu. As for aperture tech, honestly the stuff is so disjointed that I have no clue.

Oh, so you're one of those fake-ass Darwinists instead.

You're being baited, bro.

This guy likely doesn't believe half the shit he's spewing right now, because if he earnestly did he'd likely be behind bars for trying to follow it.

What's the drinking game here? "Take a shot every time the right perk for something is in Worm"?

That's a stupid way to look at the universe and you don't even believe it's true yourself. If someone broke into your house, killed your dog, stole your shit and beat you senseless, you'd call the cops.

I refuse to recognize bad writing in novels as an excuse for an entire race of assholes. Otherwise Twilight would be wonderful and everyone would love Bella.

You know what? I'm going to take the 'you love Bella' drawback the next time I go to Twilight just to make a point. It doesn't have to be a love story, it just has to make sense.

It's almost like the entire point of the daunting task of a nonlethal takedown on most of demonkind-and the redemption of Adam-was to prove a point to dad about how his alternate universe avatar was right, and the New Testament is the Best Testament.

If only we had some sort of perk to make our employers more competant and generally better at making decisions like, say, the entire Morty perkline.

...

Oh wait!

Not sure who Qubit is but Eliatrope portals are pretty awesome once trained to their full potential

Hah! Sounds like someone's just not being efficient enough!

Stagnation's like heat, using it improperly means you deserved to get burned. Plenty of things you take for granted would go wrong if you had none of it. And it's only one facet of order and stasis.

Admittedly it's been a while for me too. I dunno.

High five! Fair fights are for people who don't know how to parry, dodge and stunlock!

I think I'll make the curse give them all glowing, artificial Stand like entities, that loudly narrate their every action in song.
They'll like it at first, until they realize that it does not get quiet when they need to avoid notice, or share their view of what the truth is, and will answer any questions directed to it to the best of it's ability.

I'll make it look like a little flame...
Heh heh heh heh heh...

Take a short when pretty much anything from Worm is brought up. The perks are the ones that come up least.

Heat is just useful energy in action. Sure, it can be misused, but stagnation means that it doesn't get used at all.

Yeah, I noticed, there is almost no one on the planet who really acts the way they do when they're busy being a tough guy on the internet. But hey, free speech, et cetera, blah blah, and liberty and justice for all. :D

Can someone tell me about how big the Light of Terra is, as a starship? I know its somewhere in all the pages, but I can't seem to find it.

Then I kill and eat them and everything they ever loved, and torture their existence as a concept until the end of time. I'm morally right to do so as well, because I'm strong enough to do so and no one can stop me, because fuck you, if you can't do shit to me, don't start shit.

Take a drink every time Worm is brought up, because it has an answer for fucking everything.
The powers get the most talk, but the perks are pretty amazing too.

. . . this is pure genius. I don't know what house you were in but take a hundred points, you magnificent user.

We're talking about jumpchain though, and the greater multiverse, not real life.

Between 16 and 32 kilometers.

[Condescending Sarcasm] Watch out, we got a badass over here [/Condescending Sarcasm]

Overused meme that some people cling to. Any time someone even mentions worm in passing you'll be sure to find one of these idiots, even if the series hasn't been mentioned in weeks.

It isn't actually in any of the pages as far as I am aware. I think it's 16-30something km.

Why should I exercise with a different morality here than I use in my every day life? I'm seriously very curious.

Because other moralities aren't realistically enforceable or practical in real life where they potentially would be after any number of jumps jumps, and said moralities may actually be more practical/convenient/relevant with significantly greater power and an appreciation for the potential danger that the rest of the universe/multiverse holds in store for you and everyone else. You know, like doom.

I too am a fan of bitch i eat people usually before lunch

Ravenclaw, sir!
Cunning is the mark of a fox, after all.

Because being a multidimensional god and not flexing your power entirely for your own benefit at the expense of literally everybody else everywhere means you're wasting your chain?

I dunno. I don't get that logic anytime someone brings it up unless they're being deliberately dickish against someone in discussion, or talking from an In-Character point-of-view which I'm also tempted to say is the former, mostly as someone can be as huge a dick as they please and then go 'oh sorry I was in-character you can't handle it.'

uuuh isn't cunning slytherins thing?