What's the most "psssh... nothing personnel... kid" character/player you've had to deal with in tabletop roleplaying?

I hope this thread is just jokes and bait

My groups are always full of intentional pastiches of roleplaying stereotypes so when we laughed our asses off at a new player's Killian Ironblood the half-demon-half-angel with MPD, we thought he was in on the joke. It was pretty awkward when he got super defensive over it. Unlike your usual stories where they storm out in a huff, he actually stuck it out and became pretty cool about it. His next character was better and we still play with him, the end.

You're "that guy" aren't you?

That last sentence is fucking on point.

Nothing is more poisonous to storytelling than some fuck who just broods and says "whatever" or "I don't care" to everything.

Edgelord characters are not meant for playing with the party. All these players want is to occasionally show up, outclass the party at whatever they're doing, then leave. While throwing Squall-style ellipses around so they look mysterious and badass.

everyone is "that guy"

even you

One night me and my group from high school played a one session game where one guy ended up being an elder Red Dragon at the end who killed the party for no reason
He bragged about it for 4 or 5 months like it was his greatest accomplishment to kill 3 other guys nowhere near as strong as him

Sad but true

That makes no sence. Why would the dm allow that?

Being lol so randumb xD ? No
Being insufferable ? Indeed.

Players wanted to be a party of clerics and do inquisition-y shit, do i whipped them up a Not!Innistrad world to inquisite.

two of the party weren't told before hand. Both agree with the premise and makes a fighters who's trying to become a paladin. Second one makes an edgy as fuck sorcerer who's only character point is "She's and atheist". acts involve trying to melt down silver relics to kill werewolves with and accusing the clerics of being lying wizards.

He had a major fetish for Red Dragons and Minotaurs.
What happened is, at that time, we'd been doing a LOT of one session games that went nowhere and never got past level one. Me and the other guys who didn't play Red Dragon were getting tired of it and asked our DM if we could have a higher level game that didn't require us to play base races. Apparently, he was not pleased by this.
I made a troll barbarian in 3.5 who, when in rage, had 1 more point of strength than the Red Dragon.
When Red Dragon decided to kill everyone, he stepped on my guy, and when I said I had enough strength to catch his foot, DM just said "You're not strong enough".
It was incredibly frustrating and nobody wanted to play with those guys anymore. DM is currently in prison for the next 10 years right now, though

10 years for what?

I second this question.

check'd and thirded

This was his 3rd strike, but this time, I think it was drugs and beating up his dad.

Oh, and the first two strikes were for drugs and abusing the elderly

No John, you are That Guy

d-does he have a grudge against old people?

>cut off a player's dick because he rolled a nat20 to bang the town
>I forget whether it was the DM or the player stated that included the party
>when it came to my turn to the fucking I used my barbaric rage to rip off his dick before he can have his way with me
>nat 20
And that's how my party gained a dickless cleric

>abusing the elderly

What did he work in a nursing home?

Some 13 year old motherfucker (I think he was the GM's bro don't fucking remember) was just playing a self insert of himself and all of his powers revolved around cutting himself
OH AND THE MOST EDGY SHIT DURING THE ENTIRE CAMPAIGN WAS THAT HE HAS TO ROLL TO CUT HIMSELF AND THEN SAYS HE SHOULD GET A BONUS FOR HAVING IRL EXPERIENCE WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES!

This is why all homebrew rules are shit

>HE HAS TO ROLL TO CUT HIMSELF AND THEN SAYS HE SHOULD GET A BONUS FOR HAVING IRL EXPERIENCE
Fucking powergamers I swear they're everywhere.

Threw a grenade at a little peasant girl, wore her bloody hat for the rest of the campaign

He lived with his grandmother.
First time, he decided to go for walk at midnight to go buy drugs. His grandmother locked the door, and he ended up breaking the door down and doing something violent. Pretty sure he hit her.
Second time, he deceived her to drive him to drug deals, since he never even tried to get his license. After a few times, she figured out what he was doing and managed to outsmart him and get him caught
Thia guy is a major piece of shit. I've known him since I was 6, and this kind of thing from him doesn't surprise me anymore. Every time he got arrested, I texted his mugshot to everyone from that group

> Playing a silver age capes games using the hero system set in the 80s
> Guy exploits all the imbalances of the system using complications
> makes the Vatican's black robbed assassin
> has the power to blink behind you
> Has diplomatic immunity and license to kill with a silver goth claw gauntlet
> Has a devil trigger because it's a cheap way to buy power
> Activating his "ultimate form" turns him into one winged angel sephiroth ff7 complete with 12 foot katana
He decided to ditch the character after the first session because he discovered vehicles were a cheaper way to spend points. Came back as an Eva.

>> Guy exploits all the imbalances of the system using complications
I had a very similar problem with hero system, except it was with one guy who misunderstood the multipower pool point-cost reduction effect and managed to make a character that was so powerful he could solo the entire party in two of his phases. But, he realized this and voluntarily ignored half of his powers and self-limited his defining power (insane density increase) to %70 maximum, except for when something emotionally traumatizing happened. Honestly one of the best characters he's ever played.

So he's just a decade too early, then?

Heh. Kinda makes me wonder how an edgelord campaign would go.

Myself first time playing tabletop. Ripped a goblins head off just to sound cool. I hate younger me. Now whenever I play evil, I play a more "nice with a deeper plan" types.

No, that would not work. That druid would just kill everyone they met and never leave their shithole. Edgelords can't be in 'parties' they are inherently against the idea of cooperation.

Heh... you wouldn't understand... kid

I won't lie, that made me chuckle. There's retarded edgy, and then there's just stupidly funny edgy

>> has the power to blink behind you
Tell me he at least said something along the lines of nothin' personnel kid

I made some kinda necromancer for a D&D game back in elementary school, that never actually ran.

Once I've actually started playing tabletop years later, I haven't made any PCs I would call edgy thus far. The closest thing would be the manufactured teenage super soldier in AdEva, who while being plenty emotive with her friends, showed very little reaction or remorse to the 20-ish bodycount she's racked up in human-scale combat throughout the campaign. I guess rather than edgy, she just wasn't RP'd by me very well.

>a fucking vampire ninja who licks the blood off his blade after every fight

Did his character look like this?

r8 it m8
pastebin.com/bMzh3m1G

And then John was a Whizzard.

I've got a few honorable mentions.

A female Majin in a DBZ game. Ill-tempered, arrogant, and a very sore loser. Obsessed with being better than everyone and dominating her opponent, talking mad (and edgy) shit at anyone she happened to fight. Went all out even in sparrings. Add to that the fact her player is a notorious minmaxer and rules lawyer (in a homebrew system the GM made), and you've got a pretty shitty mix.

Another is a schizophrenic Visionary in AdEva. Displayed actual symptoms about two times, when it was convenient for the player. Spent the rest of the time going "we can't get along because I'm fucked up and miserable" to the other pilots.

As a bonus I can add one I've learned about from my friends, as I didn't play in the campaign myself. The guy took Nero from DMC, added some Vergil (katana included) to him, and made it all several magnitudes edgier. Highlights include attempts at emotionally manipulating another character, and joining the bad guys for 'muh power'.

>The guy took Nero from DMC, added some Vergil (katana included) to him
So, just Nero?

I mean, added some Vergil backstory and personality-wise. That, and Nero only uses the katana in DT. This one used one all the time.
He was also called Nero.

Did you never think to talk to the player about his actions?

>fucking over a player in a passive aggressive attempt to get him to quit.
>for building a character in a way you didn't like
>that you could have vetoed from the beginning
I hope I never get tricked into playing with a fa/tg/uy

That's actually no a bad character concept, but I can definitely see it being played by a euphoric that guy.

I'd Roll20-GM a Fedora: the Tipping campaign just to play something like that.

I made the most nothing personnel kid character of all time as a joke, when we were dicking around in my friends first campaign and I felt like dicking with my uptight smitebot other friend

His name was Lyle De Sade, and he once raped a dragon.

What a hero.

He was a CE Rogue from a noble family of corrupt sociopaths. He was a serial killing, torture-loving rapist who delighted in finding new and exciting ways to draw the hatred of SmiteBot. The Dragon was at the end of the campaign.

We had the majestic creature in its last moments, bleeding and motionless on the ground in front of us.

Lyle rolled to rape. The DM informed me that this breed of dragon in fact had no orifices.

Lyle took out his knife and made his own.

We were playing as a group of freelance prison guards in the not!Alcatraz of the setting. One guy though that raping the to-be-interrogated prisoners was a good way of getting information out of them. His justification? "We are all scums and maggots here and i treat them how i would treat myself".

He didn't have a katana, but he did have a whip

He looks like a random tumblr webcomic character.

Psshh.... Nothing personal, kid.

My 6 man group decided that a party of trench coat wearing, dual sniper rifle wielding lone wolf assassins would be fun.

it was only fun for me

>it was only fun for me
Tell us a story, user.

I was thinking the same, user. There are some real horror stories about bad players, but most of these are cases of "so there's this new player who never roleplayed before, turns out he isn't a good at roleplaying!!!".

I remember one story I read the other day on plebbit, my friend linked me it and that dude might have taken the cake for master edgelord, or that might be shadowrun parties being edgy and cringeworthy as hell as a general rule

I... don't think I have, actually.

Closest would be that time I played a parody version of Solid Snake in BESM, who was basically Snake in every possible way except that he favored a bigass automatic grenade launcher that he swung around one handed. I shot Godzilla in a driveby on a helicopter.

It was not a serious game.

>run Vampire: the Requiem for a goth club while young and stupid
>Captain Autism joins, goes full edgelord and has kinky vampire sex with another PC, trying to kill her with a carving knife immediately after
>he decides the prewritten Daeva isn't edgy enough and wants to turn him into a psychotic ex-surgeon
>the girl survives after convincing him to spare her, he just gets into a creepy controlling relationship with her
>the game dies shortly afterwards because he ruined it

>many years pass, he runs into me at my uni gaming club, the one place in the entire city I can have a decent game with people who know their shit
>I decide on running a Sixth World game (Shadowrun, but with Apocalypse/Dungeon World rules because actual SR rules are shit), this fucker joins as an elf face guy working for Telestrian as a middle-management type
>I dare to think he's changed, he hasn't
>he insists on his character getting a knife and becoming edgier and edgier over time
>flat-out murders a guy in a London bar by lulling him into a false sense of security then driving the blade into his gut over and over, passing him off as a drunk and dumping his corpse into the street
>he follows me into a light-hearted teens and mechs game, I figure a bit of edge works with Shadowrun and that he really has changed
>he develops a rivalry with another PC and his character attempts suicide after losing to him
>he finally fucks off to another city, the entire group breathes a sigh of relief

I am a dumb fuck who gives people far too many chances to redeem themselves

Wow, I have a DM who did the exact same thing. He acted like it was such an accomplishment to TPK us when he literally controls reality.

Not particularly relevant, but psychosis doesn't make you violent, it's just halluciations and/or delusions.

He only played the character for one session, so the only line we got was "huh! Too easy..."

>see stories featuring a wide variety of bad players over the course of 8 years
>omg, u guise are unpleasable

If you read that cap and thought it made sense, I Advise you to get some sleep, take another look with a fresh mind, then, if you still can't spot what's wrong, kill yourself.

Probably my elf necromancer "artist"
He was just really into rot and decay, adventurer because his interests were grotesque so he got run out of town. Thing is, I didn't do overtly dumb shit with him, he gelled well with the party because he was friendly enough, and actually meshed well with the setting.

>I ripped off a players dick
>Ripped off a players dick
>A players dick
> players
By jove

I raffed

>this breed of dragon in fact had no orifices

Exactly.

No cooch, nor bung because the DM wanted no part of this degree of edge. It had a mouth, but Lyle wasn't fucking with that shit.

He just throatfucked it while I played Evanescence on my bluetooth speaker.

SmiteBot actually wound up killing me after, but it was funny so I didn't care. Our poor DM on the other hand, it was his first time running.

Have you ever considered you may be That Guy?

>Whoops, I accidentally prepared Sunlight and no other spells.

I don't actually have any experiences with those type of characters in my games. The closest I can even get to was a character made by a That Guy that was in my party for barely the length of a summer.

Picture this: A quad amputee with magically enchanted golem limbs to replace her missing limbs, and she was covered in scars from battles in her past. She had also killed a guy who was going to rape her apparently, and some more edgy shit like that. The character never made it into any game, since we kicked him out for another character related incidence.

Dm I played under for the first time ever was like this.

He was 20 years older than anyone else and saw games to tell his version of events from books and history. Imagine any series but made dark with undead at every turn and npvs were always mustache twirling evil fucks. This was for dirt farmers to deities.

All of his dmpcs were grizzled war veterans that looked like him from years back and were better than party members at everything. He had elven "emissaries " that were god like veing that would just kill or maim you without ever seeing or interaction with them.

His characters were always played like Nazis, he always wanted to play an assassin or necromancer and would glare at you if he did not get what he considered respect, which was grovling.

Left the group when he tried to have use be in a campaign were he saddled the party with 4 dmpcs, including a genie and a true fey that would argue for ten minutes between one another and ignore us. He role played this out with himself twice and I left.

Years later, he showed up to my house for a game uninvited and a week late.

I made a dual-wielding NE half-Drow ninja who wore acted all mysterious, wearing a mask and cloak all the time on the surface so people wouldn't know he was a Drow.

Wow,you sound like a pissy bitch.

I was doing a game where the villains were an old party (different players) from a Dark Sun game I had ran earlier (they were causing massive droughts by siphoning water to athas).

The PCs (5 level 10's) went after the one party member who wasn't hiding where he was - a level 13 Half-Giant Monk. (Who was RP'd similarly to Legate Lanius).

The party was 'led' by two edgemasters, as I had recently (a month ago) taken over for their DM who had left. They ignored the party's attempts to talk with him and attacked, and the other 3 decided that they might as well attempt to follow through.

The monk (controlled by his old player via messages) started combat by flying high into the air (magic items) and used his items to Enlarge and Haste.

The assassin then complained that he was 'metagaming so that I can't backstab him like the puss he is' and did nothing. The other Edgemaster insisted that the party spread out and wait for the monk to come down, as they pulled out ranged sidearms and wondered why they weren't hitting him with daggers from 100 feet away.

The next round, I described his actions, saying that he swooped down, and was interrupted mid-scentence by the assassin almost shouting that he 'stabs him in the back to kill him'. The monk had went down to beat up the Wizard (with Haste and Knockdown, he got 3 attacks and killed her) and used Spring Attack to go back up.

This continued for 2 more rounds, with the cleric and then assassin getting punched to death 1 at a time, all the while throwing daggers. After that, he lands, and once again challenges the barbarian and paladin to single combat. The barbarian calls him 'a faggot' and charges, proving that he doesn't know how Attacks of Opportunity work when he keeps invoking them by standing up (Knockdown and a 20 foot reach really stings) and dies without getting to attack.

Then, the paladin accept his offer for single combat, and dies.

The monk was laughing through this whole thing (unbeknownst to them)

After the party got wiped, he claimed that it was an impossible fight, claimed that since he 'was a master assassin, he could kill anyone' and that I had cheated/his party was incompetent. They had pointed out that the Wizard's idea was to teleport them away, and he insisted that she cast minor buff spells on him. The whole time the barbarian was insisting that he was 'coming back to life our of sheer rage and killing the monk with one hit'.

Then, fortunately, those 2 players quit, I got 2 who weren't edgelords, and the party is continuing. (They had all been resurrected as they were working for the king).

>made up stories ,created for shit and giggles
>he took them as facts

Breaking these laws that's so corrupt
In the hood don't press your luck
'Cause these motherfuckers will set you up

The disguising the drow part seems fine enough, although as a half drow with dual wield you went full edge, I see how this character could be salvaged though.

Yes and no. It was semi-intentional, but ultimately funny. However it did derail the shittiest module. So it was sort of that guy. Yet, we actually HAD That Guy in the form of SmiteBot, who would regularly do things like kill nonhuman NPCs because Deus Vult.

Only really played one "edgelord" character but I've used him in a few campaigns. His name is donk, a half vampiric flind gnoll in D&D 3.5. First game was a chaos (players) vs law (dm) setup and most of the party was evil. First thing you gotta know about donk is he was dumb. Not simple, not slow, literally retarded. His int was 4 and it never got any higher save for by magic item very late in the campaign. He was a pretty typical murder hobo but thanks to the incubus in the party and my low will save we rarely had trouble with me in town. Except the time the incubus' player missed a week. I always telegraphed my shinanigans, giving the party enough time to head me off and keep things on track/getting out of hand. So after several "donk hungry"s got ignored donk dumped out the caldron he used as a backpack and wandered off into town to find a meal. Now if you've read any of the fluff on gnolls you know they are lazy, glutinous and sadistic. So it should come as no surprise when he went to the well filled the pot with water, made a fire, snagged a peasant girl and plunged her screaming into the pot. About the time she stopped screaming (incidentally donks cooking timer) the town gaurd showed up in force. With a roar of "you know who donk daddy is!" Donk nearly koed the second in command with the steel tube holding his forged "patence of nobility", which stated he was the son of a noble under the effects of a dreadful curse that made him this way. No one read them till after 3/4 of the local soldiers were laying in various states of dismemberment and dessication and the beast lay bleading and being kept down despite fast healing. The papers passed inspection and donk was sent to be jailed until his caretakers (the party) could come get him. I missed the next few weeks so donk stayed in jail for a while, many shinanigans ensued.

I've got a bunch of storys if there's any intrest.

The quad amputee with golem limbs is the best part of that, I think that's actually sick

You could pull that off well and avoid the Edge

>storys if there's any intrest
sure

Human fighter with a Dark Unspoken Past who never once took off his Very Mysterious Full Helmet and was literally described to be sitting in the corner, brooding, every time the party got together and/or visited a tavern. We never learned what was under that helmet because nobody asked.

Well then. How about the edgiest one then?
Second campaign, half vamp but regular gnoll. Had belt that made me large size. Ate a weird mushroom and got ported to not!ravnica. In guild nutral bar lazying about after brutal wererats in the basement quest. Durring the corse of which the 4'4" wild elf rogue got tricked into drinking a love 9 potion. She had the option of who she would fall in love with and it would effect them to. Cant make up her mind so she rolls a d4 and includes the fucking murder dog in her options. All of my what. Rolls, gets dog. Donk spends rest of quest defending her fiercely. Flash forward to later in the bar. Gnoll is well fed and quite drunk so naturally it's time for some snu snu. So the rest of the bar watches in disgust as a 7'6" gnoll proceeds to bend her over a table (willingly) and shove at least 10 inches of dog meat into her virgin muff with not an ounce of gentleness. Dm makes me roll slam damage + str and 1/2 (cause i was "two handing" her dogy style") this happens several times before she passes out about the time she got the knot. She stays stuck there most of the night, turning her tight little elf pussy into a gaping cavern. Passing cleric used restoration in the morning but there was no un-Donking that pussy. Wizard casts suggestion, saying it's round two. Fail save, sounds like a good idea. She pulls a fast one and disguised the clerics jr cleric in training to look like her. Fail every chance I'm given to see through the disguise. Grab him and take him behind bar as yet more fucking zombies kick in the door. Thinks im taking him to safety, lol nope. Shuck his armor like a banana peel and give him the red rocket right in the dirt button. Slam dmg, auto crit, twice. Dead cleric on my dick, not finished. Oh well, still warm. Half fight zombies while still trying to get off, it works. Can only one hand weapon and -2 ac due to cleric cock sock. Still won the fight. Eat cleric. Was a good day.

The weather is nice so i gotta go for a while. If this thread is still here ill post more. Hope you enjoyed.

Nobody asked why he wore the mask?

I have not laughed this hard in a long time, good god give me more! I beg of you.

Some guy who spent half hour on a solo sneaking mission describing in detail how he mutilated a random city guard.

Not all at once. We tried to hustle him on a couple of times by asking him what he information he was trying to get from the peasant, at which point he would ask his question, get an answer, and then immediately leap back into torture descriptions.

keked

Still yard working but it looks like rain. Hang on a while longer user and I'll deliver. Even if i have to make a new thread. Might be a few hours so don't hold your breath.

Ummm....well then

Sorry user. To be honest that's the best story I've got.