Elf Thread because I feel good right now

This. A loving relationship is the thing man should aspire for.

While I know nothing about this I can guess it doesn't end well for them

list is missing mindbreak

the "not rape" part is vague enough that you can fit mindbrake there easily

...

fucking elves can't even fight their own wars
oh sure, they act all happy to see us, but when shit hits the fan, where are they? when fucking knife ears mcknifeington shows up and waves his fucking elfy arms around and fire falls from the sky where are the elves? fucking hiding that's where.
and THEN they have the nerve to act all "OOH THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH MR HOOMANZ" after leaving us high and dry.
fuck. elves.

Both stay alive and get many babies.

...

At last, someone else who hates elves.

>be me/us, leader(s) of elf or other fantasy lands
>we're getting invaded and pummeled by "evil" forces like those dark/drow elves, barbaric orcs, evil wizards, goblin hordes, and other evil shit
>suddenly these humans arrive, these humans are from the further Western Lands and they all look slightly different, they speak the same tongue as the humans of our continent but the most notable and different thing about them is their technology, especially their weapons
>their soldiers, warriors, knights and commanders wear uniforms that match the environment and they seem to wear little to no armor save for those helmets, "body armor vests" and masks of theirs, and they wield no sword nor shield but they wield these ranged projectile weapons of theirs called "guns" that are loud and do massive damage against metal aswell, though they're soldiers do wield knives and daggers
>and they ride mechanized carriages with no horses and have flying machines that reach speeds far than we can imagine, they also have these mechanized carriages that are fully dedicated for war they call "tanks" and shoot explosive projectiles even further
>the humans of from the Western Lands meet up with us and offer to help us and bring peace and form and alliance with us, as the forces of evil tried invading their lands as well but were able to repel the invaders
>we accept their help and alliance because we need that much help, and within a few weeks we gain ground and victories
>their flying war machines dealt a great blow against the enemies by "bombing" supply lines and important locations and the tanks of the humans of the west decimated the orcish siege machines
>after assessing the current situation, we may win in defending our lands thanks to these humans.
>I think we made a good choice in allying with these humans
>we then form the human-elven alliance; "The Griswall Accord", where we continue to fight the forces of evil and bring peace and order to our lands

Somewhat related. Our sorcerer, playing a young 100 year old elf, tried this on our cleric and it backfired because the cleric's response was something like (paraphrased): "Oh yeah? And what did you do in all those years? You squandered yours days. I've lived mine."

>not this shit again
>in an elf thread
at least try to hide your elf threads
every elf thread that starts with "ELF THREAD" is usually shit
good elf threads are like elves: you don't know they're there until you've wandered into them on your journey

>"Oh 'WA WA WAHHH, BAWWW I DON'T LIKE THE ELVES BECAUSE THEY'RE SO WEAK AND ASK HELP FROM US.' Soldier, quit you're complaining. Both us humans and the elf allies are in this together, their dark elf enemies attacked our lands too. So we both have things in common now. And our common enemy now has to think twice about fucking with either both of us. Frankly its great we now have a race of master spellcasters who're our friends, so suck it up, the elven forces will be arriving to assit us soon. Just hold position against these Orc Mercenaries those dark/drow are throwing at us."

>browsing old thread of Veeky Forums via desustorage
>found this image
>eldar finding and adopting lost hooman child
>thoughts

i'm just saying if they're such "master spellcasters" then why the fuck are we even here?
fuckin' hell, i knew i should've joined the Air Force

>incoming transmission from the 20th Standard Infantry Division stationed at the Fairy and Pixie allies

Both of you, quit your fucking moaning. Atleast you guys get to have some action and kick some orc, dark/drow elf and evil people's ass. We; the 20th Standard Infantry Division are stuck at being positioned in the fairy and pixie lands of Happy Fun Candy Time. High command and the elf allies said it'll be simple, 'Kill uncivilized goblins and wretches, make friends with the faeries and pixies.' Making friends with the faeries my ASS. We're stuck with these fairy-pixie chatter boxes while some of you guys and the marines and special forces boys get to have hot elf action. UGH! The inhabitants of 'Happy Fun Candy Land' are pretty much vapid kid's show cartoon characters, this sucks! So yeah quit moaning, its your job to kill the enemies of your homeland and allies. ATLEAST some of you guys get to wrok alongside the kick-ass elves and have the chance of having a cute elf maiden girlfriend, while the other ATLEAST gets to kick some major ass. And not be stuck in the land inhabited by pretty-frilly winged chatter boxes that won't virtually shut up. Also alot of us have almost been nothing but cookies and brownies muffins and candy since these pixies and fae just love baking sweets.

>a fairy/pixie is heard

Fairy/Pixie civillian: "Excuse me sir, would you like some white chocolate brownies?"

"No thanks I'm full."

Fairy/Pixie Civilian: "Aww, pretty please! its sweet!"

"*sigh* OKAY OKAY. I'll take a dozen for the whole day, the last thing I need is you crying because I said no... Oh uh, this is Private Channing of the 20th Standard Infantries signing out."

...

You know they would just manipulate him into returning to his kind later on in life and trigger a chain of events that would lead to the obliteration of an entire Imperial world just because one of their farseers foresaw that doing so would help avert the terrible fate of him stubbing his toe a few centuries later.

I need to make Elf thread bingo for the next thread.
So far it's:
>OP was an elf
>horrible doujins
>HFY cannonfodder believes to be badass
>Eldar in the elf thread

Is this angron?

Christ the breasts on that sow. Japs are fucking ridiculous

>fuck. elves.

Is that an order?

Let me guess, orcs raid the village and rape the husband ?

Shota porn in 3...

>holding hands is literally the first item

LEWD.

All fiction where there's a random continent of super advanced humans with modern technology right next to a high fantasy one is trash. Just saying.

Go jerk off to that terrible anime about Japan invading RPGland.

But, real life is like that, minus the high fantasy.

>that one anime where there's a random continent of super advanced kemonomimi with modern technology next to high fantasy humans

Have you ever looked at the world as it is today?

People who claim Golarion is ridiculous have never looked at a current political/technological map of the fucking earth.

The world looks like that because the west came into contact with somewhat less advanced civilizations and tore them apart.

The idea of a culture with the capacity for flight, telecommuniations, etc, somehow just missing an entire continent (that is also unaware of them) long enough that they can reach our level of technology before said continent achieved black powder usage is ridiculous. Not to mention pretty much a wanky power fantasy.

It's still ridiculous.

In the real world, sure you have places where escalators are seen as a big fucking deal and like some kind of advanced tech.
At the same time, those countries still have access to modern weaponry, vehicles, and various essentials for warring, they just don't have the time/stability to invest in the non-war based tech.

Interestingly, Africa has highly developed cellular networks and is a world leader when it comes to solar power. And if the said fantasy kingdoms are highly culturally developed with big cities, the absence of any technology transfer is absurd.

>when the field books the airsoft tourney and the LARP on the same day

youtube.com/watch?v=glc8_JsNJ9M#t=2m40s

That you shouldn't use the word "hooman", because that makes you sound like a retard from facebook or imgur.

When it comes to settings like one in ...I say to make it more interesting, there will be tech exchange from the advanced modernized-industrial lands towards the high fantasy lands. But the only tech the high fantasy lands will be receiving are vintage and "second hand" tech. As in fantasy lands won't get too much fancy tech, but will receive basic power lines, basic plumbing and radio.

Why? Likely because the modernized-industrial-advanced nation(s)/lands does not want their new found allies of elves and other high fantasy people to be way too advanced for their own good, such as the only guns high fantasy land will receive from modernistan are older model bolt action and semi-auto rifles as opposed to the full automatics wielded by the marines and or infantry of modernistan. And the modernistan personnel stationed in the forward operating bases in fantasy land are the only ones with access to advanced telecomms and internet for reasons. How's that sound Veeky Forums?

Dear lord, is that a Skyrim Mod featuring Call of Duty soldiers from Call of Duty: Black Ops 2? Yes I recognize those soldiers from the ones in CoD: Black Ops 2 and yes I play CoD. Is there a source for that pic? Who made that? How the fuck did he put CoD assets in a skyrim mod, let alone skyrim?

>Castanics
>Skyrim

He probably just used Blender or Gary's Mod or whatever.
Try using the reverse search function, I can yell instructions at you through the radio if that'll help.

Either this is a Skyrim Mod since I recognize one of those female Tieflings wearing the Ebony Armor in Skyrim and one wearing Thalmor Robes. Or this could just be G-Mod.

I assume those are Teiflings, but as an all female mono-gendered race making a deal with the advanced-modern humans from the Far West Lands.

...

not quite. This tale involves humans

Do we really need elf generals? If we have enough of them, can we demand our own elf board?

We protect neighborhoods, like adventuring is a safe place to survive until tomorrow.

They're not Tieflings and they're not mono-gendered

there is already one called /e/

Can't they adopt entire territories like a decent spacefaring war culture?

If this is all we have when it comes to elves, then I think this is not the best place to talk about them.

Why elves become so bastardized in modern fantasy?
I loved Tolkien's elves. They were so... inspiring, having this unique atmosphere and feel.
And then D&D came, took the most blatant face value and stereotypes, and turned them to shit, together with animu. Ugh.
At least I can make people mad and butthurt that way, by playing my elves like Sindar and Noldor when I'm forced to play D&D from lack of better options, and ostensibly disregarding most of the dumb and shallow setting-specific lore they posses, in my little retaliation.

I donate mine to nature. Once in awhile actual charities. Wait that's actual cash, thanks adventurers we had great parties.

My guess is that they had to become a playable race, but instead of giving them something else as they were toned down, they became beautiful humans with pointey ears. Japanese elves are the worst at this.

>playing them like noldor

So you steal boats, kill your cousins, and make oaths concerning the ownership of shiny rocks?

>Dear lord, is that a Skyrim Mod featuring Call of Duty soldiers from Call of Duty: Black Ops 2?
I'm afraid it's just a single pic.
On a completely unrelated note, Spellcross remake, when? ;_;

>Do we really need elf generals?
Always, and the discussion usually turns into something unexpected and interesting after 10-20 posts anyway.

>Hey bro, that thing you're going to do? Don't do it.
>My cousin thought about doing that like six hundred years ago but we decided it was a bad idea, so don't do it.
>Here read these six paragraphs describing the grass on that hill instead.

So inspiring.

>shota porn
Pls yes

Oh yeah? All I see is an /a/ meme, the obligatory doujin-page and some HFY.

God no, they turn into complete jerks when they do that.

...

Can't we call them hunt masters?

Cutting things out and leaving pointy eared humans is one thing
Other is when actually ADD lot of shit, but it's stupid and lame.
Especially if it is written by tis fucking perv Ed Greenwood, his elf-lore has parts that are actually far beyond cringy

D&D elves are pretty much meant to be like that anyway. It's mostly a fa/tg/uy thing to make elves into shallow arrogant twats.

Still, there are other cool elves. Both WHFB and Warmahordes have extremely interesting elves. Lorwyn does them really well too.

Well there are several different varieties, I'm sure they could keep busy trying to find each other.

To be honest, most serious high fantasy anime do elves pretty well. There just hasn't been anything like that in a while.

You're thinking of porn elves, which so sometimes appear in regular anime as fap bait.

there weren't a serious high-fantasy anime in, what? 5 or 10 years?

Do public libraries carry magical tomes?

Abh make me angry, and I like elves. Seriously fuck the Abh.

Still probably the best spess elf fix you're gonna get until Arioch just quits his job and focuses on blue space elf comics full time.

See

Something like that.

Standard high fantasy isn't hugely popular.

What I don't get is how he took time out of his space elf comic to work on a space game in the same style as the games that inspired his space elf comic and he didn't even slip any space elves in

How you gonna do me like that Arioch

Disrespectful.

I dunno man, the crown wars felt about as LotR as you can get in D&D without copyright infringement.

If you're talking about Evermeet and Drow of the Underdark, I also have a hard time grasping what's so cringey.

Underdark at worst talks about how drow matrons more or less have spas.
Evermeet at worst has a reference to a drow chick being dtf because she's getting really annoyed with the chaste crew on the ship she's on.

If you're talking shit like chad-zak, and the menzobanana stuff, that's either stuff from Paizo, or stuff from Salvatore.

So humans invade the village and rape the husband?

Whatever happens, we have got
The Browning gun, and the Elves have not

I believe he said something about the game being fairly moddable, being just .lua files or something like that.

If not then gotta wait till parashit takes stellaris out of alph... i mean releases the DLCs and someone adds the blu elves.

You should go with something a little more interesting for the name.

Like "20th Mountain Division" or something.

>Do we really need elf generals?

Well the elves are hardly suited for NCO roles, and we have to put them somewhere.

>Be on the Oak Yuringal front with the 156th "Tearing Steel" brigade
>Company is being accompanied by these wood elves
>Crazy bastards just started tying sticks and bushes to our MRAPs and ASVs
>Look like a bunch of bush wookies
>They sit on the barrels or turrets while riding
>others will hop around vehicle to vehicle
>females keep wanting to trade me ass for my pistol
>Fucking knife-ear its MY BERRETA, NO
>They keep rat fucking our MREs for the tabasco sauce
>We ran across an Ork patrol
>Wood elves just sit on top of the turrets while we hammer them with 40mm grenades and watch the show
>Big tittied lass's chest jiggles when i fire the 50.cal
>Been trying to get at her for weeks but shes playing the hard game
>I like her... dresses nice too
>Maybe i'll try and give her some coffee later
>Cease fire echos on comms
>wood elves run out to kill survivors
>watching them via my turret sights
>Skinnier elf girl whos found of butterfingers picks up a severed ork hand
>Hip waggles while using the green hand to wave at me
>these fucking elves man...

The last two were funny. The rest can go and fuck itself.

Is this GATE fanfic?

>be 10th Mountain 4th Brigade, HHC Battalion
>get dragged out of the Louisiana swamps and punted through the rift tear to help bolster friendly units
>they send us in with our fucking MRAPs and ASVs, would rather just have uparmored HMMVs but whatever
>finally get to our AO and its right fucking next to this elven village
>all the joes are excited to see elf women, but im married and quite frankly cant find a fuck to give
>pop out my ASV turret and start cracking into a MRE when some little elf kid clambers on top of my vehicle
>drag the little bastard off of the vents before her robes get clogged into the grate
>starts gibbering at me in her little flute language and playing with my shit
>give her my pack of skittles to keep her away from me
>Sits on top of the driver hatch
>driver mad because feet blocking view
>popa hatch and swings it away
>elf child has own floating seat while it eats americas finest
>look over at dismounted Joes
>already fucking about with the women
>hear chittering behind me
>gaggle of elf children peeking over rear of vehicle
>throw empty Rip It cans at them

Its like fucking afghanistan all over again...

Gmod with ripped assets

lonefirewarrior DOT deviantart DOT com

>recieve our first probe sometime during the night on our 6th day there
>looks like elves with a BDSM fetish from the night vision
>villagers are freaking the hell out and hiding behind the vehicles with their kids
>hikers fan out and start to screen their withdrawal from the village
>that damn kid is still on my turret despite me throwing shit at her
>clap a spare pair of headphones over her ears to spare her hearing before shutting the hatch
>BDSM elves are seen attacking and kill villagers
>hikers start to open fire and drop them
>order for weapons free pops up
>MK19 chugs to life and spatters some of these fucks all over the grounds
>switch to the fifty and start laying into the groups
>barks of fire from other vehicles
>bad guys start breaking contact and try to flee
>hikers just cut them down with m249 and 240b fire
>pop head out to chuck loose brass
>little elf girl is laying down on the turret, arms under chin, with the biggest smile on her face

Not sure if safe

This might be the right place to ask. Some threads ago there was some user that said he would draw pictures to 'anons guide on how to make love to an elf'. I want to see those pictures.

So they turn the husband into a trap and make half elfs with his wife yes?

Dude there are still tribes in the amazon that still hasn't made any contact with modern civilization.

Though they are getting their asses genocided by crime organizations of different flavors.

There's also a tribe in Australia that managed to avoid contact with the White Devil until ~1964, when the government was about to use their land for missile tests and decided last minute to double check and make sure it was clear.

Imagine being them and seeing us for the first time.

We must have been like gods.

I mean, some of that generation is still alive. You can ask them.
Mostly they just want their land back so they can set it on fire and eat the lizards scurrying out of the bush.

Remake AND sequel.

I feel like the original thing ended in a cliffhanger.

They don't need to turn him into a trap, he's pretty girly enough as it is.

Really, I'd keep them both alive and together, because they'd be happier this way, and they're both fuckable.

>Africa has highly developed cellular networks
That's because they don't need massive infrastructure, and the actual machinery is still imported from countries that are civilized enough to be capable of producing it.

People sometimes try to use success of mobile telephony as testament to how private enterprise can thrive even in anarchistic shitholes, while failing to realize that those companies still stand and rely on industrial backbone of developed countries.

Alright anons. I believe the Elves vs Human shit can be settled if each species get's their own distinct power that the other cannot use.

For example, Elves can have their magic and shit where they cast neat spells and extend their lifespan. Humans can have Chi or Psychic powers that grants them special abilities distinct to them only, also extending their lifespan as well.

This way there will be no jealousy among the two, only mystery, awe, and respect. The Elves will find the humans and their nations like a fairy tale because of unique powers and society the humans have. The humans would find the elves mysterious and their nations a place of wonder because of the magical abilities of the Elves.

Hell you can even extend this to the other fantasy races and make them unique as well. Although too many fantasy stories do not even bother with this shit and as a result Humans become boring and plain, and other races just a carbon copy of humans with pointy ears or a green skin or some other shit.

Wouldn't just that make them both exactly the same?