You are 2nd Lieutenant Sam Fischer of the USMC’s Second Expeditionary Unit, and currently, you are standing at attention as the Old Man screams at you.
“WHY THE FUCK DID YOU INVOLVE THE FUCKING EAST GERMAN COMMUNIST FUCKING FAGGOTS IN THIS FUCKING MESS? WERE YOU STILL DRUNK? DID THE COMMISSAR GIVE YOU A FUCKING HANDY AND YOU THOUGHT YOU NEEDED TO RETURN THE FUCKING FAVOR? DID YOU FUCKING THINK BEFORE YOU DECIDED THAT HAVING A LITTLE DRINKING PARTY WAS A GOOD IDEA? OR WERE YOU MORE WORRIED ABOUT GETTING YOUR FUCKING DICK WET INSTEAD? WHAT THE UTTER FUCKING CHRIST WERE YOU EVEN THINKING, YOU FUCKING KNUCKLEDRAGGING BOOT?”
Promoting the Old Man to Colonel was probably the worst choice in the history of the corps. The volume and knife handing he was giving you would have made your DI’s back at boot camp jealous. Standing there stone faced next to you, Schultz shot you a look that promised you this would not be over between the pair of you when he was done.
Catching his breath, the Old Man paused before resuming his tirade. “I SHOULD FUCKING HAVE YOU SENT OUT TO JAN MAYAN TO HOLD A FUCKING RIFLE AND STAND OUTSIDE EACH DAY, EVERY DAY, INSTEAD OF EVEN CONSIDERING LETTING YOU BACK NEAR ANY SORT OF TSF YOU COMMIE LOVING FUCKHEAD. DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME FISCHER?”
“Sir, yes sir.”
“I DON’T THINK YOU FUCKING DO, BECAUSE THE MAGNITUDE OF SHIT YOU ARE IN DOESN’T SEEM TO HAVE SUNK IN. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAPERWORK I HAVE TO FILL OUT OVER THIS SHIT? WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU THROW YOURSELF INTO THE NORTH SEA INSTEAD, YOU FUCKING IDIOT?” The knife handing never ceased, nor faltered. Truly, you were viewing a master at work, gifted in the art of chewing out asses and leaving them miserable wrecks.
“Sir yes sir.”
Jaxson Robinson
“IF I SO MUCH AS GET A FUCKING HINT OF YOU BRINGING IN CONTRABAND INTO THIS BASE AGAIN DICK FOR BRAINS, I WILL FUCKING PERSONALLY MAKE SURE YOU GET ASSIGNED TO CLEANING LATRINES IN ALASKA FISCHER.”
“Sir, yes sir.”
His eyes still smoldering and knife hand lowering, the Colonel dropped back into his chair behind the desk. “At fucking ease. Take seats, both of you. I didn’t call you in just to fucking scream at you two blockheads, though I fucking wish I was.”
Tentatively, you and the Captain drop into chairs in front of his desk, still sitting ramrod straight as the Old Man shuffles some papers around on it. “Now with all that said and out of the air, we’re going to discuss the issue of getting a new second-in command of the squadron. And what to do until then. I was hoping that Captain Schultz’s choice wouldn’t prove to be such a complete moron, but I guess that was too much to ask.”
Schultz winces a little next to you, and you feel your heart drop. Who else but you would have been her choice?
There is a few moments of silence until you finally speak. “Permission to speak freely sir?”
“Permission granted.”
[ ] “Sir, do you want me to exit the room while you discuss this with Captain Schultz?”
[ ] “Sir, may I suggest a candidate?”
Carson Carter
>[ ] “Sir, do you want me to exit the room while you discuss this with Captain Schultz?”
Hunter Hernandez
>[ ] Sir, may I suggest a candidate? Kinda hoping to make this a multinational special forces TSF unit
Aaron Bailey
No, Bad Rafale, Bad.
Charles Flores
What? You don't want our sweet commissar waifu to embrace the ideals of capitalism and then start a revolution when the east Germans come back?
James Powell
Suggesting it now is a fucking bad idea. Also I still want to get into cap's panties.
Parker Richardson
I think she's being reassigned at this point, so your chance may be gone
Nolan Sullivan
stop shilling this inane 14-year-old tier fanfiction on /a/ you turd burglar
Logan Howard
>[ ] “Sir, may I suggest a candidate?”
Foss would be a great commanding officer.
Adrian Barnes
I could also get behind that. But I'd prefer our little commissar
Justin Jackson
>[ ] “Sir, may I suggest a candidate?”
Kevin Gray
Hey k/ripple! How's your week been?
Colton Gonzalez
>Wanting to have a defection crisis on base in the middle of a major offensive, and also have her in your chain of command now, so bullying is now not possible without being guilty of insubordination.
Do you want to get court marshaled? Cuz it sounds like you want to get court martialed.
Votes called, writan
Ethan Miller
Blarg. Heating up/getting humid down here so it's kinda shit.
Ayden Roberts
...
Adam Martin
Iktf man, I haven't slept more than 4 hours total the past two days because of the heat
Michael Phillips
Agreed! We need more (future) defections! As well as international waifus! Where the hell was the "check here to join the UN" box on our sign up papers?
Jose Bennett
We will form an international group of the best TSA/TSF pilots, and we will kick BETA ass!
Colton Reyes
In that case, Bring on the BETA bitches! Our capitalist/communist friendship party will kill all those beta assholes!
Ryan Ward
>Where the hell was the "check here to join the UN" box on our sign up papers
Under the 'filthy treason' header, I believe.
Joseph Bennett
>[ ] “Sir, may I suggest a candidate?” “Sir, may I suggest a candidate?” you ask, looking the Old Man straight in the eyes.
“As long as they aren’t totally fucking retarded, I’ll take them under advisement.” The Colonel says, leaning back in his own chair. Huh. So he didn’t just tell you to shut the fuck up and listen. Scratch that hope. You didn’t know any of the other squadron pilots well enough to make good recommendations based on character – they all did their jobs well, and that was good enough for you. Really, it didn’t matter who was second in command or not to you, just that they were there. Having to handle a lot of the petty shit like resolving whatever stupid fucking argument Pam was hell bent on having with whatever pilot had somehow scratched her “babies”, keeping track of the lunch schedules, and so on would have driven you insane with boredom anyway. Then again, you had to babysit your RIO a good amount of the time, so just scaling that sort of thing up would probably work.
An evil thought flashes through your head, causing you to grin a bit.
There are certain wrongdoings against your person that must be addressed, lest the offenders grow ever bolder. Getting laid when you were not, dodging responsibility for paying tabs, being an ass while riding bitch, and oh yeah, worst of all deciding to rat you out to the Old Man instead of just sucking it up and claiming to know nothing just so he could get back to fucking that hot-ass nurse were the least of his offenses.
The motherfucker liked boybands. Actual god damn fucking boybands.
“I recommend 2nd Lieutenant Foss for the position sir.”
Both the Old Man and Schultz look at you like you’ve lost your fucking mind.
Ethan Brooks
“You’re kidding right?” Schultz said, the Colonel just staring at you, in a state of what you either guessed was building rage or some kind of amazement at your fucking idiocy. Then it begins. The long, slow, spine tingling chuckles. The rumblings slowly intensify, as the Old Man starts to lose his fucking shit right in front of you, laughing so hard you’re pretty sure he’s crying too.
“The fucking steel encrusted fucking balls you have Fischer; I swear to god. You suggest your RIO to be the second in command, after your ass pulls the bonehead move of the century just a few hours ago, and nearly again right in front of me now?”
You wait for his laughter to die down. It takes a little while, during which Schultz glares daggers at you.
“Well sir, Malinowski is the next most senior Marine, but he’s with Captain Shultz during flights. After him, it’s just Foss and I sir. He’s the logical choice if I am not qualified.”
It’d also make Foss fucking pissed as hell. The man had an allergy to any tasks that did not involve his dick, being an ass, or doing RIO things. Truly, not murdering Foss earlier was paying off. He was going to suffer, one way or the other, for being a Blue Falcon.
Brandon Wilson
“I’ll take it under advisement.” The Colonel said. Somehow, he’d extracted a map of the area during his laughing fit. Various zones were marked off, with the invasion routes drawn down by hand on the map. “Schultz and I will make the final decision later. In the meantime, I’m going to have your sorry asses running a couple days of long range undersea patrols. The Soviets have gotten a bug up their ass ever since they found out about the invasion, and I’ve gotten word there’s a Soviet boomer operating somewhere in the North Sea at the moment. So check your fucking targets, don’t just drop fish in the water all fucking gung ho for the next couple of weeks. If you chucklefucks cause World War III, I will skin all of you alive and then rub salt in the wounds. Don’t do any stupid fucking shit, am I clear Schultz? Am I clear Fischer?
[ ] “Crystal clear sir.” [ ] Soviet nuke subs? In my North Sea? [ ] Write in
Julian Martin
>He was going to suffer
Nolan Moore
[ ] Soviet nuke subs? In my North Sea?
Sounds like it's time to go fishing. It's not like they should even have those anyway.
Benjamin Powell
[ ] “Crystal clear sir.”
Asher Martinez
>[ ] Soviet nuke subs? In my North Sea? Time to go fishing.
Kayden Richardson
[ ] Soviet nuke subs? In my North Sea?
More like beautiful soviet pilots in my bed. Cryska, Inia and Yui are my waifus after all.
Bentley Jenkins
> "Cryska clear sir."
Brayden Ward
>three waifus
Anyway, looks like nuke subs is winning, gonna get to writing up mah post.
Tyler Hall
...
Levi Wilson
Hey at least I came up with one! Inia face, Yui communist!
Leo Young
>those fucking repeating digits >those puns I actually spilled my drink, nicely done.
Anthony Walker
I also have a joke. Pic related.
Jeremiah Lewis
I apologize for nothing
Charles Edwards
>Waifu
Adrian Wilson
Wait... so are we playing "get raped by the BETA" or "fuck the BETA"? ? Watch drinking anyways?
Adam Baker
>Wait... so are we playing "get raped by the BETA" or "fuck the BETA"?
Yes.
Christopher Edwards
Ill get the whip...
Elijah Campbell
>[ ] Soviet nuke subs? In my North Sea?
“So wait, we’re going to be playing grab ass with a fucking nuclear submarine sir?”
The Old Man stares at you over his glasses. “Did I fucking stutter? Did I tell you to try and ram a Soviet ballistic missile submarine? No, I told you to go and help the fucking squid pukes to find the fucking thing, not try and sink it like your retarded commie fucking ass seems to want to.”
This seems as good a time as any to get the fuck out of here. “Am I free to go then sir?”
“Dismissed. Schultz, stay here. There’s more in the briefing for you.”
Closing the door behind you, you shake your head free of the cobwebs. You got lucky. Really, really fucking lucky. He could have dragged your ass into a court martial instead of just yelling at you for a couple hours about various things regarding last night. Schultz would probably try and kill you the next time you saw her, but hey, you could work with that. And that you even got to hear about the sub shit at all was probably a sign that the Old Man was willing to give you a second chance to not be a total limp dicked fuckup.
Either that or you’d be watching him chewing out Foss for deciding to fuck some enlisted chick while he was supposed to be doing second in command things, which was also nice. Win-win if you looked at it from the right angle.
The mess would likely still be serving breakfast, so heading there was not too bad an idea. The hangers might be a better place to stop though, to get the vomit comet ride set up. Even if Foss might by some fucking miracle become your sort of boss, he still needed to suffer more than he might potentially do. Or you could just go and find someone to chill with.
[ ] Hanger. Buddy fuckers need to be severely punished. [ ] Mess. Food is always nice [ ] Chill. No need to hurry, wasn’t like this tiny ass island was going anywhere [ ] Write-in
Samuel Torres
>[ ] Mess. Food is always nice >Write-in >Find our German commissar and see if how she's doing If we only got a slap on the wrist, I'm wondering what happened to her
Isaac Gray
>[X] Mess. Food is always nice
Thomas Jenkins
>[ ] Mess. Food is always nice
Adam Brown
In with this.
Dominic White
Its also a good way to avoid our mechanic
Andrew Gonzalez
Alright since I almost actually fell asleep at my desk a minute ago, I'm calling it a night, but I'll run tomorrow night at roughly 5pm central.
Water, lots of water. I've been working outside in 80+ degree weather doing yard work for my new job. Pays good money though, so that's nice, and I don't have to interact with asshole customers which is even better.
Nathan Brooks
And apparently we have somewhat similar jobs... huh... neat~. Well have a good night man!
Isaiah Anderson
[ ] Mess. Food is always nice
Ryan Collins
ASW when?
Jose Edwards
Fuck you, I'm always at work when you run the quest.
