That Guy

Any chance of you guys sharing some of your stories about 'that guy' in your group?

Our that guy was a that DM.

Nothing too outrageous. He creeped on female players. He would passive-aggressively punish characters whose concept he did not understand or did not like. He would veto logical plans of action for arbitrary reasons. He would change RAW combat rules mid-fight, mid-turn even.

>that guy wants to play a chaotic "neutral" crow-man assassin who sneaks around with a claymore
>after a few months, when we all get sick of his bullshit, we ask him to play a different, non-chaotic character
>comes back next week with the same character, but now he's a lawful good monk because he was saved by a monastery
>before even one session is over, he reveals that his character is only pretending to be good, and he's still a fucking cunt

I've told some stories about this guy before, here goes.
>ForeverGM for a couple friends and That Guy
>That Guy has previously ruined food left right and center cooking at my house, but we're poor and don't want to order out every week.
>That Guy insists it's just mac and cheese guys
>He goes downstairs to make it, we continue to play for a while
>That Guy sure is taking a while
>Do you smell smoke?
>I rush downstairs, fearing for the sanctity of my peaceful home
>There's a pot on the burner, smoke pouring out of the top of it, burner on full Ork
>Macaroni noodles have become a layer of solid carbon on the inside of the pot
>Range hood is on full blast to try and mask the horror unfolding as the last of the water at the bottom is revealed
>Bubbling carbon tar pit with a spoon lost at the bottom
>Turn the oven off, take the pot outside to divorce myself from the latest cooking atrocity until it's cool
>That Guy outside on the phone
>He looks at me
>I look at him
>He looks at the pot
>"Sorry man, I only cook on my microwave at home."

Where did you hide the body?

How is it possible people like this could exist? Like, I want to believe for your sake that you're making this shit up.

Oh he was real, and he was serious. Some other highlights

>"Do you have any snacks?"
>Sure dude check the pantry or freezer.
>That Guy comes back with a raw chicken breast he microwaved for ~3min or so
>Takes a bite
>Expression on his face like he just sat on his balls
>Sees me giving him the DM death stare across the table
>Takes another bite
>Flees the table to spit it all out and have another try

>That Guy is celebrating the end of semester exams
>Makes himself a tray of brownies using one of those prepackaged boxes
>Poured the brownies into a pound cake pan and cremated them for an indeterminate amount of time
>Brought the result over for us to study
>Material was pitch black and solid
>So hard we couldn't chip it without a knife as a chisel
>I offered to take it off his hands as a doorstop
>He had to throw the pan away with the Necron Monolith he'd managed to bake

Do you still have it?

Nah, he couldn't separate it from the pan and I was worried it'd attract bugs.

Never mind the improbability of him existing, why the heck is he still in your group?

Shit, I knew people could be absolute shit at cooking(after sitting through a Worst cooks in America marathon), but seriously, did the guy didn't even bother reading the directions on the box? They put that there so fuckups can't possibly fuck up...

What a shame

Oh man I love stories about manchildren.

He's not, he wasn't invited to the last game I GMed in that town, then I moved.

People can't cook to save their lives? There's actually a surprising number of those. I think I'm surrounded by them.
>Making pasta
>Told him to get the water to boiling before adding noodles in.
>Had to go down to store because someone in the house used the last of the sauce and didn't tell me.
>Get back, dry noodles sitting in a smoking pot
>Somehow all the water evaporated and he still put the fucking pasta in.

I got a potential that guy.
So far he's really pushing me into starting without finding a third for the campaign, he's tried passing stat rolls on a roller app without me watching, and wants to make his character before everyone meets despite me asking to just come up with concepts so we can form a party and not step on each other's toes.
Hopefully it turns out ok.

Something about the rise of convenient alternatives like TV dinners and women working led to mothers who couldn't cook for shit and their children who also can't cook for shit.
>roommate goes to heat up poptarts in dorm microwave
>sets it on fire

My sister had a roommate that grew up rich and fucked up making Mac and cheese by putting the butter, milk and cheese powder in the water before the noodles.

As for that guy's, I had a that DM a while back that had a DMPC that was a neutral evil kender rogue that specialized in stealing shit from us. Plus whenever he dicided to have an NPC mock us we had to sit through it because he straight up disintegrated my character fro attacking the evil shit stain that had us trapped and was forcing us to play this demented little spin-the-wheel game. I wouldn't even be that mad if it had been relevant to the story, but it was him just fucking with us.

Isn't there a toaster on the pop tart box? How can you fuck up poptarts?

I've got a housemate who can't manage to bake a potato without help. The clueless cunt can't even follow basic fucking instructions on a nuke-food packet.

>mother never worked
>still couldn't cook
damn

Was agreeing with you until
> women working led to mothers who couldn't cook for shit

Come the fuck on on, user. At least put some effort into your bait.

Knowing how to cook is like knowing how to drive. It baffles me when I meet people who don't have any fucking clue how to do it.

Not really 'my' group, but there was a GW store manager a few years back in the city I lived in then whom I wrote a formal complaint to GW about.
He's the store manager. 4th edition 40k had just come out and he was running introductory games. His ideas for running an introductory game included: Swearing at the nippers when they made mistakes.
Acting like a total manchild when he fucked up a saving roll.
On being corrected by one of his staffers he took the guy into the back-room to give him a bollocking, all of which we could plainly hear because he left the door open.
And this cunt was supposed to be GW's ambassador to new players.

I don't think it's women working so much as no one is telling the next generation how to do it.

Alternative is taking a cooking course in high school but few do that. Hell I think I'm one of the few that took the gourmet class seriously.

I proudly hold the title of "That Guy Who Broke the Practical Cookery Exam And Got 104%" in my high school's yearbook

I'm a terrible cook. I acknowledge this and accept it. I can still fry eggs and bacon, boil some pasta and stick enough vaguely healthy stuff in the oven to not kill myself with cholesterol. If I can do it, others can. They just don't want to put the effort into learning.

Hell, it's not even difficult. It's literally following instructions.

somewhere there is a parallel universe where tabletop is a hobby not infested with socially retarded autists

for and and the board in general. some food you can cook by not chopping your fingers off and not leaving the house whole its in the oven.

try chopping up some green peppers (remove the center white bit and seeds) into slices, chop up some mushrooms, an onion, maybe some carrots.

lightly toss in a small amount of vegetable oil.

put into a glass casserole dish. cover in tinfoil. bake in oven at 350 for 30-45 minutes depending on the oven.

you can also bake pork chops, steak, or chicken in the same oven in a different pan.

if you try it an want more flavor, try seasoning the vegetables with some parmesean cheese and/or italian seasoning. ms. dash works too.

Hope this adds some variety/tastiness/starting safe zone for people wanting to cook more than mac&cheese.

My GM is 'that guy'. He keeps hitting on all female players, including a trap, sending nudes of past female players who fell for his tricks (as autismal as they are), stalking the ones that block his creepy ass.
Not to mention he's terrible with his schedule, punishes players when they ask questions he doesn't know the answer to, never admits to his own fuck-ups, shit talks players in the group, constantly threaten to end the group if X or Y happen. The list goes on. It's no wonder he's hated on Veeky Forums, so much he has a player recruit for him.

You sound butthurt as fuck.

my that guy was a friend who we still keep in contact with, but while he was at the game table... jfc.

although it was a comedy superheroes game, dude literally showd up with a character who's every line he would run through the ebonics translator.

then again, his previous character was an asian stereotype(circa 1942) who's lines he ran through google into mandarin.

why do you keep playing with him?

We talking about food?

>make pho for my players
>that guy who lives on hot pockets won't eat it
I stopped inviting him.

>make somen and homemade mentsuyu for my players
>after the session's up, after drinking and playing until 1am, everyone but one newer player goes home
>that guys asks if he can stay at my house and have some more "ramen"
He left the fucking TV on all god damn night, too.

>make some kind of Thai soup, I forget what it's called
>that guy tells me I should make him some shepard's pie
Fucking animal.

jesus christ. why is this so hard for people?

when a friend or host makes food for you, unless you are allergic, or have religious/ideological objections to the food, you clear that fucking plate.

>Host makes food
>Don't like it
>Have the option to politely not eat it
>He fucking asks you to make something else
How would anyone think that's okay? What are people teaching their kids?

To piss him off, he's threatened to kick me a thousand times. Kicked over ten players from this group over the past 6 months, another five or so actually left. Autistic neckbeard likes having his way or he waves the kick stick.

By the nine, do you have any good stories?

How? How do people do shit like this? I basically taught myself how to cook by reading and following instructions, and the worst I've ever fucked up was thinking clove meant bulb.

at least that means you're vampire proof.

A bunch but that fatass browses and I've said enough for him to come after me.

Regarding the cooking theme, I've made coffee for myself in a large soup cooker recently at a friend's while we were playing D&D. He didn't have jezve so why not. Justrpthings.

coffee is essentially ultra bitter broth, so why not indeed.

The That Guy in our group is 18 and never played DnD before, so his moments don't bug me too much

How many fucking people make Turkish coffee at home besides me and you? It's too much work, man. What you oughtta do is get an aeropress and bring that shit around if you think you're gonna need a coffee. Easy peasy. It's disgusting that there are people besides Mormons who don't have some kind of coffee maker in their home, but there you go.

This guy has it right.

Even just watching other people cook can help as long as you use common sense.

>ITT
Veeky Forums - Cooking

Maybe ask people if they want your crazy asian shit before you make it?

>Hey bro, I made some mushroom gelatto
>What the fuck do you mean you don't want it?

It won't.

No group > shitty group.

see
hospitality goes two ways. at the very least you have a few polite mouthfuls.

>pho
>semen
>menstrualyu
>Thai soup

Why don't you just cook some normal food?

This is a fair request. A lot of people feel really uncomfortable when they're offered a bunch of unfamiliar food. If I wanted to try serving something out there I'd probably ask my players what they thought of it first.

That said, I never quite got why people like Pho. I'll eat it if it's put in front of me, but every time I've had it the broth is so damn salty I can't really taste anything else.

Cooking threads show up every now and then. Quite a few fa/tg/uys like cooking.

you must have been the dm

I guess myself. I was impatient and upset that the GMs game was getting on slowly, and consisted largely of a few quick'n'dirty fights followed by vague descriptions of that back ground which for all intents and purposes may have just been the verbal equivalent of the Flintstones background gag for how much impact it had. All of this punctuated by a gotcha trap that nobody actually slice in this universe would or should have fallen for our atleast reacted to far sooner but because everyone ( atleast presumed in the case of the other three players who said and did nothing) were so disinvested like I that did not think of the implication of the first stages of said trap as it was occurring. Then with the gall of not willing to handwave away a pursuing force whom never rolled to track us nor did we roll to try to escape from but managed to do so anyway thereby stealing any tension our four hour not so descriptive chase scene could have had, catches us with the consequences of a bad decision made several sessions ago. Because when you detect a signal asking for pick up you cannot tell where the signal is actually coming from, apparently.

Maybe we're sorry players and that is possibly correct and maybe I should have asked more politely to just hurry along with things so we could start planning our counter move against those that had been chasing us. But that particular idea came three hours into a session where nothing of any actual meat had happened. Of course I was far more frustrated with how things had gone this far and the increasing likelihood that we would wait another week to discuss with an NPC the implications of all this plot we discovered but were never in an appropriate place to discuss it.

Well hell by the end of that session, the idea to say something to wrap things up faster so we could do something that same session had evolved into me losing my shit at the GM. I yelled at the man and enjoyed the catharsis it gave.

How'd you manage that? Did a guy from the Michelin Guidebook scout you as you were doing your exam? Because uh, that should warrant much higher than a 104%.

So now it's a day later and I've probably thoroughly alienated myself if not from the group as a whole then atleast one or two of the players and GM. I would like to discuss how I found that session so thoroughly dissatisfying but that opportunity has come and gone when I decided to start throwing curse laden insults at the man responsible for running our games and all of them to boot.

So to sum everything up it's probably me, Barry, I did it all. And my group is probably thankful I left.

suck my cock til the veins turn purple

I think I encountered a "that DM" a while ago

>on rpol looking for games
>oh look someone is running dnd
>send in a request matching his requirements, short backstory etc.
>he just replies "No."
>guy seems like a dick, so I stop responding

>2 years later, see a dnd game being advertised, didn't notice it was the same guy.
>Some steampunk version of DC suicide squad
>whatever, I'm desperate for a game anyway
>accepted
>GM says that all characters have to be evil in alignment
>seems like a bad idea, but I'm sure the DM knows what he's doing
>game starts in a series of prison cells, the party awaiting death penalty
>introduced to the party - alcoholic orc brawler, evil indiana jones, mafia warforged, and some tiefling warrior
>there's a DMPC, some bard based on harley quinn
>i'm really concerned at this point, but perhaps the GM has some clever plan, I mean, surely there's a good way of pulling of DMPC, right?
>...right?

>adventure turns into a railroad, the lights go out, we're released from the cells, and we go off down the only hallway
>one direction is blocked by a door
>someone tries to open door? Nope, it's locked and you get electrocuted for touching it
>the alcoholic orc, keeping in character, says something vaguely nasty to the DMPC
>kicked from the game
>player apologises, he wasn't trying to be incohesive
>DM:"nope I'm kicking him"
>that seems a bit harsh
>DM:"nah my character wouldn't want to help him"
>continue down linear hallway
>stumble upon semiconscious guards
>DMPC slits their throats halfway through the party's interrogation because they were being rude or some shit
>punch a couple of random rust monsters, stumble along the linear corridor some more, everyone loses interest in the game
>realise that I had encountered this guy before
>look through his profile
>realise he's the guy that turned me down the first time
>he has like 10 ongoing dnd games with barely any participants

Cooking is pretty much modern day alchemy if you're the only one who can cook in your group of friends. It even mimics alchemy in that certain steps seem ridiculously complicated or unnecessary but do make a significant different in the output, examples: Hollandaise Sauce, basted eggs, roasting a turkey properly.

Sounds like a lot of people need to take a teaspoon of cement and harden the fuck up.

It's not like he was serving frog legs or shark fin. It's just a soup with noodles in it.

I'm lactose intolerant, if I go to a friend's house and they're making dinner I let them know and/or I bring something for myself. If I cock up and forget to then I suck it up and politely decline the food.

If people can do that over things that make them shit like a firehose or have an allergic reaction then people should be able to handle it for "anything but meat and three vege is scary".

>gourmet class
That takes me back
>Preparing cake, assigned in groups to each bake a layer and get it done faster
>The layers are added, I'm off making the fondant.
>That Guy cuts it into the shape of a cock
>Says it's a rocket
>Not sure if the teacher was humoring him or if he was that dull to think it was a cake

"neutral evil kender rogue "

So basically every kender ever?

Why didn't you mallet his head in?

Hey man I'm not saying I'd ask every friend to let me know if they're cooking something weird. That's just being shitty. I'll eat what you make.

Just that it's what I would do.

If it's something he grew up with, he might think it's normal. Everyone keeps looking at me weird when I bring potstickers and spƤtzle. It may seem strange to others, but being raised by a Chinese grandmother and German grandfather, I grew up with that stuff and think it's quite normal.

That looks delicious.

Potstickers *and* Spatzle? That sounds GOOD, user.

I shouldn't be looking at this so close to dinner time.

Nigga stop making me hungry

>A lot of americans feel really uncomfortable when they're offered a bunch of unfamiliar concepts
ftfy

But seriously, good job. Was that a tomyam soup? My wife is a pro at making it, shit's rad.

>normal food
like mac&cheese right? or some hot pockets? dunno, what else qualifies as "normal food" in your dumpster of a household?

Do it faggot

I am confident my group considers me "that guy"
>Play Curse of Strahd
>Some coffin maker stole the holy bones by coercing a poor, stupid choir boy who "din see any money ever, sir"
>The party's cleric goes ballistic on his ass, promising him hell and punishment
>O-okay, my character's not there, I stay silent.
>We search for the coffin-maker
>Everyone tries to "stealthily" break into his house and steal the mcguffin back
>A group with a lawful good paladin and cleric, that is. I guess burglary is fine as long as it's for the church
>Try to suggest diplomatic approach
>Read thoughts inside the house, find the culprit
>GM tells me he is vulnerable, terrified and actually very pious, so obviously he is being forced into this
>The cleric goes "lol no, he betrayed the church, now I hate him even more"
>GM rules that the guy hears us arguing outside and asks who goes there
>I deflect attention from others and try to talk/intimidate him into resolving the issue without violence or damage to property
>Get laughed at and my character called "a weirdo" by the rest of the group

Yeah, no, I think I will be ditching these faggots. The game wasn't much fun even before this.

>microwaved for ~3min or so

I've never been so unnerved by anything i've read on tg before reading this post.

Has he heard of salmonella?

>not eating your chicken medium rare

Fag.

>The group needs to talk with an ancient elven druid that lives in a distant and secluded forest.
>I had that when they finally arrived they would wander aimlessly for some minutes before being surrounded by elven rangers.
>They would have to prove their good will somehow, to have the rangers lead them to the druid.
>Planned the many ways that the players could prove their good will and the encounter in general for a week.
>That guy playing a wizard, in his infinite wisdom, decided that the fastest way to get the druid's attention was to set the forest on fire.

This is a joke right? No one is this fucking pretentious.

> the fastest way to get the druid's attention was to set the forest on fire
But he's right

>We buhrnn'd da fohhist down

>DM:"nah my character wouldn't want to help him"
Come on m8, be subtle

>eating microwaved chicken
>unseasoned
Uncultured savage

Wizards, not even once.

You know, if you buy meat from a reputable source, you won't be a pussy faggot all the time.

its theirfirst solution to problems they don't want to think too hard about.

>Whenever I play a wizard I often suggest setting things on fire as a tactical option
>Always get shit from my "reasonable" and "lawful" compatriots
>By the end of the session they usually begrudgingly agree, after almost losing a character and getting a few infested wounds, that perhaps that wasn't such a bad option

Eventually they will learn

They went there to get the druid's help . . . and, they ended up killing him instead.

Not only him, but most of my group simply refuse to roleplay or to be anything else than a murderhobos.

Well, there no problem you can't resolve with an fireball desu senpai.

the real trivck is to remember to have the alchemy skill and divide the alchemist fires and generic opil flasks among the various inventories. no need to spend spells on what you can do without them.

just remember, someone will roll a 1 with that fire. don't be near the other flasks when it happens. unless thats what you're going for in which case best ambush = 5 people surprise lobbing alchemist fire into a 10 foot kill box from concealment.

>including a trap

What kind of magical game do you go to where one of the players is a trap? and how do you even know he's a trap? and where do i go to find traps that play RPGs?

>be former That Guy (according to my group I'm not That Guy at least)
>system recommends making weapons with extra effects
>come up with something with a benefit and a drawback
>suggest it to the DM
>DM gets uncomfortable at the idea
>gives the weapon the benefit without the drawback

Sometimes I feel I'm not actually rehabilitated as a That Guy.

>That Guy thread becomes cooking thread
I love you /tg

>Joining a high-powered pathfinder game I swear to god it's only because some of my friends are doing it and my other game sucks plus I don't have RL time to GM fuck my life
>Decide to try rolling stats
>Gets the kind of stats you get from a 6 point buy - 9, 9, 10, 10, 13, 14
>Roll 1, 1, 3 on health
>Stubbornly decline the GM's offer and stick with it
>Now I am building a fugitive not!nazi war criminal/poisoner with 16 HP at level 4.

Am I that guy?

in 5e, you can find them by looking for their elves.

...

Maybe you should stop making gook food when people would much rather have a pizza. Are you autistic?

I would assume they didn't remove it from the foil before microwaving.

never forget the edition where a notable percentage of elves are futas. hate the reasons that it got put in, but now that it is, its top kek magical realm in the RAW.

I am not that poster who cooked that stuff but I hate people like you and I you in particular I want to hurt the most. Go choke on that greasy piece of shit you fats call pizza

Futas in RAW? I thought there was only same sex couples in Pathfinder.

the hell are you talking about and how did i not hear about this?

How the fuck is that an excuse?

in the phb for 5e, iirc, they mention that the god that created the elves basically decides which gender its mortal form is one day to the next, and that like 10% of the elves have both sets of genitals.

I like to cook.