Cuck Kings 2

I don't even mean this facetiously, I'm being srs here guys

The best use of Crusader Kings 2 is creating instant NPCs and plot hooks.

Pick a time period, find a region, enter "observe" in the console, and let it run for 100+ years.

You will get sweeping tales of conquest and cuckoldry in no time. Tales of detailed NPCs with traits, attributes and ambitions amidst a geopolitical sea of intrigue.

i get what you mean. its hard to bring yourself to make character based moves when you, the player, can zoom out and freeze time, and see EVERYTHING.

Clicking that button of in character stupidity is like a slow motion car crash. you have to see every little thing that went wrong, but you cant stop it.

thats actually a great idea. I feel like you could develop the politics and characters of an entire campaign by watching things unfold in just a tiny corner fo the map.

>2016
>not playing Liquor and Bureaucrats Simulator
baka desu senpai

>Cuck Kings
Christ it's /pol/ in here today

Well if you do have the Way of Life DLC it becomes increasingly likely that some dickass count will try and maybe succeed in seducing your wife, your daughter and your mother too while he's there. Nothing much to do about it either, other than duel his ass and hope RNJesus is in your favor.

not really. have you played the game? given that you lose when you have no heirs left, one of the most common survival tactics is to sleep with your son's wife if he isn't fathering any grandchildren. theres a life focus that lets you try to seduce basically anyone in the game.

its realpolitik & cuckoldry: the game.

Really? It seemed like they were ironing out stupid shit like that. I stopped playing after they added India and my laptop could no longer run it

>Be Kaiser, Duke of Austria and Carinthia
>My waifu is Matilda of Tuscany
>Duke of Bavaria cucks me
>Tell the Pope (my 16 year old son) to excommunicate Bavaria
>Bavaria died of wounds from battle
>Capture his son the new Duke and the majority of his brothers in a siege capture the last son being tutored by a bishop
>Put all sons to death erasing the male line
>Force the new duchess of Bavaria to marry my inbred grandson
>Thus my noble line continued

The religions adopted by the hordes are a bit random, I think it's enough if they have a norsemen in the court.

im most curious about how you pulled off a 16 year old pope.

>not being the master cucker yourself until the whole kingdom hates you

Aye man. I guess we have to wait till till the perfect middle-ages VR simulator comes out

Murder is the answer. Lots of murder.

>-200

wh-what did you do? WHO did you do?

...

>so basically like most fa/tg/uys if thrust into real life?

Bingo.

It's not mine, I actually don't remember what was the actual penalty since I play online with my friends and the cuckoldry butthurt cannot be counted by digits.

>it seemed like they were ironing out stupid shit like that
>Paradox Interactive
>Fixing anything in any of their games ever
>Instead of ignoring existing problems and making new ones by adding or changing mechanics.
You overestimate the Parajews.

oh my god... no one gets off the ride.

>"Vojtech, the tournament is too dangerous! Shut it down!"
>"I can't! Nothing can stop it! It's self sustaining now!"

you should play with one of the anime character portrait mods. you can more efficiently work up butt-hurt as you cuck everyone's waifu.

I seduced Joan of Arc, married her, had a few children and then made her Pope and Bishop of Rome. After she was beyond child bearing years, obviously.

My dude at the time had the possessed trait and the demon kept telling him to do good deeds because Voice of Jesus..

As Hruthburt Karling, that was his name, I conquered the whole of Iberia from the muzzies and Denmark from the pagans. And despite being possessed and inexcusably Saxon went down in history as "The Holy" and was bff with the Pope at the time.

Pope dies, new pope does a few years, turn into a decadent, hedonistic prince of vice. I give wife (Joan of Arc + Free investiture before they fixed it with a patch) a church to minister to, thus making her a bishop and set her up as an anti-pope.

less than a year later asshole pope dies in battle Joan of Arc is made pope.

Re-marry to a lustful young Scandinavian prisoner of war from the conquest of Denmark, remain lovers with the pope.

Wandering preacher comes to court an offers to exorcise demon.
>NO! WE BELONG TOGETHER!

Demon always had my back. Die age 84 with 7 children and a small tribe of grand children. Joan goes on to lead the Church for another 40 something years before one of her granddaughters ends up getting the job.

Some time down the line a child is born to an emporer. Becomes possessed by Voice of Jesus.
>Oh, hi. I was a friend of your great grand father.
>Jesus gives military advice.
And that was the start of state sponsored Catherism.

One of the sons of the Khangan went off the Germany lands an decided the G-d is a faggot and worshiped Odin instead.
Came back and inhereted his Fathers Empire. Converted ALL THE NOBLES!
PROFIT!.

My friend has described his experiences as plotting to assassinate his firstborn children so more competent younger children can inherit. Only for that younger one to die of disease.

Also incest.

I tend to only make truely gamey decisions when my character get either the Lunatic or Cruel traits, ie. waiting till your dude is ancient and then taking a loan from the Jews, then exiling and seizing all the assets of said Jews. Gets you a shitton of cash on a mid-large sized realm, enought for a new holding or a university. Then when his sucessor takes over 5-10 years later your welcome them back with minimal negative events.

The Lombard Empire of Italia will overcome the Byzantine scum eventually, probably run off of stolen jew gold and troops from newly liberated Islamic Spain and Africa.

I already have it but the interest on the game died a bit after getting. To be honest I have barely played horselords (I don't even have it myself). I'm not really a gamer and 450 hours plus the hours on the pirate version before buying it start to be too much for me.

Oh fuck me the multiplayer insanity can be friendship shattering. I remember when I did a game with a bunch of Spaniards, with the only other North American (Louisianan) joining me on the Jihad train. 1300 and Mainland Europe is Islamic central. The salt was delicious and the spaniards quit out when the Yank started playing 'COME ON AND SLAM'.

Yeah killing kids is basically half of the game. It was easier previously though.

Am I the only one who misses the assassinate button?

That happens a lot, but if you switch to elective you can just choose the younger kid anyways but then that runs the risk of some other jerk inheriting. Of course if he were to suddenly have a fatal, unfortunate, accident then your son would be right in line for the throne . . .

>What are Veeky Forums's experiences with it?
I played maybe 20 games.

I never survived one year without gettign a revolt and losing.

How? Even if you do nothing you should last a few years, so long as you're not playing as that Jewish king

I played as Irish or Scottishes petty kings.
I still NEVER survived more than one years without having factions undermining my authority, rebels and adventurers fucking my shit up, and other kings forging claims on my counties.

Nope. Killing enemy commanders in the middle of combat was total bullshit. As was murdering an entire empire and all of its heirs all at once.

I miss it but I understand well why they removed it.

Could you explain?

In theory those are tutorial places but maybe you need something even easier. Start as a spanish king of choice in the stamford bridge starting. Castille or Leon are your best options.

What user is trying to say is that button was abused to hell and back, and while useful it was kind of game breaking.

See it was a pay=kill button.

I remember invading a small country in the caspian sea and eventually becoming a norse Shah.

I think they limited the distance for norse prepared invasions now.

This would be an excellent campaign hook...
>slay the emperor thinking it will end the madness
>the tournament doubles in size for several weeks to honor the emperor, and then settles back to a volume of games
>the capital city becomes a broken wasteland, covered in bleached skeletons, palaces, arenas, and hotdog vendors

*a volume of games larger than before

It's no longer a tournament. These are Blood Games.

Start small work your way up.
Even if you lose wars as long as the game does not give you a game over screen keep playing, and most of all the moment your child buzzes at you kill it kill it dead.

>500+ hours played
>Making a full conversion mod (warcraft)
>Full world conquest and roman empire restored

I've played a bit of it. It's quite enjoyable, but many people play it as a map painting simulator. Best advice I can give people is to read tooltips. They're on everything and will teach you more about the game than the tutorial will. (PS: Tutorial island is a good place to start [Ireland])

Mate how the fuck can you get your ass beat so much? Just play as one of the Dukes of the local major powers.

Oh its you.

I think I've seen your mod on the Paradox forums. How close to release are ya mate?

Diablo thinks we can rush for a late summer v1. I'm making the more conservative estimate of having a playable beta by late summer. Meaning: first pass of the features being in, or pretty much ck2 but on a warcraft map. Shit is slow when you have only two people and one of which works 60 hours a week. Either way, progress is being made.

My experience?

Great foundation for a game that lost focus entirely with DLC. Instead of refining the game play they just added on different game starts and expanded the map to the degree where it shit the game up, not to mention the introduction of new mechanics that are all dicked up.

HIP makes it decent, but it could have been so much better.

HIP got rid of India and added a whole bunch of worthless Africa.

If they just stuck to HIP - Sahara, the mod would be deep *and* efficient.

Yeah, it'd be much better without the added african bits, but tossing the majority of India is a good call.

>married Joan of Arc

Are you me? Because when that happened I was immediately on that shit. Started a holy line of emperors ruling by divine blood thanks to Joan once she had a son, and then we conquered Italy before setting sail together on holy crusade against the Eastern hordes.

My current character is /pol/'s worst nightmare. The Ethiopian, Lesbian Queen of the Jews. I'm currently trying to subjugate Italy in the name of Judaism. The combined forces of Christendom have fallen to my Jewish hordes time and time again.

I made my son the Archbishop of Aquileia (The last one died in a tragic inn explosion), made him anti-pope, then used the overbearing armies of the HRE to vacate the papal throne.

Bah, Warhammer Fantasy is 40 times better than Warcraft universe.

My most ck2 experience huh

Was playing as the 2nd king of leon and had at that point managed to unite about 60% of Spain under my command. I also had 2 sons, one was a complete average piece of sht and the other had a dip score of 22, highest in the game. By that point my laws were so that only men could inherit. Basically I wanted to kill my firstborn son so his genius brother can succeed me.

Luckily enough the firstborn died suddenly, so I murdered all his male offspring. Only my awesome 2nd son was left. Literally best feeling.

My 2nd son was rather young when I was doing all this and by the time I died he was still under 30. Spent his entire reign trying to have a son, but alas all I had was 6 daughters.
He died and his firstborn daughter succeeded.

By this point I still had gravelkind and had united all the Iberian peninsula under the Empire of Hispania. The Empress (me) was thrust into a massive civil war where all her bitch Sister Queens wanted a piece of the pie. Luckily she was married to the King of France and the combined might of the Franco-Iberian forces won me the War of the 5 Queens. She got the scarred trait in a battle. She was so cool.

However since I had no matrimonial marriages so I lost the game when my bad ass Empress died.

RIP House Jimenez

...and there's a mod for it already? I mean, I'm happy you like Warhammer Fantasy.

It's battle system is good:

3 'wings' with their own troops, orders, morale & commander based on social rank.

troops come in sizes & compositions according to your vassal demesne

If Total War wasn't out there, I'd give it 8/10 - but as it is ... 6/10

I don't really care for that particular type of micromanagement. With all the family members and vassals. Much bigger fan of Europa Universalis 3. I like Victoria 2 and Hearts of Iron 2 better, as well.

I *do* like the way you call up troops from vassals, though. That should be how it works in EU, instead of having standing state armies in 1500.

When playing with CK2+ (which everyone should do) and prior to Conclave, Enatic-Cognatic Ultimogeniture was The Shit, as you stopped popping out heirs and disrupting your own plans for succession after you got 40, and by the time you died your heiress was in her early 20s, while the older children were already half weeded out by diseases, wars and plotting. This source of steady succession once lead to me founding an eventually Orthodox (the Great Schism happened mid-Crusade) Kingdom of Jerusalem as a Rurikid Empress of Lithuania.

I wish my group cared enough about medieval politics and courtly intrigues to ask for a game like that. I mean, it would be nice to get any input at all. Whenever I ask what kind of campaign they want to play I always get blank responses and have to start coming up with stuff from scratch. And I never know what to do from the ground up so it's always a mess.

If it's the tutorial then Castille AND Leon are your best options. Followed shortly by that place in Portugal. And then you have two sons and the child murder begins.

Blood Games are life, Blood Games are love!

I've played maybe two games from start to finish. I don't want to go back because they've nerfed everything so hard.

They did do something to nerf seduction for a bit, but I don't remember exactly what.

>I stopped playing after they added India and my laptop could no longer run it
>I think they limited the distance for norse prepared invasions now.
>I don't want to go back because they've nerfed everything so hard.
can't all the changed be avoided by setting the game to a previous patch?

You can also play a mod that uses a different map so you don't have to deal with this shit.

Winter King is pretty nice.

While I love Geheimnisnacht I waiting for dwarf to be flesh out before starting a new multiplayer game.
How do you guys find people?

>Start as Sancho king of Aragon in 1066
>Before I unpause the game, wage holy war for the Duchy of Aragon
>Call in every Iberian king, since they are my cousins
>Reconquista begins
>While Castille eats all the other Iberain kingdoms, I blob into Barcelona and take Valencia
>Give a Valencian castle to the pope
>First crusade rolls around
>Pope declares a crusade for Andalusia
>Fight the hardest, but France has more troops
>France gets Andalusia
>French king dies, only has daughters and Gavelkind
>Andalusia is ruled by a 9-year-old girl who adopts the culture straight away this may have been forced by the game to allow Andalusia to exist
>Betroth her to my youngest son
>Grandson ends up king of Andalusia
>Get my shit kicked in by Castille because there was no more kebab in Iberia and baguettes were too strong

The first time I ever played the game I was the King of Leon. All of Andalusia ended up under the control of one of the Catholic Holy Orders due to a crusade. I think it was either the Knights of Calatrava or the Knights Hospitaller.

In my current game all of Southern Spain and North Western Africa is culturally Scottish.

>can't all the changed be avoided by setting the game to a previous patch?
Can it?

You can on the steam version at least.

What is the most children you have managed to spawn with one king?

>start as a Jarl of York
>due to some luck, unbalanced mechanics and some save scumming I became the emperor of Britain and Sweden in ~3 generations with some minor holdings like Brittany.
>launched a campaign for holy lands, after which I reformed germanic religion.
>when time of crusades came I launched one against East Frankia. It wasn't easy, but due to massive fragmentation of the Christian world (most of France and Italy were ruled by heretics) I finally won.
>this is when game went easy mode, I quickly became the ruler of almost everything in Europe. Kept some fun side projects, like feeding money to last Karolings ruling in Khazaria
>fast forward, two generations later my vassals are getting uppity. I decide I had enough and I'm dividing the Empire amongst my family, creating a huge trade republic out of Southern France
>never finished this part as my HDD died
I'm still sad about losing the saves.

That is the espionage focus is for. It REALLY fucking helps with dealing with troublesome nobles and the god awful seducers with whom you wont feel the penalties of until a couple generations when suddenly INBRED everywhere.

I had entire realms implode due to Inbreeding alone until I started targeting the seducers.

Eugenics for the win!

Seriously though fuck those goddamn seducers as if my own family's eugenics weren't bad enough.

That was until I realized i could use it as a weapon to fuck over nearby enemies...hehe. Granted it DOES take a few generations but boy oh boy is the damage it can do insane!

I can't into it at all. I do nothing yet for some reason EVERYTHING tries to kill me despite being a perfectly nice noble.

>Start as Irish king in 800s
>One hour in and the Norse have conquered Scotland and made it Skotland
>Start invading Irish counties as well
>[Righteous Fury Intensifies]
>Conquer and marry into titles until I am King of Ireland
>Only Irish counties that aren't my vassals are two counties conquered by Norse
>Deus Vult those motherfuckers and unify Ireland
>Suddenly Skotland invades Ireland
>I've got plenty of troops and my ruler, Artur, has 28 Martial and is Zealous. But the dirty heathens have buckets upon buckets of men.
>Have to call in mercenaries, glad I have a lot of gold saved up
>Put up a good fight, push them back a good deal, but then Skotland calls in Norway into the war
>Now even MORE dirty heathens start pouring into Ireland in longboats. They decimate our combined mercenary and local forces. It looks like this is it.
>Pope recognizes my plight in the name of God and sends me gold.
>I have a lot of Piety saved up and ask for more. The pope is a bro and agrees.
>Hire more mercenaries, crush their main force and win the war for Ireland.
>Break the truce and invade them. No mercy for unholy, bloodthirsty heathens
>Make some good progress, but eventually Artur dies of illness. Before he dies, he is dubbed "the Holy".
>King Artur II takes over. He has abysmal Martial, but godly Diplomacy, is Zealous, and has a lot of gold.
>Invade Skotland again. I will drive the heathens out of Britain.
>Find a daughter from the old Scottish king's line with a claim on Scotland. Marry her to my son and conquer Skotland using her claim.
>Now the Queen of Scotland is married to the Prince of Ireland, and their firstborn son will inherit both.
>Scotland has been purged of the heathens. Now all that's left are the Norse of England.
>Deus Vult.

>playing Saxons, raiding, hugging trees all day every day
>expand a bit into pommeria
>Karl comes knocking
>"muh DEUS VULT"
>"muh trees"
>he brings a shitload of soldiers
>i bring pagan attrition and tribal armies
>watch the flower of the frankish army starve
>after most of them are dead, attack
>capture some nobles
>ransom whoever can pay for shekels, hang the rest on my trees
>frankish realm fractures
>reform germanic faith
>let's make germania great again!
>drinking christian tears

Was a damn fun game.

Can anybody tell me how to play? Whenever I make a character I'm dead within a couple years. Whenever I spawn, even in tutorial ireland, I seem to have all my vassals hating me and plotting my demise. I basically never have the money or soldiers to deal with all the threats I'm hit with and thus drown.

>Can anybody tell me how to play?
That's really hard to do without writing a novel. Best thing to do is to watch videos on youtube.

>play as swedish chieftain
>start subjugating all my neighbors after I kick out a few of the vassals I had
>as I expand to four counties, my idiot cousin the king of denmark tries to subjugate me
>keep my army blocking the straight and massacre all his men trying to cross
>defeat him no problem: he is my bitch now
>subjugate all of sweden, norway and denmark in a couple dozen or so years
>start expanding into finland
>fuck attrition. It bogs all my sieges down...
>manage to conquer all of scandinavia
>prepare my army and siege all the holy sites that I am still missing
>reform the faith
>become emperor with the son of the character I started out with
>instill feudalism
>start to invade those christian queers in the south all the while raiding england and the muzzies in spain for tons of gold.

I watch J2JonJeremy, personally. He seems to have a decent sense of the actual history and a firm grasp on the mechanics. MathasGames is also a fun one, but I just like his personality. I haven't watched very far in his playthroughs to know how "good" he is at it.

(I should note that I don't actually play CKII yet. I'm watching mostly for inspiration/amusement. It's good background entertainment when I'm arting.)

If you want a good CK 2 player, I would recommend Arumba. He has a good grasp of the rules and the game overall.

Thanks for the recommend! I've definitely heard the name, but not checked out much of their long play content, so I'll give 'em a shot too!

this video series is where I started learning from. The names of things have been changed a bit in more recent patches but the principles are the same.

youtube.com/watch?v=MAvJJuv1hvM

Play through the tutorials. Just the basics, maybe a couple of intermediate ones. When you get a handle on the interface, start playing as one of the Spanish Kings in 1066.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it is to kill your brothers and pop out a kid before they do, keep your scheming cunt of a sister under control, then reconquista. You will either DEUS VULT or die, but you'll learn.

Protip though: First fucking thing you do is send your cardinal to Rome. You will need piety and the Templars such things bring.

Man norse pagan was so much fun when Old Gods first came. I played a multiplayer game where we would make deals, and have a few battles, over raiding the rich italian cities; Venice, Genoa, Rome, because they gave you so much fucking gold (and prestige, to boot). It was a matter of harvesting gold from the cities, building up your capital province before you were powerful enough to start raiding Constantinople. Best part about raiding is, hands down, capturing the daughter of a king or emperor to become your cocksleeve.

I had a fun game of the GoT where I played Robert and fucked as many wives, courtiers and noblewomen as I could before I died, then legitimized them all after I got the death event, then observed the results.
One of my bastard daughters was exiled to Bravos, raised a mercenary army and then invaded. A son joined the Kingsguard under his half-brother.
Unfortunately, the game crashed before I got to watch if the kingdom imploded. Maybe I should open that game again...

My first game I played as a Danish count. Got made duke in a couple of years, bimbled along for a while, managed to inveigle my way into possession of some of the baltic states through marriage. Managed to secure a betrothal of my heir to the only daughter of the king of Denmark, she rebelled against Daddy and got thrown in prison and died there before the marriage could take place, so I joined her uncle's rebellion.

While all this was going on a portal to hell opened in my lands...