Meanwhile on /dragon/

I'm 114 and what is this!?

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>114
lair more newtfag

b&

>114

Get out underage

You need to be at least 250 to post here

Roar.

Who /wyvern/ here? Forelimbs are for fags.

...

What's with all these fucking knights coming to my lair? I ate that princess weeks ago and they still think she's here, alive and well.

Anyone in Europe want to help me stomp whichever castle keeps sending these assholes?

Guys, I fucked up real bad! I need advice.

I kidnapped the princess, waited for the king to either deliver gold or throw down with some knight. And they were taking their sweet time, the princess and I got to talking...

Six months later and we just found out she's pregnant!

Please tell me the knight's actually a rogue and has been cucking me or something so I can just eat the princess and the kid!

>mfw faggots still haven't joined the masterrace yet

Polymorphing best day of my life

It's annoying how some of the lesser races speak like we're equals, but not having dragon hunters on your tail 24/7 is damn nice

>tfw ordered a human dildo

to use as a toothpick.....?

I don't see a problem, human females die like 50% of the time while laying eggs anyways. It'll probably solve itself if you just wait a few years or however long it takes.

Hello my fellow k̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶s̶ dragons! How is everyone today? I sure am feeling especially powerful and not human, seeing as I am, in fact, a might dragon and not some paltry, handsome knight!

Some fucking aliens after my balls again

Weren't you made by an alien?

Tfw you'll never be a handsome knight that the princess will openly accept as her lover

Why live?

Look, I might have fucked a human princess, but even I'm not a big enough faggot to just discard my draconic heritage 24/7 just to appease them.

Maybe humans should get on our level, maybe?

Wait, next knight that comes to your place, ask them if they were sent by King Alistair II and if they were, tell them they want the Dragon of the Ashwood mountain. Sorry about the mix up.

Um, that's cool. I guess.

Hey, how's your horde coming?

It's not like you don't have plenty to spare, you weirdo.

Those guys were alright, gave me 7 fucking balls, detachable for convenience obviously. These limpdick weaklings are killing each other over just the power i have in my testes

I don't know but it's freaking me out.

Wait... Ste'Grea? Is that you?

>willing to be cucked by a human

And you call yourself a dragon. Look, the princess ain't gonna live that long, but the kids will have a few more years than plain humans. Just let any hybrids you end up with establish you as the 'Honored Ancestor' or whatever for their royal lineage. A human generation or two and you'll have a kingdom that worships you with tribute and knights you can command instead of being attacked by.

I feel appropriated! How insensitive!

FILTHY OVERGROWN LIZARDS
I'LL SKIN YOUR FAT ASSES AND MOUNT YOUR SKULL IN MY FEASTING HALL
HUMANITY STRONK

If I wanted that I would've went to their capital, ate their king or whoever they had along with the knights and told them to worship me and bring me tribute now. Without waiting for their generations to pass.

We're not your personal flock.

>he fell for the princess meme
Peasant girls are objectively superior, pleb.

>peasant girls
>superior

I just want the eyes of that dimwit who first came up with idea tostick your dick in food. So that I could look into them.

Faster, but draws a lot more hassle from those who object. And really, if you can't even take a quick nap and come check on a kingdom later, you've got a lot to learn about patience.

So what's your plan? You don't want the kingdom and you aren't going to risk eating the mother of your spawn. So where do you go from here?

lol who hired the clown
i hope hes bbq flavor

WHORE-EATING WINGED WORM
YOUR HIDE WILL ARMOR MY SOLDIERS
FUCKING REPTILES

*burp*
Nah, it's cheese.

>ywn cause kobolds to go extinct

>disliking based servant race

Your soldiers fuck reptiles?
Great! I know just the dragon to accomodate them!

Uh... Why... No! Definitely not Ste'Grea! He is much too proud to let himself become infatuated with a mere human!

Wanna trade places?

I'm only 260, my horde's value only just broke the one point five million gold mark, I just don't feel ready to be a relationship in any capacity, let alone a parent!

Look, I was expecting her father to add gold and shit to my horde. Or to shake it from knights who come barging into my lair.

Tiamat dammit, and here I thought only humans can be this beta. Or beta at all.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT YOU OBESE NEWT
GO CHOKE ON A COW, PREFERABLY ONE FROM THAT OTHER KINGDOM

Would you kindly get digested in silence? Thank you.

>only 260
>barely any savings

Well you did a damn fool thing then but at yer age it must be expected to make some mistakes. The good news is that for most kingdoms, you're quite rich. Princess won't use too much (and clever work with other nations can bring in more) and the kid... well, it can go be an Adventurer in a mere two decades. Send them out to gather their own hoard. When the princess dies, put your kid on the throne and leave. "Oh, I am too sad to rule, here is the rightful heir, for I must leave to mourn" or some other nonsense the humans can believe.

That is you isn't it Ste'Grea! You human loving son of Tiamat! How are you? It's me, Gen'Ousoya the Silver dragon. Our parents used to fight over Que'lasto and it's surrounding lands when we were hatchlings. Man, I haven't seen you since our days in college where you were head of the "humanXdragons wishers" club! So you say you've got a kid on the way? Nice to hear! I hope you're treating the mother great! So who's the lucky princess anyways?

he's not me. For me, geez, I don't know, since I honestly doubt I am getting ninja cucked and the princess seems like she's... liking my lair? (Don't humans have a term for that?) I might just follow your advice and bare with it. I mean this is a temporary situation at worst, and at best it might turn out to be a great opportunity.

Hey, fuck you, buddy.

Yeah, why don't you come say that to our faces and not over the Internet, buddy! See what happens then.

Jeez, getting offended over that? Grow some natural damage reduction, why don't you?

Kobolds are pretty handy as long as you supervise them. I actually got them to set up some 'traps' in my lair to help me collect shit from attacking knights (some humans valuables are really annoyingly tiny and I don't like shapeshifting to pick it up). I had to remind them the 'traps' were for collecting shit, not killing the knights (I can do that well enough on my own) and needed to remind them it doesn't need firespewing cocks.

Do you even know what the hell that means?

That does sound kind of cool...

She did mention having a younger sister, should I got kidnap her for good measure? Is that why the king hasn't been sending assassins after mean?

(Fuck, that's cold. I mean writing off your own kid 'because you have a spare'? That's some messed up mentality humans might have)

Look, her bones ought to be finishing their way through your digestion any day now. Any time a knight shows up, just take a shit on him, and if you see bones in it then let him know you handed over the princess. Then let him leave alive, carry the news back to the castle, and that'll do it. Maybe rough him up, just make sure to keep the legs working.

FUCKING DRAGONS
KEEP YOUR FETISHES OUT OF THIS
LITERAL DEVIL SALAMANDERS

>Yeah, why don't you come say that to our faces and not over the Internet, buddy! See what happens then.
PLAINS TO THE SOUTH OF MOUNT HORACE, FIFTH OF JULY, UPON THE MIDDAY SUN
I'LL BRING MY ENTIRE ARMY YOU FUCKING WORM

...

Shit, I'm only a half days walk from there... I might just come watch.

Well it sounds like you're living the dream over there, though I'm saddened to hear about your lack of a horde. If you'd like, I could blgive you some of mine. I must have... oh I don't know. Close to 2.7 billion in just gold coins alone (it's nice being the protector of 2 separate kingdoms), plus I've got a bunch more f magic items that the local knights and adventurers have been trading me for useful info. All you have to do is ask, and I'll be there in 12 days with 14 bags of holding filled with stuff!

"Three old farts with pitchforks" does not count as an army. I know that you don't have anymore left, I'm the one who ate the rest.

Come back when you stick farmers get at least one knight. You'll probably be dead by then, but who knows? I definitely will still be around.
>tfw immortal higher being
>feels good dragon

DON'T LAUGH AT ME YOU GECKOS
I AM STEEL, I AM CONQUEST

I FUCKING HATE WYVERNS. WYVERNS BURN.

YOU'RE THE BASTARD IGUANA THAT RUINED KING SORIS' ARMY?
HE WAS AN ALLY OF MINE, I WILL END YOU FILTHY SCALED DEMON

Yeah, humans are like that. We're the cold blooded reptiles, and they're just fucking cold.

Yeah, go nab the other princess too, and ask if they have any brothers who might clsim the throne. Hell, tge way humans treat their femsles the two of them might even be happy to go along with taking over since I imagine you have no interest in actually ruling but your two Queens could actually have some power for themselves.

What's up my Bulletes? Horn head here. Just got my first lair, no cavemates or outstanding fees, all paid for. Just got everything moved in.

Nice place, on an island, not to big, but not so small that a tidal wave will flood my horde room.

So anyway, there are these little guys here, not sure if they're humans or what, the got two arms and legs and no tale, let's just say they are of some variety. Now, after I moved in, they started to, I dunno, worship me or something, offering me tributes and making with the bowing and hullabaloo.

At first it was nice and all- I mean, who doesn't like getting revered and dung- but they've gotten more and more clingy lately and are kind of violating my personal space. I've tried smiting one every once and a while and that seems to fix things for a bit, but they have a short memory span or something and they just start doing it again.

I'd rather not wipe them out cause they are sort of useful. Any ideas how to get them to get the message? They seem rather primitive and I can't really understand their language, and I doubt they'd understand me either.

Why the hell are humans demanding that I have to transform into the form of a young human girl just to join their party?

Pictographs are always good. Draw a circle around a picture of your lair, then draw a picture of the moon in whatever phase you'd like it to be on the occasion when they bring you offerings, then next to it draw a stick figure of a person and a line across the circle around your lair. That should do it if they're not completely retarded.

I know for a fact several of you aren't dragons and I'm about to start outing you fuckers.

Don't complain, last princess I spoke to expected me to take form of a human prepubescent male when she heard I'm not even 300.

For supposedly being so smart, you dragons have a shit tier understanding of symbolic linguistics.

t. human acedemic

Bahumat the platinum ! GTFO NOW! Bad signs all around!

>acedemic
Ace demic? Do you mean you ace in being a demisentient being? Because it sure looks like that.

You know what fucking blows?

Being from a plane where humans somehow managed to create weapons powerful enough to kill dragons easily. We had to "integrate into society," which was fucking awful.

I used to have a giant horde. Now I work as a banker. Shit sucks.

Ugh, yes, it's me Gen.

I'm fine, we're both fine. It's Princess Eris, King Alistair II's oldest.

By the way, how's your KOBOLD FETISH going? Impregnated any KOBOLDS?

>Any time a knight shows up, just take a shit on him, and if you see bones in it then let him know you handed over the princess.

Not him, but that's pretty funny. And wow, I misread your post pretty badly first time, thought you suggested eating the next knight alive AFTER he shit on him.

>Bringing your whole army
Oh, this will be fun. You're own, softskin.

I appreciate the offer, but I'm gonna have to decline. My daddy raised me to work for my horde: I sack kingdoms, kill and steal from adventurers, and dig into mountains for gold and silver veins.

And also hold princesses for ransom. As you can guess this is one of my newer ventures. (first two times worked out pretty well)

Hey, leave the Wyverns alone, man! They're not true dragons but they're bros!

Yeah, politics isn't my thing. My mom tried it and... Well, I don't recall the last time I saw her in her dragon form. She seems to have even forgotten she was a dragon last time we talked. (still acknowledge me as her son, however the fuck that worked in her new logic)

pretty much this: humans and humanoids have a thing for getting stuff down in writing, even elves seem to be sticklers for keeping records and my princess is telling me I really should 'catalog' my horde 'to keep better track of it'.

Wow, starting to think I lucked out with Eris, she seems to appreciate my draconic glory fine enough on her own.

whoa, shit, you two know eachother? Do you want to kill Sir No-Indoor-Voice or can I?

Sounds rough, buddy. Ever thought of acquiring those weapons and using them yourself?

For those days when I want to say 'fuck you', I managed to take a pair of cannons and combine their shots with my fire.

...

Priesthood is a good solution. Articulate that you only desire some of their company, some of the time. Get the ones you like in on it, and they'll pick up fast to preserve their power.

Just don't be like one of those embarrassing silvers and make your liaisons all nubile females or something.

I'm getting this put on a shirt. Not sure what kind of clothing they're wearing. It's an incredibly old picture I found. It really speaks to me though. Humans are my spirit animal.

At least I can post on dragon Veeky Forums.

Been getting connection errors for the last hour.

Hey guys. Kinda a newdrag here- sorry for asking what's probably a really redundant question but like:

We're all ancient right? Like thousands of years means nothing to us? Heck I think some of us were actually around to witness the creation of the world or at least the end of the last age? If that's the case then our relationship to Io, Tiamat and Bahamute is less what Mortals and humans would worship and more like... mother/father/child relationships right? Least that's what 'm assuming anyway right?

I mean it's not like any of us are that far removed generationally FROM Io or Tiamat or Bahamute right? Some of us might be the grandchildren of the ones they directly spawned even.

Can you believe they cast a wyvern to play Smaug? SMAUG! Total pandering to SJWyverns.

Ugh are you one of those idiots who thinks that they're ACTUALLY A HUMAN on the inside and that they've just been reincarnated into a dragon or something? Bahamute man get a reality check.

>SJWyverns
Thanks user. Thanks.

Now my lair is full of smoke because I laughed too hard.

>kidnap princess
>turned out to actually be a prince
guys help what do I do he's still in my lair

Total garbage. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the original actor they had, he even shot his scenes in the first movie too.

FUCK YOU I'M A HUMAN

It's a regionel dialect, plese don't bully.

Every hole's a goal.

youtube.com/watch?v=FEtvkH56UcU

You're thinking of my brother Gan'Ousora, who by the way, has 12k kobold wives and 59 children. My fetish is also human woman (I was vice Emperor of the club for bahumets sake!)

Eat him?

Kill all other heirs to that kingdom to demand the highest ransom you can?

I'm not seeing a problem.

>Oh, this will be fun. You're own, softskin.
YOU BET YOUR UGLY WHORE OF A MOTHER I'M ON.
MY KINGDOM WILL MAKE SAUSAGE FROM YOUR GUTS AND PUDDING FROM YOUR BLOOD.

>whoa, shit, you two know eachother? Do you want to kill Sir No-Indoor-Voice or can I?

I'LL TAKE YOU BOTH ON AT THE SAME TIME

Heya /dragon/! How's everybody doin'?

You could always just eat him. Also get your eyes checked, those cataracts really start setting in after your 3,000th year.

Anyway, I've been having a bit of a "hero" problem as of late. They're always after my head.

All hail.

>No wings to fly with
>No killer horns to wear while I'm out

Being a wyrm is suffering... ;_;

Your pain is noted, brother.

All hail.

Hey, /dragon/. I just finished a simulacrum of a princess from the neighboring kingdom and once the wargame rules guys finish prepping the stats for her, I'm definitely fielding her as a morale-booster in my army next tourney.

You guys get any new royals or heroes to put in your wargame armies?

...

>solution to every Dragon's problem is "lmao eat it"
Human here, you are a lot of gluttonous bastards and I hope your next meal rips apart your heart from the inside.

I'll be sure to watch. It's still July 5th at midday right?

Sorry connection. Error, damn thing. It was supposed to say "12 wives and 59 kids"

I dont know how old the rest of you are, but I can't easily track my lineage more then 18 generations of silver dragons (with 1 or 2 human ancestors as well as a single copper dragon on my great great great great great great great grand mothers side mixed into the bunch)

I will eat you.

But our passing cleanses the world.

That has to count for something.

>he can't store his most valuable possessions in his stomach

How's it feel being an inferior pauper species, poorfag?

>I'll be sure to watch. It's still July 5th at midday right?
THAT'S RIGHT, PLAINS SOUTH OF MOUNT HORACE
I'LL KILL WHATEVER LEGGED SNAKES SHOW UP TO FIGHT, AND THEN I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU ON THE SIDELINES

HE'LL SHOVE EXPLOSIVE UP HIS ASS AND BLOW OUT YOUR GOD DAMN THROAT

SKREEEEEE GET OUT!

>explosive damage
>dragon

Where do you think you are?

Oh, fuck. Now I really remember you.

So, did you ever find that perfect human waifu you were talking about?

Also, did you have to out me? Now the princess is trying to find the club roster.

Eh, depends on who you ask. I'm just 260.

I mean if you believe my great grand parents, I'm still only five generations removed from Tiamat herself, but they're kind of glory hounds. Plus, you're thinking our family relations are exactly the same as humans.

Hell, according to Eris even human family relationships can be messed up. I mean, like, seriously messed up.

They're still good for random.

Hail, Hydra and well met.

Sounds fun, I'm sure my princess would love to join once she stops apparently craving elven flesh.

>Where do you think you are?
YOUR SCALES ONLY SAVE YOU FROM THE OUTSIDE, MONSTER

Wait... didn't I help your grandfather slay an aboleth once? Something like.... 60-70 years ago (right after college if I recall)...

>dragon
>not having some kind of magical damage dampening/negation in the horde

No, seriously, where do you think you are?

Hi Dragonborn mercenary here. Are any of you hiring?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, BEAST

MY GRANDFATHER DIED IN A GLORIOUS BATTLE AGAINST ONE OF YOUR FOUL NESTS; WE LOST TWO THOUSAND MEN THAT DAY, BUT WE SLEW TEN OF YOUR YOUNGLINGS AND SMASHED DOZENS OF EGGS, ONLY FOR YOUR ELDERS TO COWARDLY FLEE!

WE'LL PUT ANTI-MAGIC FIELDS ON THE BOMBS, DAMMIT!

You as well, brother.

WHORES

TAKE WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS. IF YOU ABSOLUTELY -MUST- COMMIT MISCEGENATION, AT LEAST RAISE YOUR BASTARD SPAWN TO FURTHER YOUR OWN POWER AND PRESTIGE. A GOOD, LOYAL SERVITOR TO WORSHIP YOU, A LIVING PART OF YOUR HOARD.


>I AM TOO WEAK TO DEFEND MYSELF AND SO RESORT TO HIDING FROM THE STEEL OF PATHETIC MORTAL RACES

GET THE FUCK OUT, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL YOURSELF A DRAGON. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE SPECIES THESE DAYS.

>HANDSOME

KNIGHTS DON'T EVEN HAVE SCALES. I WOULD FEEL PITY FOR THEM IF I DIDN'T LAUGH MYSELF TO SLEEP EACH NIGHT AT THEIR WRETCHED FATE. THEY MUST TORTURE THEMSELVES KNOWING, DEEP DOWN, THAT THEY WILL NEVER BE A DRAGON.

THIS GUY HAS THE RIGHT OF IT. GLAD TO SEE THAT THE MODERN GENERATION HASN'T -COMPLETELY- GONE TO SHIT.

I WAS RAZING KINGDOMS BETTER THAN YOUR PALTRY CIVILISATION WHEN YOU WERE STILL CRAWLING OUT OF THE MUD. COME BACK WHEN YOU CAN BREATHE FIRE HOTTER THAN THE SUN AND HAVE SKIN HARDER THAN FUCKING ADAMANTIUM.

SURE, I'LL COME AND HELP, AND THEN I'LL TAKE YOUR FUCKING HOARD AND MAYBE YOUR LIFE IF I AM FEELING PETTY, YOU WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A DRAGON.

>NOT IMMEDIATELY KILLING THEM ALL AND TAKING WHATEVER PASSES AS TREASURE FROM THEIR WRETCHED BODIES

KIDS THESE DAYS I SWEAR TO FUCKING TIAMAT

GET FUCKING GOOD, OR DIE LIKE THE FAILURE YOU ARE. AND IF YOU'RE BEING 'INTEGRATED INTO SOCIETY', MAKE NO MISTAKE, YOU ARE A FAILURE.

RAZE THEIR FUCKING CIVILISATION YOU LITTLE BITCH LIZARD, AND YOU MIGHT EARN THE RIGHT TO CALL YOURSELF A DRAGON.

Anyone else /6th world/ here?

I'm having trouble hiring good temps because the kids these days refuse to cut a deal. Some new meme they keep spouting.

I mean, I only screw over like, half of them, I'm way better than some of the larger corp owners.

Thanks senpai, I'll keep that in mind next time I attend my weekly "Wingless Serpent" support group.

I went and caught a princess and set up obvious lair on mountain near town. How long until humans come to look for princess?

Also what to feed it? I try pig also cow and it will not eat either.

This is urgent.