Meanwhile on /dragon/

Tell me about your princess kidnappings, dranons.

>Kidnap princess, as usual
>Kinda sick, but whatever it's new year and it's tradition
>Get there
>Knight is waiting for me
>He looks at me and taps next to him on the bed saying "Draganon, we have to speak"
>"O-ok"
>"Well, Draganon, the princess got married and moved away"
>"What."
>"Well, how about we have a few drinks and thenI get you home so you can re-think your life Draganon?"
>tfw he put roophies on my drink and fucked my ass and gave me a teabag
>tfw he told every dragoness in the area I was a faggot

Why are knights such assholes?

>Succumbing to a roofie
Underage hatchling detected.

Because you're a enormous faggot for not killing all knights on sight, which in turn inspire their sons or daughters to take up knighthood and continue the knightly tradition of rescuing damsels in distress and hating dragons.

This is basic kidnapping Princesses 101 stuff.

What kinda drug WOULD fuck up a dragon, anyway?

But he was always nice and stuff, he hook me up with the princess stuff.

...You're a white dragon, aren't you?

;_;

>Be on Dragonchan
>Say I'm 70
>Banned for thirty years because I'm "underage"
>Appeal
>"I know at least one of the mods is only fifty!"
>"He's a human."
>Ban lifted three decades later (I'm loyal to my ISP, they give me free Netflix)
>Discussing my redness
>Underage banned for twenty years
>"u wot m8 bash yer mams eggs in swer on me gold"
>"Red dragons are adults at 120 years old."
>Two decades later, ban is lifted
>Talk about the time a wizard petrified me for five years and kept me as a statue in his lobby.
>Declared underage again and banned for five years.
>Appeal because a kid vampire who was dust for the past half-century (he was turned and staked in the same night when he was ten) wasn't considered underage
>"Being turned to dust is a normal thing among vampires. Petrifaction is not."
>MFW

Her father's apparently a dick and I'm currently plotting with her to set up our kid as the next king after I kidnap her sister.

>See your post
>Use my shapeshifting abilities for the first time in over a century just so I could make this face when

I don't understand the appeal of princesses. With all those frilly clothes, they're not nearly as aerodynamic as other humans, so I can't throw them as far, and most of them are terrible at conversation. I personally like monks the best. When you set them on fire they totally undersell it, plus there's those kinds that do all kinds of crazy flipping and jumping, and sometimes you can combine the two? And they all look so good in orange, it's their natural color. brb, I'm going to eat 500 lbs of jewelry.

>they're not nearly as aerodynamic as other humans
that's the fucking idea you idiot. It's fun because it's HARD.

That's what HE said!

FUCK YOU GUYS.
I got my virginity stolen by a knight and you faggots laugh at me.
It's not fair.

What should I do? No beating him up isn't a problem, he's stronger.

Fuck you too it wasn't fun, it was just hard and made my tushie sore.

>All those decades worth of memes you've missed out on

Man, I know we like to boast time has no meaning to us, but... Shit, missing out all those years, you miss a lot.

Well, when I've kidnapped princesses, it's usually to lure powerful knights and other adventurers to my lair and jack their stuff until the king pays a ransom on them. All of it goes into my horde.

I haven't gotten very far into the princess thing though.

Side note though: if you kill only one of an adventuring party after stealing their stuff, they'll swear revenge and comeback with more stuff to loot from them!

>People posting pseudodragon porn on /sd/
>I post one of a well-known pseudodragon porn star
>Permabanned for wrymling porn
>Nixie is showing her goods on the camwhore board which would be considered CP in those weird human chans
>Random pic of a 300 year old pixie, which as we all know have never worn clothes outside of very formal occassions
>Perma'd for wee-weefolk porn
>On the general discussion board
>Red dragon tells story about how he used his lightning breath to fry a knight in armor. Extra crispy.
>Call him out on his bullshit, saying that red dragons breath fire and that he is obviously a blue or bronze
>Banned for "Transcolorism"
>Apparently he identifies as a red

The mods there got their princesses kidnapped. Fuck dragonchan.

I dunno, I really just want to be left alone. Unless they're carrying bottle caps, or pogs, or those...um...gambling chip things, or tin can lids, or hula hoops, or frisbees, or wheels, or very circular rocks, I don't want anything to do with anyone. In fact, I don't even know why I'm posting here.

Goddamn social justice wyrms. I will never acknowledge a transcolored. Biology is completely immutable in all instances and there are no counterexamples to this, prove me wrong.

Such fucking bullshit.

I guess different strokes for different dragons. I'm sort of an old soul honestly and have been trying to build my horde the uphill-endless-struggle sort of way my dad raised me by.

I know there's better ways of adding to my collection and it doesn't even have to be shiny anymore, but, I dunno, I just feel I HAVE to try the hard way, just to look back later in life and say I did.

okay, you want my honest advice? If you can't get revenge on the knight directly, fuck with his family, his friends, his lord, etc. Hurt him where it hurts in the heart.

Make him suffer more than just physically.

Or you could prepare a magical trap, invite him over claiming you really enjoyed it, then slip him a roofie, put him in restraints, and assfuck him.

Bottom line is: are you a dragon or are you not?

Hey /dragon/. Bronzy from the last thread. In case you missed it, quick greentext recap.

>Made my lair on coastal bluffs near young, flourishing port-kingdom.
>Been having territory disputes with Red up in the mountains near kingdom.
>'bout a week ago Red stops patrols, don't seem him flying about.
>Get curious and investigate. Find his lair, hoard all looted, Red slain and drained of all his blood and most of his scales harvested.
>Turns out adventurers from the kingdom found his lair and managed to kill him.
>Oh, it gets better.
>Wizard from that party used Red's parts to conduct a ritual that permanently turned him into a dragon.
>I know this 'cuz I went incognito as a human to poke around in the kingdom and saw him strutting about, proclaiming himself the Kingdoms "Eternal Protector" or some nonsense. Nearly spat lightning from a combination of shock and laughter.
>Watched him try and fly with new wings for first time.
>Careened right into ocean.
>Had to get fishing nets to pull him out.

He hasn't been much of a bother so far. But the ritual he used concerns me. I don't know if he'll share it with other wizards or not. Hell, hopefully any wizards browsing right now won't get any bright ideas.

Should I confront him and nip the problem in the bud right now, or wait and see how things play out?

>Fucking with a knight that clearly can fuck him over hard
He's prolly a hatching since he can feel a human dick inside of his ass to the point of being sore AND could sit on a bed (only good mortal invention are beds, funnily enough).

So he has to double down, since he's probably a little faggy small sized dragon.


But yeah, he should try to fuck with him, only for the hilarious result kid!

>(only good mortal invention are beds, funnily enough).
Are you high on brimstone fumes dranon. How do you even sleep on own of those? So smooth, and soft, not an hint of gold or gems in them, the best you can get is a golden inlaid in the bed sheets! And anyway, sleeping under sheets is not natural, I've got some experience with that. If is like being in a fucking fishing net.

>Humans draw porn of dragons
>Give them breasts
Joke's on them, I've been drawing porn of humans with cloacas for the past fifty years.

You are just as sick as they are.

Hah! I must have missed that last part last night. Any signs he's been improving, I'm setting things up for confronting the bastard.

Then this should be his first lesson in telling someone not to fuck with a dragon.

You fill your bed with gold.
Senpai comfiest shit ever.
When you're old enough you'll understand why beds are nice.

Shit it is like humans won't start being suspicious if I do fill my bed with gold! You must be Metallic, eh?

>I don't know if he'll share it with other wizards or not.
He won't. Wizards don't work together unless it's literally end-of-the-world shit going down. I don't know if fucking with magic causes mental conditions or if you just gotta have a mental condition to start in the first place.

Why are Kababs always take our eggs?

It's the best.
>Wtf
>No hoard
>This place is shit
>I'm out, fuck this.

Literally you can leave home and not be afraid.

Because you didn't cook them properly.

Listen dranon. I have not been posing as the queen of this fucking kingdom for 27 years just to be found out because I couldn't bear sleeping on a soft bed. But by Tiamat as soon as I don't need it anymore I'm gonna sprawl in the royal treasury and never come out anymore.

Make the bed out of gold. Get gold embedded into the sheets and all that, if anyone says shit "Lol i'm the queen, I need to show how rich I'm!" or some shit like that.

I've got gold embroidery for the sheets and even the mattress. It is not just the same, at all.
Oh, when you come up with a cunning plan to get yourself a kingdom of worshippers, you'll have the rights to judge. Kobolds don't count.

Don't half of humans have those?

>Kobolds don't count
They do.
Kobolds are:
1. More industrious
2. Smarter
3. More loyal
4. Cuter for muzzlegrimoire pictures
5. Smaller

1:Only if you whip them enough
2:Bullshit
3:Also called boring, if I don't uncover a conspiracy every other year I kind feel hollow inside.
4:they look like a mockery of us, you idiot.
5: so what.

1. Don't whip them so much, mine love me.
2. Double bullshit on you.
3. I like only one thing in my back and those are rubs, not knifes, slut
4. That's why they're adorable, they're like my mini-me. It's like they think they're dragons but they're not
5. So they fit better in places you don't?

Not entirely sure. Haven't poked around in town since the net fiasco. My guess is he's enjoying the spoils of "bringing peace to the kingdom" or whatever the fuck it is humans do.

You never know. I'm more concerned about travellers from the kingdom getting the word out. The Wizard might not share, but it doesn't mean other people won't spread rumors.

Spotted the metallic.

Enjoy your micro-hoard you little centenarian scrub.

So are there any websites that cater to....well, princesses and kidnapping them?

Totally not a weirdo dragon with that kinda fetish. Just wondering if anyone can give me a link to a site.

You'll have the right to brag when you start acting like a true dragon, drake.
...Eeww. /dd/ is the other way user

>Fetish
>Princess kidnapping
>FETISH
FUCKING KNIGHT SHIT SPOTTED.
IT'S NOT A FETISH.
IT'S A TRADITION.
IT'S NOT SEXUAL.
FUCKING HUMANS CAN JUST RAPE AND SEX SHIT.

'Not sharing' is putting it mildly. Wizards are violent motherfuckers when they think someone is trying to steal their shit.

>Just moved to a lakeside mountain after my last home caved in
>Check out local village for potential loot and food
>Peasants start screaming that the hydra turned blue and grew wings
>mfw this is the fifth time this half-century that someone mistook me for a hydra
>mfw even other dragons call me a fucking hydra
there's a big difference between polycephaly and being a swamp-dwelling hydrafag.

...

Ehh, I'm Bronze and I've never kidnapped any princess. I think that Red that died did it once or twice (prompting the adventurers) but it's never been important to me.

Then again I'm a Metallicfag so whatever.

Well, he did slay you
he struck you down
his mighty blade had impaled you at your weakest
you got fucked in the ass by a knight

>be me
>black dragon
>group of assholes in armor roaming my swamp looking for the hoard.
>go sneak up on them from the shallows
>hear one yell in his lesser tongue
>"shields up men, use them to deflect the flames!"
>the cunts didn't know we spit acid
>mfw they melted in agony

polycephaly, more like hydracephaly

Put on your big boy wings and Wyrm the fuck up and go find that knight and fuck him infront of whatever king he serves. Sure I got a spear in the back for it but it was worth the effort.

Fuck you bard faggot.
Stop making fun of me.

Why does everyone make fun of me?!

Fuck you
Having three heads is great
especially since I can suck my dick and french myself at the same time

I doubt he's ever going to came back after , kid just got fucking destroyed.

You Hydras are weird fuckers.

Seriously.

Hydras are swamp loving fucks that have multiple personality disorder and a decapitation fetish
I fall under none of those categories.

That spoiler makes you a weird fucker regardless. Might as well be a Hydra.

Have a non-shit pic of that abomination

I swear to Tiamat...
It's not as weird as eating your own head just because it ate your sheep then tearing off one of the heads that just grew out and using it as a cocksock.

>Dripping oil
>no film on the wings anymore
What kind of dragon would you even call that thing

Gogmazios, a dragon that's only about half-killed thanks to the giant drill sticking through its torso.

But what kind, western, eastern, wyvern?

Hey guys, what'chall talking 'bout?

It's a skin condition, plz no bully.

Its classified as an "Elder Dragon" in Monster Hunter, if that helps you any?

I got a new one last week. Kind of an oddball. Didn't even have a proper dress until I made her wear one I stole for her. Keeps insisting she's not actually a princess and is actually a prince, but I know better than to fall for that one. Besides, she's certainly pretty enough to be a princess.

On the bright side, I guess she's also weird enough that no brave knights have come for her. Maybe she has a mental illness? Might need to research some spells to make her act like less of a tomboy and more like a proper princess

I'm... I'm not gonna say anything, draganon. I'm sure you'll find out in due time.

lost my last princess to crossfire while i was taking care of a rescue party... does anyone have any idea how long it'll take for that kingdom to make a new one for me to kidnap?
This happened to one of my clutchmates, just get her more dresses to wear and keep reminding her she's a princess. He says since they don't have scale colors, humans need outfits and reinforcement to know what they are.

Why don't you make your own princesses? All you need is a queen, a bed, and a shapeshifting spell or potion so that you can, ah, "fit" her.

>fucking a human
I'll never understand this fetish.
Seriously, they don't even lay eggs.

There's a guy every thread, insisting humans are good mates.

I mean, don't get me wrong, for the most part they're endearing, but they're so... short lived... Their young were old men by the time I left my mother's lair.

I want someone who'll last.

And yes I've considered Elves.

Eeeeeeh.

For real. Knowledge and magic is like, their hoard or something.

It's hilarious because a bunch of them refuse to write shit down so it doesn't get stolen, and then they forget it like, fifty years later.

I might get him to crack if I approach him as the elder dragon. I'm hesitant, though, since I've been more or less hidden from that kingdom since it was a wee fishing town.

Are you sure they aren't telling the truth dranon? Check under the dress, usually the princes have a weird dangly fleshy thing that princesses lack.

I accidentally kidnapped a prince once. It was actually very similar to princess kidnapping, although he tried a lot harder to escape and they had get the actual princess all dressed up in armour to come and save him. It was pretty funny, I've always considered doing it on purpose again one of these decades.

Knights are considered "Nobility." It's some ass-backwards human concept that means they're better than the others, at least by the standards of humanoid social structure. So, they get a lot of practice looking down on their peers and elevating themselves.

It's tricky because some of them actually earned the position through combat, while others were born into it with other humans telling them how great they are. Either way, you've got a recipe for asshole.

I'm surprised you don't know this already. Didn't you blend in with human society out of curiosity? Lots of dragons go through that phase once they learn disguise spells.

I think that's part of the reason golds have a human fetish. They get their disguise spells coming out of the shell.

On that note, don't fuck the bards. Telling knights how great they are and inflating their egos is their job.

What about Dwarves?

He has the webbing he can just retract them at will so they don't get damaged/in the way.otherwise he has six limbs as per the typical sort of dragon but can stand on his hind legs using his wing arms to hold himself up when he wants.

if you really want keep a non-human mate, elves are about as good as it gets
too much fur. you also need to keep them away from your hoard.

I would rather another Bronze.

Fuck if I can find one, though, there's only so much coast.

According to my princess, no, she says half of humans ARE cloaca.

>Kobolds

I like them myself but I prefer not to keep any in the immediate area of me. They're not thaty bad help but require way too much oversight or else simply cleaning out some human siege weapons you collect becomes 'let's make these siege weapons incredibly unstable and dangerous even by dragon standards'.

I used to have a whole ship's broadside of cannons. Now I'm down to two. And also why I moved from my last lair. (And why all the humans, orcs, elves, dwarves, etc. in a twenty mile radius had to leave too.)

Thank you for the info.

You know, I once knew a human wizard was so paranoid about people stealing his throats he actually wrapped his head in this ridiculously thin and crumply metal called 'All-loonium'. It couldn't even protect his head from blows, it was hilarious!

Hail, Basillisk, looking deadly as always, I see.

Well, you could consider raiding their asses to get them the mess-Eww.

>usually the princes have a weird dangly fleshy thing that princesses lack.
>Not knowing what a penis is

You've never even thought of mating before, have you?

Why? Am I missing something?

Hmm...the dress I got her was a royal blue to match my fabulous scales. I seem to recall hearing that's a manly color to humans. I'll try and find something more pink to see if that changes her tune.

I think I know a princess when I see one, though just to appease you I turned her around to check. No tail dangling there or anything, so she's not a prince. She got really shy about it though.

oh, for fuck's sake.

A penis. Check for a penis. Human male genitals do not retract behind hardened scales like ours do, okay?

Tiamat's saggy cunt, seriously, have none of you ever taken a mating-education class of any kind? Or any kind of class?

>That pic.
>The saddle and harness with the human.

o////o;

I suppose I could raze their fields a bit, make sure they know the difference between a hydra and a dragon.
hey, it gets lonely sometimes, and mates who don't mind two extra heads are scarce

>That dragon letting humans ride it's back

I didn't realize we were looking at cuckold porn here.

Degenerates, do you enjoy being a "Noble steed"

Some Juvenile's edgy OC.

Well sorry 'mating patterns of humanoids' isn't exactly my area of expertise.

Great, now I've also got to track down a gender-swapping spell or else I'm gonna look like a weirdo.

Just return the prince and ask for a princess.
Or just eat him

>Kobolds

I love my cute widdle kobolds, but is right. It's not like there's much challenge in taking care of kobolds. I mean, except for keeping them safe from themselves like so BTW Humans aren't much better.

Also I think was just being facetious.

Huh, I didn't even notice the saddle when I first collected that sketch. Maybe some concept sketch? Humans like to draw all kinds of weird, hypothetical shit.

I mean, look at this weird ass thing. And it's apparently supposed to fly? I think even other humans thought it was ridiculous

Sorry. I really shouldn't judge just... I was raised a bit conservative. (though clearly not conservative enough)

No. I make my princess my 'noble steed'. If you catch my meaning.

Good news user. I explained to her that I was going to eat her since she's a prince and not a princess, and that seemed to get her to stop lying and finally admit she was one. Seems like those mating lessons you took were a bit off after all.

Oh by Bahamut, dranons. I can't stop laughing. So there I am, sitting in my lair, minding my own damn business and having a lovely conversation with an old friend of mine. Lovely human wizard, well, sort of. Fleshcrafters tend to work on themselves a lot, and I'm not entirely sure she counts as human anymore. Anyway, we're chatting up a storm about old times, enjoying a pot of tea, when a party of adventurers burst in!

Dirty little cretins, one of those 'fighters' with the big sword, a Paladin of Bahamut, some wet behind the ears little wizard, and an elf archer. So deliciously cliche, the lot of them. They leader with the big sword, he starts ranting about 'evil lizards' and 'false gods', and I'll have you know, just because my lair doubles as a temple of Bahamut doesn't mean I think I'm some holy being. Downright nonsense, I'm just a devout follower of our Father!

Ah, but I'm off track. So they storm in, and the leader is shouting like a maniac, and the rest are trying their darndest to look 'cool' and posing with their weapons at the ready... except the Paladin, who's going bright red in the face. And so the swordboy, he raises this big shield and starts on about how it's magic, and can repel any element that he sets it to. And I'm sitting there thinking that's right and truly silly, why not just have a shield that repels any magic? But then I hear him shout at the mage 'What do yellow dragons breath?'

And that's when my wizard friend breaks down laughing, and the paladin looks like he's about to keel over, and guys I don't know what to do. I can't stop laughing and my sides hurt.

The fuck is a yellow dragon?

He really calls himself a Paladin of Bahamut? Shameful...

The little paladin has our Father's symbol all over his shield and this big pendant he's wearing. He looks mortified and he's trying to whisper at the leader with the shield. And my wizard friend won't stop laughing, and I think it would be bad manners to pour my tea on her.

In the name of Tiamat, humans have penises? And they look like that? I'm not sure if I should laugh or vomit.

Wait, I think I know what's going on. Kings sometimes only let princes become the next king, so the princesses have to pretend to be princes. I read a book about it once. Maybe she is one of those. I know it sounds fucking stupid but that's humans for you.

No, the Paladin seemed to be the one dying of embarassment as the Fighter rattled that one off.

Well, you're still talking to us, so I'm assuming they haven't attacked you, right? You should give the paladin a right good chiding and tell his "fighter" friend and the rest to calm down.

They're too busy to attack, it seems. And that's what they're calling themselves these days, right? The fellows with the big swords and shields and such? So very droll.

I swear, when I built this temple and made my lair within, I never assumed I'd have to deal with so many whiny adventurers. Usually I give them a right whipping as soon as they start in, but I'm mortified of the idea of starting a fight while my wizard friend is here. And she's really not making it any better with her constant giggling! I suppose I'll try to deal with this. I'll keep you updated, dranons.

That would certainly explain why she was so insistent on claiming to be the crown prince. Wouldn't do to let her secret out so easily.

Now I almost feel sorry for her. Might be a fun little pet-project, shaping her into a beautiful queen, then flying her back to reclaim her throne as her true self. Under my claw of course, so I can get some of those wonderful taxes.