Meanwhile, on /Lich/

> i am out of patience for all these millennials and their grimmderp plans /
> as if their fresh new plan to extinguish the fucking sun hasn't been /
> attempted more times than weeks they've existed /

> now the best lich I ever did see was that chimp lich that tried to quell /
> humanity's rise back when we were all on africa /
> got us good he did /
> i do not think i have ever been so happy to see a paladin army /

> what is with this technology thing anyway /
> i go do some quick research and now there is this computer thing /
> i just finished an interaction spell and the box has changed four times /

> be me, a rather wizened arcanist in my 600'es
> death's been rather uneventful so far, develop few world-destroying spells, slay some adventurers
> meet a nice islander mummy
> love at first blindsight
> she's all shy at first but starts making weird suggestions after several decades
> 'bone me, Master! make me worship your greatness!'
> i don't even have a divine rank, what's she talking about
> female doesn't seem to be able wrapping her head around sublime sorcery concept, was raised as a concubine
> rattles my cage pretty much, still trying to teach her a little appreciation for the higher arts
> her apex achievement so far is setting an alchemy set on fire while trying to kill a cockroach with magic missile
> msw
> still not a big loss, it's only ~400 BC Malan empire work
> it's all la mort en rose except her indifference towards my passion
what to endeavour, /lich/?

>TFW no qt skelegirl gf
>TFW never going to the bone zone

This joke isn't funny anymore.

pls stop

remember when there where proper warriors to skeletize? Now I'm lucky if I can harvest and raise a local Sigma Tau Gamma kegger

I dunno man. I sorta just walk down the streets in america and BLAM 80 native skeletons that don't need my help being angry at the locals.

>set up lair in Utah
>skelly the local mormon township
>they make rice crispie treats for the local constabulary
>surprisingly good at drumming up political support

I swear if they showed up to my door with rice crispie treats i'd be more amiable to them.

Hey guys, as a fellow lich I need some advice:

There's this guy with a sword who's screaming JUSTICE IN THE NAME OF THE HOLY GODS OF RIGHTEOUS ORDER at me and he's pretty scary. I want to make sure he doesn't kill me. What kind of things should I cover to make sure he can't do that? (Ie, what weaknesses should I look into protecting)

Just launch your phylactery into an otherwise inaccessible plane of fluffy bunnies and you're good. No one EVER searches fluffy bunny planes for phylacteries. Rape plane? They'll turn it upsided down. Sharp and pointy plane? They use the worlds cork supply making it safe to search? Fluffy bunny plane? What kind of lich would do that?!
I swear its like 80% phylacteries in there now.

Throw a baby Orc at him, those cause Paladins to explode into treats and loose their powers.

Who the fuck decided paladins should have such high saves? I swear to me that if I have to spend another hundred years sitting on my ass waiting for a human to die because he gets uppity about having skeletons for neighbors, I'm going to burn this entire country to the ground.

GrandMaster Vindicus plz, you wont trick me into loosing a paladin's power, not again

Not even if i, say, have a magical set of catapults that fire orc babies at random that send you a delightful memo of their exact landing location and time but give you JUST enough time to either catch them OR get to my lair? got more paladins? I got all the orc babies and catapults i need.

lichfags are for edgemeisters.

Recently-raised skeletal minion here, anyone got a job opening? My boss just got iced by some half-dragon Cleric or whatever and now I've got nothing to do.

Current skills include rattling, holding low-level weaponry and looking kinda menacing while doing so, and playing the trumpet.

I already got a trumpet guy who took 8 years to get a Spookin' PHD.

YOU CAN BURN BE FROZEN BY MY HOLY ICE BREATH FOUL ABOMINATION!

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU

Just got myself a cozy dungeon just for me, nothing done for now.
What kind of defenses should I install, and what should I get first?

I have an opening in my orchestra, do you know the hymns of the damned?

So what was the record for undead raised by one person?

What self-respecting skeleton DOESN'T?

My old necromancer also had me do parties, so if you need something more upbeat I've got that, too. He was that kind of guy.

So are you guys still trying to conquer the world instead of partying?

Both? I mean i kinda made lesser liches and the relegated my duties to them so i could have the next few centuries off.

Games of conquest just last to long you know...I'll rather have my fun now...

>being le bonin mans
>not being superior Worms That Walk Master Race
Stay trash tier you dried up old sacks of bones

How adorable, vermin.

But you ain't got no dick Lt.Dan!

Hang on I just need to call the orkin man.

On the other hand a can of raid will probably be enough to finish you off.

you could probably spritz him with salt water. That seems to be the general bane of all worm based entities.

kill your self

no seriously, you resurrect right next to it

...