Most awkward d&d sitting of my life

>Be me, casual DM of a 5e group of 4 players
>2 new players wants to join, why not I think (1st misstake)
>Both say that they have "extensive experience" with d&d
>They roll up a bard and a barbarian
>RP commences the barbarian looks confused
>He asks why we are being "nerds" and when we're getting to in his own words "chop some fucking monsters up into tiny pieces and wear them as necklaces"
>Not wanting to get into an argument with the edgelord I told him in due time because the party was in the middle of a dinner session with Count Strahd
>Edgelord looks really uncomfortable as party engages in RP
>Edgelord proclaims that he has had enough and draws his mighty greataxe and challenges the vampire to combat
>Party freaks and tries to calm him down
>Wizard grabs the edgelords' arm and tells him to sit down and apologize
>Edgelord proclaims that he turns his attention to the wizard and slashes for his throat
>Crits of course
>Crits the next swing too because the RNG gods hates me and my party apparently
>As wizard is on the ground bleeding out, edgelord charges Strahd
>Strahd tore his ass open and used him as a sock puppet
>Edgelord is utterly shocked at me because I killed off his character
>"You don't kill the players you fucking retard" he yells at me with utter murder in his eyes
>Thankfully the fighter in our group stands up and kindly asks the edgelord to take his leave
>Edgelord punches the fighter right in the face
>As Brawl ensues I'm sitting there cringing my mantits off
>Edgelord has had enough and decides to leave but not before leaving me with a present
>Edgelord spits in my face while I sit there like a lil' bitch feeling super awkward
>We decide to post-pone this session until next week
>Everyone leaves

So that was my tuesday..

He could've said something like "You know, I think what you and I seek in a game are different, so I'll take my leave." but some people are just asses it seems.
My tuesday gaming session was nice. We didn't make much progress but it was nice nonetheless, with all faces left unpunched.

Really? I've never played an actual D&D game so does this shit actually happen? Who gives a shit if your character dies just make a new one, the fuck?

I can't believe people would react like this to a bit of roleplaying, paper and pencils, you'd have to be mentally ill.

Not to insult you or add injury here, but you shouldn't have let him roll fuck all against another player. That shit is where you ask him to leave, since he had already made it abundantly clear that he is an obnoxious moron who is trying to be disruptive. In the future, try to be assertive here, at this point, so it doesn't get so far.

Sorry to hear you got spit on; none of what that moron did is a reflection on you. You aren't a super bitch just because some turbospazz was off his meds and didn't know how to deal with people today. I hope you guys enjoy your game next Tuesday.

Rolled 2, 4, 1, 3, 3, 9, 10, 10, 1, 5 = 48 (10d10)

>roll to disbelieve

One success.

You don't believe it, but you don't believe your lack of belief neither.

If the character is under level 5 in the Strahd campaign they get to res by the dark powers.

You're a little bit of a beta for just taking it, but that really depends on the size difference between you and the spurg.

I don't even know what that means. I just don't get why people care if their bit of paper dies. Just make a new bit of paper.

You know, greentext stories on Veeky Forums used to be slightly more believable. No way in hell thatguy lardasses get to the point of physical confrontation.

It's actually 5 successes.

This, that guys may threaten, talk loud, and get in your face but as soon as you push back they bitch out and try and play it off.

>getting violent over a game
This kind of behaviour is fucking disgusting.
>i can choose to not play
>i can choose to continue playing
>naw ill just hit someone

...

The thing I'm considering doing right now is to just retcon the entire thing and just forget it all happened to begin with, and my players seems inclined to that aswell.

Probably for the best. How is Strahd? I'm running Princes at the moment.

I'm kind of biased because Ravenloft is my favorite setting, but honestly it's amazing. It's very sand-boxy and open ended which I just adore because I feel like some adventures can feel really on-rails at times (Hoard of the dragon queen).

Railroady was the reason why we stopped doing Hoard, that and it seemed like they were always killing minor variances of the same enemy.

Princes has been amusing so far, especially with them all playing non good characters though still on the pre-main quests.

>you shouldn't have let him roll fuck all against another player.
This. Player agency ends where it becomes blatantly disruptive to the game (with a stress on "blatantly").

>mantits
>lets a guy spit in your face and walk away
the fuck is wrong with u user?

So...how did the Bard do?

He was fine actually, hopefully he'll be back next week, but I sincerely doubt it desu.

Other than the physical violence, this is almost exactly how "dinner with nobles" ends up at my table.
Anytime the party is invited to dine with the aristocracy, we now pool some coin and drop the Barbarian off at a local tavern, having paid then a hefty retainer to cover whores and property damage. It's worked great so far.

Depends, I let my characters attack each other since non of them are good aligned. Though in such a situation I would hsvr had Strahd throw him out with a force blast before he connected.

>Not playing the Socially curious Barbarian who woos the fanciful women with his simple rugged charms.

>low Cha, low Int Barbarian.
>wise enough to understand fancy ladies require fancy upkeep, and though a night of pleasure with a woman who has felt the touch of soap is appealing, I need not woo a woman I intent to conquer.
>will spend a week's wages in a few hours with whore and drink.
>will make a year's wages ransoming fancy ladies in waiting while keeping the fairest for myself.

>Not ransoming yourself to the fancy ladies who lust for wild meat to sate their hungers
>Not becoming a Warrior king by taming the Queen with strength of arm and thigh.

And that's how you use your Athletics skill to seduce.

>Not strong-arming the Sissy Bard into writing a heroic ballad in your honor.
>Not commissioning the Sissy Bard to render several, provocative, oil paintings capturing your rugged physique.
>Not compiling and mass producing said paintings as "Ghrog's Beefcake Calendar"; making a fortune selling them to local ladies, both fancy and plain.
>Not becoming a local "celebrity" among the aristocracy by performing for their "private" parties.

I'm glad that the worst discussion we've had this week was us forgetting that placing Hunter's Mark would break the Silence being channeled and the player doing it bitching when the DM noticed on his attack roll and said we'd have to either cancel the silence or remove the mark again, obviously getting the whiny "Oh come on, it's already placed, just roll with it!" response.

Should have called the cops. He needs to go to prison and get raped so hard he doesn't know how to treat people with anything but respect out of fear that they'll fuck his world up if he offends them.

>believing a word of OP

Ignoring all of the other stuff (because it probably never happened and anyone with half a brain would have called the police on someone that psychotic), what kind of a fucking idiot tries to attack Strahd? Like, are there really any players out there who do that? Anyone who knows anything about Ravenloft should know how pointless that is.

>He needs to go to prison and get raped so hard he doesn't know how to treat people with anything but respect out of fear that they'll fuck his world up if he offends them.

While I agree the barbarian player needs to learn respect, thinking the cops would play any major part in it, is adorable.
Clearly you've never been charged with assault. Let me tell you, unless you seriously fuck someone up (coma), have a long (and I mean years) history of minor violence or take a swing at a cop, nothing is going to happen.
OP would call the police...chances are they'd take his report over the phone (one punch is assault, but police can't be arsed to meet you) or he'll sit around for a couple hours until a unit is free to talk to him. After that, they'll go talk to the one who threw the punch. If he has no record, they tell him to stop acting like a shit, make a "note" of the incident (so they can establish history in case he gets another complaint) and then he, OP and the cops get on with their lives.

This guy would have to fuck OP up, six ways from sunday to have the cops do anything significant.

>too busy skipping leg day

i am a dm and if someone is starting shit, and it isnt one of my close friends i kick them out of the house, i know it is a game, but if you are having a good time with your friends and one dude comes and starts being an ass to everyone ruining the fun and also spits in your face, at least in my eyes he deserves a beatup