Adeptus Retardes

Adeptus Astartes

>Extremely honed, genetically modified warriors
>Possess inhumanly advanced reflexes, strength, metabolism and intelligence
>Minds able to withstand horrors and abstract things that would drive normal men to insanity
>Can comprehend situations far more thoroughly than any human being (save maybe a member of the Mechanicus)
>Still chooses to fight using the most headstrong and blunt tactics
>Often behaves extremely irrationally
>Muh Honor

Someone please fucking explain to me.

They are spec ops, not line soldiers, extremely blunt and head on tactics are a forte by definition.

And some things are surprisingly more effective and viable when you had a chance to practice with them for half a century. In the quantity makes quality sense.

As to behaving irrationally, as per Deathwatch, it's how mounting psychological damage manifests itself in marines. Fear and corruption still get to them, just not in ways humans are used to see.

They are terryfying and almost impervious to most attacks in the fluff. They deep strike through the roof screaming about fureh and empprah wearing blood red armour and swinging revving chainswords to scare the shit out of ppl who see them, as the mythical angels of death that they are should.

Also, they are spec ops AND knights in spess, the latter actually being more important for their behaviour.

And if this still doesn't suit you, then maybe a setting with kilometers long starships that have cannons loaded with fucking chains by hundreds of whipped slaves is not for you.

Holy shit OP

Can we make this guys a thing? Like a less ANGRY!!1! version of the ANGRY Marines?

The Space Marines Chapter of Da spehss muhreens (They put space marines in the line for the name)

No one notices anyhting wrong because everyother chaper is retarded in some way like space wolves namin everything wolf, the world eaters being maniacs, etc.etc...

The Adeptus Retardes is just a particular but loyal chapter.

Impervious to the horros of the Warp becuase thy dont have the brainpower to *fail* to comprehend the incomprehensible. They just default to shoot anything that dosnt look human.

Tzennchian or warp trickery is out because they just dont get anything but service to the Emprah. Riches, power, status, pleasure, eternal life... it just doesnt register as they, all of them, dont really understand anything beyond shooting xenos and heretics.

Chaos cannot touch the passive, idiotic rock-solid block of faith in the Emperor that is Adeptus Retardes.

That is stupid enough to work.

Sure as long as they are solely recruited from potatoes I could see this as a great idea.

>Spec ops
Yes and no.
As per the Great Crusade, most of the Legions, barring the likes of the Raven Guard or Alpha Legion, used Astartes in a Shock Trooper role. The Imperial Army was the main force of the day, but the Legiones Astartes did much of the muscle work. Because of the smaller, less static roles present in 'modern' 40k, as well as the 'smaller' number of Astartes, they're applied in a Spec Ops role.

What would their colors be?

How about OP's pic? white and yellow

Sounds good.

Are their leaders the smartest, or the dumbest?

I'd find the later more fitting, their simple but pure faith in the Emperor somehow steers them right most of the time. At least, they don't fuck up any more than most other chapters.

>Preparing for Xeno attack
>Planetary forces discussing strategic options
>Member of the Adeptus Retardes stands stock still during all of it
>Helmet has him look serious and glowering
>Has no idea what the hell is going on
>Got lost about three minutes in
>Only knows that xenos are coming
>walks out of room while bigwigs are still talking
>*shrugh* "Adeptus Astartes"
>walks to the frontlines
>"CHAAAAARGE!!!!"
>Completely ignoring the IG and the strategy meeting
>Clash headfirst into the xeno horde without regard for common sense
>"Just another Sapce Marine Chapter"

Acting like armored vehicles isn't a drawback when they're wearing armor almost as good as a modern APC.

Also...greater intelligence doesn't necessarily imply greater rationality; because smarter people just rationalize doctrine better e.g. every theologian ever.

Abit of both actually

Smart enough to fool officers from other branches

Dumb enough to come up with the most outlandish plans.


How about this:most of their psykers are not librarians, mostly because they tend to fly under the Retardes Radar.

Adeptus psykers are somehow some of the most powerful psykers in the Imperium. Their faith,rather than the burning fanticism of the Sisters, is an unyielding rock tard-belief- This protects them against most small fries in the warp. Of course they cannot do much more than the basics of a psyker; but they are able to empower the basic abilities so much it doesnt even matter.

Bit of both makes good sense.

>Adeptus psykers are somehow some of the most powerful psykers in the Imperium.
>that explanation

I am actually really digging this, it sounds just reasonable enough to work while having the healthy dosage of silly that makes it entertaining.

What about their techmarines and apothecaries?

>Established comuncation with Eldar ship
>Eldar can feel the potato tier brain power of Tuberculous Maximus
>All the way from their ship
>Engaged into clever manipulations
>Eldar deploys elocuence and prose like few writters can come up with in weeks, basically making it up as he goes
>Tuberculous Maximus sits through it, wondering what 90% of that speech means.
>Finally, Tuberculous speaks
>"...So you are a xenos rigth?"
>"...I am of the eldar, ye--"
>"Fire all torpedoes"
>A red button is pressed and Lancers are fired directly at the Eldar ship
>"...Captain we dont have torpedoes"
>Eldar is pissed off
>"What is the mening of this attack Mon-Keigh"
>Eldar craft being damaged
>Tuberculous responds "It wasnt us! We dont have torpedoes"
>"Second mate scan the surounding area! Find where did those torpedoes came from!"
>"How dare you mon-keigh to--"
>Second mate"Calculations show the attack came from this very ship!"
>"I knew it! prepare for boarding!"
>"Captain we are alreay in the ship!"
>"Those bastards are ahead of us! Sound the alarm! scrable everything! shoot everything we got!"
>Eldar ship is destroyed by the unpredictable and random shooting

>Once again the Adeptus Retardes save the day from the unholy machinations of the Eldar

>What about their techmarines and apothecaries?

Techmarines are an odd mix, they get weird looks because of their "magic", but no one will complain with the guy that give them guns.

RetardesTechmarines are pretty standard for a techmarine. (The mechanicus since long has forgotten how most tech works and uses prayers to remember what they supposed to cut anyways, or uses long rituals that involve "reparing" the whole thing to fix one or two pieces.) They are 'very ortodox' techmarines, not being smart enough to actually make something new, but doing something they learned by repetition is fine.

Apothecaries could be the only people frustrated by the Marines, seeing as they are liable to ignore serious conditions, or overblow the symptoms of a sleeping limb.

Could be the tech marines are selected via autism tests on induction.

With apothecaries being the only "normal" marines they act as care givers but due to their lack of command authority they can't affect the chapterS military doctrine.

Over the generations they continue to select the retards for battle brothers from the home planet that is 80% autistic or potato. This is seen as a good use of those otherwise deemed lessee human stock by the imperium

see

Not too dissimilar to how ork boyz see their meks then really.

>This is seen as a good use of those otherwise deemed lessee human stock by the imperium
Or what is horrifying, is actually seen as quite good stock. Like ogryns but space marine viable? Shit, sign those guys up.

Sorry, to be 100% clear on the "like ogryns" part:

In intellect, simplicity and pure faith in the Emperor. Not in build or abhumanity.

>Alrigth, Poteitus Autisma, let us review this one... more... time.
>"ok"
>"You, look at me, you don't like killing the enemies of you emperor like a pathetic puppet"
>"But I like puppets"
>"No, you dont like BEING a puppet. Alrigth, being. still with me?"
>"yes"
>"So you will join us"
>"who?"
>*Deep breath* "chaos... you will join chaos"
>"But the emprah said"--
>"Who cares what the corpse says!!! You will join Chaos and betray the Chapter!"
>"...But ican still kill xenos?"
>Finally a breakthrough "yes, you may still kill xenos if that is what you wish"
>"...And heretics?"
>"NO! YOU WILL BE THE HERETIC! THAT IS THE POINT OF IT!"
>"but the Emprah said..."
>"AAAAAAIIIIEIEHGHHGHHEHEIEHAIEHIAHEHIAHEHEAIHEIHHEAHIHEHHHEEAAAHEEIHEHEH!!!!!!!!111@QEF235!"#%$&24TFWE4t"$wf24VcgQ24GVQ4"G2$V!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
>"...."
>The daemon leaves the mind of the Adeptus Retardes, after somehow suffering an aneurysm.
>"....But I can still shoot traitor marines rigth?"


>Once again the Adeptus Retardes triumphs over the forces of chaos.

Potato mehreens and autismal Techamrines.

I like it

I'm thinking they were created with warhounds Geneseed.

There has been a lot if talk on tg about the characteristics of the Genesee being loyalty and brotherhood which fits quite well with the whole Schick of the chapter.

Plus i doubt any of the first founding loyalist chapters would want theirs used.

The Retardes were made from a "Faulty" Geneseed.

But at this point no one would question a 'Holy geneseed' and they are loyal and do their job well enough but... not really up to standard up there.

That's the thing, the neophytes spend the first years mildly disturbed, but with the geneseed influence on their IQ, they start to see the Adeptus Retardes as 'normal'.

>T'zeench Marines prepare for "just as planned stratagem"
>Purposefully left themselves wide open to a frontal attack
>"No self respecting tactician would fall for such an obious trap, so we really left ourselves open to counterattack when they try to attaack somewhere"
>Suddenly, a chapter arrives
>White armor with yellow accents
>Lead by Tuberculous Maximus
>"ATAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!"
>Adeptus Retardes charge straigth into what would be an obious trap.
>"No chapter would be as stupid as to attack such an obious trap you said, we will get them you said"
>Adeptus Retardes's commander is recognized as a briliant tactician.
>Tuberculous Maximus literally doesnt know the meaning of "tactician".

Once again the Adeptus Retardes save the day

>idiotic rock-solid block of faith

MAGA Marines, amirite? :^)

...

What would they're symbol be? What would they're battle cry be? Would they have codex approved numbers because of autistic levels of OCD, or would they be too retarded to pay attention and have ridiculously high numbers?

This Chapter is interesting me.

A simple Aquila, hand painted by the astartes retardes brother on elevation to full battle brother.

I would think that the ocd would lead to a full chapter at all times ok n the home world. Unfortunately due to the retardes factor every time a company goes off on crusade for the emperor; the Co. is raised again; as a chapter is 1000 and they suddenly can only count 900 during the daily roll call.

>What would they're symbol be?
No idea.
A chicken or a yellow parrot they thought was an aquila?
>What would they're battle cry be?
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH"
"Human is not, use the bolt"
(I cant really come up with one... but chances are they have their own rhymes to remember stuff)
>Would they have codex approved numbers because of autistic levels of OCD, or would they be too retarded to pay attention and have ridiculously high numbers?

Numbers would be pretty fluctuating. Unless there is an (autist)techmarine around they would do guesstimates.

They only know of the supposed limit because they hear it all the time. Otherwise, they dont really follow the codex, they stick to the principles: shoot xenos, the Emprah is cool, Shoot heretics; and most common knoledge: there should only be 'bout a thousan of them at a time.(they sometimes forget some went out in mission and churn out a couple dozen more)

Autism != OCD

Is that the best way to be codex adherent and legion sized at the same time? Damn the templars should take note

>Iron Hands
>Massive amounts of time, equipment, training and resources used to create a Space Marine
>Greatest single investment outside of GK that can exist in the 40k universre
>Iron Hands think to cut off parts of their body to replace with cybernetics

Why do they not just forget the biological improvement and transplant themselves in to a majority servitor gun-platform with a Power-Armor derivitive?

Ogryn Space Marines?

See More comedic

I feel like Iniqisitors would utilize (abuse) these marines alot, having them crusade off into any direction they please. Its not like it would take much convincing.

>So theres alot of xenos and heretics and bad guys over there?
>Yes Tuberculous Maximus, and they all hate the Imperium. They hate it and all of the followers of the God-Emperor, and hate the Emperor even more so.
>"ANGRY SCREECHINGS OF HOLY RIGHTEOUSNESS "

Nut sack hasn't dropped or don't possess one? Explains why you are asking this question.

>this accurately describes the Blood Angels and their successor chapters

Oh god, we need to make this chapter a thing.

Because Grimdark

>ANGRY SCREECHINGS OF HOLY RIGHTEOUSNESS
>REEEEEEE TRAITORS GET OUT

considering that this is what the Emperor set out to create when he first made the Space Marines, it could work

an Aquila painted by a player that forgot to thin his paints first

so what the hell would this chapter have for wargear?
i almost imagine like the bloody magpies where they have all kinds of shit pilfered from battlefields, but unlike them will gladly return shit is people ask for it, kind of like they have no clue whos it is and their kind of like a walking lost and found box.

i think everyone is talking about "present day" astartes, u know, 41k milenium

I would think that their load outs are simple. Bolters, heavy bolters, flamers, and lascannons. Does everything they need without being overly complicated.

But yeah I imagine that they pic up and use anything with a trigger and a cog stamp. Xenos tech and chaos items due to the lake of Aquila or cog is purged.

desu using one tech over the other isn't "easier" as no one really understands anything just keep repeating the sacred rituals which keep the machine spirits happy

But do they need officers to hold their hands while they're in transports?

What if the 2 unnamed primarchs were a potato and an OCD autist?

Well its easier to maintain a small amount of tech (especially when they are the most widely produced and used); compared to a varied amount.

If you want an example look at Russian versus German supply ww2.

That's why I selected the most generic weapons and the most stable (Las vs plas).

The same would go for their armor and vehicles, generic as fuck nothing deviating from the children's book version of the codex astartes (now with 10000% more pictures and diagrams). The original version drawn by the emperor himself ( it's a 5 page flipbook he wrote but never published to explain angels of death to imperial children, discovered in a ruins by a inquisition agent)

I approve of this idea.

The other primarch weren't autistic (pert, dorn, lion el) like tg say, that's just what happens when you are born a superman normal people can't relate to you; but these two... wow they were a while bother level;the reas on for why one has never been discussed, is that he was never found by the emperor.

He's probably still living in that basement in that hive stack he crashed in 10k years ago.

Now the other he was Mr potato head; he was the perfect loyal warrior son; you pointed him at a target and told him that they were the baddies, and let him at it, his screams of delight and sheer terror, deafening and scaring the enemies.

But the emperor couldn't acknowledge this son, packing him off with a special inquisition task force to look after, and hide him from the galaxy.

Stay alive for the morning, thread

>the emperors favorite son is literally retarded
and now i finally understand why horus was such a bitch to instantly fall to chaos, thats gotta suck shit.

Nope, they are brave guys

> Bolters, heavy bolters, flamers, and lascannons. Does everything they need without being overly complicated.
Anything no more complex than: pull trigger, heretics die

Grenades?

This guy gets it

Also, Astartes flipbook. Thats gotta be canon

... maybe not too many explossives

Just read an i think hes in a good direction

>BROTHER MCGEE, WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE
>HERETICS

>Eldar
>oldest, most advanced species
>void combat strategy
>don't use void shields and fly around in flimsy peices of shit

>Tau
>technologically superior species that studies everybody else in close detail
>extremely limited by dumb FTL
>doesn't try to copy necron technology
>doesn't even try to access the webway

If we look at this shit too closely it all falls apart, user. Try not to think about it too much.

Important question ! Does the gene seed make them retarded ? or do they recruit retards ?
I prefer the first with a an extra ritual that involves being dropped from "The Holy Stairs of Initiation !"
does that survive the last trial become Astartes and get their implants.
>they where literally dropped when they where reborn

I feel like this chapter would see the orks as the worthiest opponents.
Literally WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH VS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH. i also love the concept that they're to dumb for any warp fuckery to affect them, that they're just to obtuse. Its like playin dnd with a intelligence of 3 or 4, illusion magic just doesn't work on you because you don't understand it.
>tubercolosis maximus, what have you done?
>you just wiped half the planets cities off the map.
>tubercolosis nods vaguely "there where orks there"
>inquisitorshowsvisiblestrain.png
>through clenched teeth "but there where buildings and civilians there too"
>tubercolosous continues to nod vaguely
>lostpotato doesn't understand
>"we killed those orks good"
>inquisitour has fit
>maximus walks off to see if there are anymore orks to kill.
>its a good day to be this dumb

The holy geneseed evolves them to superhuman status via adding of extra holy chromosomes to their genetic makeup. The recruits have a low iq already, but now they have the genetic material back up they're claim to potatodom.

>Spec ops

They aren't. Special operations perform, well, special operations, in support of other forces. Space marines fight alone most of the time.

See

Geneseed "defect".

But it actually would be hilarious.

Tests involve emptying their tank on a long road of stairs. Multiple times throught the neophyte-marine transition

>the geneseed contains actually potato genes, because the emperor dropped his lunch that one time in the lab
>"Eh, it's still good"

"Closer to potato, closer to the emprah"

>"Faulty" Geneseed.

>neophytes spend the first years mildly disturbed, but with the geneseed influence on their IQ, they start to see the Adeptus Retardes as 'normal'.

>Some Adeptus Retardes have episodes of something similar to the black rage while in combat

>erratic and wild swings coupled with wrathful screeches

>truly fearsome combatants

>Red Thirst/Black Rage is a tard fit

I will never see Blood Angels (my favourite Chapter, at that) the same way.

>this whole thread
Wonderful

I'd like to imagine that other chapters regard them with fondness. They know the Redardes's limitations but they also know that there are few so profoundly loyal and in a sense brave warriors of the Emperor.

I think the Retardes view their fellow Space Marines as all their best of friends and are total bros to them (at least in spirit), there is no maybe or perhaps, they WILL help out if they can.

In dire situations a marine can take root and grow into an entire tactical squad in the space of about 12 hours.

Fuck it.

Im screencaping this when the thread dies.

Will repost so we can keep the potatoes going later.

Adeptus Retardes

Using purity seals to prevent chaos/heresy from sticking to them

OP's pic None Purer

The purest mummies

Tau are too young in tech to copy tech of necrons. Like if Roman Empire tried to copy plasmagun technology

This. Even Dark Age of Technology mankind wasn't quite up to Necron level tech.

>Blessed is the mind too small for doubt.

Fondness as long as they don't actually have to work with them. Then it becomes painfully tedious, enough to try to patience of a man that's lived a thousand lives.

>AKTHUALLY, if we were talking about something completely different, you'd be WRONG!

great post, 10/10

Can't disagree, the Retardes can't be without flaws, and co-ordination is not a strength of theirs.

>What about their techmarines
Hey, this dreadnought ain't got no seat, cap'n! How we supposed to drive it?

OH NO YOU DIDN'T

Forgot pic.

this is an excellent thread

They are regarded well enough as loyal and dutyful.

But they are /very/ hard to coordinate with other marines beyond having them charge in a general direction. And even at that, there is a non-zero chance for them to mess that one up.

Most 'profesional' chapers such as the ravens have a (non-reciprocal) strained relationship with them for their heavy handed aproach. The spess wolves on the other hand...

>"Second mate scan the surounding area! Find where did those torpedoes came from!"
>"How dare you mon-keigh to--"
>Second mate"Calculations show the attack came from this very ship!"
>"I knew it! prepare for boarding!"
>"Captain we are alreay in the ship!"
>"Those bastards are ahead of us! Sound the alarm! scrable everything! shoot everything we got!"

My sides. Oh god they hurt.

Beautiful.

How would Adeptus Retardes affect tyranids upon being absorbed? Would their genes corrupt biomass with retardation?

They'll start targeting each other since the retard gene makes them see each other as viable biomass to eat or, because they're filthy xenos.

They spit acid..

Veterans get Ripper guns and Six/Twelves. Funny as hell, some Veteran Sergeants get equipped with Seven/Fourteens.

They start trying to eat each other.

They are biomass and im hungry

Xenos 'Bout to get SHREKT

Ripper Guns for regular troopers, Mauler Autocannon (Twin-Linked Autocannon) aka Six/Twelve:
"Mauler Cannons have picked up the nickname “Six/Twelve” by regular Guardsman, referring to the number of shots an Ogryn will likely fire before they somehow break it or decide to use the weapon as a club."

And tard wrangler apothecaries

They get their recruits from the world Potatus Minimus

Add like a sword and maybe a fist in the center of the potato

>Space Marines
>decades of training, maybe centuries
>finest wargear the Imperium has
>just +1 to his stats
>literally as good as a human sergeant

>A simple Aquila, hand painted by the astartes retardes brother on elevation to full battle brother.
you mean finger painted right?

Double dubs show kindly on this proposition.