Lego Quest Presents

[synthesizers and horns]

[intro music continues]

Three brave astronauts...

Navy test pilot Lieutenant Mike Adams, beautiful medical doctor Eve Carson, and brilliant Japanese scientist Suji Yamaguji are pioneers from Earth, flying a fantastic new type of spaceship on mankind's first journey to Mars!

"Would you look at that view! If everything goes according to plan, this is the last time we'll see old Mother Earth for a while! Quantum mechanics, wormholes... I don't understand any of it! Lucky for me, Uncle Sam just wants me to fly it!"

[speaker noise]
"Captain to the bridge, please! We're about to set sail!"

"All the way from Earth to Mars in only a few seconds... but it'll be the trip of a lifetime!"

"Something's wrong! All the dials are going haywire! Hang on... urgh! I can... still... land this bird! Wait - what's that light? So bright- I can't see anything!"

[silence]

[metal creaking noise]

"Are you alright, Eve?"
"Yes, I think so... what happened?"
"I landed us. At least I think I did. I can't remember exactly what happened. Must have hit my h-"
"Aiiiiii-!"

"Suji! Poor fellow. He was the smartest man I've ever known. He built this ship almost by himself... for all the good it did!"
"Oh, Mike, we have to bury him! It's only right!"

"We might have to, if help doesn't get here soon. Wherever we landed, it looks like it's in the tropics!"

"Listen, I hear something! Our rescue!"

"I don't think that's a helicopter-"

"-It's something else!"

[roaring noise]

"Aiiiiiiii!"

"Stay behind me, Eve! I'll protect you!"

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever Mike does, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 5 (1d12)

grab the flare gun by feet and fire at the beasts maw!!

Use one of those metal bits to jam its mouth open.

Rolled 8 (1d12)

Flex your muscles at it

Rolled 10 (1d12)

Grab the woman and throw her into the mouth of the dinosaur.

What the fuck user

"Wait - one of the flare guns!"

"Mike, no! It's too far away!"

"Trust me, Eve..."

"...it's our only chance!"

[roaring noise]

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 11 (1d12)

dive roll, grab flare gun, shoot up in its mouth as it goes to bite!!!

Rolled 7 (1d12)

Jump into the mouth of the dinosaur and shoot it from the inside.

Rolled 6 (1d12)

Shoot the flare gun in its eyes, blinding it so you can escape!

idiots/trolls playing the game

...You've... you've never played lego quest before have you?

Suicidal players always cut short all the cool shit Lego Quest has planned!

"MIKE!"

"Hrrrgh-!"

SHREEEEEEFROOOOOOOOSH

[angry roaring noise]

[roaring, heavy footsteps]

"Mike - that was... that was a dinosaur!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Eve! All the dinosaurs have been dead for a million years or more!"

"I know what I saw!"

"Maybe it was some kind of mutant crocodile. Who knows what sort of odd animals you might find in the jungle?"

"Well, whatever it was, who knows if it might come back!"

"You've got a point..."

"... it might be a while before help arrives."

...

What will you do?

>Set up camp
>Inventory supplies
>Scout around the area
>Something else

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

>planned
I was expecting someone to roll a 12 to rodeo the T. Rex.

Rolled 10 (1d12)

SET UP CAMP

Rolled 4 (1d12)

>Set up camp
Sans shirt, so we can give the ladies some cheesecake.

Rolled 12 (1d12)

SEDUCE TO MAKE LOVE AT NEW CAMP

fuck im on a roll, Flare gun grab, flare gun shot and now this!!!! Love this game!

"Hmm... these panels are fairly light, but strong as anything we're going to find around here! Not even that - whatever-it-was - could break through this!"

"Careful, now-"

"I've got it-"

"Hand me that wrench-"

"This one?"

"That's it-"

"Well! Not bad for a day's work!"

"Oh, Mike, it's amazing!"

"What should we do now?"

"I can think of something!"

"Lieutenant Adams!"

"We should rest!"

"We can do that afterwards."

[hinge squeaking noise]

YESSSS!

...

Make sure to use her ass. We can't afford pregnancy in these dire circumstances

" *yawn* "

"Good morning!"

"Morning already? But what about that dino-"

"If he came around here while we were sleeping, he didn't bother us."

"What are you doing? I can help!"

"I was just about to..."

>Check our supplies
>Build something
>Scout around the area
>Something else

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 2 (1d12)

>Scout around the area

Rolled 3 (1d12)

Build something!

Rolled 11 (1d12)

Check our supplies

Rolled 3 (1d12)

shit on her chest

Rolled 11 (1d12)

Shit on her chest

"...scout around the area. There might be a town or a village. Who knows, we could be only a few miles from civilization!"

"Civilization?!? You can't possibly tell me you still think we're in the present day! We're the only civilization on the planet right now!"

"You don't know that for a fact! Suji's warp engine was checked... double-checked... quadruple-checked! There's no way that his math was wrong!"

"If that's how you feel, maybe tonight you can sleep outside with your imaginary dinosaur!"

[slam]

"Maybe I will!"

[mumbling]

"Thank you, MS. Carson! DOCTOR Carson... Doctor, ha! She's a medical doctor, not a quantum physicist, for heaven's sake... I'll bet I find civilization right around that next-"

"-tree?"

"What? A primate?"

"Capture it!"

"Who the devil-?"

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 7 (1d12)

FLEX YER PECS. ESTABLISH ALPHA MALENESS.

oh shit
frog-men!

nigga those is cone heads.

Rolled 6 (1d12)

"Oh yeah? Well how about I capture you, then? How'd you feel about that?"

Confuse them into surrendering to you.

Rolled 1 (1d12)

Grab that vine and climb the tree.

Rolled 6 (1d12)

Take the devil's sword and cut down the other!!

"Fellas, I don't know where you come from, but these guns are property of the U.S. Navy, and nobody's locking them up!"

...

"Not buying it, huh?"

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 9 (1d12)

Disarm the closest cone-head!

Rolled 11 (1d12)

Find out if lizard genitalia are just as sensitive to kicks to the groin as mammals are.

"We've got a saying where I'm from - the best defense is a good offense!"

"What-? Let go!"

"Let's see how sturdy that horn is-"

KRAK

"Uuugh-!"

"Now this is a fair fight."

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!"

Rolled 11 (1d12)

Attack second lizard with first lizards head spike.

Rolled 3 (1d12)

AIM FOR THE NADGERS!

"Filthy primate! Put that weapon down at once!"

"Alright."

[sound of metal dropping]

"Wait, what are you-"

ERE WE GO LADZ!

SPLURKT

"No!"

SHUNK

"Gluk-!"

"Afraid so."

"That's two points for Uncle Sam... but it looks like Eve might be right after all. I don't remember learning about these in school. None of this seems to make any sense."

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 6 (1d12)

Check bodies for anything identifying. This could be an alternate history, like those old movies, what were they called? World of the monkeys, or something?

Rolled 1 (1d12)

Get back to camp to warn Eve that we're not alone out here.

Rolled 4 (1d12)

Check them for pocket change and lint.

"It's a good thing I dropped this when I did... this sword must weigh fifty pounds! And they swung them around like they were nothing!"

"And this armor... so strange, but obviously well-made. What kind of creature are you? I need to let Eve know about these-"

[scream]

"Eve!"

"Eve!"

"Eve! Where are you? Eve!"

"Eve-!"

"What is this? Another primate?"

"This one is a male!"

"How can you tell? They all look the same!"

"Whatever it is, capture it!"

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 2 (1d12)

Surrender, but call for PARLEY. INFORMATION IS NEEDED. YEAR. DATE. REGION. SMOKES, LETS GO.

Rolled 12 (1d12)

Use the computer on a pole as a sort of makeshift maul, and knock someone's horn off.

Rolled 3 (1d12)

SHIT, reroll.

You don't just get a reroll you wiener.

sorry.....

Can you delete that image in case I need it later