Imagine me as a confused parent

You collect fun points.

Whoever gets the most fun points wins.
Whoever gets the least, also wins.
The people in between win too.

> everyone-is-a-winner mentality
It's not enough for me to succeed, others should fail too.

You win by having an adventure so rich that you and your friends learn something.

by not dying and getting rich.
>shrug

But there are losers.
Basically, whoever starts thinking like you.

By getting the most points. It's like more complicated Carcassonne.

>something is bad
>this means the extreme opposite is good!

What

This sounds like typical "you're masculine cause you're secretly gay" nerd talk

Turns out being gay as a joke is a big thing.

Military culture is the same way.

>I know several people who had zero idea they were gay until they turned jock and experienced locker room life.
>I know several people who went through that specific situation with this outcome
yeah, go fuck yourself, faggot

But American Football is the gayest sport ever.

Not while soccer exists, but it's up there yes.

Compared to the usual scenario having close to a 0% gay conversion rate a locker room full of testosterone fueled adolescents leading to a 30% gay turn over thats quite significant. Also it's been repeated and not a "just once" type scenario.

I have never seen or heard of a parent, after being explained what the basics of pnp games are, ask this question.
I remain convinced this is some manner of television meme designed to elicit some kind of comedic reprisal.

I've played both competitively. Handegg is far more homosexual.

"Depends on the DM and story, because roleplaying is just that. Roleplaying. Sometimes you just need to kill the bbeg and stop his evil plans, other times you may need to convince a king not to do something retarded, depends on what the story is."

being hands off makes shoe-orb players significantly less gay, even if the game itself is a bunch of faffing around and prancing like faggots

Nah mate. Its definitely soccer. Only sport i've seen someone flick anothers ear, have the ear flicked victim fall down like a cripple, shit and piss themselves, and then get angry when the ref saw the whole fucking thing and isn't buying it. Then the dumbfuck team mates think they can heckle the ref as if he gives a shit what those dumbasses think.
Seriously though, you guys deserve some props as you're the first sport to make me absolutely hate it to its core but make me watch just so i can see what kind of sissy shit you pull next.
"You see son. That guy in the blue? Watch. See that?! Ya. That ass grab. That'll turn into the best acting you'll ever see just give it half a-THERE!"
"Daddy! This is gay as shit!"
"Son i'm showing you a performance piece of the arts. Grow some balls and appreciate it."

My mom encourages me to win or asks me if I've won after sessions pretty regularly. She also often refers to Tabletop gaming as playing cards.

My mom is nice though, so even though I've explained once or twice, I dont correct her anymore.

Yeah, that's shitty acting and players being stupid.

American Football on the other is not only super gay in that it's a bunch of sweaty muscular guys ineffectually shoving each other, but it's also boring because there's so much fucking talking in between the plays. That's some pansy ass shit right there.

"Dad, I wrestle junkies for money, this is what I do when I wanna relax. Besides, you dodged conscription anyway."

Are you bouncer or nurse (male) ?

I was about to ask if he was an Orderly at a Rehab Clinic.

I've seen that acting bullshit in every soccer game besides college matches and who the fuck cares about college matches.

Yeah, it's a shitty thing about soccer, but soccer is still non-contact. Football is gayer.

"Touch me and I'll report you to Child Services. Your life will be ruined."

7Eleven night shift.

"Go ahead. Call child services. They can't unrape you. Now come and let daddy make a man outta you."

>ineffectual
>need to bodily strike down another man weighing up to and sometimes more than 300lbs of muscle
>injuries are incredibly common despite the 20+lbs of protective gear
>expected to play despite oinjuries mounting up
Dude, you are trying too hard.

I can believe that.

>need to bodily strike down another man weighing up to and sometimes more than 300lbs of muscle

AHAHAHA, no. D-line gets to body tackle people. O-Line just gets to ineffectually shove the front padding of the D-Line players. It's retarded.

>injuries are incredibly common despite the 20+lbs of protective gear
>expected to play despite oinjuries mounting up

Same with Hockey, except Hockey is actually a manly spot and fights are allowed. Plus, Rugby doesn't have protective padding at all.

American Football is not only the gayest sport, it's also one of the worst.

>O-Line just gets to ineffectually shove the front padding of the D-Line players
>needs to physically stop a 300lb man from getting past you
>Hockey
>manly
Right.

hockey is about strapping knives to your feet to go fast, so you can hit people with a stick

each team has a big guy loaded down with armor plating and an extra big stick that you have to shoot rubber bullets at, too

the winner is the one with the most teeth left at the end of the game

Confirmed for never having played football.

Hockey is the best sport.

For Commies!

But the US beat Russia in Hockey...

mfw we're even better at being commies than commies.

Reminder that Canada helped defeat communism with the power of hockey.

That is adorable.

...

...

>I know several people who had zero idea they were gay until they turned jock and experienced locker room life.
They were just closeted or delusional. Being in a locker room isn't going to make someone go full gay. At the most it might bump them up a peg on the Kinsey scale.

>It's like a gay nightclub minus the music, sexual safety, or safety of ones genitalia.
While I've never spent much time in locker rooms, I imagine it's pretty gay when all the guys are young and know each other well. The guys on my cross-country team did all sorts of gay shit, and my own friends were the same when we‘d have sleepovers in highschool to play warhams and stuff. It's just a natural part of young men interacting.

For some reason, my grandfather, an otherwise sharp man, was convinced that D&D consisted of little more than looking at pictures. I tried to explain otherwise, but it didn't take.

Back when I still lived at home, my mother really hated everything tg, calling it a waste of money (while spending hundreds on new age and self help books). So eventually I just kept it a secret from her. I wasn't playing d&d or magic, I was "meeting with friends".

Nowadays I don't bother to correct her.

I kinda envy . She might not get it, but at least she shows an unterest.

>slavs are the only other people in the world who are good at hockey
why does it have to be this way, it's the best sport

"Just try to tell a good story. The dice are because surprises are fun."

Jesus, I wish that was true......

I dunno but we routinely slap around canada in hockey as well. You and russia have dropped the ball the past 2 and a half decades.

You complete the objective

duh.

you win by living til the end of the game
then you play again next week

That sounds like nambly pambly bullshit, son. You don't win at life by simply surviving. Thats what losers do. You gotta have objective based goals that you aim to achieve at all times, and no subjective BS either. None of that "well i tried and thats what counts" crap neither. You don't tell the parents you botched their kids surgery and go "yeah..your kids dead. But, hey! At least i tried, and thats what counts!" and expect a nice pat on the back and a pay raise you think you deserve.

"Boy, where the fuck did you learn to be a faggot? Watching those chinese girl cartoons, Rolling those dice, playing with your mini dolls?"

"Dad, I actually learnt all this in the Army/Marines as an infantryman/rifleman."
Funnily enough, I have seen more nerdy shit in the combat arms of these branches than POGs.

Well, shit. Now we're gonna have to have hourly bangup's and segregate by gender. Thanks for letting our secret out, ass.

Also who the fuck let you have dice? Last time i saw someone get caught "gambling" they got the wirestrap ruck run.

All I have to do is get a Star Trek (original series) campaign going and my dad will fall in love with it.

>not using a digital dice roller

Doesn't matter which way. "Gambling" is "Gambling" last i heard.

You win by causing all opponents to lose or fulfilling a rare condition.

Well, I got dice, as well as cards, by not gambling and if anyone had any questions about it, I'd show them FM 27-14, chapter 1:

>GAMBLING
>You generally may not gamble while on government-owned or -controlled property or while on duty. Gambling includes lotteries, pools, games for money or property, and the sale or purchase of number slips or tickets. Some gambling activities, however, are allowed but only if specifically approved by Headquarters, Department of the Army. Before participating in any gambling activity on Army property or while on duty, you must ensure that the activity has proper approval from Headquarters, Department of the Army.

>We are not playing for money nor are we playing a game where money is usually played. If you wish to observe us while we play this dice rolling game for conformation, you may do so, otherwise I am still in the right.

Also
>Your chain of command is on Veeky Forums's Veeky Forums

It's more common than you think though it's mostly centered more towards /k/, which admittedly is vastly more worrying. I suppose it depends on who's watching. One could says its gambling and just doesn't know when the bets were made (probably yesterday you smarmy fucks) and to be paid the next time you're all alone and unwatched.

>american military

I guess it all depends on the unit then, we've never had a problem with it. Whenever asked, usually by those who are curious or perhaps suspicious, about RPGs, we just default to "We are playing D&D" even if we are not, or if we are asked about the miniatures, "We are playing a strategy/tactical game." I don't know, We have been pretty much untouched so far.

Europeans play hockey too. What the fuck is wrong with you?

he asked why canada and slavs are the only GOOD hockey players. He forgot the country that routinely kicks their asses in the sport, america, and europe just isn't on the charts.

>you know how in the good guys have a new problem every episode?
>but there's also a bigger problem every season?
>and one huge problem the entire series is revolving around?
>it's basically like that.
>we kind of win when we solve the episode's problems, but we don't really win until the finale.

Please see the part about objective and subjective goals.

Yeah, but that's an objective goal. There is a problem, and you fix it. You catch the bad guy, or clear the good guy's name, or sneak into the bad guy's fortress and steal his secrets, or some shit like that, and in the end, you catch the bad guy who's responsible for everything. Bog standard entertainment fare.

Why waste time and not just B-line it for the bad guy. Same for those shit CSI shows and what not. They purposefully shutter that shit as a time dump so its not even productive. A literal waste of time.

>has never played any sport

Truly gay

>What are the Red Wings until very recently

Literally no one except for a 5-6ish year timeframe which doesn't make them rank as "good" given hockey's lifetime.

>all these people with parents bullshitting them
See, I've never had that problem.
My problem has always been GET A FUCKING JOB OLD MAN and STOP STEALING MY SHIT WOMAN

Ex-hippies are terrible people, even if they are your parents and you are obligated to love them.

And they are unable to enforce a ruleset to save their lives, goddamn, what I was or was not allowed to do as a child varied by day, whether maw was on her period, or if they were drugged.

>he doesn't appreciate legwork
It's the only way to make sure things go smooth.

Alright son... but I'm putting you in boxing or something on Monday. You need to balance this out with... something.

>getting to learn the dempsi roll
He will never know why I am making engine noises while trying to punch guys.

Maybe rugby instead.

>still living with your parents

>not living with your parents, having a fulltime job, and supporting your doddering old pappy and mee-maw

>not being able to afford a retirement home
You're really dropping the ball here.

>if the story ends with a good ending you won
that wasn't hard

They don't want to do that.

And you're going to let them hold you back?

Basically, by making something so cool or interesting happen that you'll want to brag about it. And you'll be solving mysteries and planning strategy, too, so getting those right is a win.

But if you really want to put a number on it, here's your XP - and you'll also be using that to get new tricks for your dude - and your gold. More is better.

Welcome to every single generation until the 1950s.

user, I'm not some randroid.

Is that a yes I hear?

You're not very good at this.

And you're not very good at answering yes or no questions. It's pretty astounding that you've managed to fuck that up.

congratulations!

Look mate, just because your daddy diddled your butthole doesn't mean that our parents are shit too. Some of us actually care about them and let them stay with us because we want them in our lives.

user, don't interact with the edgelord.