It's just been announced on the News that half the planet is in the grip of a chaos cult

Islam

>islam
>not in keeping with the concept of the imperium
replace the emps with muhammed and nothing changes; he's just browner and consumated marriage with a fifteen year old [after marrying her while she was age 12]

...

>he's just browner
Isn't Emps already brown?

Malal ofc!

He is, I'm pretty sure emps is middle eastern in fact.

Losing is Fun

Squats pls go, haven't you gotten your portion of fun by now?

He's bone white, user. Literally.

>implying the world isn't a bunch of Khorne worshippers already

Fear is for the weak. My faith in the Emperor would protect me from such evils as I purge this planet and reclaim it in his glory.

Why are you wearing Chaos symbols then?

Holy shit this is magnificent.

...

>garth ennis only issues
Nah, Slaanesh would be all of Crossed, especially the really stupid parts. Like the uninfected chick somehow ripping off her own hand in Psychopath.

Why isnt that bald eagle pecking his eyes out?

He paid good money not to

He comes from Turkey (Anatolia) during the where he could be either proto-Greek or proto-Persian for all intents and purposes.

Honestly I hate the idea of slaaneshi Demons raping me to death.

If you didn't it would be odd.

Don't worry, you'll learn to love it. Or you'll die first. Either way, problem solved.

So, the middle east? Okay. Why waste all these words?

Slaanesh, most of the other gods would just kill, though admittedly in rather painful ways. Slaanesh though, you'll bee lucky to still be capable of begging for death by the time you actually die

>Khorne
Terrifying, would collapse all civilization in record time as the entire world descends into frothing rage and bloodshed.
>Nurgle
Also terrifying, the entire world becomes a zombie apocalypse movie, but the zombies are intelligent, self-aware, can talk, and can wade through anti-tank rounds.
>Slaanesh
Honestly, the least scary, mostly because at least in the US, we are already there. We worship vanity, expressionism, and excess. Sex, money, and drugs have never been so pervasive, and we have unfiltered access to every corner of the Internet.
>Tzeentch
Terrifying, but in a different way. A 100 year rule of Tzeentch would be filled with unspeakable horrors and constantly living in fear, but nothing really destructive would happen until the mad plans of the world rulers converge on the final few days.
>Malice
Kek.

Nurgle

At least Slaanesh and Tzench can be interesting, but holy shit I can't stand bugs

>implying we're not living the the age of Tzeentch right now

Because the people that live there now and the people that lived there back when the emperor was born are very different people.

Drug use peaked with baby boomers and while it's still rising with demographics where they're prevalent, it has actually been on a steady decline with youth. And the "vanity, expressionism, and excess" is a mainstay of American culture, usually the only times where that ISN'T true is when there's a war going on or a war has recently passed

[citation needed]

Daily reminder that Terra is where Doombreed was born. Chaos cults in Mongolia would summon him through nostalgia fuelled rituals and we would die messily but fairly quickly.

What the fuck am I looking at?

A girl at one of those goth clubs in San Francisco that you think is easy but he has either a fat friend or a really tall skinny guy hanging around her all night that clearly wants your dick more than she does.

We're already being consumed by Slaanesh with people having half a billion sexual identities depending on their mood and the phases of the mooné

Muslims.

This guy knows what he's talking about.

They'd be Khornates, probably.

He's trapped in the Retconnian.

I'd be joining Khorne, so none probably.

...I think we as humanity might stand a chance against him/her/it in combat. Half a planet of Khorne would be a loss for humanity in a week.

Tzeenchians probably.
With Khornates, they're just out to murder you, sucks but simple enough.
Nurglers, just wear a hazmat suit over your hazmat suit over your hazmat suit and top with a set of armour to prevent breaches and you should be okay.
Slaaneshis can be reliably counted on to be too busy with their self indulgences to not bother you too badly unless they have a really good reason, so no worse than New York.
Tazeenchians you never fucking know and everything is mutated beyond comprehension, think that's a freaky tentacle tree-fungus you're having your lunch under? Nah, that's a lost puppy.

Pale as a corpse.

Then why, how can He shine so brightly? Why is He everywhere? Why is he followed by an entire galaxy?
How can He always protect?

A combination of Nurgle & Slaanesh.

If a succesful Tzeentchian cult would take over the planet you would only notice when everybody, inluding yourself, is working for them. And then Ahriman comes, takes a trinket he has been looking for for some time and burns everyone or turnes them into nope because no witnesses. So yeah, Tzeentchians are the most fucked up I think.

Followed by Nurgle because dying to super disease has to be painful as fuck, follwed by Slaanesh because no death for you, only extended torment, followed by Khorne as the lesser of four evils, getting your head chopped of is painless after all.

Slaanesh

Did you hear they actually wrote a 40k book about Trump? Every time you turn the page, it goes back to chapter 11.

> Back when Chris-chan looked somewhat reasonably attractive

This follower.
Also, a nurgle/slaanesh fusion, because space aids and how you catch it.

What would a planet under a Tzeentch look like?

Motherfucker, I needed that keyboard

Look around you.

I'm cool with Khorne.

That i can physically hit.

Nurgles burgles on the otherhand. That's some shit i don't ever want to experience.

>Event Horizon or Crossed

Is it enjoyable?

I'm torn between Tzeentch and Slaanesh
The whole "trying every sensation" sits pretty well in my book, countered by the fact that every sane living person would do the same, because chaos sex and pretty demons traps
Tzeentch would give me what, kick-ass powers and being able to change everything around me ? Pretty gud, but i don't really know the downside of following him, Tzeentch isn't really described well in all i read about chaos gods all according to the plan
The "gifts" of the two others look like a curse to me

tzeench
possibly slaanesh if it's about xirs non sexual aspects but mainly tzeench

maybe?

>you will never become a cute slaaneshi demon and fuck another trap senseless as you both fall into warm, loving, oblivion
Why live?

Slaanesh, especially once they get to the point where drugs orgies and gluttonous feasts stop satisfying you. In the chaos fluff books they usually describe what happens to victims of the other gods in detail, but with slaanesh we usually get something along the lines of "too horrible to imagine"
With Khorne you'll likely find an easy death, and with Nurgle you can just give in and he'll take away the pain. Tzeentch could be just as horrifying as slaanesh though it depends what his cultists decide to do. They could melt everyone into the buildings, they could force all 7 billion of us to chant some year long spell that eventually pulls earth into the realm of chaos, the options are as infinite as they are horrible

tzeentch is basically Veeky Forums made god

>Pretty gud, but i don't really know the downside of following him
Tzeentch has so many layers of plans and contingencies that he might as well just be completely fucking capricious. Maybe he gives you neat powers and forbidden knowledge, maybe he makes you work for neat powers and forbidden knowledge, maybe he denies you neat powers and forbidden knowledge, maybe he repos the neat powers.
The thing is, NONE OF IT CAN BE COUNTED ON. You cannot count on Tzeentch to back you up, or even to not screw you over, but you also can't count on him to screw you over or even make you handle your own messes.
The downside of Tzeentch is the same as his upside, and it is uncertainty.

>tfw Jews are just a Tzeenchian cult

>Slaanesh is basically Veeky Forums made god
FIFY

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anatolia#History

>Nurgle is basically anons made god

I would probably join the Slaanesh cult.

Khorne cultist would just brutally murder you, you cannot predict what a cult of Tzeentch would do, so the answer is nurgle.

Slowly rotting to death from sickness is by far the worst way anyone can die.

How does the conclusion that the answer is Nurgle follow from the premise that you can't predict what Tzeentch would do?

Don't see any mention of the people there being different genetically, only of different cultures and being named different things.

>it's not true that the Turks are a relatively recent addition to Anatolia, the Byzantines/Greeks/Hittites/Assyrians etc. didn't leave behind their phenotypes so we can only say the entire culture, governance and language family changed, the people were obviously still the same

Because I am not aware of what is going to happen, it could even be nothing that effects me.I could have even been in the cult without knowing.

[citation needed]

Worst girl.

Malal.

I need a slowed down version.

Ayyyy.
youtu.be/o9IN6fZMlGc?t=3m1s

considering how much they get screwed over as well id say that's an apt description

Thanks m8

Zon Kuthon. They don't really have goal that can be negotiated, or a plan that can be disrupted, or a structure that can be broken. They just want to hurt things, a lot.

It bothers me that the graphic designer didn't write "captain's log" correctly.

>I would probably join the Slaanesh cult.

I get the feeling that most people would join Slaanesh, followed by Tzeentch in second then by Khorne in third with Nurgle appealing to the least amount of humans

+1