How do I pick up sexy Inquistor girls, Veeky Forums?

>abductor-class tractor beam
sensible chuckle

The combined weight of that all those augs and power armor must be pretty hefty though.

Just be fanatical yet chill at the same time, and do an outstanding job of killing the enemies of Man. Oh and be visibly, but not too obviously aroused by the zealotry of sexy Inquisitorial grills. Do these things, and you'll net yourself an Adrastia type before too long.

Does physical attractiveness play a big role? Because a guy once told me that I had a face only Nurgle could love.

One should be a HERO OF THE IMPERIUM, who in person is actually rather humble and self-effacing, when not maintaining the charade.

Well ya, it always does. But if you're well off, I'm sure there's facial reconstruction. If it doesnt work, well, you may be more screwed than Macha in the captivity of Catachans. That is to say, not screwed in the way you want to be.

I do accounting for the Ordo Hereticus. How screwed am I?

Mate.
I've seen men with 90% of their face blasted off with a multi-melta conquer a woman's heart with their intelligence and wit.
If they can get someone to love them, then blokes like you should have no fear of looking bad.
Does she even like you? What are her interests, other than purging heretics?

>implying the Ordo Hereticus has any need for keeping track of its expenses
>implying any cost is too great to exterminate heresy wherever it may be found

Filthy heretic

Accounting, or "accounting"?

Eh, pretty bad... Why not just settle for that young savant over there, the one with the magnification glasses? She looks like she hasn't seen a dick in ages, if ever...

So I do have a chance then. Before she was killed by a pack of Orks, Ma did say that I was very handsome and that I had my father's looks. Thanks for the encouragement.

As for your spoiler, of course I think she likes me. I can see her smiling at me below her hat as we cross paths, and her friends gossip loud enough behind her back for me to hear about what she says about me when I'm not around.

Her interests beyond her job? Er, I think she said something about liking Servo Skulls and vox music.

You're the heretic, heretic.

Accounting. Those Thrones don't count themselves.

Ew, no. The girl I'm talking about has it all. I don't need some second-rate Warp-bait on my dick. I need someone strong and independent and sexy.

Why not just being a heretic? SHE'll be the one picking you up.

What if she's a Xanthite?

Ugh, like if I'd forsake the Imperium just to get a girl.

Well if you're just a lowly accountant you're gonna have to do something mad outstanding and awesome. Try volunteering to go on missions where your skills are needed, and work ftom there.

Mmm, might wanna set your sights elsewhere if that be the case.

>Well if you're just a lowly accountant you're gonna have to do something mad outstanding and awesome. Try volunteering to go on missions where your skills are needed, and work ftom there.

Where on Terra or in the known galaxy would they want an account to do field missions? I can barely shoot a Bolter as it is.

Well first thing, no one is going to trust you with a bolter, so I suggest you ask one of her stormtroopers to give you some training with las or stub guns.

As for where your skills are needed, why, higher officials get investigated constantly. She may need you to sneak into their offices to look at their secret ledgers.

Above all don't be such a pussy.

So, she likes pretty normal things.
Now, I think that, first and foremost, you should try to see what places she'd like to visit. Like every person this side of the galaxy, I'm sure she also has her "buttons", shall we say, that you should press. Observe her. Study her. Seek out quirks, and details. It's a thing I learnt in those 300 years as a Magos. And I daresay, the fact that I have a beautiful wife should mean something.
There's no need to do suicide missions. Acolytes are never in short supply, and the poor bastards don't usually need more than one savant per team.

>Magos
>with a wife

I thought you cogboys were above all that emotional attachment stuff. But, what's a battered old stormtrooper know...

>She may need you to sneak into their offices to look at their secret ledgers.

You are seriously overestimating my capabilities.

>Above all don't be such a pussy.

Words to live by, I guess.

>Observe her. Study her. Seek out quirks, and details.

I've been doing that ever since I've met her. Well, at least I've tried to without getting caught. She does a good job of keeping her private life a secret. However, I once snuck into her room and found a postcard from one of those Imperial Luxury Worlds I've heard about. Maybe I should invite her to take a trip with me to one?

> It's a thing I learnt in those 300 years as a Magos. And I daresay, the fact that I have a beautiful wife should mean something.

Aren't you people forced to find a pardner, anyway? It's either that or being sent to a Forge World at the ass-end of the Segmentum Obscurus with all the other betas.

How does Cain do it?

Seriously this guy has probably almost fucked almost every segment of the Imperium.
Including the mechcanicus

One does not pick up sexy inquisitors. One is picked up by sexy inquisitors.

Just be supercompetent at what you do and chances are you'll be pulled for retinue duty.

He's a HERO OF THE IMPERIUM.

By being a genuinely decent man, and one of the only reasonably SANE people in the entire setting.
Well, sane except for his pathological guilt complex.

Overestimating your abilities? I don't know about that, I've seen ordinary citizens do remarkable things. But if you like, I can set you up with a training regimen, bring out some skills you didn't know you were good at.

That sounds like a lot of work. But, I guess I'll give it a try, for her.

I would fucking kill for a book where Cain meets the Eldar.

He does mention that he got captured by Dark Eldar once so it could happen.

Right, I'll let the Armorer know you'll be in tomorrow morning.

That's the Rite Of Pure Thought blokes. Even we think that's extreme. Everyone else is more or less normal. We just lack a few glands, that's all. We can still get attached to people.
That's the workers. And even then, we, like a lot of other Forge Worlds, assign them a partner based on personal preference and possible attraction.
After all, it's easier to get more workers if their parents actually love each other.

Tomorrow morning? I'm not too sure . . .

I can't even begin to imagine how creepy listening to Magos flirting with each other would sound.

Not too sure huh? Well maybe I'll just go seduce her myself then...

As if she'd be interested in a Magos. That's just . . . wrong. Besides, she likes me. I know she likes me.

We're not THAT creepy! After all, some girls like metal.
That's the... wait, is that the stormtrooper? by the Omnissiah, I think I need a full scan now.

>some girls like metal.
Those girls are heretics.

>That's the... wait, is that the stormtrooper? by the Omnissiah, I think I need a full scan now.
No you don't.

Can there be lady stormtroopers?

Or do they all just get sent to the SoB?

>be Inquisitorial Stormtrooper
>9/10 Ordo Xenos Inquisitor has me guarding some records of hers, passes by me almost daily to check the books
>after a few weeks, I work up my courage, take off my helmet and mask, and try to ask her out
>she attacks me, has me quarantined, and has numerous biopsies performed on me
>afterwards puts me back together and apologizes, saying that I was so ugly she assumed that I must have been a genestealer cultist, or an abhorrent ork-human hybrid

Most girls end up being SoBs by default because of the fanatical faith the Schola Progenium is supposed to inspire. But there are always a few female Commissars, Stormtroopers or Arbites. Just not enough GW will ever have to make models for them cough cough.

Uh, yeah I'm the stormtrooper, and if your eyes are that bad I recommend some augmetics before you start any training.

I'm already augmented enough, thank you very much.

How the hell did Nobby Nobbs get to 40k?

Well then, get her to pay for eye surgery. Say you aren't able to read fine print so well.

You know, you guys are real assholes.

Well, so what? It's kind of our job. All I'm trying to do is motivate you. But, then again, maybe what works for us don't work so well for the likes of you. In which case I do have some cookbooks and poetry volumes you can try. We Scions are from nobility, after all...

I don't need poetry, I need to get this Inquistor girl in my bed!

Are you really this much of an ignoramus? This is the equipment you need to get her in there!

More like the equipment to make me look like a douche.

Oh so being well read enough to have a conversation and able to bake treats that ladies like is douchey now, is it?

It's only douchey if you make it seem like your better than everyone else because you can do those things.

Well I'm sorry if I accidentally conveyed that message. I simply meant that these are the sort of things well educated women such as her appreciate, so it can't hurt to aquaint yourself with such things. Has nothing to do with thinking you're better.

Well in that case I guess learning how to cook and write poetry couldn't hurt.

There's a good man. Now go out there and win your woman.

I'll try.

Hell, maybe I'll even talk to her for you. Maybe she's one of those types that likes to seize men like Dark Eldar seize little boys, and just hasn't noticed you yet.

Like this.

More or less, depending on how much of a lolicon you are.

>entire book of Cain out-dicking Eldar dickery through charisma, raw talent, and sheer dumb luck

I have a MIGHTY NEED

There's precedent for it, at least in the Heresy era. Know No Fear had a cog couple.

Ah yes, and Magos Tychon from Priests of Mars had his clone daughter

I want the lower image. For daaw reasons.

very carefully.

>Magos Tychon from Priests of Mars had his clone daughter
Divayth Fyr is 40kanon?

I reckon so. Though to my shame I never played Morrowind.

...

Even better is that Amberly knows of all his little escapades though the years and she doesnt even care about it

What is this romance? In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only WAR!

It looks like Lutherniel's work.

No problem, user, just take her clothes off

Let's be honest - if there was a woman in an Inquisitorial Stormtrooper getup, she'd be ten out of ten.

If it weren't for the fact that 40k was so grimdark, Inquisitorial retinues would be a powderkeg of pent up feelings that would make Slaanesh excited.

>Even better is that Amberly knows of all his little escapades though the years and she doesnt even care about it

Well, they're both high-ranking people whose jobs often prevent them from being together. While they enjoy each other and have feelings for one another, she understands that he's a man who has needs and because of her duty she can't always be there to fill them.

>Let's be honest - if there was a woman in an Inquisitorial Stormtrooper getup, she'd be ten out of ten.
Historic experience shows that skilled female soldiers (actual soldiers, not eyecandy for propaganda photo shoots) strongly tend to be 5 and below, since accomplishment within a strongly nontraditional role has a powerful negative relation to one's hotness - hot chicks have no reason to express themselves through kicking ass, as their ego is usually already oiled well enough by all the attention they get.

Boooooring

...

>a female Firstborn
Why does FFG need to trigger me so badly, Veeky Forums?

the imperium however cares not for how big your mammaries are, or how pretty and full your lips are; if you're an attractive woman you're more likely to be abducted and raped by slaaneshi cultists than receive a compliment

I always thought Firstborn meant firstborn what ever.

If this was like 2007 you wouldnt have cared as much I can tell you that.

That and the testosterone/HGH combo which helps make them physically superior does not help in the looks department.

>If it weren't for the fact that 40k was so grimdark
yeah man, if water wasn't so wet, it would be so fuckin' dry you wouldn't even know

>mfw I googled dry water and got en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dry_water

I fucking knew I'd get something like this. SCIENCE HAS GONE TOO FAR

>If this was like 2007 you wouldnt have cared as much I can tell you that.
Holy shit, this is true.

Your fun is badwrongfun, since it is built around a basic animal physiological reaction. As opposed to a slowly developing feelings between a quickly burning out astropath and plainly ugly yet caring inquisitorial stormtrooper women, who both jumped the inquisition opportunity for prestige before catching up with realization that this job is evil and has no exit plan, at which point they ended up in a routine of daily cruelty and apathy, where if they won't care for each other, absolutely nobody else in the entire vast Galaxy will.

>lmao everything sex is slaanesh
one of the hired guns in necromunda was an attractive young woman who was kidnapped and mauled by spryers

40k doesn't need chaos to be dangerous

Dang guy. You sure know how to kick fantasizers right in the tits. You are right though. That's exactly how that would turn out.

Stormtroopers aren't volunteers, anyways. Inquisition ones even less so.

only heretics and xenos scum don't care about chaos corruption's possibility first and foremost, which one are you?

>I always thought Firstborn meant firstborn what ever.
I always pictured Firstborn to have attitudes akin to those of their inspiration source - the Muscovite Streltsy, and those were some STRONGLY traditionalist, superstitious and boisterous folks who were more likely to go
>- A woman? IN MY REGIMENT?!
That any other inspiration source for any other template for any other Guard regiment.

Information about the ruinous powers is heavily restricted, m80. Chaos insurrection doesn't happen every fuckin' day, while hive gangs are populous enough to routinely found entire guard regiments.

>Stormtroopers aren't volunteers
All the mandatory yet elite military organizations IRL still have a major element of choice in them, as good will and eagerness are extremely important qualities for them. Nobody will ever pick you up if you display negative attitude towards their line of work.

I was just saying people didnt start caring about gender until recently

>That any
*than any

Define recently.

It's been ongoing since the 1900s in America.