It's time for confessional Veeky Forums

>Girl
>Wearing just pants
>Hiding anything

That's...not how it works.

that just means that A, there isn't really another option or B, your quests are really good

They're not, at least I don't think. I have a habit of the "no consequence quest", which means that the players go in and kill someone, and will usually make an enemy, strike a bargain, or burn something down in the process, but it never actually comes back to them.

That's mostly just the way my brain works, I guess, I have to force myself to remember those things for later.

FLAT
L
A
T

This is probably one of my favorite places on the internet yet I have never had the joy of partaking in any form of DnD / roleplay experience. I envy all of you, I only have a few friends and none of them would ever be down for anything like this.

I hate people who do blatantly magical realm shit in game and trust me, none of you cunts are any good at hiding it.

The moment someone isn't a team player in my games I start heaping penalties or a lions share of the damage until they beg for support from others.

If there's a powergamer in my group I thrust them into situations that make their character vulnerable and weak while giving benefits or nice things to other, non optimized characters.

How have you somehow made it to 2016 and not realized yet that you're on the fucking internet?

What am I going to do? Ask people on craiglist if they want to explore Veeky Forums stuff with me?

roll20

First, you're literally retarded and your parents should have aborted you because you make the world dumber simply by existing.

Second, type "How do I play D&D over the internet" into fucking Google.

Holy shit. Has no one ever taught you people to think for yourself?

>You make the world dumber simply by existing.

Sweet. Thanks user.

If you're too stupid to use google, he's kind of got a point.

If what your players want is a structured story to run through the motions of, then giving them that is entirely fine.

If you're laying rails either way then at least you can take the opportunity to make a rollercoaster.

That's not how it works.

Unless by "youngster" you mean "prepubescent".

I make OP enemies with a "weakness", but I don't decide on what that weakness is until the party tries something and then I retroactively make that the weakness

Don't take it to heart, user. They just don't know how to communicate in nicer ways.

Listen, sometimes the simple things don't occur to people. Sometimes, you may just not know how to proceed. Either way, there's nothing wrong.

I hope you're able to play in some games soon, hopefully with people who are not as asshole-ish as these.

>When I DM, I steal all my NPCs from Precure anime and reskin them as rugged old men.
examples

Extremely flat + muscular body could be totally sufficient to pass it off, user

Yeah, nah. Not without some hormonal jiggery-pokery involved too.

DFC is my magical realm too, but this just isn't at all plausible.

Despite reading rpgs constantly and posting on online rpg forums for the last 8 years I've never joined a campaign that lasted more than 3 weeks. I think I enjoy the idea of roleplaying games more than the execution.

Good taste.

When I run Deadlands I just use the plots of westerns I know my players haven't seen. They've only ever seen The Man With No Name trilogy so my material is practically endless. I steal characters from them all the time too so it's not just the plot either. I enjoy imagining them fighting side by side with classic western heroes or going up against great villains. They actually shot a vengeful zombie Liberty Valance to protect senator Ransom Stoddard.

I was part of a campaign where I became the DM after the DM got burnt out. As I had to come up with a reason to get rid of him, I baited one of the players into setting of a chain of events that turned my player character from a Neutral Good hero to a Lawful Evil villain over the course of a year. He had become the Lawful Neutral antagonist of another campaign before being defeated by them and going full Lawful Evil because he had basically lost everything.
Only one person in the party he came from knows that their character abandoned him in the Feywild and kickstarted everything. He's now a Chain Devil and he'll be back for that character eventually.

Don't enable this kind of thing.

I actually enjoy being a forever GM.

> I regularly bring my girlfriend to my games
> I gave magic items that encouraged nudity to my players, knowing that the female players would take them
> I got three of my players compete for my affections, fucked one of them and essentially tore the group apart so I could get my dick wet
> I don't use coasters

Me too.
Most of my friends are shitty GMs, and I almost always start thinking what I'd do differently.

I could almost forgive you if it weren't for the coasters.

My players think tomboys forced into girly dresses are really cute said players consist of three women and a crossdressing guy, so I sometimes include a tomboy just so they can go out of they can have a little amusement during downtime. No, I don't mean sex. Sex has never actually come up during the campaigns.

Though they also joked about wanting to force a villain to dress like a french maid once they beat him.

I enjoy being a DM. I'm the only one in my group that can get a campaign to last longer than three sessions.
The only thing about being forever DM that bothers me is when my players don't appreciate it.

My homebrew is just 3.X mixed with runescape and a priority system to better represent weapon length.

Every three months or so my group will get super hammered and try and run F.A.T.A.L.

I've browsed Veeky Forums for 3 years, and i have yet to play a single session of anything.

>roll20
>lfg forums
>craigslist
>Veeky Forums gamefinder (kek)

These are the options. They are bad. So bad in fact that for you to go off the handle over the lack of real options is ludicrous. You are the one that is the retarded. Kill yourself, shitheel. At the very least, stop posting forever.

>Roll20
>Bad

Murder your family and hang yourself

>Roll20
>good

Eating shit because it's the only food available doesn't make shit good. Roll20 is one step above playing through skype.

>Roll20
>good

Well thanks for showing the class youve never used it or played with a group on it. Your homework for tonight is to eat shit and die.

If you have any preferred internet forums, make a thread about tabletop games. You might be surprised to find users you like and respect are into it.

I haven't played before, but I'm getting into a gurps game with some forum friends in a few weeks from now.

I have a player that plays a chaotic neutral wizard really well. Pretty sure he is on a path to become the next god of madness. He might be on the edge of chaotic evil, but hasn't pushed over the line yet. He's taken out a village of innocents previously because they kicked him out of a brothel, but he has more recently saved a monastary from demonic influence. our group paladin is getting ready to *attempt* to smite him either way.

Stealing this

also his favorite pastimes are raping goblins and breeding dire skunks for the defense of a regional druid clan. The skunks can spray out various effects depending on the patterning of their stripes. Cloud kill is the easiest to make, but he succeeded at making one that does prismatic spray.

I have about a hundred images that prove you wrong, but none can be posted on this board.

thank god you havent met my older sister. shes 31, a dike and so flat chested you could use her as a carpenter's level. she has been a practicing nudist for 12 years so i have seen plenty of them tiny titties. she isnt petite either. she 5'10" and runs marathons multiple times a year.

>being a dm
>not already encouraging your pc's to come up with really resourceful and cool ways to bone your npc's

That's actually not uncommon. I haven't played in years since my group split and moved away. Timezone issues made playing online problematic and eventually some lost interest so now I'm forever alone. I tried roll 20 but that shit was cancer and I'm never going back.

Why is roll20 so bad?

Because Veeky Forums is full of anti-social fucktards who blame everyone else for their own flaws.

It's not anti-social to avoid fuckheads.

>playing with pubbies
>ever

unnecessarily clunky
It's been years since I used it last, but an RP platform that doesn't have built-in tile-based support is behind the Byond platform, made in 1996.

The interface sucks balls.

It's mostly the pubbies that suck. Not so bad if you play with people you know.

What podcasts?

I never plan anything before one hour before the session and just wing it. I used to try to plan things, then my players destroyed almost everything I ever planned, I improvise now.

I need to constantly lean on one of my players for emotional support because I have wanted to quit the campaign a couple times recently, convinced myself my players didn't give a shit about anything I was trying to do and got tired of them running off on their own impossible to manage side ventures.

One player's annoying actions are coloring my perceptions to where I get unreasonably angry whenever he does anything, even if he doesn't deserve it, and I'm trying to be more fair to him.

I'm terrible at writing combat encounters. I focus on social encounters because I did improv in highschool. There have been numerous sessions that I've run in which I've forgotten to include combat and I feel like I'm just hosting pretend time.

>lots of systems I'll never run due to forever GM status because I fear I'll fuck it up having not "played" the system before
>on the off chance I end up being a PC instead of a GM my enthusiasm for playing tends to die after 2.5 sessions
>I occasionally put in less cash towards pizza if they're just getting cheese
>I'd love to run a magical realm campaign that catered the player's fetishes as long as I knew they were getting off to it
>I stole a player's girlfriend once semi-accidentally
>it's been two months since I last worked on my miniatures

SIN

friends
brothers
countrymen

I complain about not being in a game as a player but I dropped out of last three games due to lack of interest.

All the games I've run died out do to players losing interest or never getting started.

It's like I'm a bad GM and Player.

I don't know what it is but I swear it's so common for players to fall for their GMs

The first time I ever played a ttrpg, I developed a crush on my DM within a couple weeks. He had a girlfriend already, so that didn't go anywhere. But now that I'm running my own campaigns, one of my players has a really obvious crush on me, and I'm not sure what to do about it either.

Is it just something about the power dynamic? I'm honestly perplexed by this trend.

Holy shit dude, me too. My roleplaying moments as a GM are entertaining and "captivating" according to my players, but when I attempt to run combat, everything just slows to an immeasurably dull crawl and people end up pulling out their phones when it isn't their turn. How the hell do I make combat more engaging?

>I'd love to run a magical realm campaign that catered the player's fetishes as long as I knew they were getting off to it

Hmmmm I wish I knew a GM who would do this but I'd be forever too afraid to ask and/or confess my obscure fetishes

It's kind of alright if you play with friends, I qouldnt touch random people though.

I wish there was an alternative, or at least I haven't found anything better.

I try to become better friends with the people that I'm playing with. Lately I have been fucking up and making them dislike like me.

Show up by Veeky Forumschat on F-List and you'll be sorted out.

Though if I may burst this bubble, Magical Realm campaigns are more of an ideal than something really achievable. Long-term freeform RP is doable, but bringing actual RPG systems into it gets wonky. You can still get lewd with other characters of a regular game in 'downtime', but making the Magical Realmness part of the campaign itself makes it lose its Magic imo.

I always have to force myself to not put a plot-relevant, cute loli into my campaigns

Being a good GM takes intelligence, charisma and perceptiveness. And he/she is in a position of authority over you, which makes you either want to rebel or submit. No one gets turned on by an egalitarian, noncompetitive relationship.

My girlfriend freely admits that one of the reasons why she liked me was that I was so arrogant and such a smartass that she wanted to take me down a peg.

I guess the joke's on her.

matt, please tell your wife to stop overacting

regards

Despite her repeated interest and enthusiasm, I purposely leave my girlfriend out of my D&D group partly because I'm afraid she'll embarrass me and partly because I enjoy it as a private thing away from her

Wait a minute, are you from... Nerdarchy?

I kicked a guy out of the group for having a speech impediment.

>3 years
Try ~6 years.

Unfortunately, I don't think we are too uncommon. It feels like Veeky Forums is overrun these days by people who have never played and probably never will.

sheeeit son, I'm dealing with this situation right now but I haven't yet been able to be enough of a terrible person to kick him out

It's so distracting and disruptive to the game, though, but I'd feel so bad dude

Kitty Katzu
Kennedy Kressler

Make people act faster. If they stop to ponder their action, snap your fingers and tell them they don't have time to think in battle.

Additionally, make combat more intense. Use the D&D 5e method:
>HP can't drop below 0
>when you hit 0, you are unconscious
>every turn and attack while unconscious you must make a death saving throw
>three failed saving throws = dead
>restoring HP will wake the character and reset their death check count
This lets you put characters in mortal peril more frequently without the threat of instagibbing.

I've noticed this as well. I have ended up banging every single girl I've run for.

My theory is that it has something to do with the demonstration of authority being subconsciously analogous to the idea they have amassed actual power, which in turn is a pretty strong attractor.

Like, I'm not trying to dehumanise people, I often find myself romanticizing the women in my life that I see as being 'influential'.

Or use the FFG method where once HP/wounds hits zero you start taking damage on the infamous critical tables.

>risk of mortal peril
>no risk of lingering bodily injury

>she has been a practicing nudist for 12 years so i have seen plenty of them tiny titties
Sorry for off-topic but I have to mention it, is it considered abnormal for relatives to see each other naked where you're from? My older sister actually BATHED me when I was a toddler. Modesty only started coming into question when she turned 15 or so and that was more out of general self-consciousness. My mother never saw a problem with it either. The only person in my direct family who I didn't regularly see naked for a few years was my dad

Every family is different, and nudity isn't a big deal when you're kids.

Whenever I am a player, I go out of my way to make unorthodox, stupid, or otherwise off-the-rails decisions just to see how the DM will react. I also backseat GM whenever whoever is running the game doesn't seem like he knows what to do next. All the while, I think how I would have run the game differently.

I am forever GM for a reason.

I'm That Guy as a player. I make shitty characters and I once raged so hard (the end result of a long series of disappointments in my life and protracted case of depression) that I tore my character sheet into pieces and literally ate it. I was very upset. I'm a pretty great GM though apparently.

> I almost always start thinking what I'd do differently.

I do this for almost every piece of media I consume. I cannot read a book or watch a movie without thinking what I would have done differently. Is anyone else this way?

How do you find the time to do all that? I'm lucky if I can do a game a week.

I used to do this all the time. It's an entirely normal trait, noticeable only by the people who don't do this and are incapable of reflecting on why something didn't work.

I play my character as a quiet, vengeful, and downright cold bitch in the campaign I use her in, but online I RP her as a closeted slut.

I just want to ERP stuff with her, but I'm pretty much the only one in my group that does that. At least online.

>I don't use coasters

I hope it's your table you fuck

I've been playing a game of pathfinder with some friends and they were fighting a hobgoblin chief. He ran the dwarf cleric through with his sword and dropped him to dying, while mocking him in cockney accent.

The party was almost out of heals and realized this guy is no push over and started thinking strategically. The druid sent in his bear while they distracted the hobgoblin and the bear dragged him to safety where he could be healed by another party member.

They really enjoyed the challenge of the encounter, and stopping to speak to them as the hobgoblin really put them into the mood, and made them want victory even more.

I made a gigantic, integrated setting in which I run multiple campaigns.

It's literally just Zemuria from the Kiseki series. If my players, who like the setting, knew what it's reskinned from, they'd flip out.

It's fine to think about how you would have done something differently. It's not fine to get smug about it and act like a know-it-all, since your ideas are probably just as open to nitpicking and alteration.

what kind of tables do you use? I never ever saw a coaster in my life and there are no circles on my table

I steal about half my minor NPS's from blue oyster cult songs.

I'm horrible at storytelling, and would rather let my players rampage around neat settings.

Im an asshat fellow anons.
My players are escorting the prince of the realm on his rock tour.
His name is Frederick Quicksilver.
>they havnt worked it out.
And he is going to die on their watch, and i know they will set it up for me in pursuit of a few gp more.
>a political rival to a pc paladins order is gonna shift blame too
I have a folder full of the crap i am pouring on my players, set to dole it out on them whenever they start to catch up.

And this is the most kind of my campaigns ive run

The overall body of a prepubescent of either sex is pretty indistinguishable from one-another at a glance.