Share your best Wizard stories

Share your best Wizard stories

A classic

I was a wizard and I miscast a fireball after getting shot with an arrow. Our injured party didn't survive the 8d6 damage that ensued.

Being a wizard who humbly set up a shop at old and and then being murdered for buying an antique.

Realistic wizard.

filled as many spell slots as possible with shape stone, lightning bolt, and expeditious retreat. At least in that edition, Lighting bolt had a pretty long range and would 'reflect' off stone surfaces, so I would zip around the battlefield setting up trick shots to skewer as many enemies as possible, I turned a line attack into an AOE with some geometry.

I've run several wizards, but I don't have many exciting stories. Here's one:

>AD&D 2e
>Level 1 Wizard
>Let's call him "Rumpet"
>Rumpet was an enchanter who liked wands
>Like, really liked wands
>Magical-Realm levels of obsession
>Could have a dildo collection and it'd be easier to explain
>Met the party during his travels to the regional wand convention
>Never heard of it? Yeah, me either
>Rumpet catches wind of the hot new models' display case being mailed through Whogivesafuckville
>Ropes party into extensive misadventure with Manticores, ghosts, ancient caverns, ratmen, Displacer Beasts and undead hordes of a DracoLich
>Reach Whogivesafuckville
>Rumpet gets his assassin buddy to dig up some dirt on where the case is being kept
>Not to steal them; he just wants a peek because he really likes wand
>Turns out theft is a common problem for the wand convention(???) and they set up a rigged magic-proofed vault to ward off any thieves
>Rumpet opts to go solo

A reminder: Level 1 Wizard. Spell per day, singular. I forget which, but suffice to say it was inadequate for this mini-dungeon. Rumpet had to improvise.

>Layout of dungeon is basically a long hallway
>Traps galore (guillotines, darts, axes, poison gas, the whole nine yards for a box of wands)--and a pool at the end with the box across it
>Rumpet wastes a shoe to determine the traps only trigger once relying on sheer volume to kill intruders
>Spell and shoe-free, he fishes through his inventory
>Withdraws fat soap block
>We're talking "how the fuck did this fit in his hat" fat
>Observes the wet floor because of the pool and whoever came here last
>Suds up and pushes soap down the hall
>Soaps triggers every trap sliding down the hall; Rumpet follows
>Soap is reduced to a pebble by the damage, drops into the pool and triggers the final trap
>Rumpet swims to the box
>It's locked
>Cue ANOTHER misadventure as he races to find his assassin bud to open the box before convention time
>Rumpet's face the whole time

I'm drawing this give me a minute

He also had his bag of holding in his wizard hat. made doing the rabbit trick a lot easier.

...

perfect

If I ever started a Wizards club

You would be the first I'd invite

>Be full blaster wizard
>Be around 10th level
>Running through an ancient Hobgoblin tomb
>Encounter relic of uncertain effect
>Only one in the party with balls, so I use it
>Gain massive inherent bonus to Knowledge (Military Tactics) checks
>Later we're leaving the dungeon
>An army of Hobgoblins has surrounded us
>They tell us to surrender
>Rogue senses motive and says they're just going to kill us
>No fucking shit
>Roll on my newest skill to determine best way to escape the siege
>DC 30 roll tells me that the best way to win is to just blow them up with fireballs
okay.jpg

In the end I used Delayed Blast Fireballs in conjunction with Invisibility and Fly to cripple the bulk of the HobGobs while the rest of the party blitzed the command structure. It was a good time.

...

One time he dodged into his own hat to avoid a lightning bolt that had to cross his own position to do the most damage. The DM was pretty supportive of my cartoon antics, even if the walls weren't made of stone, he usually said If I was willing to cast shape stone I could pull some out of the dirt or foundations to set up reflectors. I don't think the party had someone with a shield, because if there was I'm sure I would have tried to convince them to put a coating of stone on it so they could be a mobile reflector/lightning rod. I probably would have learned how to summon an earth elemental or create stone golems just for that purpose if the campaign had gone on for long enough.

>disappearing into your own hat to dodge an attack

>>disappearing into your own hat to dodge an attack
hehe fuck yeah

thats pretty neat.

Personal favorite.

>party of murderhobos in as desert setting.
>joined by a new player who makes our characters seem rational, decent folks.
>he gets the party in major hot water, then tries to pk us.
>we put him down hard.
>the player begs me to bring his character back to life, with my evil wizard.

>I turn his character into a floating skull that acts as a refrigerated bag of holding.
>it can also use a number of cold spell-like abilities.
>the party now has a place to chill their beer, and a portable air conditioner to boot.

Tactical genius at its finest!

Wizards who aren't wizards are fun

>Wizard is a drunkard sad sack who's been dragged into shenanigans and has to go along with it.
>His family was killed and has taken a vow not to kill people - uses illusions & enchantments mostly.

>discover Chronomancer prestige class and mention to DM it would be neat to try.

>a couple months later our party is muckin' about town.
>Some dude just fucking teleports right between the four of us.
>Seemingly fuckin disintegrates party monk.
>Our attacks keep somehow missing.
>Disintegrates fighter, then our psion.
>Manage to dodge one of the disintegrates with an illusion.
>DM tells me he seems familiar, but we haven't been able to see his face yet.
>Tackle the fucker in rage since he just murdered my whole party.
>MFW it's me from the future
>MFW I'm the BBEG
>He disintegrates me
>Turns out we all got rescued by TIMECOPS and we have to stop future me.
>This is how my character discovers Chronomancy and starts down the prestige class.

this is great, do you have more?

"I cast lightning bolt!"
"Sir that's just a taser"
"FUCK YOU, HARRY. IMMA WIZARD!"

>wizard makes scroll with explosive runes in it
>a lot of explosive runes
>which it promptly gives to the rogue
>tricks him into believing it is an emergency teleportation spell
>rogue is stuck in a 1vs1 against a powerful demon
>on melee range with the demon, he reads the scroll
>66d6 to both

Unfortunately the demon survived due to mr, but it was fun

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