What is a perfect way to ruin a barbarian character?

make the wizard incredibly dumb

What is 'barbarian', for starters. Tribes living north of Greece?

They're Barbarians because they don't live by the same rules or codes of behaviour as you do.

Perhaps they refuse to fight pitched battles and instead ambush and raid before melting back into the woods.

Maybe their legal system uses duels to settle disputes, thus granting justice's favour to the strong, or those rich enough to hire a champion?

Maybe they let WOMEN fight in battle?

Too much rape.

>What is a perfect way to ruin a barbarian character?
Not knowing what approach you want to take.

You can have the idealized cunning adventuring bodybuilder like Conan

You can have the malnourished savages like the wildlings from GRRM's works

You can have them be a misunderstood culture that just happens to live a more nomadic life than the people in the cities but otherwise just like regular people.

Whatever you do, pick a theme and stick to it. Don't just make it an angry man in a loincloth who for some reason has high quality steelwork on him while living in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.

Multi-class it with monk and paladin.

So, Fafhrd?

Couple of good "done right" barbarians that are not Conan.

Joe Abercrombie's Logen "Nine-Fingers" also known as "The Bloody Nine". A well known and merciless tactician. No nonsense, but tries his best to do what is right by his morals and honor.

Prince of Nothing by R.S. Bakker has a fantatic barbarian named C'Naiur (sp?). Clever and awakened to thoughts outside of his culture, he is a man who understands war as no other. None so much a leader of men as he is a demon.

For starters, no one even wears shit like that. What is even the point of wearing furs if you're leaving most of your body exposed?

Well, for a long while the majority of people went into battle in either their clothes or shirtless. Bronze was super expensive, so most guys in an Egyptian, Minoan, or other Bronze Age cultures army were going around topless because it was usually better than wearing a scratchy tunic in a fight. If the culture doesn't have bronze to make any armor with, but the guy is rich and wants to show off, he might wear furs as a status symbol.

It's fine if they're clever. Protagonist barbarians should usually be clever.
At a bare minimum even side character barbarians should be cunning.

Those were a lot more like Greeks and a lot less like Hollywood barbarians.

Unless they were Scythians. Though they had armor but the scalping, cannibalism, and drinking wine from skulls stuff was all invented by them.

Considering that whole tribes of barbarians where everyone is a barbarian exists, some of them HAVE to be smart to fill in all the roles required by a society. And being smart doesn't mean you have to be literate.

Actually Scythians from Greek influence areas such as the north of the Black Sea were pretty hellenized.

Nah, Fafhrd was good at what he did. I mean someone so multi-ability dependent that they can't function in a game mechanics sense.

> Don't just make it an angry man in a loincloth who for some reason has high quality steelwork on him while living in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.

That actually sounds like a great basis for a character that's essentially a fantasy hobo with a shotgun.

Historical barbarians where anyone outside of Rome.

They weren't necessarily "barbarians" as in "we live in the woods and eat people and wear pelts and burn your kids alive", but more like "we don't belong to that weird Empire whose soldiers wear skirts". Back then the word "barbarian" had more the connotation of "gentile" or "those who don't belong here" than the modern negative connotation.

Fantasy barbarians, is Conan, and every Conan copy under the sun.

>And being smart doesn't mean you have to be literate.

In the novels Conan not only became king, but he re-wrote the laws of Aquilonia and invented a whole quasi-modern system of taxes that didn't fuck up the people of Aquilonia and actually made them rich.

Being a barbarian doesn't mean the person has to BSOD when in front of a book, they have the same potential for learning as the other races.

Since we are all talking about Conan, I just wanna make the daily reminder that Arnie's Conan is the only true movie Conan.

Khal Drogo is just Khal Drogo trying to be Conan.

I love that archetype though.

Why do you not what Fantasy Khan Singh, user?

Well I pictured that stereotype more like a muscular german nerd than glorious Khan Singh

Technically Dutch, but still in the same vein.

Ah yes, the peacefull waffle loving cousins of the Germans.

they hate each other in real life user

They actually were seen as uncivilized and inferior. Not literal stone age savages, but uncivilized still.

Alternatively they wear bikini chainmail and can't shut up about "muh pride" even though they just want to be understood and dominated by an alpha male.
Not that I never implied the barbarian in question is female

Khal Drogo is just Ronon Dex trying to be Khal Drogo.

I'm a literal retard, I just realized it's the same actor.

I find it ironical that an Austrian actor got the essence of Conan almost right, while in the books Conan's people are supposedly the ancestors of the Irish celts.

Can't even imagine an Irish trying to play Conan.

Barbarians were ruined from the start. They're a stupid bullshit pulp comic archetype from the days when America chose its president via bear-shooting competition, and everyone lived in terror of the vile yellow oriental chinaman.

Celtic culture was originated in Austria.

>chose its president via bear-shooting competition

You portray it as being idiotic, but that was also the age America experienced the greatest economic boom in it's history.

I say, let us get Sparta with it, throw Trump, Sanders and Hillary into a pit and throw down a single knife. He/she who climbs out gets to be president.

>Most ancient Celtic sites being on the Atlantic coastline
>B-But Austria

Swing and a miss there buddy.

Waaat is de riddle av steel?

>make the sorcerer incredibly dumb
At least he can still be useful.

I actually like this.

Worst case scenario: The new president knows knife-fighting.

Best case scenario: They all die and we get new candidates.

I think a big part of it is Conan is likable. He's a born leader, and people rally around him. Arnold is also very likable.

When you see Arnold in that role, you can understand why people gravitate to him. Memes about his accent and sillier roles aside, Arnold radiates personality and you always want to see more of him. Even when he's playing something cold and dangerous like the Terminator you still can't help but want more Arnold.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hallstatt_culture

Mandatory picture.

There is no such thing as ''barbarian culture'' you daft cunt barbarian was a buzzword Greeks and Romans used to describe anyone they dislike including Egyptians and Celts, Vandals, Visigoths, Huns were all different despite being labeled as barbarians. Hollywood didn't ruin the barbarian image it invented it.

Yeah, as a king he took some non-barbarian levels though.

>Outdated shit

People have found proto-celtic digsites predating Hallstatt culture in Spain and western france.

Though Hallstatt had the largest concentration of large celtic townships, most evidence points to Iberians being the source of the celtic culture and language.

In fact, the Celtic language and culture seems to have migrated eastwards.

Arnold is very charismatic in real life, and by all accounts he is a very nice person.

However I think people love Arnie's Conan for a different reason.

He isn't you typical braggish hero. He is the original silent badass. He doesn't brag, he isn't childish, he doesn't make snarky remarks. When a problem arises, he acts, he doesn't stop to have to missed emotion or moment of terror, he dultifully raises his sword and deals with it. He doesn't even cry when he loses the love of his life, he moves on, like a paragon of consistency, never stuck in the past, never blinded by the future. And when he does opens up, like that scene were he prepares with Subotai for Doom's attack, you get to see that behind that stalward shield of stoicism, he is true to himself and his close friends.

That not only makes him a great character, it makes him a character that people genuinely look up to. Now put him in contrast with your typical juvenile Chris Pratt hero of today.

> And people say Arnold is a bad actor
> And people say Conan was poorly directed.

I dunno, wizards can go the rock-bottom Wisdom route and thereby be useful idiots (when they're not inventing new problems for themselves).

[citation needed]

I like the idea that, just like a random savant can learn to master the sword, a random savant can master magic.

Doesn't really mean he is a genius, just means he gets the stuff and can wield it better than a learned someone because of it.

Wait Cimeria is a frozen wasteland? I thought it looked more like this

> Now put him in contrast with your typical juvenile Chris Pratt hero of today.

It's an unfair comparison. Conan was a hero based on the traditional classical "hero", with some masterfully spins put to him.

Most "heroes" of today are nothing more than self-insert tools for millenials.

My bad. It's actually like that, but it's depicted in book and comics as very cold, and has a frozen mountain rage near the border of the Vanir and Aesir people.

Chris Pratt is a totally likable and enjoyable actor and he's one of the few who pulls off the snarky braggart without it feeling cringey. Most people who try that are pretty bad at it though.

> And people say Arnold is a bad actor

I can't stand this. People like to point at Batman and Robin as a great example of his allegedly bad acting. But come the fuck on, he's literally the only person in that whole movie actually putting in any effort and he's quite honestly the only thing which makes it at all watchable.

Also Conan the Conqueror is confirmed for sometime in the next few years. Script is done, Anrold is back, they just need directors. The producers say it's gonna be like a sword and sorcery version of The Unforgiven.

Hallstatt is ONE of the proto-Celtic systems, but Hallstatt itself isn't THE Proto-Germanic ancestor, as Hallstatt itself comes from Urnsfield culture.

However, much more evidence points at the Atlantic Bronze age being the precursor to the Celts, especially the Gauls Iberians and Britons.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlantic_Bronze_Age

it's an insanely complex issue right now because it turns alot of heads on founded study, but the fact that Atlantic Bronze Age designs predate Hallstatt and are more akin to Urnfield systems then it's more likely Celtic culture arose from the combination of the two.

>What is a perfect way to ruin a barbarian character?
Make them female.

This is wrong and you're wrong. Go be wrong somewhere else.

>Make them female.
Worst, make them gender ambiguous, for the single reason of cattering to whinny millenials.

Incorrect.

Make them female and make them /keep fucking pushing that angle/.

It's the equivalent of vegans who have to insert that into conversation every 5 minutes.

YES, WE GET IT. THEY'RE BADASS WOMEN, CAN WE MOVE ON!

I hate when female warrior looks like a supermodel I imagine a woman who would fight for her life in a over the top dangerous fantasy land would be quite buff, scarred and ugly.

Nah, it's correct.

To be clear, female barbarians are fine.

The issue is, that most of the time we instead get 'Barbarians that are female'.

Where they take a barbarian and make them female solely for the sake of pandering/muh feminism.

Like that female Thor run.

That idea completely contradicts all we know of PIE migrations, so it doesn't really make much sense. There was definitely an Atlantic culture and there has been since at least the Megalithic Culture, but making them the proto-Celts seems a bit far-fetched.

How is that ambigous? She has fucking boob-plate!

>The female barbarian is buff, scarred and unconventionally attractive
>She doesn't dare expose herself to the man she loves because she believes she looks ugly and masculine

Why ugly? I'd think that as a quality separate from excessive buffness or scarredness, that'd be mainly a preexisting condition rather than one accrued over the course of fighting monsters and stuff.

Because muscular, scarred women are not exactly pretty.

>She doesn't dare expose herself to the man she loves because she believes he is actually a bear
Fixed

Not really if we think about it logically.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlantic_Europe

The thing we need to remember is "Celtic" means "Spoke Celtic" It was a language family like Greek.

Western or Atlantic Celts like the Britons Iberians and so forth all have the same underlying Bronze age techniques, with high frequency trade between all these areas due to dating of Bronze found in briton sites being Iberian.

Atlantic culture digsites ALSO show trade with Urnfield system cultures too, who predate the Hallstatt as their direct predecesor

Both the Atlantic culture System and the Urnfield Culture System outdate Hallstatt by a good few centuries, however finds like en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carp's_Tongue_complex Show the Atlantic culture system didn't die out with the onset of the celtic language and infact are dated AFTER Hallstatt

Like I said, it does fuck shit up in the current community, the idea of a seperate thriving TRADING Atlantic culture is fairly new.

The most logical conclusion to draw is celts are an Amalgamation of the Urnfield Culture System and Atlantic culture system,

The thing to remember, Celtic is a language first, then became a culture.

make a loli barbarian

> she is a man user

Why does being buff and scarred make her ugly? Or do you just mean she was too ugly to be marriageable so she became a warrior instead? Because that actually makes sense.

Muscular girls are hideous mutants.

I think I am actually a barbarian.

I agree too much muscle mass isn't very attractive. But a good amount of tone is pretty hot, at least in my opinion. A woman can be strong and physically active without being full on body-builder.

I imagine anyone in a barbarian's position would have a more rounded physique caused by the realities of their life.

Don't forget to tip your fedora Malcolm.

What does this have to do with atheism or whatever it was?

>fedora tipping

Back the fuck up. Since when did saying there's different female physiques than just "skinny waif" and "musclebound beargirl" become fedora-tier?

>Why yes I do enjoy strong, empowered females

Cnaiür urs Skiötha is the GOAT barbarian after Conan.

Not that guy, but what if I enjoy strong women because it's much more satisfying to dominate them? Still fedora?

Nigger, fedora warriors are like the opposite of "strong independent womyn" assholes. They're more into damsal fantasies and prefer demure waifubait instead of toned action girls.

If I'm into "strong, empowered females" then you should call me an SJW or a cuck or some shit. You'd still be wrong and a dumbass, but at least you'd be consistent with internet stereotypes.

Yeah I'm sure you could dominate them Malcolm I can imagine it

>Oh you watch One Piece and play Warhammer? Put your fedora on me and fuck me hard!

Not everyone who browses this board is a carbon copy of you, stop projecting.

I'm sure an alpha male would be on a board about plastic soldiers and pretending to be knights.

Man Vin Diesel sure is a beta male.

One Vin Diesel doesn't prove anything. You are not as charismatic, rich, handsome or Riddickish as him you neckbeard fatso you are just a Malcolm.

The fuck is a Malcolm anyway, are you accusing him of being the protagonist of that sitcom?

Malcolm is the most ''that guy'' tier name in history of mankind and most likely all living creatures in the universe do you remember that one weird fuck who smelled like lard and watched anime? That's Malcolm. That guy who vomited in girl's mouth whn he kissed her? Malcolm.

I dunno, the biggest, spergiest weirdos I've met have all had names like "Dennis" or "Danny"

Holy fuck, what?

The thing is that after you become famous enough, you can do beta things with impunity. kh-vids.net/threads/famous-people-who-like-anime.88783/

I think there's even some hardcore gangsta rapper who constantly tweets about anime he likes, but I forgot his name.

It's happening user. Let's just hope it doesn't wind up in development hell. Arnold does really want it to happen though.

It is a little sad knowing Mako won't be in it.

How the fuck would Hollywood ruin a culture that has never existed?