How do you tastefully include harems in a campaign?

How do you tastefully include harems in a campaign?

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Like this.

And like this.

And also like this.

Each PC have his or her own.

Like this.

As background scenery, or a source of in-palace help/hindrance from politicking courtesans.

I mean, if your campaign is or has become "harem-centric" then you're pretty much a garbage person with garbage friends.

Pretending to have sex with imaginary bimbos is pretty far down the autism hole.

I mean, real sex isn't even all that.

Imaginary sex is a pale imitation of the most overrated pastime known to man.

>Imaginary sex is a pale imitation of the most overrated pastime known to man.
How big is your fedora?

Maybe by highlighting or investigating the underlying themes of oppression and the sapping of hope through plot and interaction with characters, not as damsels in need of rescue and woefully indebted waifu-bait, but as people with with dreams and motivations who are trapped in a poor situation perpetrated by a deeply entrenched social/political system and an entity (such as a king or emperor) who cannot be so easily confronted or usurped.

It might also do well to make the prevailing thought of other characters to read this as normal and actions to challenge it might be seen as unpopular by the people with voices whether it be male or female in your setting.

Maybe get some inspiration from the comfort women of Nanking:
youtube.com/watch?v=JaERt3qunuA

Don't

My own abridged hierarchy of needs goes:
Self worth realized through action > The Esteem of one's peers> Abundant food and drink > drugs > *power gap* Sex

I would use species that actually has harems in real life as inspiration for a fantasy race.
Lions, Bulls, Rams, Orangutans are all animals that have 1 male with many females.

So you can't get laid, got it

I've met many people who claim this. Not one has bought it deep down.
But Im sure you are the guy. That one guy who actually feels that in his heart of hearts.

Except for drugs not even being on the list, my hierarchy is the exact opposite of this. In fact your first two might not even count since they're essentially just pathways to getting to the other two.

You're like an evolutionary epitome of confusing cause and effect or some shiz

No, he's correct. The mistake most people make is confusing

>the best sex you'll ever have in your life, with a loving, perfect partner

with

>sex

Most sex is mediocre at best, or shit-fucking-awful at worst. And (most) men don't even have the merit women do of not really having a refractory period, so you can't even have multiple orgasms in a row for maximum decadence.

It's pretty overrated by desperate, young men. Once you've been around the block a few times it loses its overwhelming appeal. Mindblowing sex with model-quality women who somehow have a personality you love never gets old, but what are the chances of that?

>but what are the chances of that?
sour grapes

I respect that you're probably asexual, but sex isn't overrated for other people. Intimacy and sexual pleasure has a pretty high value amongst many humans.

>Maybe by highlighting or investigating the underlying themes of oppression and the sapping of hope through plot and interaction with characters, not as damsels in need of rescue and woefully indebted waifu-bait, but as people with with dreams and motivations who are trapped in a poor situation perpetrated by a deeply entrenched social/political system and an entity (such as a king or emperor) who cannot be so easily confronted or usurped.

Most harem girls wanted to be there, though.

They were typically well-educated, competent and with enough social connections to make their time safe and pleasurable. Besides, most harem girls stopped being in the harem after about a year or three after joining. Only the Sultan's favorite would stick around.

Why do all the girls look exactly the same?
The point of harems is variety

You are allowed as many wives as you are able to financially support.

Understand: wives, not whores.

Unserstand that the harem is as much a part of the political system as the vizier and the imams. Understand the the coin of ancient politics is access to the King. Go from there.

>not gathering all the versions of your waifu from alternate dimensions

>Not collecting every woman within a certain range of appearance
It's like you want other men to fuck women who look vaguely like the women you fuck.

Faggot please, I run a harem centric game with my wife and our two student roommates. Always devolves into heavy petting and ateast two people win every game.

>not gathering all the (female) versions of yourself from alternate dimensions

So sex is tasteless, but violence is fine?

First, you have to make the distinction of a Harem and a group of pleasure slaves. For the most part, there is a huge different, especially in the treatment of the women in them; Harems, whether they are complusory or by choice, are usually rather pleasant in their treatment of its members. They can expect a comfortable enviroment, plenty of food, some form of education, and people waiting on them. This is as much as it is for the owner of the Harem, as it is for the girls, mostly because when guys come looking for girls, they want beautiful, attractive, and intelligent women. The key part of the Harem is that its for the /all/ the comforts of the person in charge; Sex is a big deal (When is it not?), but there are other comforts; The sultan comes in, exhausted from a long day of serving the kingdom, and is in no mood for sexy fun times. He lays his head down in your lap, and smokes some opium as you play him a song on your harp while singing to him. Then he begins to tell you about how awful his day was, and expects for you to understand why is it was so shitty, all the while you slowly massage him. Eventually, you and maybe another girl cuddle up to him, and relax in his company for the night, before he is called away to sleep in his chambers. Than you just fallasleep where ever.

Because you gotta remember, just talking to somebody and them listening and understanding is a huge way to relieve stress, and this guy is probably gonna be anywhere between 30 to 50. He's not gonna have the energy to go between ruling and having sex that often. For you guys that are married, how often do you have sex with your wife? Now think, how often are you gonna be able to have sex with up to 10 different women? All the while your actual wife begrudgingly accepts it? And while everyone in the kingdom is watching you? Your job as part of the Harem, is to comfort your king and help relieve the enourmous stress that being a leader is.

Overlooking the near vertical power tilt in the hierarchical scale, I would agree that it was favorable to some of the alternative lifestyles left to women in those social structures and times.

However for the sake of the argument lets assume that the campaign has female adventurers (players) or at least is open to that, and not just a magical realm boys club. You'd think that there'd be less of inclination toward the service of men in a world where women too can pursue goals in parallel.

Their education and upbringing was so that they could appear in public and not reflect poorly on the master of the house.

Their well to do families traded them off to secure their own social power, and acted in essence as political currency.

And the treatment of consorts differed from culture to culture and even from house to house - but almost all included infighting amongst women to become the master's "favorite."

But to get down to it, really my goal is addressing how to make Harems more than just a sex-fantasy embellishment on a campaign. Approaching it this way is not only more interesting it also draws on a rich history of Romantic storytelling familiar to Western audiences. Moreover it establishes a villain, maybe not the main one, but another option in a sandbox role-play.

Yup. God Bless American Puritanical virtues!

Now, that doesn't preclude sex of course; sex is pretty awesome for everyone, and of course, nothing relieves stress like sex. But, unless your king has some real serious fetishes/issues, he's not gonna kick down the door, walk over to you, and just go all rapist on you. If he's a good leader, he's probably going to be smart enough to approach you, and pitch the idea to you; afterall, he has 10 other women, so why bother if one is in a pissy mood? In most cases though, unless he's a bit on the inbred side of things, he's not gonna be a awful looker. He'll probably get you and him a drink, maybe some drugs, and than you'll go off from there, depending on hiw he's feeling. And remember, this guy has (hopefully) had tons of sex already, so he has tons of experience in treating a lady right.

Because, once again, you were most likely offered this exclusive place, and you actively want to be here; This is one cliche that makes me mad, is that "Hurr durr, Imma make this enemy womenz part of me Harem". Seriously, outside of rapists and guys with power fantasy's, having sex with a women who hates you is nowhere near as good as having sex with someone who is willing. You have a line of attractive women outsude your palace, and the most attractive women you could find already inside. Unless her beauty is so immense that you cant ignore, most guys aren't gonna bother with it. And for the most part, its not going to be a slave like existence; by you being in the Harem, your whole family gets a step up in prestige. It makes it that easier for your brother to get promoted in the military, or for your father to get aposted as mayor, because hey, thus guy has a direct link with the Emperor himself. And speaking of family, its not like the outside world doesnt exist; all it takes for you leave on a trip would be simple to ask a guard to escort you to the market or family, and the guard is for your own protection. And if the sultan wants you, your just a messanger away

I dunno, most of the time I see it, it goes
Self worth realized through action >= The Esteem of one's peers > sex > drugs > really good food
But to each his own.

We inadvertently ended up with one when our frontier wilderness town revenge attacked the local orc tribe and ended up capturing their women while driving the rest off.

The game is fairly open ended so the DM didn't plan it, but we ended up with a ton of captive orc women and a smaller group of mostly single guys of the town. Maybe it doesn't properly count, but most guys now have 2-4 orc women living with them, depending on how many they can support.

Not a huge lot of detail gone into it, just a situation where the orc ladies can accept sharing the few guys, or have to live on their own and support themselves. Some can and have, but others have resorted to sharing.

Besides, why the hell would you want ru away? In a medieval world, filled with dangers, disease, starvation, and actual rapists, why the hell would you leave behind a stable, easy life of comforting the most powerful man in the kingdom, where you will be fed and cared for exceptionally well for? And this isnt even contemplating the amount of disgrace you bring to your family, and the Sultan himself.

Although, there is the bleak side of being in a Harem, which funnily enough, has nothing really to do with being oppressed; there is compeating for the Sultans favor, because hey, if the old crone he's married to kicks the bucket, he'll most likely be looking to marry again. And then there's the fact that once your beauty begins to fade, you'll be seeing the Sultan less and less, until your basically shoveled off into being a Nanny or other some sort of elderly job; which from there, it'll be your prostegious children's responsibility to take care of you. And I forgot to bring it up, but yeah, even if they're a bastard, your children are still going to have a leg up on any other kid, especially when it comes to education, upbringing and health. This is especially prevalent in Islamic countries, or places where your part of the family. But expect a better retirement than Diane the dirt farmer, who dies at the age 29 after a long, hard life between squeezing out children to work the farm, raising the children, and working on the aforementioned dirt farm till the day she dies. Meanwhile, you'll be pampered well into your twenties and thirties, be able to raise your children in the care of the palace, have a stable source of food, the pleasurable company of a man in high power, and a comfortable retirement with your children. All in all, it beats being forced to work till you die in the fields.

Well, that depends, do the Orc women choose to live with them? Because in that case, a Harem is a pretty fitting description for it. Although, from the way you put it, its just polygamy. Are the orcs more tribal in nature? What kind of orcs are we talking here, the brutal warriors or noble savages lot?

Well it's their choice to make, but they don't really have a choice. They can live with us, or they can try to brave it out in the wild and pretty certainly die. So we aren't forcing them, but are really the only logical choice they can make if they want any semblance of a ongoing life.

And so then if they choose to live with us they can choose to remain single/independent, or if they want to have kids and family, they have to (at least with the current population) settle with sharing since the gender ratio is really out of whack.

They're definitely tribal in nature and more barbaric, closer to the brutal warrior type but not like mindless bloodthirsty savages. You're probably right that it's closer to polygamy, but we did capture and put them into this situation through militant force and conquering, so I think that also puts up a case for harem as well.

One way or the other, it's definitely the closest thing any of our games have ever come to a harem.

I wouldn't call them a harem; harems are usually volunteer, mostly because, as i've said, if your harem is full of slaves who hate being there, its a shitty harem. In your case, its a weird sort of wife thing? Where its up to them, but they're there because of war. I dont know what you'd call it, but its more like when the Aztecs were conquered by the spaniards, but nicer.

Well to be fair, a decent number of them seem pretty willing/accepting, maybe even happy with the new situation since our efforts have greatly improved their standard of living. Better at least than a tribe of raiders in huts.

what makes you think i want to have it done tastefully

>Tribe of raiders in huts

A lot of them were happy with their young folk not being carried off and having their hearts ripped out every few days, but even the Spaniards freely admitted Tenochtitlan was probably a greater city than any in Europe.

Maybe so but in this case they were basically raiders literally living in huts.

I don't even fucking try to make it tasteful. I go full decadence.

And then I have the Harem girl shank any dumb fuck stupid enough to believe she's been waiting in luxury for a group of dudes who haven't showered in a month but are sooooo sexy coming in to kill her benefactor.

I'll run it tawdry and cliche, but woe to anyone who believes it.

Violence is cartoonishly ridiculous

Sex is ALWAYS akward and creepy

whoever you are having sex with is terrible at it.

>For you guys that are married, how often do you have sex with your wife?
Literally every day but it's because she's pregnant so she's horny every day, when the baby finally comes it's gonna decrease almost to zero

Make it a highly functional bureaucracy that circulates the rumors and requests of households across the country/city and hires adventurers to investigate the matter. The harem is not just the household of the king, but the king's connection to a hundred or a thousand households plus connections abroad with trade partners and vassal states, and its duty is to serve the interests of the dynasty by maintaining the balance and harmony of the major families, petition the king to reward or promote exceptional individuals, and defend the intricacies of the kingdom's inner politics from foreign influence and infiltration.

Thieves' Guild
They steal people's virginity and innocence

You start by not getting your inspiration from garbage shows.

>in my setting, there is a city-state that is the living embodiment of indulgence. Harems are disallowed to the common people, however the lower nobel class can petition to have one. Furthermore, the high nobel class has an obligation to the ruler- a god-king/queen (its choice) of debauchery that maintains a personal harem. The obligation is that the firstborn-male or female- must spend three years as part of the harem. Children born of these repeated unions (while extremely rare) are raised by the family to become long lived but infertile champions of the house. over the history of the city state (almost 10k years) there have only been a few dozen god-borns born.

Now you're getting it.

10/10 posting user.

Be realistic

The harem is just grandmas, aunts, mothers, daughters, wives, nieces, etc. along with a few fucktoys and their servants

Dickless guys with swords keep men out

For the most part you don't. Monogamy OP, please nerf

bilmo

Acquiring a harem overlaps with the first two things on that list though.

just have a dmPC play the harem leader and all the players play harem girls.

>MAID

Step 1.
Ignore "tastefully" as it doesn't mean anything. It's like "appropriate" or "creepy" or "toxic" or "immature"
Step 2.
Include harems in your campaign.

Unlike you, I have read thesis made by people (and women) about harems. Unlike the delusion you so eloquently describe, a harem position was usually something fought after by women. Women of the first era of harem (before Suleiman) retired after giving one child to the sultan and became queen mother in training, grounding the future prince/king for regency. They had a lot of informal power and a lot of incentive to give the best they could to the prince, because each generation the princes that lost the succession wars were killed with their mother and family.

It was a system that worked remarkably well and a lot of women were perfectly fine with the political power they got from siring a prince. Even with the possibility of being killed afterwards.

Even in the third era of harem, were the power went from harem-princesses to queen mother (and the tradition of killing losing princes was broken), a lot of women wanted a go to the chance of becoming the queen mother.

Yes, it goes against what you believe, but the harem institution was a political one, and one with tremendous power through the age. For most women, it was not unlike being appointed minister or vizier, though with the added duty of siring at least one child for the dynasty.

The most important thing is that it fits the setting. Who owns the harem, what is the purpose of a harem, how is the harem taken care of, and what do others thing about the harem?

It pays to realise that a harem isn't just some kind personal brothel. The idea that a harem was like a palace full of sex slaves is mostly just the West fetishising it. Harem stories as we mostly know them were created both to villify the "decadent" muslims and simply as erotic entertainment.

While large harems did indeed include wives and concubines and of course those were used for sex, they also included mothers, sisters and servant girls. In fact, originally the "harem" was simple the area where the women lived. In addition to being a place for the women to live, children were born and raised in the harem since that was a woman's task. Harems were also very much a status symbol. Women were useless, and if you could afford to take good care of a horde of useless people, you were a wealthy and influential man. On the flipside, women in a powerful man's harem, especially favored ones, often grew to become very powerful themselves.

So, how do you make it tasteful? If it's just the GM acting out his fetishes, there's nothing tasteful about it and you should just not bother at all. But if you use it in a more realistic way, to stress the cultural differences between your players (and possibly/probably their characters) and the setting itself, or to emphasise the wealth and influence of the harem owner, it doesn't have to be distasteful at all. Even if the players find the concept of the harem itself distasteful, it helps to highlight both the positive and negative aspects of harem life and the people involved in it in a realistic way without giving into the fetishy aspects of it.

do not give inordinate screen time to or talk at length about how pretty the harem members are, how skimpily dressed they are, how flirty they are, how horny they are, or how much sex they are having with each other/their harem holder.

Basically, use them as a proper piece of world building and as a grout of characters. This is the kind of society where harems are a thing. This is the sort of person who has a harem in this society. This is the sort of person who ends up a member of a harem in society. This is the sort of lifestyle they lead. these are the sorts of resources they can make avalible to PCs.

Do NOT use them as a titillating prop for sexual gratification.

Such plebeians.
Here's the correct version:
Self-worth realized through action = mutual love > really good food > *power gap* > the esteem of one's peers > *another power gap* > everything else.

It wasn't all rays and sunshine (remember: killing princes that loses), but harem women basically became princesses in political power once they had sired a child. They were frequently relocated into a province and expected to rule the province until the prince was of age.

That's very far from the 'mind-broken slave ring' fantasies most westerners have concerning the harem.

Preach it, brother!

>killing princes that lose

And that's a really good setup for a plot, the scheming within the harem to make sure their son isn't the one that loses.

Or maybe you have say a Cersei in the harem, she had a thing going on with the vizer maybe and they had s kid. Her trying to pass him off as the sultan's son, etc

Liberate the sex slaves and kill the decadent royal who "owned" them.

Not necessarily slaves.

They could be paid/coerced into such a role, or given it as an alternative to whatever lifestyle they hailed from before.

Make it a queen with a harem full of hunks and prettyboys

Again disregarding the power tilt, I have no arguments. That's all well and good if you're teaching a humanities class, but...

You miss the point entirely. If you want to gear a harem towards a GAME, where you are to engage your players, you introduce CONFLICT. I don't see a group of people role-playing a bunch of young women from different noble families competing for the attention of a Sultan or w/e through sex and social political banquets and such.

>I use my action to sashay
>Roll a d20 add your charisma modifier

I think what we're really trying to establish is more of the Orientalist brothel version of Harem, and not necessarily the culture simulator that yours entails, as those are usually geared only to service a single entity (king) and not a pack of players.

If you can find a way to integrate that in a way that is engaging for a campaign, by all means, but you're arguing semantics rather than trying to engage with the medium of role-play.

Thanks mate.

>BBEG defeated and imprisoned our party
>Puts us all in a harem
>Gender and race changes for appropriateness to bed each of us whenever the desire arises

Bastard DM.

>make it a highly functional bureaucracy
efficiency and effective organisation are my fetish so I think this is a great idea

>. I don't see a group of people role-playing a bunch of young women from different noble families competing for the attention of a Sultan or w/e through sex and social political banquets and such.

Literally Maid.

MAID is the correct answer to so many 'what game should I play for this', the mechanics simply enforce "group of people all working to please another", which is insanely flexible concept (especially if you consider the master doesn't have to be a person), and it does it really really well

Well when you put it like that I immediately think of using MAID to run Paranoia

Sex is arguably the most human thing about us. There is nothing overrated about exploring your humanity.

>wanting to be human

I homebrewed a Red Dwarf / Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy / generic silly British sci-fi game out of Maid. We had a great time fixing up a space station.

I remember we refluffed the maid powers. One player got combat bonuses whenever he tore his shirt like Captain Kirk. Another one rolled "space hobo" for his smeghead type and decided he was going around wearing a bathrobe like Arthur Dent

>All the while your actual wife begrudgingly accepts it
>old crone
I'd like to add a tiny tidbit that the wife doesn't necessarily have to be an old crone who the king/sultan dislikes and hates the girls in the harem.
Some level of politicing and power struggle between the harem and wife is likely inevitable, but that can be said about basically every position in court.

As fairly stupid as the Marco Polo show was, a bit that I like is that Kubla Khan loved his first wife, and she saw making sure his harem was well stocked as a thing she did for her husband.
They still have sex when they are both in the mood, but if he's just feeling randy she's taken care of that.

I prefer to have noble marriages in my setting run the entire gambit from 'they actually love each other deeply', through 'respect and like each other', all the way down to '300 years later the only thing that will be remembered about their marriage that it was an unhappy one'.

One of my characters has ended up wtih a fairly amusing harem situation.

He's heavily involved with the fey and was forced to make a series of deals all in one night that allied him with various fey factions, each one on condition he married a woman approved by them (And thus they become the Queen of the land, as in literally the Queen who has influence over the landscape and their 'faction traits' begin to spread across the land)

Now none of these factions would be particularly great for the kingdom, ranging from Unseelie forces (Which would have resulted in unending dickery) to the Wild Hunt (Having one of the Erlkings daughters as Queen would have given him full access to the land), to a group of fey women who dedicated themselves to guarding the Kings reserve (Marrying into them would have resulted in no one being able to hunt without the Kings explicit permission), ect, ect

So, he cut a deal with all of them without the others knowing, as part of a desperate attempt to undo some plot related bollocks I can't be arsed describing right now.
And one thing he managed to machinate them all into agreeing to was that the marriage part would kick in the second the sun left the sky the next day.

One plot line later, 7 girls all turn up to claim him and he's feeling fairly smug since they can't all have him and he expects them to fall to infighting.
Their Masters do.
The girls just agree to split him until one faction wins.

You could stop using the word harem wrong. That might be a start.

This.

Goddamn cats

Mention them, describe them in tasteful detail
"Women in skimpy outfits are lounging around the place" or however wordy you wanna go with it.

Basically how I see it, treat them like a particularly nice lamp. Mention it, describe it if the players ask, but unless it's going to DO something (One of the maidens turns out to be an assasin, one of them has something supernatural happen to them, they all seem kind of 'out of it', etc) don't lavishly describe sex acts out of nowhere.

You feel me famajamma?

What about traps?

I read once that it was speculated that male harems have more freedom as the Queen is always sure that the her successors are her own children (as she gave birth to them) so the men have more freedom to pursue lovers as long as the bastards they produce donĀ“t mess with the Queens property.
The Queen might put special prohibition to his favorites but otherwise most of them are given a lot of liberty.
I have no idea if is real but I like it.

This is the pinnacle of narcissism

> I respect that you're probably asexual

Tumblr please go

the fuck do you mean tastefully
and what do you mean by harems

like, as in, you walk into some bandit lord's hideout, and he's got a harem? cause that would make sense

or like, the players have a harem? because that's stupid

Naw, more like

Self worth realized through action > The Esteem of one's peers > Money to live comfortably > A monogamous relationship with a woman > Sex with said woman > *ULTRA POWER GAP* > Drugs

Seriously, kids, don't do drugs.

Well those wouldn't be 'female' now would they?

To be fair, one of my players retired a character having seven wives and a world renowned avant-garde restaurant. Try the mint beholder risotto. Its not like he was getting weird about it, its just how the character was. I always want to support my players having fun after all, no matter how "stupid" it is.

If they are in the submissive position in the relationship and are the one being penetrated, they're the female. If they're the dominant, penetrating partner, they're the male. Sorry peggingfaggots, you're the bitch of the relationship.

>Sex is arguably the most human thing about us
Our capacity for the retention of knowledge is what makes us human, everything else is what makes animalistic.

Oh it's far more complicated than that. After all, what is our worth in remembering knowledge without the imagination, the creative drive to creating new and interesting things to remember? Our propensity towards sex and violence can be classes as animalistic, but our reasons for doing such things can often be quite beyond the mere natural acts and impulses. What is art or fiction without sex and violence? Boredom.

That's why every harem needs to include at least one individual who can tell quality bedtime stories or face her death.

Remember the words of the Wise Man on the Orgy Pile: A lion may lay down with a sheep, but only a lion who lays down with a harem of sheep is truly the King of the Jungle.

>How do you tastefully include harems in a campaign?
You make it part of the established setting, for example; The Dark Sun setting has Harems, Slaves, Corruption in the City-States. For the most part, just let the players know what their in for like if it's a light-hearted campaign or a grim world.

I'm sorry you're bad at sex.

Shut up, I'm a great lay

>How do you tastefully include harems in a campaign?
Do some real life research rather than assume the most stupid genre of animu somehow manages to reflect the truth?

>Our capacity for the retention of knowledge is what makes us human
Not even that. Not even tool-usage. Not even morals, or loyalty, or honor, or whatever concept we enshrined as "HUMAN ONLY".

Well, maybe pride in shit you didn't do.

Depends on whether you mean actual harems or if you mean anime-esque scenarios where half a dozen women are all competing for one man's love and affection.

Actual harems would exist in just about any lord's palace or castle, though they wouldn't necessarily all be called harems. One lord might have his "housekeeping staff." Another might have a "convent" on his palace grounds. A less discrete lord might have "noble courtesans." And so on, and so forth.

But anime-style harems would be played a bit more straight.

play up the "playboy lifestyle" of an NPC as your story progresses, have them always with a servant nearby, dressed to please the eyes but don't focus on it. then when the party sees that NPC in their lair/ home/ castle/ etc., have dozens of similar servants walking around or aloof all over the place with an obvious "sexxin' bed" maybe a few sleeping or something like that. but remember, don't focus on that, it's not important because most harem women or men aren't trained fighters, though that's not a bad thing to have if they're a real threat. dont get too into describing them above "beautiful with fine jewelery etc." and you should be fine, and don't let your PCs try to fuck any of them. Autismo Magnifico will ensue.