Greetings one and all! We are the Emperor's most Pathetic Marines, each given a single gift before we departed for our new Chapter Space Hulk-Monastary. Our current Chapter Master is Heavy Bolter Guy.
Relevant posts for those uninitiated:
For those who wish to join in our patheticness, take up a gift!
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Glorious work Brother
It's perfect.
Thank you fellow Captain!
>Hellfire Shells
Brothers, I come armed with the expended shells of a hellfire round. May I be initiated into your order and accompany you in your crusade against horus?
Battle brothers I have brought gifts of a skyfire flamer!
Heavy Flamer
Additional Traits: Gets Hot, Skyfire
Excellent work Brother-Captain!
Join the Devastators
Even in death, I still stumble.
Patheticnought Neutron Blaster, ready to serve.
Brother-Captain, we seem to have an issue! The Watch is not sure how, but all of our war gear has been stolen! We are not sure how the mysterious phantoms raided the camp, but there is no signs of them! What shall we do, sir?
Brothers I come bearing my humble bolter, may join this crusade.
Boltgun
Additional Traits: unrefined.
You would do well in VI Company.
Damn Warp phantoms!
Patheticnought, go lock the reliquary!
Sergeant, take some of the scouts and try to track the thieves! Keep an eye out always!
Look at it this way:
>1000 Space Marine warp-capable warships
That literally makes the Pathetic Marines the most powerful codex chapter in existence.
Tau Neutron Blaster
18", S 5, AP 3, Assault 1
Additional Traits: Tesla
Any techmarines want to help me figure out how to weaponise this thing?
I can help brother! Bring it here... now... whetre's the on switch...
By the He Who Is Certainly Least Pathetic, you have found a marvelous gift, battle brother!
Well it's Eldar tech so I assume it's the large, phallic-looking object over there...
>1000 Space Marine warp-capable warships
You are oh-so-wrong.
Ever heard of the Bastion of Weakness?
No?
That's our Fortress Monastery.
Do you know what actually is our Fortress?
A Space Hulk.
Do you know how Space Hulks come into being?
By merging via Warp hundreds, or even thousands, of ships.
Now, try to guess why our current fleet ammounts only to 4 strike cruisers and a couple of Battle Barges.
>Meltagun
>Additional Traits: Tank Hunter, Poisoned, Tesla
Who should I give this to?
>Now, try to guess why our current fleet amounts only to 4 strike cruisers and a couple of Battle Barges.
Oh...oh my...
What's the gravity like in there?
Are we going Codex-compliant with our organisation, because I want to know if those fall under my jurisdiction or not.
All over the place
It changes roughly every 40 minutes or so.
We have Thrown Power Fists, scoped Flamers and Necron Staffs of Light.
What do you think? Of course we aren't codex compliant.
Greetings! I am brother tardbasket. I have a combi-melta. What are we doing?
So wait, if we have a webway gate and a teleport homer we can just fiddle the gate so it deploys things to the location of the homer and then just drop tanks through it when the gravity shifts in the right direction
The Gate would need to be grown into the monastery though.
...I have no hands Brother, only a neutron blaster and bolt pistol mounted to the sides of my chassis.
I shall instead become the door itself, PATHETICNOUGHT, BLOCKING DOORWAY!
Be thankful to the Emperor, for your gift is a neutron blaster that doesn't over heat.
>The Gate would need to be grown into the monastery though.
I don't see (HAH!) any problem with that, I mean, we DO have thousands of square kilometers available.
Excellent idea brother! VI and VII Companies, get on that immediately!
Brothers.
I'm currently writing the P.Marines Wiki, and there is one thing bothering me:
We behave like we are in the M41, while we are from the M31.
So, waht do you say about the fact that while we were int the Eye of Terror the time we spent there was warped and a few years for us were actually thousands?
This is a silly way to justify things, but it's not uncommon (e.g. Malodrax, the time travelling pre-DAoT ship in Death of Integrity).
>OOC
As we function, for all intents and purposes, as a more ridiculous version of the Legion of the Damned, I'd say Warp-Fuckery is the way to go. That way we can take the most pathetic marine of every Chapter we come across as a new recruit!
Wait, we were sent to defeat Horus so we must be from M31...
But we are from chapters, implying we are from after the heresy...
Hmm...
We must be from M41 and the Emperor wants us to go back in time and save him from Horus!
YES WE WILL DO THIS
HE, in His foresight, decided to create this unique congregation of warriors, akin, but not as op, as His Grey Knights.
We define ourselves as Chapter today, while he intended us more as an enormous (pathetic) kill team.
Emperoronthethrone, NO! We dealt with enough Warp Fuckeries for a single eon!
Who besides Claw Marine wants to join my glorious third company of refined fleshbane and general Rip and Tear?
I think I might be able to jury-rig this thing to get us there. Once I figure out this damn Eldar boot sequence (pic related).
Brothers! We are lucky, for it appears much of our holy machinery left unharmed by these mysterious Red demons. Rest assured the watch will let nothing happen to our ancient and irreplaceable technology!
Radical Inquisitors or Puritan Inquisitors, brothers?
Which ones do we prefer?
>OOC
>Inb4 ''The most pathetic of the two.''
We are attempting to arrange our patheticness into companies brother.
The radicals understand that our use of xeno weaponry was decreed by the Emperor himself.
>To Lord High Inquisitor Marietta Von Brundervane of the Ordo Hereticus, shortly before having every Marine under his command flood the Vox channel with the same message, at the same time:
>"GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU CRAZY INNOCENT BURNING WITCH!"
>Shortly before jumping into the Warp, laughing like madmen the entire way.
Probably not radical
Sorry, Puritan
We prefer radicals. They're the only ones that don't attempt to purge us on sight from all the xenotech.
Well duh, we have nine of them. Not really sure where that seventh company went, ship appeared unmanned during our perilous voyage in the Warp.
We shall attend to the machine spirits at once, however we seem to have misplaced several key dataslates containing the specs , we're searching as we speak
Get the blindwing on it, they are the best scouts in our ranks.
Tau Heavy Rail Rifle
Terminators Only. 60", S 8, AP 1, Heavy 1
Additional Traits: Sniper, Tank Hunter, Torrent, Concussive.
Brothers! Where do i belong?
Devastator Company!
Join me brother, we shall make a company of snipers and destroy our enemies from afar.
On a side note brothers, where in the Imperium are we now? My GPS seems to be malfunctioning.
Have you tried yurning it on then off again.
>AND ONE SHIP OF YOUR CHOOSING
>Merge into space hulk
It's still the mass and weapons and power of nearly 1000 ships.
Are you sure its plugged in?
Excellent.
There we go! Running smoothly again. But it won't register out flagship's name, I'll have to input it manually. What was it called again?
I believe it was the Bastion of Weakness Brother!
Oh, and here's the Galactic Pathetic Seer's current location readout.
Ah, bring it here brother. I shall apply the Holy Duct Tape of Mars
As for where we currently are? Our scanners indicate we are currently near some strange city called "Commorragh".
What a strange place indeed. Perhaps the local Planatary Governor can point is back on track?
Bastion of Weakness
Power Fist
Additional Traits: Thrown (One Use Only - Weapon becomes Ranged (8")), Tesla, Gauss
Can I join our 3rd company ?
Yes Cap'n! One thing though Cap'n i dont have any terminator armour! you wouldnt happen to have a spare around would you?
Apologies Brother I have been Called to Devastator Company!
Honor company: all those with Melta Bombs and the ''gets Hot'' trait.
From them will be drafted the chapter champion until his own death by explosion.
I company:all those with the 'Throw' trait
II company:all those with the 'Soulreaver' trait
III complany:all those with the 'Fleshreaver' trait
IV company:all those with the 'Blunt' trait
V company:all those with the ''extended bareel'' and/or ''Sniper'' trait
VI company:all those with the ''unrefined'' trait
VII company: all those with support equipement like auspexes, portals, beacons, iron halos et cetera.
VII company:all those with the 'Monster Hunter' and/or ''Tank Hunter'' trait
XI company: all those with every trait not specified in the other companies. This company will surely be either the largest or the strongest.
X company: all those with the ''Blind'' trait
If someone has multiple traits of different companies, they are free to choose to apply to one of them.
Ah, then my GPS is very broken indeed!
It was reading us near Raikan, good thing we weren't there too, I doubt those Altar-boy Black Templars would welcome our presence.
The 3rd, 4th, 6th, 7th and 10th company already have a captain, the 5th company will be the Sniper Company ''The Bullseyes'' and the 8th compnay will be the Devastator Company ''The Grinders''.
If the future captains of the 5th and 8th want to change the company's name, do it.
Please tell we are not near Aurelia!
The Snipers are known as the Bullseyes due to an unfortunate incident involving a Bullgryn and large amounts of Fenrisian mead.
It was a drinking contest.
We lost
Welcome to the Devastator Company!
And the Grinders is a fine name for my Company!
I KNEW it was a bad idea to let our chaplain arm wrestle the Bullgryn afterwards, but at least the firsthand accounts from the experience tell me that the Bullgryn got to keep his arm.
Thank The Emperor no, Captain Timmius has informed me we are near somewhere called Commorragh. It seems a rather magical place, might I take a platoon down?
Your rocket punch puts you firmly in 1st Company, dear brother.
So far my only HonorGuard is Claw Marine. I need more for truly pathetic RIP AND TEAR!
I remember something about Eldar avoiding the place so they must be loyal servants of the emperor, possibly with their own Space Marine chapter.
Oi fellow humies, I found a real nice shoota! So what company iz I gunna be in? I’z thinking I can be one of dem snipah boyz, on account of da scope an all.
Shotgun
Additional Traits: Scoped (+1 BS)
I propose - Chainfist!
Chain bitz from Chaos Marauders, image not to scale but you get the idea.
Join up brother, you may join my squad and blast our enemies with shotguns together.
Well then Fist company it is !
1d4chan.org
Next up are the Companies.
No, borther, just no.
Imperial wargear and xeno "gifted" wargear are accepted, but this is downright heresy!
Brothers the wiki has returned!
The inquisitor writing it says it's still a WIP
Captain of the third company reporting in!
>OOC
Ork snipers? I feel a strong sense of Dejavu....
Welcome brother!
unwieldy power maul only real option is to charge and inevitably trip over a small rock
What should the statlines and special rules of the captains be?
Same as regular captains but with lower BS, WS and initiative.
Special rules include stubborn and various special rules from their original chapter.
>VII Company
All righty. What's my specialisation, Brother-Captain?
>Malodrax, the time travelling pre-DAoT ship in Death of Integrity
Somehow, I read that name as "Melodramax".
I will use that name...
Nothing but the best for pur glorious leaders.
We already have the 9th company set up, I'm the company captain and it's a charging devastator company
miniwargaming.com
Well...
Uuuuuuhhhh....
If you have an Auspex you specialize in being uber-pathetic and spot those who the X Company can't spot.
If you have ammo, you run after bolter marines and replenish them.
If you have teleporters, beacons and things alike you go and pull off shenanigans with the others.
How do we determine which chapter each marine is from?
Just pick one that hasn't been picked yet
We decide, WE ARE THE SPACE MARINES!
WEE ARR TEH EMPHRAS FHUURY!
Good to see you fellow fleshbane! let us patheticaly RIP AND TEAR!
Brother, weren't you an officer in some company?
we need some named characters statlines too.