How come female bards are so rarely played?

That image is making feel very uncomfortable

They are portrayed as womanizers in many fictional works, they were the actors of the medieval/fantasy times and highly sought after. So it's really more their background than actual feats.

What if the bard is actually a spy/assassin?

[HONKS SEDUCTIVELY]

Well in medieval times there weren't supernatural heroes wielding the powers of magic or fighting off dragons with nothing but a sword and shield so maybe a bard would be a rock star there.

However, in "fantasy times" (you know that D&D is fiction right?) I would think bards would be an unpopular choice in an adventuring party, so you got like the guy who uses lightning bolts to zap orc armies and the fighter who faces down a terrible ogre without fear, who may be more appealing than the guy who stands in the back singing about how to kill trolls while strumming a lute.

I mean granted there's a few ladies out there who prefer Ringo Starr, but honestly even old fantasy artwork always shows the women hanging off the arms of a big studly fighter/barbarian type, or in the arms of some stoic dragon rider. I can't think of any example off the top of my head of a bard getting the bitches, except if being a bard is a small side hobby to their ACTUAL skill set, such as Bronn and Rhaegar being able to sing in Game of Thrones.

My answer was more in line of why most women would romanticize them. Of course if you have an adventurers group as a whole he will be probably the second last to get some, after the necromancer. But just imagine said bard singing about the adventures in a bar, they tend to paint themself in a better light than they really are, compare for example with Dandelion from the witcher. The people would fawn over the bard because he actively uses his reputation to get laid and considering that this works, even if the bard did not compete himself in an adventure; singing about old classics for example; I don't think it is unlikely they get a reputation, if only because mostly others don't try to actively further their glory.

But you are right, this works only if the shining knight is not standing right behind Ringo and steals the show by telling the audience, that infact he killed the dragon and the bard did not heroically decapitaded the beast with his bread knife flung from his lute while citing a cool one liner.

>the guy who stands in the back singing about how to kill trolls while strumming a lute.
His song kills the trills though. His mocking words are killing things with psychic blasts of shame

That's why we have no female bards
Just imagine the break-up song making your dick shrink

Dandelion is a fantastic example of how a bard would work in a fantasy setting.

The bard is more than just a fantastic womanizer or seductress, they're the ultimate wingman; as Geralt would learn, Dandelion (like any good bard) had used him as the subject of many plays, ballads and sonnets, enlarging Geralt to something larger than life (while still including himself as a major figure.)

So while the bard would indeed get a lot of tail, while the bard is treating a pair of girls to his finger-skill with a lure, the fighter will be approached by a woman wanting to feel the muscles that "slew a dragon" while the wizard might get people lining up to apprentice with him since a guy that can "destroy Orcs with a word or armies with a wave of his fingers" is worth studying under.

Even the Scandinavians knew the significance of skalds when they came calling. The bard is the figure that turns a gritty band of assholes into a heroic team of legends.

because "muh strong woman won't assume a support role"

Spoken like a true patron of the arts

I have a really hard time taking bards seriously in game without meta-knowledge. I just imagine this scene where everyone is getting fucked up or killed and this asshole is just playing his lute. It's probably a good thing 5e made them full casters

Not being taken seriously is a great advantage.

I mean, it makes it much easier to distract and decieve; Charisma is the bard's trump card.

There's Daggers In Men's Smiles, says The Bard himself.

This.

If your bard isn't helping you get laid or famous, they're doing it wrong.

Pregnancy

Because Bard is a male-only class, duh.

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>He doesn't let the party cleric watch over the kids while you're off making another one

What are you, gay?

>How come female bards are so rarely played?
Because they rarely play.. -MUSIC!

:kill me and be done with it::

pls no
pls stop

>3

Nine you ignorant slut. Girls have NINE (9) holes for fucking.

>he doesn't know about nipple and bellybutton penetration

Japan has taught me differently.
Some things can't be unlearned.

Tell me your secrets, magical sage

>only nine

youtu.be/BZwuTo7zKM8?t=16s

Vagina, anus, mouth, ears x2, nasal canals x2, that's seven... eyes x2?

Mmmm.

Don't forget behind the knee.

>ean granted there's a few ladies out there who prefer Ringo Starr, but honestly even old fantasy artwork always shows the women hanging off the arms of a big studly fighter/barbarian type, or in the arms of some stoic dragon rider.

There's something kinda funny to note.
You know Casanova, the guy who's name means "highly successful womanizer"? We have pictures of the guy, and he was fucking weird looking. Even taking into account the differing standards of beauty back in the day, Casanova was not an attractive human being. Then there's guys like Ben Franklin, who even when younger could at best be called "average" but was known to be ridiculously successful with women in his younger years bouncing across Europe.
Women are generally portrayed as to be attracted to only physical features, but any idiot with even the slightest understanding of women in real life recognizes that women's definition of sexually attractive is often significantly more cerebral then men's; it's not that they don't enjoy a good-looking person, it's that even a kind of weird-looking dude can turn them on hotter then the sun just by pressing the right psychological buttons with the right words.

Also, D&D bards tend to be well-armed and not exactly weak-looking. A melee-specced Bard with a relatively "low" main Strength of 15 can lift over 200lbs above his head due to lifting rules.

You went to eyes before thinking if nipples?

They also forgot about the urethra. So it's more like 13, 15 if you count the armpits.

Why watching hentai is a bad idea: the thread

Armpits don't count any more than hands do.
And eyes don't count either! If we start counting things that you need to remove things from to make them holes we get some really fucked and implication, and infinite amount of possible holes so it becomes pointless anyway.

Name a single good female musician who doesn't make EDM/IDM

Here's a hit: the euro club scene didn't exist in the XII -- XV century time that most fantasy games take place in. They don't belong.

Well, we can trace it back to the mythical sirens of the Greeks at least.

Singing is sexy. Ever notice how beautiful women in fantasy are often described as having a voice like a song?

Let me get this right:
A Good bard is the ultimate wingman
The Evil bard only works for himself.

What is the difference between a neutral and a chaotic bard in terms of style with women/men/all of the above?

You can impregnate 1000 of girl at one time

but you can only be pregnant once

well ok maybe 3 times if you are kangaroo girl

but still 3 < 1000

A neutral bard takes whatever comes his way and shares if it is so possible. A chaotic bard will send you to bed with two chicks and you'll wake up in the morning with a turtle biting down on your cock. A lawful bard makes every girl sign an agreement and has his roadies vet them before they get to sleep with him or his allies.

>lawful bard

Armpits should be an exception mang, if you can get the chick slightly supported in the back and speak dirty but soft it's an amazing experience.

>lawful bard

This sounds like "bard" is an alignment too.

Ex bards don't lose their powers in first, second or third ed (fourth too if I remember correctly) they just stop gaining bard levels and can't steal shit no mo, but they can use spells and certainly diplomacy.

sure, but that not a hole. That's an armpitjob. similar to handjob or footjob. A hole has to enter the body, while an armpit just grips.

Paizuri counts as a hole, though

It doesn't because paizuri is a boobjob.

it should count, just because it can be open on both ends doesn't mean it's not a hole. Otherwise, what do donuts have?

>All this Bard Hate
>implying
youtube.com/watch?v=AuJnvC8voJY

Because there are a plethora of options. Some are more popular than others.

I played a female bard. She was mostly stoned as fuck yet was one of the people who didn't escalate the session into the tpk it eventually became.

Madre di dios

Because women don't need music or magic to be manipulative.

On a serious note, a co-player is playing a fembard who is practically "cinnamon roll after a bit of SAN loss" and is in an arguably toxic relationship with my own character. Turns out mixing someone that likes to make themselves the bait in their own plans with someone that doesn't like the concept of people getting hurt emotionally let alone physically brings up a few conflicts of interest.

>Where does the BARDS ARE SO SEXY LOL xDDDD meme come from anyway?
They're musicians you fucking shut in.

GOAT fembard coming thru

70% of TTRPG players are males who tend to play males.

>Bards aren't popular
>Males tend to play males

Do the math OP

I'm more partial to pic related, but your point stands.

Because women can't be charming, only slutty

Wat

And titfucks. If behind the knee counts, so does between the tits. Plus the feet, plus both hands, plus a two-handed handjob, and the hair. That brings the total up to 16, I believe.

Make way for the true GOAT.

>The bard is the figure that turns a gritty band of assholes into a heroic team of legends.

This is significantly better than the Necromancer I last played, who turned a team of heroic legends into a band of gritty assholes. Wearing it gave +1 to natural armor, though.

>capcha is commercial trucks
Happy Bastile Day!

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Belly dancing hits my libido like a fucking sledgehammer, I swear to God.

Do you see much female musicians that sing not local inn-tier garbage, winning the ball only by shaking tits and asses? Much less than males, I assume

Only 3 my dick will actually fit in, though.

Shut up, Chad.

Because there's not enough Macross fans.

Dandelion

That is all

bumping for qt singers

you want more?

always

just ladybards? or something specific?

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>Combat starts
>Session turns into horrendous karaoke night

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thats all my ladybards

Would love to play a female bard who adventures and sluts it up, but alas, no chance.