Your party encounters a flock of dire geese

It's rather fowl of any GM to put their party in such a dire situation.

Mana bomb the site, it's the only way to be sure they're dead

Is this the Canadian version of "rocks fall?"

Badger mind

The other two pop racial invisibility while I die fighting in the name of my Goddess

No, thats "The Tim Horton's is closed"

Little Bo-Peep has a company of sheep,
and knows exactly how to arm them;
so leave her alone, or they'll come to your home,
dragging heavy artillery behind them.

Their weakness will be just like a real gooses! Strangulation and broken necks.

>The DM has had enough of your shit.

How do you break that which knows not life, nor mercy? As you reach for the goose, so too does the goose reach for you

Gloves of titan's grip?

Call the Koreans.

Why does your cleric bear such hatred for the world?

That's fucking amazing.

Geee whats so special with these geeses anyway?

Improved charge and endless rage

Bill of Titan's *HRONK*

As one who processes fowl, including geese, can tell you they are vicious, but a sword or even better a blunt object would be deadly

>the wizard steps forward, a grim look on his face
>the air chills and crackles with energy as he works metamagic to bend the aether in ways it was never intended
>he closes his eyes and stretches his arms out to either side, taking one last deep breath of the fresh forest air
"Locate City"

...

If Veeky Forums and these two images have thought me anything its that Korea is not to be fucked with because they will destroy you physically and mentally.

If I recall correctly, Korean troops in Vietnam had something like the highest warcrime-per-capita rate of any force deployed.

Nothing like a bit of gook on gook violence.

"Encounters" nothing. I magic'd those fuckers outta thin air for the express purpose of fucking the enemy army into the ground.

>dire geese
We just call them geese where I'm from...

They're like regular geese...only dire!

This.

"The goose is loose! Begin orbital bombardment!"

>Speak with Animal
>"Talk to me, Goose."

...

This will be a feast!

They're essentially just dire ducks.

The goose replies: "I'll rip your fucking eyes out, you bald-skinned motherfucker. I would fuck your mother but non-oviparous reproduction is as disgusting as your flabby fucking flightless body. Fuck you! Fuck!"

Roll for initiative.

Man what the fuck was that, that little fucker literally got chomped and it just made him mad.

this is the real no fun allowed

>Honks intensifies.

>2016
>trying to communicate with the honking jew

Favored Enemy: Beast, a hundred feet of rope, and Handle Animal out the ass. My character's taking out at least two of them.

>Their weakness will be just like a real gooses! Strangulation and broken necks.
>As one who processes fowl, including geese, can tell you they are vicious, but a sword or even better a blunt object would be deadly
AND YOU THOUGHT PEASANT (Poultry Farmer) WAS A STUPID BACKGROUND!
WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, HUH, WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?!?!

>>dire geese
>We just call them geese where I'm from...
>They're essentially just dire ducks.
And Canadian Geese are basically the un-dire form of Swans...

>And Canadian Geese are basically the un-dire form of Swans...
Swans are an entirely new evil. Even dire geese can't abide them.

Fuck I wish my DM did this instead of pretending all animals are too retarded to respond to spells like that.

Shit, I just remembered a story where a guy caught a fish and used Speak with Animal on it, and it sounded like a fucking chav

I must insist you tell me details.

Story time!

One member of my group tried to ask a Crocodile for directions using one of those spells.
It just chewed on his leg.

>CoC game set in Nova Scotia
>Party investigating an odd. hairy biped wandering the woods
>Go to the local Tim Hortons to get some coffee for the long stakeout tonight
>It's closed
>SAN check
>Everyone fails
>Vicious 3-way argument as all sides devolve into madness. One starts drinking constantly, the other gains aphasia, the third develops a split personality and starts having it speak through a puppet
>Start brawling and end up in the woods when they see a massive, hairy figure emerge from a cave
>Pic related

I laughed aloud. You're a funny guy

%%Geez,%% that's horrible.

Didn't even have to click the spoiler.

Does anyone have more of this?

Godamn it, DM! More dire shit? Jesus fucking christ.

Shovel to the face.

I've had to work with a geese in a shelter. Motherfucker learned his place real quick.

...

How can we make Bo-Peep a commissar?

...

youtube.com/watch?v=ZtEQPhGZCQM
Absolute evil.

Underrated signpost

>the goose starts cursing you out
If this happened in-game, I'd completely fucking lose it.

Just find a model of a petite lady in a dress, do some fuckery to slap a trenchcoat and a hat over it, give it a gun, and bam.

Rolled 8 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

I roll to tell randy to fuck off

Sorry, you needed a 16.
Randy responds.
>Frig off, Ricky!

I polymorph into my form of incontrollable slaughter.

Horse-sized goose.

it responds by shapechanging into a dire swan, you done fucked up now.

google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=0ahUKEwi4ibquy_zNAhVW5WMKHTZpBnkQjRwIBw&url=http://www.sbs.com.au/movies/article/2015/04/21/maika-monroe-it-follows-and-her-5-favourite-scream-queens&bvm=bv.127178174,d.cGc&psig=AFQjCNFcLLDJlQrZ9TUslS2JgVDUFEqyoA&ust=1468916721448379

I get out my dire shotgun.

...

FUCKING AUSTRALIA

Only if she's commanding a penal legion of sheep and billygoat abhumans.

Aren't a lot of those time slots spent with extra curricular activities?

Don't bother, that was a fight between shitposters, logic and reason have no place there.

It's a honey badger. They attack lions, rhinos, bears, hyenas and anything else that has the audacity to get noticed by them.

I think Speak with Animals is the most fun spell to DM in any game

>party in a city run by necromancers
>dead shit everywhere
>having a hard time leaning who runs things around here from local humanoids
>druid talks to a local one-eyed starving rottweiler and asks him
>"Yo, fuck you want from me you pine fresh mothafucka."
>"Uh, hello I was looking for a bit of information."
>"I got all the info you need, dawg, I run deez streets."

how I druid.png

They laughed at me when I bought a shotgun and the related skill for my character. "Automatics is a much better skill in Shadowrun. You can even use automatic pistols with it when you want a concealable weapon. Flechettes are useless because every enemy has armour."

Who's laughing now? WHO'S LAUGHING NOW! EAT FLECHETTE FROM MY AUTOMATIC SHOTGUN YOU FEATHERED HELL-BEASTS!

>Who's laughing now?

Oh I dunno.

>A cave of dire Dolphins, guarded by dire honeybadgers and dire geese, and infested with dire tarantula Hawks

...presumably he would have been redder if he was Chinese?

Alright, it's not my story, but
>players are on a boat in the ocean
>One decides to do some fishing
>catches fish
>another party member uses Speak with Animal
>"Oi m8, the fuck is this about? Throw me back in, ya fuckin' cunt"
>the disgruntled fish is reterned to the sea.

So take some beastmen models and mod some IG parts on them.

>%% spoilers
Hello, fellow Wakaba fagget.

I throw a folding chair at the greasy fuck

I like feeding geese breadcrumbs. I remember this one time when I fed a mixed group of geese and ducks, and one duck managed to get close enough to eat out of my hand. He bit my finger on accident and it was a lot softer and wetter than I expected it to be.

> Duck rolls to seduce

m.youtube.com/watch?v=YbaTur4A1OU

>geeses

>a geese

Did someone say insurmountable terror?

can confirm this works, as does catching them and hanging them by their feet to use said clippers

honk

...

Throw the Slaaneshi to them. That'll show him for mocking a Khornate Sorcerer.

I don't play epic levels.

Is there any other kind?