Other than the kelpie, what fantasy creature is the biggest asshole?

Kelpies are super cute tho

Satyrs be climbing in your Windows he's snatching your womyn up.

Possibly the shadowcat. But you never see 'em.

Technically, that would be the dire awakened anus.

The kumiho.
It's like a kitsune in that it has adorable fox ears and fluffy tail, only instead of being waifu, it rips out your liver and eats it.

Actually, it would be better to pack a handgun with you when you have red caps, they can't be outrunned.

If you touch a kelpie, you're stuck to it harder than a pair of super-glued fingers and it drags you into the water, to eat you after you drown if you're luck, while you drown if you're not.

They. Are. Not. Cute.

What if something touches it and is stronger than the kelpie? Can they beat the kelpie to death, or is the kelpie just going to stick to them until one of them dies?

At that point, yes. It essentially becomes an endurance competition between Kelpie and whoever the poor sap is stuck to them. And yes, by nature of where you find the Kelpie, they have the advantage.

Kappa.
Or the Baba Yaga
Admittedly, having called her/them an asshole/s, my life expectancy has dropped dramatically now.

Is the Baba Yaga that bad? I recall her being helpful sometimes.

Lamias.

TURNS OUT IT'S MAN

Dwarves

>All those facial piercings
Vomitingfratbroguy.jpg

Yeah, when threatened by bogatyr that actually can kick her ass Baba Yaga will cooperate to save her old rotten hide.

To be honest family piercings are my fetish

Kappa.
They'll prolapse yours with a yank of their thumb and eat your dangling pooper-parts.

Hey, I don't talk shit about your grandma.

Djinn.

> Questions are nonsensical
> Answer with a nonsensical answer

> Thread starts with an actual riddle
> Someone replies with a logical answer

Uh...

djinn are only asses to the people who hold them captive, which admittedly is most of the people who ever meet them

but if you were strong enough and had something sturdy to hold on to like a tree or whatever then you could pull it out of the water and fuck it

Put it in the Kelpie Clutch
Break its back
Fuck it in the ass
Make it humble

Okay, hold up. I have read a decent amount of fairy lore, and I have never, ever seen any reference to the Red Man of Cairn outside of Veeky Forums. I need a source.

>The Iron Sidhe

well there's one whose defining feature is that it;s a person with an eyeball in its asshole, so you're kind of right

There's one in Yo-Kai Watch.

wait would my dick get stuck inside of the kelpies vagina

would i go the way of the angler fish

Gremlins.

They exist to fuck your shit up.

Fairies are pretty dickish even when they don't try to be. ESPECIALLY when they don't try to be.

What i want to know is what would happen if you wore gloves/oven mitts. Would you get dragged down or would it just take the oven mitts and fuck off. If it can't get past fabric could you just get a bunch of people together to cover it in a couple blankets and beat it down?

What Would happen if you wore a condom?

What if that's my fetish?

Crazy Hassan's animal-loving uncle

>family piercings are my fetish

Uhhh, that's a new one. And this is coming from a guy who visits /d/.

Seriously? It's really not that uncommon

Will o the wisp are the human equivalent of a bug lamp.

Most Witches are gamma-to-omega level reality warpers who use their god-like powers almost strictly to eat children for the lulz.

Monsters who, if you do not meet wierd-ass requirements, kill you. Being a child, solving a riddle, never looming directly at them, etc.

But cruelty bordering on idiocy has to go to the Greek Gods. You so much as thought "I wanna be as good as [god] at [their thing]" and everyone who ever knew you suffered for eternity. Oh, and artemis killed a nigga for accidentally seeing her in the bath. First anime-protag-sees-girl-in-bathroom moment in history. Complete with "kyaaa" and violent overreaction

Rumplestiltskin

I don't know man, "and then it eats you" is a pretty common endgame for mythological creatures.

Lobstrosities.

Mimics.

They're all assholes.

source?

>kelpie
DELET THIS

Do "the gods" count as a fantasy creature? Because those guys are dicks.

What the fuck, why is this gaining traction as a thing

I can offer no source other than my grandmother.

If you're going with Dark Tower monsters there's way worse stuff than Lobstrosities, all they want to do is eat you. The vampires always play mind games with you and try to terrify and traumatize you before they drink your blood, and then there's the creatures like Pennywise or Dandelo.

fucking mind flayers

Nice digits.
All gods are fantasy creatures. *tips fedora*

*kisses naked man on a cross*

Posing as best waifu isn't, though.

>Pennywise
Would be scary if it wasn't also massively stupid and relied on everyone else being stupider.

>implying she has a lot of piercings

Bitch your kelpie 'friend' tried to kill you! Don't act like you know as much as you make out! You're a great CHEF, not a fucking ranger!

Good ol' linguistic ambiguity. #ThanksEnglish

That's actually what kitsune are in China and most folklore of Japan too as a point of fact, evil fox spirits.
After the roughly mid-1500's worship of the Shinto deity Inari got really popular however, and she is associated with foxes, so there were "good" foxes called "inarikitsu" that were her servants or something and less evil.
Gradually this "mischievous but not malicious" thing blended into the rest of Japanese folklore and kitsune in general became a "good or evil" type thing rather then a purely negative force.
China and Korea never had any worship of Inari at all so fox spirits basically never got away from the whole "always evil tricksters" thing mythologically speaking.

>Did-a-chick?
>Dad-a-chum?
>Did-a-chee?

>Super strong adventurer with barely any understanding about monsters, just sort of muscles through it all
>Meets a Kelpie
>Pets it
>Kelpie attempts to drag the adventurer into the water since it's stuck
>The guy doesn't even fucking budge, and just thinks the Kelpie is a cutie
>He pulls the Kelpie out of the water and takes it with him as a pet
>Kelpie is stuck

>he makes the kelpie live in his bathtub
>he feeds it carrots and apples

The die roll is the important part, famalan.

>not the things that live in the dark between dimensions
Tbf, I guess they probably can't comprehend 'beyond an asshole'

Yeah, 1%, I got that. Too bad the rest of the screencap's inaccurate to what it's trying to portray.

>but close enough to accurate that only faggots like you will call it out.
To be fair, one of the best astrosphinxes i ever saw ran relied on context clues from the DM's description. the sphinx asked "what is, but isnt". It had a pile of magical tomes mixed in with its treasure hoard. the answer was "fiction". fiction "Is" written but it "isnt" real.

user, I think your grandma might have been a fibber.

But that shit's not a nonsensical question. It's just a regular riddle. The answer isn't even nonsensical either. The astrosphinx is insane, it's "riddles" aren't supposed to make sense, it's why there's only a chance you're right, because there's only a chance he'll accept it as the answer to his dumb bullshit. It isn't "close enough" because it completely ditches that entire aspect and instead portrays a regular sphinx that just has a 1% chance to blow up whenever you answer, right or wrong.

So a correct question would be 'Why is a raven like a writing desk?' and a correct nonsensical answer would be 'Because it can produce a few notes, though they are very flat; and it is nevar put with the wrong end in front.'

The question, sure, or at least maybe. People have come up with so many answers for that, it almost feels like an actual riddle now, though maybe that's the point. The answer could be fucking anything though. I could answer with "In July" and still possibly be correct because the astrosphinx is completely bonkers.

Given that she also told me there was a dragon under the stairs that is not outside possibility.

But I know it's been mentioned on this board at least once by someone other than me.

Because it's fun.

if they eventually fall in love then it could make a great romance anime

gnomes, catfolk and jews

If you read the thread, OP made up the riddle, thinking (incorrectly) that there was no answer. In this way he was much like the crazy-ass Astrosphinx that just makes up random bullshit.
My answer was correct, though, so he accepted it and exploded.

source? without the hotdog

Tell us what you know anyway. Second hand story time.

Nisser(tomte) are such massive monolithic assholes

>I'm the protector of your farm
>But I swear if I catch you doing anything I don't like your life will be a hellscape
>What's that, you fucking swore?
>I'm gonna kill your fucking cows you rude god damn piece of shit

...

>4 piercings
>a lot
nigga some people have 4 in a single eyebrow.

"What has purple swords and jumps across a litch's peanut farm?" is a completely nonsensical question, and an equally nonsensical answer would be "the time between 4 and 5 AM."

Sounds randumb because it is.

Actually you just needed to add a comma between "family" and "piercings", then it might have been easier to surmise what filtered contraction you were actually re-elongating.

Punctuation is important.

It's not a riddle, it's a joke. It counts.

In fact, a sphinx which wanders roads telling jokes and slaughtering anybody except people who have heard the joke before is a pretty good idea in and of itself.

Jokes aren't nonsensical riddles, doofus.

The answer was a joke, dingus.

well I'm not the same guy who has the family piercing fetish, but without a comma it's still a perfectly valid sentence, if unclear in meaning.

Well the answer wasn't nonsensical either, donkus.

OH SHIT ITS THE ASTROPHINX

"Then who was phone?"

Roll a 1dPhone

Like that?

Unambiguous communication is useful desu.

Why don't YOU provide examples that you think fit your OWN definition and you validate those reasons here.

Stepmothers.

That really depends on the story. You can check them at sacredtexts.com, including the one with all three Yagas.

fucking mini cthulhus man