Pathetic Marines: the Bastion of Randomness Edition

Rolled 3 (1d3)

>1, Minor encounter(Rolled by someone else than me please)
>2, Found items(Crozius found at 17+)
>3,Surprise event picked by the first to respond

>OOC
Well, that was fast.
And rather pathetic.

That didn't take very long.

Uggvhh is there a tech-proest around? Bastie keeps sending binary to my data-slate and I'm not too fluent in it, all I've got from it is something about the coordinates where the crozius is

Indeed it didnt

The Crozius is an illusion!Created by foul eldar hiding in this Vent!They must have boarded from their ship while we were busy being pathetic!

Rolled 13 (1d20)

Alright, the tech priests sent me a translation.

Turns out around 20 Eldar and some number of necrons are fighting in the floor below the crozius.

Well, I'll send 2 squads of devestators down to the floor, I'm hoping you will reinforce them

>OOC
Rolling to see what happens to my squad on their way down

You should be able to get there before them but they have a clear course plotted

Erm, it was rather quick wasnt it, i suppose it was only dropped into a vent and not a waste pipe.

Should we take a look around while we are here, it seems like a waste to just leave

Rolled 8 (1d20)

Here we go.

>OOC
Where was I again?

Erm, I'd ask you to tell me your coordinates but I suppose you can't see anything

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>1-5, Sanic Fest Descent with no happenings
>6-10, Floor Collapses
>11-14, Obstacles , slower descent
>15-18, Solid Metall Wall
>19-20 The enemy expects us

Rolled 1 (1d100)

I shall give us an Entrance brothers! after that Jump in and get to bashing!

>Fires Gauss Flamer into the floor

Well shit , prepare for one hell of a drop

>OOC
Now we know why the floor is collapsing!

>we're gonna need some support and several REALLY good apothecarys our tauminator is down and quite burnt

Eldar ? The fools, if I wasm't so weak, I'd already have kicked their odd pointy-eared heads out of our pathetic fortress of patheticness. Could one of you brothers bring me my bike ? I can't find it here, but I think it might be somewhere around
>keeps sitting in his cell trying to make his powerfist fit

Rolled 1 (1d3)

Try not to land on an eldar they do nothing to mitigate a fall!

Captain Is the Teleport homer active?

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>rolling for impact damage

Rolled 3 (1d6)

Right, 1 second. Hmm seems I dropped it quite hard,

>1-3 it's fine
>4-5 it'll take a minute to fix
>6 it's broken

Alright looks like you're good to go brother, I'll set the coordinates for the medbay and hopefully the apothecarys know what they are doing

Best of luck!

Ouch. That was rather unpleasant.
Thank Phaeron my body is made out of necrodermis.

Landing

Rolled 1 (1d6)

Wow surprise survival

I hope you put them in correctly captain this rather stings.
Brothers i must leave you! take my flamer that i may still aid you.

>1-2 Medbay
>3-4 Reliquary
>5-6 Captain Fleshbane's Room

Found my bike, turns out this traitor had hidden in plain sight. Where did the noise come from already, gotta bring the cavalry !

>OOC
What am I supposed to do ? Never been in this kind of thread before ^^'

Rolled 1 (1d6)

>OOC
I was secretly hoping you would get fleshbanes room for shenanigans

>OOC
You can do whatever you want, basically.
Right now a small group of marines is trying to get my crozius back.
At the same time, we've got eldar and necron intruders fighting each other.
Aren't you the captain of the I Company? You can try to deal with the xenos while we're down here.

>OOC
Who wasn't hoping for that?

Allright brother, heading for these xeno you mentioned ! Calling for support !

Can you please roll for where I end up ?
>1-Lost
>2-with you
>3-In a necron group
>4-Eldars
>5-in a xeno boarding ship

Rolled 3 (1d5)

>Facesoles
DAMMIT NOTAN!

Uuhhh...
...what a strange coincidence!
It's not like I'm connected with necrons or something...

Alright , ill Start slaying eldar then!

Rolled 4 (1d6)

>Bike rushes in the general direction of the xeno blips, constantly reajusting his powerfist, unaware of the various running astartes on his way.
>After a few momemts, crashes through an half open door, gets projectionered forward through half the corridor and pathetically ends up hugging a necron warrior, which doesn't really seem to like it.
>Looking around, sights a différent cron, which oddly wears a pink cape.
>Points at him with pathetic rage
>Powerfist detaches and is sent flying towards the cron

Rolling to see what happens
1-dodge
2-4 hit
5- BOOM
6- next answerer decides

Great news Brothers, my new arm has been fitted. What did I miss while I was being operated on?

Bike Support Fire when?

Welcome back, Brother-Captain!
As you can see, I've lost my crozius, would you like to help us get it back?

Basically , the Chaplain lost his Crozius during looting and when we went searching , we found some eldar and necrons fighting while me and some other guys fell from ceiling vents into the group , now support is comin

This simply will not do Chaplain, I will make haste in hunting for it. Do you remember where you last saw it?

Do not fear brother, these Necrons are not as though ad they appear. I slew several of them with a single shot from my Lascannon when we faced the on that asteroid.

>The cron gets hit, rages, rushes towards the captain.
>Captain laughs, rushes to his powerfist, keeps rushing to his bike and fle.. Rushes towards a place where his skill is more needed.
>Hears a rumbling in a corridor. Goes full throttle, fist forwards towards the wall.

Roll me what happens
1- wall wins
2- breaks the wall and falls
3- Breaks the wall and stops
4- breaks the wall, and the next
5-wall wins

Rolled 4 (1d6)

I have faith in your patheticness brother

Rolled 3 (1d6)

Well, the last time i saw it was when i dropped it into the vent. According to brother-captain the crozius must be somewhere above the improvised battlefield.

Say no more, I shall retrieve my Lascannon and then find my way there.

>The wall explodes under the impact, the audacious marine is projected towards the second one, his powerfist forwards as always, pointing at the wall which comes to him at an alarming speed

BOOM

>Gathering the new informations he's exposed to, the first company captain adresses his brothers

What the hell's going on there ? Who's responsible for all this rumbling ?

>Rushes Towards Eldar ,Relic Sword Drawn
>Eldar realize that my Sword has Soulrazor, which denies the effect of their soulstones(Sends foes Soul to Warp if they are hit and fail a leadership test) and react in a way that the first response decides

Perhaps, the the tech priests didn't send me an overly clear translation and it was still in half binary. It's in that general area, and so are three necrons, and the Eldar...and what ever Bastie has in store for you

The Eldar take one look at you and hear your voice filled with pathetic Rage. They know you are the kind of marine that'll at least take two down while dying himself. They bolt to the right to get away from the necrons and you

Wow , i didnt expect the eldar to be afraid of anyone as pathetic as me

Rolled 19, 16 = 35 (2d20)

They are not afraid of you, brother.
They are afraid of your sword.

>Chaplain Ecron furiously swings his claws, trying to get as many eldar as possible.

Rolled 5 (1d5)

They wish to escape alive not inflict damage on either party as a priority. It appears the ran into a large room that seems to be an abandoned vehicle Bay. Inside the bay is
>1 stasis pods
>2 odd Thunderhawk
>3-4pods + hawk
>5 it's a warp portal

>OOC
WARP FUCKERY!

After inflicting lethal damage to one Eldar and heavily injure another, Sargeant sagacious, I give you authority to chase down the Eldar trapped in the portal

Before any chase is given all you hear is the Eldar screaming in agony and after a sufficient amount of yelling you hear
>death to the emperors foes all hail the emperor and his greatest son horus!

>Looks in the general direction of the screaming
What now, who the hell are you ?

>you marine! I am a captain of the great Luna wolves legion! Who are you and why isn't your armor adorned with paint?

Oh, damnit.
Brothers, activate a teleporter beacon, so that i may come to aid you!

What's that? No, it doesn't make any sense. Who would praise both The Emperor and Horus at the same time? That could've been possible only...

...in Pre-Heresy times.

>OOC
someone mind taking over the Luna wolves role play? I have to get at least 2 hours of sleep before I head to work. Cya fellas later

Heresy? What Heresy?

Welcome to the 41st Millennium Brother , we are the Chapter of the Pathetic Marines , a collection if the worst amongst the best.Horus Commited Heresy in Millennium 31 and the emperor is almost dead , kept Alive by large amounts if life support and far beyond possible revival.Times have changed , but the imperium remains strong.Also , tell me your Name please

Uhh...
Ehhh...
...Aha! Haven't you heard about the heresy of Primarch Lorgar of the Word Bearers?

Dammit! This guy is not gonna be happy to hear that his Primarch committed Heresy.

Brother, tell him that Lorgar and his legion killed the Luna Wolves, lie to him.
And this is not even a full lie, it's a truth, metaphorically speaking

Just push him back into the Portal Captain

Ook ok ook eek!
(Tear his arms off!)

What.The.Fuck.
>I decide to walk a little closer to the marine and pull his helmet off , then stick my hand over his face to make him blind as i scream into the Vox for the apothecary to teleport here and bring sedation

youtube.com/watch?v=Pq-6aj9sNvo
One of the Ecclisiarchs is a Jokaero.

>OOC
One of them has a bucket on his head too!

I'm ashamed I didn't notice the Jokearo in the video when i saw it when it came out

>OOK
I'm honestly surprised you missed the bit where he said they should peel Deicus's skin off and eat it.

Would you mind helping me steal this guys tech?

Sure, why not.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

Okay , he has
>1-5 nothing we dont also have
>6-10 2d3 of equipment
>11-14 pre-heresy archeotech
>15-18 valuable knowledge
>19-20 a holy relic

I swear I have already seen something like this happen

That's handy.

Oh Boy , the bloody Magpies

>Yawns

What an excellent post-teleport nap! How goes it my brothers? Is Bastie acting strangely again?

>Looks at the scene of Xenos corpses, warp fuckery and LUNA WOLVES in the background

What in the name of the Emperor is going on here!?! Who needs help my brothers, and why does everyone have new and amazing gear? I want new and amazing gear! And the harem of Adeptas Sororitas I was promised.

Well , check the old thread for the equipment people discovered and send them requests to receive it
Also , I'd give you an eviscerator if you want one
And the story of this is: We went looting inside Bastie when Chaplain Notan lost his Crozius and on our search for it , we discovered some N****** and eldar , which lead us to this warp portal and the Luna Wolves, whose "knowledge" was already "borrowed" by us(Blod Rehvans Steel Rehn/Indrick Boreale style)

Also , congrats on your sainthood chapter master!

Greetings our holiest Chapter Master! We were searching our most pathetic fortress for relics of the past! Sadly, I lost my shiny new crozius, but our Battle-Brothers decided to help me! We haven't found the crozius yet, but instead we've found...
uhh...
...a pre-heresy marine of Luna Wolves.

By the way, I've found some digital weapons! Are you interested in jewelry, brother?

Rolled 1 (1d5)

Thank you my brother! Now I must go and acquire more weapons for the war to come!

>Tau Heavy Rail Rifle

>Terminators Only. 60", S 8, AP 1, Heavy 1

>Additional Traits: Precision Shot / Strike, Force

>Power Lance

>Additional Traits: Gauss, Quickened (+1 A), Unrefined (-1 S)

>Relic Blade

>Additional Traits: Timewarp (+1 I)

>Programmable Tau Drones

>Two drones join one model and form a unit. Roll a d5 once to determine type for both: 1 - Gun Drone, 2 - Marker Drone, 3 - Shield Drone, 4 - Missile Drone, 5 - Sniper Drone

>Power Axe

>Additional Traits: Instant Death, Force, Soulrazor (Ld test for each Wound or be removed from play)

My brothers! I have found new artifacts to bring into battle! Including heretical drones!

...

Hmm, allow me to help you on this quest to recover your holy Crozius my brother! And jewelry is always nice, I thank you! Come my new pets (Tau gun drones), to adventure!

Chapter Master , may I follow you and the Chaplian on your Quest?

Greetings glorious Saint Chapter Master!

>OOC

Also, do I get Terminator Armor now? I feel like I should, but I don't want to make myself any more ridiculously powerful.

Of course my brother!

Greeting to you Brother-Sergeant!