Let's chuckle and recall some of our funny or pitiful times babysitting new players...

Protip, this is why you drive casuals out

You don't babysit them
You don't encourage them to stay
You make it EXCEPTIONALLY clear they are banned

You can't cure the casual cancer, just use chemo

This also goes for girlfriends at the table. Not even once.

also OP you brought it on yourself by associating with contards

So if it's just a game why he cares being punished in the first place??

Why would they? A character starting at level one isn't anybody of note. Also, shit's covered in the rulebooks if you bother to read them.

Every campaign I've ever had ended up with the players attempting to start a proletariat uprising or attempting to sabotage the BBEGs base with zero planning. If they get captured they bitch harder than if they get killed

>asked if Rangers came with horses
But it's actually a reasonably safe assumption that one would, or at least could, come with a horse.
That is not at all a bad thing. It shows that he's familiar with what a ranger is. Not his fault D&D gets it wrong.

If that's what they want to do, you should try playing a game that lets them do stuff like that.

>PC makes his character a bard named "Sir Khaled of New Orleans"
>PC makes his character a rogue named "Papa Frank"

The former was a pacifist who could barely do anything, and the latter memed the whole way through.

>That is not at all a bad thing. It shows that he's familiar with what a ranger is. Not his fault D&D gets it wrong.
>Not giving one specific class a huge advantage at first level
>getting it wrong
Okay man. Also, the word "ranger" has nothing to do with having a horse. It just means someone who ranges.

do intellectual level stuff without actually using their brains at all? how?

Can't tell if bad b8 or retard. But I guess you got a (You).

He didn't mean DnD SHOULD give them horses, he's just pointing out the fact that when talking about real life rangers, one usually assumes there are horses.

>real life rangers
You mean...park rangers?

No like the general Canadian populace. It's all horses and snow up there.

>someone tells harsh truths
>must be b8

fuck off

>somebody tells people to never let people learn
>th- that's the just the truth, im cool, im an elitist like the rest of you r- right guis?

fuck off

rangers in a fantasy setting are typically fucking archers with or without horses.

>running a game for a bunch of first-timers
>still haven't gotten out of the 'skyrim' mindset
>tries to sell human bones they found in a dungeon to an armorsmith because they think it would make good armor
>smith kicks them out and calls the guard

I think the wilderness survivalist aspect is more important.

There's a long D&D tradition of close combat rangers, hell, no reason a pacifist can't be a "ranger", as long as they live in the woods and "range".

I can understand the smith doing that, but is it actually illegal?
Also
>old ass human bone armor
Why would that be a good idea.

>no one can come into MY super secret board game club unless you know the password! and no girls allowed
We were all normalfags before starting this hobby user.

Don't kid yourself man.

More than enough of us have poor social skills, inappropriate ideas about gaming etiquette, body odour issues, and just plain old bad taste.

>Run first Only War game
>Haven't GM'd in ages
>One of my players is a slav
>I was not prepared
>He made it his goal to pilfer everything that wasn't nailed down
>Our Sergeant is new like me, and not sure how to restrain the savage slavs impulses
>By the end of the first session, through a combination of excellent role playing, lucky rolling and dumb luck, he'd walked off with 1 pallet (yes, pallet) of Lho sticks, 3 weeks of water and food, 3 weeks of recaff, a Tread-Fether with 6 rockets, 8 lasguns in various condition, a cart, a Cameleoline Cloak, a bottle of expensive amasec, and a gilded samovar belonging to a Dev Hetra light artillery regiment

>mfw there are orbital bombardments coming in, and he tells me "I roll to unbolt the samovar from our tank and take it with us"

It was both incredibly entertaining, and immensely frustrating.

protip: we were never normies and helping interested players learn is not the fucking same as accomodating contards and casuals

gaming never used to be "cool" or for "normalfags", it used to be for people who gave a shit, knew what was expected and actually cared about learning to play independently without being spoonfed

you know, like computer games before they became dumbed down for normies

you pathetic millennial shitstains need a reality check, requiring a certain fucking level of interest and intelligence to take part in a hobby isn't elitist or toxic it's basic sense

What's the difference between someone who's learning and your /v/-tier 'casul' meme?

when I started playing people HELPED new players, they didn't compromise everyone else's fun for the sake of someone who needed reminding what HP means ten times a session

someone worth helping:

"OK I have been reading the rules, can you clear up [fine point of rule]"

casual:

"can you make me a character like Sera from Dragon Age shes like SO FUNNY, what dice do I roll again, the d20 is this square one isn't it? What's my attack bonus again?"

Ask my Diablo 2 necromancer.

>"I roll to unbolt the samovar from our tank and take it with us"
Ok, I know bolts aren't nails, but I feel that is at least contrary to the spirit of his goals-as-stated.

Right, so anyone who makes a mistake or asks for help on anything that you've arbitrarily decided doesn't deserve to play, got it.

They hadn't actually bolted it to the tank, so to speak - more "attached it to the crew compartment via the creative application of adhesive tape and a single bracket that was originally used to secure ammunition."

The guy did so much shit that would have gotten him summarily executed (impersonating an officer for the purpose of theivery being chief among them) if caught, but he managed to roll such ridiculous numbers that if I didn't trust him so much I'd have thought he was fudging them.

no, anyone that does not first educate them self or is unbearably cringy it seems. (from reading his post)

of course the cringy part is up to the person.

>reading is haaaard stop oppressing me

it has never been fucking easier to find how to play guides, rules and more for any RPG under the sun

so yes, if you want to play I would fucking expect you to know the ABSOLUTE FUCKING BASIC RULES and not need reminding of them multiple times a session

>hey guys let's play football
>so what's a touchdown again?

now to clear up, the DM has to first say "hey, were doing this system, read up on the rules" otherwise I'm going to go in thinking the first time is character creation and rule go over together because even if you DO read the rules, the DM's I play with STILL go over it together, so any lazy assholes have a fair chance. so the first session is usually extra long or solely rules and creation.

>I can understand the smith doing that, but is it actually illegal?
Robbing graves, you mean?

You know... somehow I never recognized dungeon crawling as grave robbing
Am I one of the skyrim mindset people?

If the dungeon is a tomb, you are definitely robbers.

My only problem with this is that you're conflating casual with asshole.

Casuals come in all shapes and sizes, some willing to learn, or will get interested part way through and try to make up, and some not.
Someone who makes no effort to learn how to play, ignores advice, and consequently drags the game to a halt is nothing more than an asshole.

Which edition of D&D makes horses a huge advatage and not a massive burden?

5e?

>you've arbitrarily decided doesn't deserve to play, got it.

Frankly, this is the most important function. The shape of any community is determined by who is and isn't let in. Filtering people at the door is one of the most important parts of maintaining one.

Ah. I wouldnt know, but I will take your word for it.

Except most tabletop games have 0 to do with any collective community.

That's certainly not true.

Don't worry, all of Europe once had the Skyrimjob mentality to archaeology.

Turns out it was the right one too, because when you give indigs in Egypt back their history they just deliberately destroy it to placate their new moon god.

>roleplaying games
>intellectual

and i presume actual intellectual activities like discussing actual intellectual things(e.g.philosophy) are retarded?

You know I'd definitely allow it if he roleplays it well enough.

He did an exceptional job, considering that he's been playing and DM'ing for years. I tried to stop him when he stole a uniform and waltzed into the officer's mess to loot more stuff, but fuck me if I didn't fail five different rolls in a row to see if SOMEONE noticed the mismatched uniform, the lack of rank pins, and the slouching demeanor. It was like the Emperor decreed that this man must have his fun, and that was that.

Looking back, I think that might also have been the safest Only War game ever created - everyone around my PC's died horrible deaths, but they managed to survive relatively unscathed, aside from a smidgen of corruption.

Those are all things some dumb ass trooper might legitimately try.

>Slav thief undercover as soldier
>Halt private! What is the meaning of this?
>Пpиceв , cэp !
>Say what?!
>S-shit. J-just squatting, cэp, I m-mean sir!
>Squatting? In the middle of the road?
>I never skip leg day, sir. And neither do the terrorists.
>Ah, the energy of youth. Carry on.
>Yes, cэp!
>...Now where did I leave my car keys?

>Private, do you know why I have called you here?
>No, sir. I do not know, sir.
>There has been reports of theft in the facilities.
>Is that so, sir. That is not good, sir.
>Yes. I think we might have a thief, posing as a soldier no less.
>...Sir?
>You said you never skip leg day, right?
>Y-Yes, sir?
>Well put those legs to work, private. Find me that thief!
>Дa cэp *COUGH* COUGH* YES SIR
>What?
>N-nothing, cэp, s-sir.
>Alright, you are dismissed private.
>*door closes*
>...That's odd, didn't I have a picture of my dear granny on my desk?

Had one guy who actually put effort into RPing, never did P&P in his life, but he was NOT very bright.
>first room he explores inna dungeon, brand new Level 3 character
>You see an ornate chest at the end of the room.
>"I cast mage hand to see if the chest is open."
>It is, inside is at least two thousand gold
>"I take the gold."
>Are you sure you wanna do that?
>"Yes."
>Yyyooou're POSITIVE?"
>"YES."
>DM had him roll Dex save
>1
>chest was obviously a mimic, bites his hand off
>we rush into the room, kill the mimic, guy sits in the corner crying
>DM allows him to commit soduku and reroll a character

>are you suuuuure
I am not against hand-holding players, but I am not for it either.

>loses hand
>Sudoku
Why? That could be an interesting character trait, he goes and replaces it with something, maybe even something to channel his magic.

The question mark was because I've only read the rules for them, which seem fine, and heard from other people that the mechanics are much, much better than in 3.5 and 4e.

Replacing your hand with an arcane focus would be pretty bitching.

well he cant hand hold him anymore

If theyre 13 and going to Veeky Forums they are more than likely not going anywhere but /b/

Theyre games. Not a way of life

No one is making the case that it's a life or death situation.

but "it's just a le game, guise :^)" is a pretty retarded take on it too. It's a hobby I've sunk thousands of dollars into over the years. The hobby where I get a majority of my social interaction from. It's an important part of my life and if I had to drop it because the community shifted to bece hostile to me and mine I would be facing either an incredibly lonely existence or starting at square 1 with something else. Neither seems appealing.

Sounds like you take takes way too seriously.

Diversify your portfolio.

Ironically in my experience taking games too seriously sucks the enjoyment out in the long run. But then, that's just me, you may be different.
I do get what you mean when groups don't take stuff you worked on seriously, but you gotta roll with the punches man.

Nigga you gotta diversify yo bonds
youtube.com/watch?v=KmGnl7quDbY

Doesn't seem nessecary yet.

Of course getting autistic about the rules ir whatever will fuck everything up. But we're talking about the social community here, not breaking out the micrometer every shooting phase.

we had a guy lose his leg to doing something equally dumb once but he got it replaced with some bitchin magic automail. Made the game more interesting for him cause it gave him some good bonuses actually but he had too upkeep its maintenance or it would start becoming a penalty.
His character is still paying off that debt though......

>Пpиceв
Пpиceдaния, you mean? Or sitting squatted like gopniks (нa кopтoчкaх)?

>final fantasy unlimited backstory

Why does his face look like it's datamoshed, even though it isn't?

I used google translate, so I have no idea. Gopnik style probably:
youtube.com/watch?v=TIVijJWiIrQ
This shit gets me every time.

Only near the border. Further north, we use mo(umlaut)ose.

"Harsh truths" requires something to be truths.

>gaming never used to be "cool" or for "normalfags"
It also wasn't the pure golden field you're nostalgia-ing. Hardcore players can suck just as easily as casual players, except they suck more (because they're hardcore about it) and it's impossible to help them suck less.

Also 4e, thought it's circumstance-dependent.

>Teaching someone how to play MTG
>"So tapping elvish mystic means I can get a forest from my deck?"
>"Why can't I just attack your creatures directly?"
>"What do you mean my creature is destroyed? It has 9 toughness it should survive that murderous compulsion since a vampire could never kill such a big creature!"
>"Why does angelic purge work against my 3/3 angel? I thought angels never killed each other".
>"Why does clip wings work on my eldrazi guy? He doesn't even have wings".
>"Wait. You can stop my spells from working? That's Overpowered as fuck".
>"Why should I not block that 1/1 death touch with my 4/4? I don't wanna go down to 25 health points"
>"Shouldn't my fiery temper be able to destroy a forest? Fire burns down stuff".

>when a player insists on calling a character a 'toon'

>Ranger's with Horses.

Isn't there a fighter Archetype that explicitly only gains bonuses while using mounted combat. . . and doesn't even get to start with a horse?

I mean, fuck, even first level druids and shit can scrape something magical together, but that seems like a hell of an oversight for an archetype.

>and no girls allowed
Not that guy (and I completely disagree with his dumb shit about casuals) but there's a biiiig difference between no girls allowed and no girlfriends allowed. I've played with women before, no problem there, but I'd be pretty hesitant to allow an SO at the table. It usually doesn't end well, especially if they have no interest in the game and just want to insert themselves into their SO's social activities.

Never met one of these guys. Hope I never have to.

you see some of them occasionally on Veeky Forums

This is pretty old phenomen.

It has little to do with tabletop of course, but I believe it originated from the first commercially succesful mmorpgs like everquest, anarchy online and ultima online. So it's definitely an RPG term, but it doesn't have any meme to those who play it, just means char basically. I still play anarchy online from time to time (15 years old now, and more complex character creation than most tabletops that exist even today ) and people prefer to use toon, though i still see char.

Anyway, are you referring to some WoW thing or something? I never played it, so don't know what meme meaning it has there.

I will say one thing though, the language in mmorpgs is fucking cancer. The combination of vernacular rape and "no-swearing" policy is utterly retarded.

Once I noticed he want paying attention during combat and kept missing the start of his turn. I eventually notice he keeps fiddling with his computer (we all had laptops for character sheets and stuff). I get up to see what he was doing and he was fucking playing WoW at the table. Just running circles in some mining route.

We don't play with him anymore.

He was a WoWfag and as far as I know it does mean character.

I'm not even sure why it infuriates me so much, but it does. It really does.

>playing with children
>they behave like children
What did you expect

incidentally this is what I prefer about tabletop rpgs and just anything but mmorpgs. The MMOs give me an overwhelming feel of policing.
Well, if he was an infuriating dude, you probably got caught up in some of his behavioural patterns, like vocabulary. This is pretty common.

That clip wings one is right desu

I don't think there is any readily-available way to acquire bones legitimately. Grave robbing? Murder and extract? Accidentally find in the woods and not report to authorities? Receive granddad's skeleton in his will? The first two are crimes, the last is beyond your control and sounds like a shit excuse, the third is illegal some places and sounds like bull everywhere. I swear officer I don't know who these bones belong to, my friend found them?

It's those bandits' we killed earlier. The ones you paid us to kill, remember? And an extra for bringing the leader in alive so you could hang him publicly. Yeah, those arseholes.

Well, it's in UA, which means it still needs proper playtesting. But considering you don't get the archetype until 3rd level and a horse costs, what, 50gp?

Depends on the setting much?

Hell you can do whatever the fuck you want in space, just don't expect earth to be happy about it.