So I finally ended up being dragged into a GMs magical realm after reading about this stuff on Veeky Forums for years...

what the fuck Veeky Forums

You new or something? This is a pretty normal day for Veeky Forums.

Once had a player who had a female bard character she constantly got caught. Dumb as bricks, and kept walking off on her own, into obvious traps, and getting caught.

She kept asking if anything raped her while she was kept off-screen, and could never sit still on her chair, constantly shifting around. It was super weird, but whatever, she was honest to god a good roleplayer and she was pretty cute too so she got some leeway.

And I think most of the other players jerked off to her, so they didn't seem to mind either.

Did a freeform Starcraft game in my youth where 2 other players an I were cerebrates loyal to Kerrigan just after the events of Broodwar. We're doing pretty well against an alliance between the Protoss, humans and some catfolk aliens who are pretty much Predators when it is revealed that we were competing for the position of Kerrigans' consort.

What followed was more than a little awkward as the GM would constantly try to spark party conflict by giving us side missions to screw each other over or have us go for bonus win conditions in certain battles. All the while having Kerrigan communicate to us in private with seductive words of encouragement and promises of how strong our children would be.

Was fun but weird.

Why is this magical realm?

Reminds me of my days of playing White Wolf games.. I had a cute girl that would constantly pick fights with my character.

My character was an alpha werewolf. Her vampires, witches and occasional mortal (man, she changed characters a lot) seemed to inevitability find a way to slap my face, pull my tail or just call me an asshole.

Then they'd run away, but inevitability be too slow to escape. She really seemed to like the time a failed dex roll left her sprawled on all fours in the forest when the big bad wolf caught up.

The character she played the longest was the one that I deiced to punish by keeping on a leash and marked with a brand.

She wanted you to dom her brah.

What in the ever loving name of Jesus is wrong with people.

Commence purge immediately. Burn it all.

Am I the only one that's sick and tired of shortstacks?

Every damn time halflings or goblins get brought up it's always the same tired dance of "hehe, they've got huge fat hips and extremely large breasts, look at one of three images that have been reposted for years to prove it!"

It's tiring and frankly obnoxious, especially since it silences other body types these races can assume; slim and slender? Busty? Kinda just chunky, maybe a little pear-shaped? No no, oh no! It has to be human-sized hips and massive tits!

It's the same fucking thing with Kobolds, which is worse because Kobolds and goblins are basically low-level mooks! Why are they suddenly super-good mechanics or something?

...

I'm so tired of the magical realm meme. You have no idea what the phrase means so you use it to mean "THING I DON'T LIKE". Fucking immature sheep that you are.

>I'm so tired of the magical realm meme.

Fucking this, but not for the reasons you necessarily stated.

I'm sick and tired of the Magical Realm meme because it gets firmly in the way of legitimate discussion on otherwise very mature topics. Every ding dong time Veeky Forums seems to be having an adult discussion on things like Human/Halfling relations or the time and place for sex in a campaign, people start wailing on and on about how that's Magical Realm and you need to cut it out.

Once my GM called a porno fanfic writer to describe Slaanesh cultists torturing That Guy of our group
Was weird and fucked up, but lulzy and in-character for followers of Slaanesh, and he kinda had it coming

>very mature topics
There's a difference between private topics and mature topics. Any teenager with Google can talk about sex, it's other topics that deserve the "mature" tag.

I'm waiting to spring on my players that the competent young adventurer lass they met is now a contented harem girl.

Goblins have been super-good mechanics for ages, and kobolds have been expert trapmakers for just as long. As for the shortstack thing, yeah, I get how it could be a little tiresome, but prurient interests always win out, man.

"Mature" is the ability to discuss adult-themed topics without resorting to bullshit phrases like "magical realm," "squick," "fade to black" or holding up one of those fucking X cards.

>you will never be that paladin

Why do you faggots get all the cool GMs. It's not fair, dammit.

Same here. At least for halflings you can just use a picture of a human and say they're three feet tall. Gnomes... it's either pointy hats and beards or shortstacks, would love to see something less cliche for them. As for goblin and kobold engineers: kobolds are based on spirits that used to steal the gold from mines and leave cobalt deposits, and are known in DnD for building traps to help against stronger races. Goblins probably go back to Tolkien where they and orcs are the same thing, just different languages having different words for them. Said goblins were skilled at seige engineering and had a love for things with gears, treads and explosions. As the ages turned and everything that didn't go West with the elves grew more human, the descendants of goblins/orcs were to be those who invented all manner of horrible machines and destructive industries.
Both kobolds and goblins coild easily draw parallels to the original idea of gremlins too, being malicious little bastards that fucked up your plane just right to fail and crash later. Labyrinth portayed goblins with a small sort of mech. And then WoW came along with their goblins.

>"fade to black"
Your an idiot if you think being mature means a player/GM has to roleplay sex.

Now if your talking about repercussions of sex that's different and it can still fade to black. We don't need to know the details to suss out what it mean when your character bangs a noble and gains a political link, or what happens to that middle class girl whose purity they sullied.

We don't need the whole scene to play out for those to adventurers who banged to have a deeper emotional connection or just be fuck buddies.

>be me
>dating bisexual girl
>she invites her friend over and turns out she likes d&d
>friend is better looking than girl I'm seeing, I start to DM gladly
>their chars start lezzing mid session
>I get a fuckin raging berserker boner under table
>can't contain my magical realm
>they go with it, and my girl nordvest my boner, whispers to friend
>hey user we are doing this, and you can't refuse
i got raped by two women that night, and i loved it like the sissy I am

Charitably presuming realness of the story, do not presume the worst immediately.
Did the GM just drop picrelated for the looks? It's not really a fetishized picture, just a generic wowgoblin.

Goblins are shit tier, you're lucky

Look at Midna as an example.

Short and stacked in one or more departments.

>Hard copy of Nymphology

Goodness gracious, i didn't think that anyone actually possessed that book. I mean, we got the pdfs to look at and be like "What the fuck is wrong with these people" from somewhere, but holy fucking shit.

Further reference

>short and stacked
she's flat though

...

She's pear shaped, not shortstack.

To the mind of a goblin fetishist, anything with pronounced hips is a shortstack.

Your girl... northwested your boner? I am intrigued and vaguely frightened.

I believe the word user failed to type was "noticed"

>>female GM
Dis happens, yo

Did they shove things in your butt?

You are legitimately trash.

Once the fetish gets mainstream enough they'll start separating them into their proper categories.

Yeah, but you keep that shit to yourself. Don't want anyone to think they'll try it themselves, do you?

no u

This amused me more than it should have

>being transformed into a goblin grill is bad

What the fuck is wrong with you

Things that never happened 101
-Starts at tg related situation
-Totally passive or overly active person
-Insert personal fetish list, happening miraculously one by one
Optional: add justification "im sure u guyz wont beliv me but it hapuned"

How dare you shame user's goblin hate fetish.

Your remaining lifespan is halved though and you can't reach the top shelf any more without assistance.

We could do with more examples... Y'know so everyone is on the same page.

My GM almost always brings a hard copy of Nymphology to his games. Along with the Book of Erotic Fantasy, and a couple of other similar books. He never opens them during his sessions unfortunately.

I guess I could get a painfetishist getting off to a severe shock of pain from a titty grab, but straight up destroying something like that isn't sexy.

People need to better conform to my standards.

No u. Goblins are at least believable sluts, unlike halflings, or worse kobolds, who shouldn't even have boobs.

My biggest problem with shortstack goblin art is that often times males never get drawn in the same style. Art for generic fantasy mooks shows no females, and art for more human-looking gobbos is only chicks.

I swear i've seen wide hipped hormone therapy titted goblin twinks before.
Possibly by nitrotitan but i vaguely recall other artstyles as well.

>Your remaining lifespan is halved though
Only because goblins get an insane racial INT bonus at the cost of a near-crippling WIS penalty.

>Goblins are at least believable sluts, unlike halflings, or worse kobolds, who shouldn't even have boobs.

Goblins are disgusting monsters suitable only for low-level parties to slaughter for copper coins and bits of XP.

Halflings have, and typically always will be, the charming laid-back country folk that enjoy a good beer at the tavern followed by a fun romp in the stables.

Goblins in Eberron, Forgotten Realms, Greyhawk and Golarion have always been simple, numerous idiots with a penchant for destruction and violence.

I really don't get where you guys are getting this whole, "they're actually super-geniuses" thing.

WoW.
It's their thing to make garbage monster-tier constructs and the like as a counterpoint to gnomeish clockwork tinker-tier tech.

But WoW isn't a tabletop setting, why are their goblins assumed as the "standard" on Veeky Forums when hardly any Veeky Forums content actually displays them as such?

That's not definitely magical realm, unless he used the term shortstack/explicitly went into detail. There's plausible deniability.

Because they have the most media exposure, art, and the one the modern college age group has most exposure too via experience.
You could show them 80 differenr games with impish type goblins and their first impression will always be WoW shortstacks.

Bullshit. Halflings are Tolkien idealistic rural folk. They drink, but sex outside of marriage is nonsense and would get you run out of town. Even the rumor would ruin someone.

>Victorian-era country-folk
>Not romping in the stables

> I more or less preformed a boob grope of doom and the resulting damage burst the Teifling's left breast- Which of course brought her to orgasm.
What the actual fuck? You would not have a orgasm having a chuck of fat and flesh attached to your chest being blown apart (that's what you mean by burst right? Just like a water balloon?) People these days are just getting sicker and sicker.

You don't get to romp in the hay if you were written by a Catholic writer trying to show a struggle between good and evil. Sex outside of marriage is bad, so the good pure little hobbits don't get to do it.

Warcraft goblins get to make jokes about bondage, oral sex, and handjobs, because they are modern.

I remember WoW being one my first western fantasy works and I can't fathom how their goblins are in any way impressive. They had like two cities in kinda meh areas, and one was horde territory.

Did things change when they becaome playable? Am I somehow that old that there's generation barrier between different WoW expansions or am I a weirdo for not seeing any Warcraft porn in my formative years?

I love x cards. You can play sooooo much harder when you have a safeword.

They're not. It's all headcanon.

Shhhh. Just let the Gravity Falls fanfic write itself....

I love that pic

I've always wanted to play a high CHA qt Goblin Rogue/Bard who talks like this

youtube.com/watch?v=a6IUbraF9Oo

Sorry this happened to you though.

a little jelly it didn't happen to me, though

This. And there's a gen gap. One is basically between vanilla and up to lich then lich onwards is another.

I can't really call it a magical realm, but at one point one player began joking that his male, androgynous looking elf, since he had been raised in the woods, probably didn't care much about gender and thought that my male paladin was hot. DM started joking along with it, which set off more warning bells.

The character ended up dying a scripted death a session or two later, so at least that bullet was dodged, but man I was worried for a while there that I was going to be dealing with this elf trying to hit on my straight paladin.

But user, straight is just another way to say "a bisexual that doesn't know they swing both ways yet."

Doesn't quite fit but i think all my players figured out my fetish for hot brown elves.

But user, if it's not gay if it's an Elf can it really even be bi if it's an Elf?

>Scripted death only a few sessions later

Honestly that sets off more warning bells than anything else

The real question is, what's the term for the male equivalent?

Maybe if it was in an online game, and I had specifically decided to make a character a little more bicurious, I would have been okay with it. With text on some level it's just a hole's a hole.

But in this case, I was sitting on a couch in a grody DM's basement, with a guy a year or two younger than me joking with a man twice my size, honestly not at all handsome, and a few years older about how his elf thought my paladin was hot.

All I could see was endless weeks stretching before me of stumblingly working through a one-sided pretend romance acted out between two dudes, without even the cold comfort of it at least being with a pretend girl somewhere in the mix. And, just to sweeten the mix, alongside these two strangers was a friend of mine who I was trying to show that I can actually be a decent roleplayer. I didn't want to delve into a magical realm with that audience, even if it had been tsundere tomboys and sexually aggressive motherly elves.

My understanding is shortstack basically refers to human adult proportions on the midget frame so i'd assume its the same just with "twink" or "trap" added at the end.

>The real question is, what's the term for the male equivalent?

Chode?

It's still shortstack, or perhaps just trap since it would make for a pretty femmy looking guy.

>to be mature you must be willing to roleplay sex with someone in front of other people and be willing to sit at a table and listen to other people roleplay sex

This is what high school kids actually believe

But guys aren't stacked

>But guys aren't stacked

Sure they can! It's just not called stacked, it's called "hung."

>But WoW isn't a tabletop setting, why are their goblins assumed as the "standard" on Veeky Forums

12+ million players at once point a few years ago.

"Shorthung" seems kind of contradictory

Shortstack barely refers to there being large breasts anyway. Most people care about the hips.

I bought the psionics book for pathfinder because it caused me physical pain to read. I'd probably buy that nymphology book for the same reason if I happened across it in a book store.

Sounds like an interesting set-up actually.

So you're trying to tell me most people don't want the stack? Nonsense, the tits are half the fun.

Oh they probably definitely want the stacks. Just its required they have relatively human adult proportions in the hip region for it to be considered "shortstack". Thats why midna's shortstack.

The problem is that the tits are half the fun. Everything else totaling up to only half is less than what you'd get from a normal-sized human.

The only way to counteract the magical relm meme now is to explain every time it's mentioned that the point of the piss wizard comic was that the GM kept injecting his weird fetish into the game in ways that had nothing to do with anything, especially after the players expressly told them about their discomfort.

...

holy shit that dynamite is gonna blow what are you doing