CYOA Thread: A Friday Experiment

Whatever is waifus

>brand new underwater fantasy thing
I vote Yea.

Honestly? I think you should work on your prose. Your option descriptions use very formulaic phrasing, akin to technical language, but in ways that don't really contribute much. Prose in general should make use of sentences that are natural and varied. CYOAs should also be clear and precise, except when they choose specifically to not be. You do the latter part well enough, but your writing comes off as strange and stilted, and tonally mismatched.

Be careful what you wish for

I don't care if some fags want to make cyoas. So what, I might look at them a bit to see what kind of guys fags like. Not like I'd actually build for them. That would faggy. I'd rather fuck a few girls than look at some guy's ass no matter how firm it is. Damm I want more waifu cyoas.

Toxin sounds like the best personality.

Strength, invisible, resistant (both). Strength to be better at what I do, invisible because it seems useful, and resistant because I don't like having an Achilles heel.

I think I'll take the fan and the sidekick, and go full "wise teacher" mode. I considered the scientist, because the value of a knowledgeable man can't be understated, but I think the theme is nice too.

So it sounds like I'm gonna start on the underwater one tonight then.
Writing's never been my strong suit. Do you mind giving me some examples from that CYOA or any others I've done?

...

So I'm gay if I don't want him to make more shallow waifu cyoas that are forgotten by the next thread?
By any chance were you dropped on your head as a baby?

So for Crown Quest, I noticed a lot of people didn't like your father being incompetent.

Would people like that altered? I have another idea that would weaken the Empire similarly but not have him be stupid.

I honestly like your CYOA just the way it is, but that's just me.

Vivelda's still the best.

Did this get updated yet?

I like him being competent more than that asshole we had last time. I just don't like the way he presents those arranged marriages. Maybe you could write that as him looking into marriage options with you, rather than him appearing him a diplomat from a chosen bride in hand?

Nah, haven't got around to it yet, but it would be really easy to do. Especially with Ana just being a Grandma.

And people complained that Zarya was too good of a choice, so I'd probably make the "She will take care of your body" thing into more of a negative, like "She will force you to work out every day until you pass out" or "will take strict control of your food intake"

*incompetent. I meant I prefer him slightly incompetent which makes the questing have more sense.

*with a diplomat

I'm going to bad. Too many spelling mistakes means it's time to quit Veeky Forums for today.

I went for exact same build but took on public menace and nemesis drawbacks for natural weapons and regeneration.

Underwater seems fun.

Why should it get updated when Reinhardt is already a choice?

Which one did you totally not like because you're completely straight, user?

The FratBro sounds like a real bro. We wouldn't do fag stuff though. Have some MMF threesomes mostly, maybe the two of us if the girl doesn't show up. Just bros helping out eachother. No homo.

> BRO-JOB!
> BRO-JOB!
> BRO-JOB!

Loli waifus.

So, when did /cyoag/ become gay-haven?

Writing is very much holistic, no one sentence would be particularly bad if it wasn't surrounded by the others. Each sentence has a very similar clause structure and lacks ornamentation. The first thing you can do is look at your sentences and think "How can I rearrange this? Make it shorter? Longer?"; variety is the spice of writing. Length is a good way to make yourself think about it. It should become more automatic after a while.

Getting into some specifics, the first option you provide (Venom) starts every sentence with the subject right there out front, excepting one conditional (which has it second) and one that follows the structure but pattern except for preceding it with an awkward transitional ("that being said"). Then, each of those sentences barring one which is interjectional (which is good) and two which each append an append an additional clause that follows the same formula. While I don't claim to be perfect writer by any means, here's a potential revision (explanations to follow) that could help to show some perspective:

You're not Venom's first host. Venom bonded with another, but was rejected and abandoned. It had some other hosts after that, but none really stuck around. If only someone would actually want it. A symbiotic relationship should be mutual. But Venom will never forget its first, and if it sees its first host, it'll freak out and you'll freak out along with it. Bear with it, though. If you can convince it that you're better than its first host, Venom will never want to leave you.

I dropped the "actually" from the first sentence because it seemed pointless to me. There isn't an alternate premise being contradicted here. I know it's contradicting something in the intro, but that's too far away to matter for this kind of purpose. Otherwise, it's a quick and snappy way to convey the main point of the paragraph.
Second sentence: We care about Venom, so that's who we start the sentence with. Containing the same amount of information in one sentence forced me to use two clauses, and the second one became passive voice. Right away, more variety.
Little change to the third sentence, again, your simple structure would be fine if it was less common. I replaced "nothing" with "none" because, while "nothing" could relate to the relationships, the sentence is structured so it looks like it's about "some other hosts", and it works just as well that way. I dropped "for one reason or another" because that provides no information.
At first I considered starting the fourth sentence as "These days," and keeping the structure essentially the same. That would help break it up and would add a time component, which was needed in that version of the sentence, but it's still a lot of the same. Instead, I decided to induce some empathy by writing from Venom's perspective for a moment. I used a conditional to convey longing, and that plus the slight shift in perspective more than covered the need for variety.
The fifth sentence follows in the vein of the fourth.

Since I just had two short sentences in a row, a long one was advisable. Starting out with a joining word ("but") also does a lot to give the sentence a different feel, and while this is frowned upon in formal English, it's well suited to this kind of writing, in moderation. I used the proper noun because we've had a bunch of sentences with different subjects. "It will" was shortened to "it'll" to emulate common spoken English as elsewhere. I dropped "ever" because it wasn't doing anything. This was removed anyway because of the "But", but I think that "That being said" also didn't really serve a purpose, in the sense that it didn't convey meaning. It read like the whole purpose to its inclusion was to break up the flow, and you didn't know another way to do it. Yet it didn't really even do that well in its job. If you go "beep beep beep beep beep beep beep babeep beep beep beep beep", it's still pretty samey even though there's something different in there. And nobody fucking says that, so it's mostly just weird.
I added an additional sentence to bridge, because we were jumping pretty far in what we're talking about; we're going from a warning to something encouraging. That sentence is imploring the reader, because a bit of personal interaction helps break up long info-dumps like this. And it suits this particular transition. Finally, as in the beginning I ended with a proper noun because it's important.

Any questions about why I did something, or requests for elaboration on my explanations, are welcome.

The cyoa is well made and includes a lot of options to cater to all tastes. Also Veeky Forums in general is very gay, user.

That might be it.

>So, when did Veeky Forums become mental disease-haven?
It's literally the same shit as autists, the socially inept and anxious, and people who want to be the little girl.

When the waifuists are asleep, the husbandits come out to play.

thank you for headpat :)

Hm but people have a point that why the fuck can you not seize power from him since he's fairly incompetent and you're a literal hero of the Empire.

Wait how was the last guy an asshole?

I have no idea how to make the marriage a forced choice that still ends up with the Emperor not being a dick.

so i feel like you never actually gave me a direct answer from two threads ago. you said it was a loop hole, but is it safe to assume priest of sun/moon ability's "don't" work underground?

Didn't expect to see that reposted so long after I did shit on it. Maybe I should work on it again some time.

Sorry. Don't ask me skill mechanics questions when I'm at work cause I tend to forget about them easily, more than other stuff I'm asked about.

Oh right also I'm taking in mechanics questions.

As for the abilities, I'll say that they work but are weakened underground.

So some suggestions I've made for your awesome CYOA for the next version
1) more waifu options including domestic important nobles and/or a Cinderella option (local super beautiful peasant girl for love), optional harem or concubines or polygamy options (with them all coming with giant neon warning signs about laws and wars of succession)
2) a specific statement at the front of each class saying "requires mana" or not so that you arent trying to interpret or guess (hence why I had to ask about Artificer and blessing of Ennilus and got crashed with no survivors)
3) More items. I wouldn't even mind writing the flavour text myself however what I'm thinking is items other than just the diplomatic artifacts, but perhaps a Martial artifacts Option (the shield of a warrior emperor that's unbreakable, the icon of a pious one that gives you some divine luck, the staff of a magic one that mitigates catastrophic fuckups), and perhaps a personal item section if something important to you and only you (your first chess set that gives bonus to tactics, a slingshot you used with your friend the court whipping boy that gives you a sense of mischief, or a childhood stuffed animal named Mr Waffles that gives extra compassion)
4U) more baneposting

Is wanderer's treasures 5 as OP as it seem to be? You could seek the holy grail, the fountain of youth, or the fountain of girl, and that's being conservative with it.

Did Scientist user say they were doing away with items and clothes in the necromancer v2 update?

Life's Blood 5 (10)
Wanderer's Treasure 3 (4)
Dead Man's Dance 1 (3)
Windows to the Sous 2 (0)

The only reason I chose windows to the soul was to get rid of some extra points. The ability to implant suggestions sounded like a good investment; I just have to suggest to someone to sell their blood to me for $100 per couple of ounces, and I'm looking at a long, long life.

With Wanderer's treasure, I'll be sure to find a shit load of money, even without being maxed out. I mean, just finding several ounces of gold in a single day over the course of a few weeks would set me up for years to come.

I decided to take Dead Man's Dance 1 because having energy and vigor from just a sip of rum sounds like a great deal.

Thanks user! I'll try to keep some of this in mind when writing my next one.

No problem. It's nice when someone actually says "yeah, help me" instead of "fuck off, I'm perfect and you're just insulting me".

>Can't find decent images for most of the companions.

Should I just crop, copy and paste the companion images? Or is that a dick move?

It helps when you remember to add in the constructive part of the criticism.

We can never have enough baneposting.

For you.

>Friday night
>at a tedious part of the CYOA
I have a few options.
1. Work on the CYOA
2. Sit here sipping rum and accomplish nothing
3. Go on a pokémon walk for enough hours that it could scarcely be called healthier than the previous option
4. Go alone to a bar and wish I knew someone
5. Fucking kill myself already

This post is a CYOA I guess, feel free to amuse yourself choosing something.

>rum

...

will we remember our memories from here? if so then,
-Kingdom of the reach
-Profession = The Blade
-Blessing used = Higher education for The Blade
-Blessing used = Double Classing = The Quill
-Blessing used = Many gifts.
-Gifts = Giant's blood, Targaryen Blood, Touched By magic, Valar Morghulis, Animal Companion = Dog,
-Fire and Blood UNLOCKED = get an egg dragon.
-Companion = Coton Penrose
-Curses = Without A House +Blessing
-Blessing Used = Many Gifts

Overall Stats

Male

Kingdom of the Reach

Profession : Higher education in The Blade, The Quills.

Gifts : Fire and Blood, Giant's Blood, Targaryen Blood, Touched by magic, Valar Morghulis, Animal Companion = Dog,

Companions : Corton Penrose

Curse : Without a House.

let's go on an adventure !

>When you accidentally save after making a big change and you can't undo it

You can ctrl + z away if you didn't close and reopen the file.

Or, if you're in Photoshop, you can restore the old file.

Can't you remember the sauce for your images?

If not, just reverse image search the sauce on google. (Tineye, does not work well for me.)

Shifter's Phases (5)
Windows to the Soul (4)

Life would become far more enjoyable.

...

It doesn't say how long it would take. Considering that, I don't think it's more OP than the others.

>All four are blessed with limited disease and temperature resistance, and may freely breed with one another
>Humans [0]
>-Common Minor Blessed One, Rare Major Blessed One [+3]
>Sylvans, Friendly [+3]
>-Common Minor Beastmaster, Rare Major Beastmaster [+1.5]
>Stonefolk, Friendly [+3]
>-Common Minor Binding, Rare Minor Enchanting, Rare Major Binding [+2]
>Homo floresiensis, Friendly [+3]
>-Common Minor Storm Sage, Rare Major Storm Sage [+1.5]
After the brief shock I quickly grew accustomed to my new and seemingly improved body. Chronic aches and pains from my old body have vanished. Even the persistent itching and headaches that tormented me since first arriving on Terra have dissipated. They might have been side effects of whatever metamorphosis process did this to me. Mere speculation though. Whatever the reason, I'm glad to be rid of those annoyances - and I've never felt better in my life.

A few months have passed since my gracious hosts revealed themselves to me. Despite superficial and apparent anatomical differences, these aliens are astoundingly human-like. Or perhaps I am astoundingly them-like. Wouldn't want to be human-centric. We share the same emotions, the same facial expressions! Could be an instance of convergent evolution? Convergent evolution would explain why Terra appears so earth-like - how I'm still alive on an entirely different planet. But after what I've seen and experienced, how could I continue to deny the obvious?

My coming here was not an accident. I went to sleep in my bed on Earth and woke up - presumably still alive, if my senses are any indication - on Terra. A mindbogglingly tiny, insignificant portion of the entire universe, that just so happened to cater to my very specific biological needs. Whatever brought me here was - is - intelligent and far more capable than humanity.

Facing this existential truth of utter helpless should have destroyed me. Yet, somehow, it did not. Hope springs eternal in my breast.

Water pls

>Life >Memory >Durability >More Immortal
^
>Sustenance >Hygiene >Beauty >Unhungry

>Apex
^
>Power >Strong >Godly Power >Control
^
>Fast >Flash

I've always really liked this one.

Continue to enjoy this. I like how you are working your abilities into the text even before we see the build. Hope springing eternal being the obvious one, here.

For the Stonefolk, is it the same rare few who get Minor Enchanting and Major Binding, or do those gifts generally not show up in the same individual?

It's a simple straight forward CYOA that still leaves you a lot of options for builds

...

The trap. Definitely the trap.

...

Thanks. Knowing the author reads (and likes!) my writing greatly encourages me to continue. I'm trying to imagine how I would react if none of the CYOA's background was explained to anons before dropping them in a a completely new world.

Minor Enchanting and Major Binding generally do not show up in the same individual, although if Minor Enchanting manifests it is always with Minor Binding.

Name: Asterius
Type: Juggernaut Body
Special Powers: Atomic Heart, Strength, Force Field
Gear: Radio, Hidden Blades
Armour: Lucernium
Training: Close-Quarters, Marksman
Companions: Adam King
Adventures: In the Eye of the Dreadnought

Does anyone have that "get locked in a room for 1-5 years" or whatever?

You seem to have an out of date version, user.
Here's the one I have.

Spirit — Possession
Rebirth
Person

Durability, Magical Defense, Paralysis, Speed, Strength, Unseen Force, Vanishing

Nemesis and Hunter

I can only picture that reaper as Manny Calavera.

>I'm trying to imagine how I would react if none of the CYOA's background was explained to anons before dropping them in a a completely new world.
Honestly, I think that makes for the best story writing. That is, if you think of the "you" that will be dropped in the world as one who hasn't explicitly made the choices themselves. Makes things much more interesting.

Type = Juggernaut Body

Special Powers =
-Strength
-Atomic Heart
-Force Field
-The brain of a genius

Gear =
-Toolbox
-Radio
-Extra pair of arms

Armor =
-Lucernium

Training =
-Expert Mechanic
-Close-Quarters training
-Marksman training

Companions =
-Tekroto

Adventures = The Buried Eagle, Invasion Earth.

Anything but Evolve.

>Life >Sustenance >Unhungry
>Memory
>Durability >More Immortal

>Freedom (Immunity from Taxes) >Unchained >Teleport >Time Travel
>Invisibility >Social Freedom

>Power >Apex >Jack-of-all-trades

Social Freedom might eventually drive me mad but it lets me enjoy my new powers without a total upheaval of my life. It also means that I can Time Travel, and regular travel, freely.

i think i've seen this comment before...is this...De Javu?

Yesterday an user said he'd make a "slice of life, Anons becoming gods and forming a pantheon"…
Did you start working on it yet? Sounded fun, but I have no idea how you'll do it

I like it! Really catches the bewilderment and wonder at your new magical situation and does a good job introducing us to the world and mysterious people there!

>Wisdom>Infinite RAM>All Human Knowledge>Omniscience>Observer
>Power>Basic Magic>Adept Magic>Master Magic>Bestow and Double Dip
>Basic Magic>Fire, Wind, Water, Metal, Earth
>Adept Magic> Necromancy, Technomancy, Illusions & Mind Control

I can affect anyone, anywhere, anytime, and no one can do a damn thing about it.
I'm gonna troll all of reality.

I'll hand out godlike magic powers to random people, and revoke them on a whim.
Make illusory ayy lmao ships and flying whales.
Burn down the Westboro Baptist Church, and stand in for god the next time a prominent atheist makes one of those, 'If God is real…' statements.
Raise the dead, make them dance the Thriller. That'll be my favorite. I'll do that every Saturday night in a random graveyard.
youtube.com/watch?v=tYmm7WL62yE
I guess with Technomancy I could edit weird shit into video feeds. You know those news reels at the bottom of the screen on news stations?
>Today scientists have confirmed that horses can read minds. Koala bears control the weather. Scorpions are reincarnated Australians.

I'm not 100% a dick, though. I'll be on the lookout for things like burning buildings, put the fires out before anyone gets hurt.
Earthquakes? People are gonna get a 30 minute warning. Same with tsunamis. I'll see what I can do about tornados.
Rapists? Murderers? Torturers? Prepare to be immolated, mo'fuggas.
Randomly enchant objects with magic powers. Suddenly your frying pan doesn't need a stovetop to cook shit. You're welcome.
I could also totally bring clean water to needy people.

I could actually be a really cool god-dude. Who trolls the shit out of everyone when he's bored.

>people complained she was too good
Fuck those people, she's fine as she is, most people are just gonna choose their waifus no matter what.

>Veeky Forums in general is very gay
If any faggots are listening, leave this fucking board and go back to your containment board, you're shitting up these threads with your faggot CYOA's, start a faggot CYOA general there.

Just leave.

>I'd probably make the "She will take care of your body" thing into more of a negative, like "She will force you to work out every day until you pass out" or "will take strict control of your food intake"

That's fucking stupid. If you have to make an option worse to balance the choices, you're going the wrong way.

Why waste the energy getting mad at a CYOA you can ignore, friend? And last I recall, there's like 3 faggot CYOAs tops. That's hardly shitting up the threads like the stupid politics are.

>there's like 3 faggot CYOAs tops
it's more than zero, you people always like to sent /pol/aks back to /pol/, but even thought gays have their own board they have right to stay? No back to with you

What if you're a gay polak?

you kys

Fuck off.

>says you should ignore shut you don't like
>gets accused as a legit faggot

Classy as fuck, friend. Gonna go to bed now. Enjoy your evening of raging against the Homo-Machine. I hope it makes you feel better.

>Enjoy your evening of raging against the Homo-Machine
> I am the scales of the social justice, conductor of the choir of gay!

What exactly is the difference between a trap, a femboy and a transsexual?

It's more like irrelevant /pol/ shit is unwelcome, but it's fine if it's regarding a /pol/ CYOA.

A trap is a transvestite which is not necessarily a transsexual, but can be. Femboy is a meme word that can mean any of those things and more.

Transsexuals->Think of themselves and female and/or want to be female, may dress and/or act the part.
Femboys->Happen to look/act extremely feminine, but may not be intentionally and they are not necessarily also transsexuals. Overlap is possible, but not mandatory.
Traps->Deliberately dress up, make themselves up and act in a certain way in order to fool other people into thinking they are female, distinguishing them from the femboy who may just have been born with a soft face. They, too, don't necessarily think of themselves/want to be female (they could just be perverts).

Basically overlap between all of those is possible and even likely but since it's not guaranteed any combination could happen.

Jesus you're a whiny faggot

My guess is
>Trap is a boy who looks like a girl
>femboy just means a very effeminate male.
>Transsexual is someone who identifies with a gender other than their biological one.