Stupid magic item thread

>Knife of Feints

Gauntlets of Lordly Might
While wearing these gauntlets, your strength changes to that of the nearest lord or equivalent.

Orb of bounding

If you throw it, it bounds around all over the place

Is made of rubber

Not what I meant, user, the projected blade would basically be a cross sticking out of the middle of the regular knife, as if two knives were made and fused perpendicularly to each other in the middle of their blades, without the extra weight.

Rod of Tuning. It tunes any musical instrument it strikes. 6 charges.

Scroll of everything is on fire
when you cast this spell, everything sets on fire.
The monsters are on fire
the dungeons are on fire
you are on fire
what have you done

Psh...

Amulet of turn undead

When used, undead creatures in range turn to the side

They are then able to act normally

How often can you use this amulet?

Coin of Exchange

A magical coin that allows it to be exchanged for its face value worth of goods.

Boots of Dryness
Magically keeps feet from getting wet even when submerged in liquids

Spider Glove
produces spides inside itself when worn. You can feel the spiders.

Bag of Locusts
This bag appears as a Bag of Holding. Upon opening the clasp at the top of the bag, the bag produces an endless stream of locusts. The bag cannot be closed.

Once per day, recharges at dusk

...good enough.

How am I supposed to make them do the thriller dance then?

Savage fucking bleed damage. Knives like that are a war crime

Ring of Deathwatch
This ring changes color depending on whether the wearer is alive or dead. It does not function on the undead.

Going by RAW the Coin of Exchange bypasses local currencies allowing it to be spent anywhere, the Boots of Dryness don't stipulate they have to be worn in order to work, and the Spider Glove would make for a very useful torture device.

Okay, let me explain.
It's one knife, with one functioning blade, that cuts one time in one direction.
Imagine if the hitbox on a knife in a video game were turned perpendicularly to the shape of the blade itself, but the hitbox was still technically linked to the knife object. That's what I mean.

Fake teeth of the vampire

Cheap plastic fangs that make the wearer appear, for all intents and purposes, as a true vampire

They do this by casting a curse which turns the wearer into a vampire

The fangs are treated as the wearer's master vampire, whose only orders are to shill more fangs to people

Wand of Moisture: Makes something mildly damp.

so it tries to cut with the dull side?

ring of unbearable hardship

when worn, the wearer is attacked by bears

Ring of Random Gender Change
The wearer's gender changes randomly at random intervals.

Nigger I know people who would sell a testicle for one of those.
Shit you sell a couple to a big-name band and you just got half a dozen people fired, because suddenly they don't need to rotate through freshly tuned instruments after ever song.

Pocket ballista

A magically shrunk ballista which fits inside ones pocket

Fires only magically shrunk bolts

Picture a hoe, or the flattened side of a pickaxe.
It's just a horizontal cutting surface that looks like a vertical one.

Staff of disintegration. When activated, it disintegrates.

This.
Pic related.

i thought i knew what you were talking about but now i'm really confused

Ring of Slope detection
Place the ring on it's side, and it will instantly roll in the direction of a slope.

Look nigger, this isn't hard.

It's a knife that cuts wrong, because it looks and feels like you're cutting one way when the knife actually cuts another.
It was made by a wizard to fuck with people and provoke arguments about its description.

>Ring of procrastination

The enchantment on this ring was never completed.

>Milk Of Bravery

This draught raises morale. It also goes bad after only a few days. By the time most adventurers find one of these it tends to stink to high heavens.

>Boots of Dancing

These fancy boots know 17 different dances!
But, seeing as they are an inanimate object, they have no way of showing them to you.

>Bow of near misses

Nobody is sure if this bow is cursed or blessed. It depends on what you use it for, as it always nearly misses what you aim at.

>Necklace of fire

It's a necklace. And it's on fire.

So what was saying

it'd be excellent for feints, because when your opponent tries to block your cut the actual cut comes from the side

Sounds really useful

Jug of the everflowing sea

A jug that's filled with an infinite amount of water, hold it and pour for water to come out

Unfortunately, it's salt water

I thought that he understood it that the arc of the attack comes in the perpendicular direction, which it doesn't. The cutting edge is still attatched to the knife. In fact, it would probably mostly be useful for throwing people off as a parrying dagger, because it blocks attacks it looks like it shouldn't.

>These fancy boots know 17 different dances!
>But, seeing as they are an inanimate object, they have no way of showing them to you.

If only.
youtube.com/watch?v=byAfC5yW_hw

>I have no mouth and I must dance

That lets you find out who dislikes you, though. It's very useful.
It's essentially a cuter pocket crossbow. That might come in handy someday.
If you can train yourself to aim at, say, a brooch on your opponent's torso, their belt buckle, etc., that bow would be incredible.
This is as abuseable as a Decanter of Endless water, except for drinking purposes. On the plus side, unlimited salt!

Except that's wrong. The cut comes from the same direction it appears to, the plane of the edge is just rotated.

Let's establish the axis here. From hilt to point will be X, from edge to spine will be Y, and from flat to flat will be Z. 0X is defined as the point equidistant between tip and guard.
The blade's effective cutting edge is rotated 90°X. All other aspects, including appearance, are unchanged from an ordinary knife. This means it will harmlessly pass through anything which comes into contact with any part of the visible blade except for one point in the middle, and it will cut with an invisible edge anything which passes through a line equal to the half the length of the blade extending to either side from that point.

>their belt buckle
For once, that .50cal gunner's saying will be right.

Cleanly Unfair Coin: exactly one third of the time is heads when flipped.
Spices of Tastelessness: When added to food makes it more bland.
Uni-Directional Boomerang: A boomerang that doesn't return.
Anachronistic Helium Balloon: Floats upwards if not weighed down, additionally by quaffing some of the air you can make your voice more high pitched/squeaky.

>Spices of Tastelessness: When added to food makes it more bland.
this could be used to make gross things taste good by re-spicing them, extremely useful in survival and even in creating gainers

That was the intended use, but OTHER spices also cover unsavoury flavours (that is one of the reasons many spices where worth more than their weight in gold, they extended the "shelf life" of food before refrigeration)

Except an assassin doesn't hate or dislike you. He doesn't know you. It's just business.

Sceptr of Tumblr

Wizened ring

Guarantees the user will win any game of bingo they play, provided they are the oldest person within 60 feet

Wisent Ring
Can be used once a day to summon a Bison.

The mere threat of this could bring a nation to their knees. Do you even know what locusts do?

lel

The Hidden Knife: A knife with a 6 inch blade, that magically appears to all but the wielder to be a full-size broadsword

Lizard Summoning Rock: when cast into a fire, this rock will summon an anole or other small lizard within 24 hours

>The wearer's gender changes randomly at random intervals.

>There are two genders and at any given time you are one of them, leaving only one possible thing to swap to.

>Randomly

I guess if chromosome errors count as genders then, sure, it can swap me to a "random gender".
Otherwise, "randomly" is redundant since any change will be a change to the only other available option.

Grammar Owl: A magical owl that automatically attacks anyone who it hears use correct grammar.

Wand of Time Confusion: A wand that you can point at someone to make them forget what time, day of the week, and date it is.

Amulet of Crickets: An amulet that makes the wearer unable to tell a joke or elicit laughter from others in any way.

Endless Plate: A dinner plate that reveals an exact duplicate of itself when picked up off the table

>infinite plates and food
??

no food, just the plate

thats still infinite plates
depending on what they're made of, that can still be somewhat valuable

>wood: free fire wood
>ceramic: can be broken for sharp shards
>glass, metal: free glass/metal

either way, having free throwing plates is kinda fun

I was imaging it as ceramic. It's also got the limit that it only produces when set down on a table and then lifted off. I don't see many situations where you're at a table and need a lot of ceramic shards

>not might of Lorde

>Ring of Boundless Visions

>When the wearer of this ring sleeps, deeply realistic and uncontrollable visions come upon them. The visions feel as if they are actually taking place, and the wearer is likely to react as if they were truly experiencing the events, interacting with nearby objects as if they were the items witnessed in the visions. Often, the wearer's visions will be nonsensical, containing impossible events, or confluences of recent events with fanciful imaginings. Sometimes, however, exact repeats of recent events will occur, or the vision will eerily resemble events of the near future. However, upon waking, the wearer will remember very little of the vision, if at all.

>rid of grass detection
When activated, the user magically knows the direction of the closest patch of grass. If used while within 100 yards of grass, the user is compelled to eat the grass.

>Implying that isn't a ridiculously good assassin weapon

You go to stab someone with it. They attempt to block an attack from a bigass greatsword, whereupon their weapon phases through air and they get stabbed by the little blade.

Effectively it makes them fuck up their blocks.

seems perfect for undead or a fighter.

Potion of EXTREME MANLY Beard Growth

It will slightly accelerate your beard growth; or make you able to grow a thin beard if you couldn't grow it before.

Wincest ring
>your mother sneaks into your bed at night and does stuff to you in your sleep.
If your mother's across the globe, she'll find her way to you.
If she's dead, she'll still find her way to you.

Wince-est Ring
Doubles the effects of all winces, flinches, and other similar involuntary actions

Stopped Watch of Foresight
Allows you to see brief glimpses into the future, but is only right twice a day.

>The Gray Quiche
Any damage done to the quiche is reflected in the user it is soul bonded with, and vice versa.

Surprisingly often found under benches

The GroloMagiTek™ Universal Reset Switch: Capture Your Timestream.

The GMT:URS was in development as the GMT: Universal Mimic Device, as it was supposed to create a universe with the exact same beginning conditions of the one in which it was created.

Unfortunately, the resources required to create a universe under those exact same conditions are almost exactly one universe, and, due to an error not caught in the debugging process, SmartScry magick built into the device finds the universe with the most equivalent total matter, energy, and magick... Which is invariably the universe in which it is used.

The existence of this device has rendered philosophical discussions of determinism obsolete among scholars in the Hyperverse (A polymultiversal conglomerate of multiphase spacetime webs), as the initial activation of a device causes its universe to become phase locked and repeat the exact same events each time, up to and including the activation of the device.

And sorry to repost this but:

>The GroloMagitek™ Multipurpose Extinction Event Generator: Pest Control for a New Era

The GroloMagitek™ Multipurpose Extinction Event Generator has over 14,000 unique settings. The original manual is written in an ancient proto-language and the taskmages involved are long dead. The only decipherable setting is "Auto" written in common.

(P.S. "Auto" causes it to remove all traces of its own existence from all of space-time and the multiverse)

So you use it to view the members of your court circle. The one guy you can see in the mirror is there to kill you.

toby pls

Says who? Just because they dislike you doesn't mean they want to have you killed. And, since we're talking about politicians, just because they like you doesn't mean they WON'T have you killed.

Game Master

An amulet which grants the bearer insight on optimal strategies for any sort of tabletop game, be it cards, chess, dominoes, or Yahtzee. The bearer's luck and intelligence are not impacted by wearing the amulet, as the amulet will only offer the user the odds of success and the best options available to the player to achieve that success. The amulet will lose its power if gambled away, and thus should not be passed around in this manner.

>Amulet of Undead Spinning

>Boots of Dryness
>Magically keeps feet from getting wet even when submerged in liquids
I would kill for this.

Dagger of Suspicion
The dagger appears incredibly suspicious to anyone, for no good reason - their intuition just yells at them that something isn't right about it, but any theory for "what's wrong" seems incorrect. It's completely normal otherwise.

Castle +15. It's just a regular castle, but it functions like any +15 weapon if you would manage to wield it

The perfect weapon against people with antimagic auras.

>Milk of Bravery
You'd have to be really brave to drink that.

If you can enchant it further, that can become a deadly weapon in enclosed spaces

user no don't start this conversation again. Learn from the great wars of "I shrunk cannonballs and fired them with my rifle through an anti magic ring at the end of the rifle" (the question was whether F=m/2*v^2 still applied, which would cause the cannon balls to slow down drastically)

Ring of False Pride
A cheap copper ring that looks incredibly expensive to the wearer (and only to the wearer).

Dagger of Seppuku
It becomes +5 if the wielder uses it against himself.

Cloak of Invisibility
The cloak itself is invisible, and it makes the wearer think he's invisible too (he isn't).

Fair enough.

mithril warhammer
a warhammer made of the incredibly light, yet tough metal, mithril

...

My warlock runs on this shit. It's incredibly overpowered. Never underestimate unavoidable AoE attacks.