okay Veeky Forums help me out here. I recently played an edh match with my usual group and was having fun when one of my friend invited over two new guys to play with us. ( labeling them ad douche-bag 1 and douche-bag 2).
now the group normally plays super casual and fucks around ( kahlia, savra, ghost dad, etc) but always know that each deck can get stupid if you wanted to build it right.
dbag1 decides hes gonna play his lazav deck and dbag2 decides hes gonna play adjun. both of them get all smug when turn 3 adjun drops dream halls after searching for it and clears the game. Game 2 lazav desides hes gonna just sit there and infinite bounce everything with venser.
help me build the douchiest edh deck to tell these two fuck heads to go fuck themselves for making the rest of the group literally pick up and leave after this. ( pic semi related)
Just tell your friend not to invite them anymore. Surely he must've also noticed how the rest of your play group didn't like playing with these guys.
Justin King
still, would like to douche on these two for what they did.
Easton Reyes
For niv-mizzet, curiosity... Also try to do a hidetsugu double damage move if able Eg furnace of rath.
Omniscience + enter the infinite + that take an extra turn card from Kamigawa.
Eli Perry
play azami
it is the most annoying control/combo deck in the format
Kayden Clark
what do you have already, you can twist a douchy version out of just about anything
Nathan Robinson
Now I'm just guessing here but I assume the reason they stomped you is that they are better deck builders, have bigger wallets, or both. You can't just "decide" to build a competitive deck. You have to learn how to build one or netdeck a $1000 monstrosity.
user's throwing random recommendations at you through the internet does not result in a good deck.
Brody Barnes
It's possible to build cheap, casual decks without being a shitter.
Have you tried packing removal, you know, at all? Just because it's EDH doesn't mean you shouldn't run efficient answers.
Do you have cards to cast at every stage of the game? Just because it's EDH doesn't mean you shouldn't build on a curve.
Look at your cards. For each one ask "Am I always happy to draw this card? Will it impact the game the moment I play it?" - if the answer is no you probably need to cut it. Just because it's EDH doesn't mean 2 card combos with no redundancy are a good idea.
Also, it is COMPLETELY ACCEPTABLE to focus attack combo decks. "But I'm not a threat, I'm only drawing cards" is a bullshit defence and the pilot knows it.
Benjamin Campbell
Jhoira with all land destruction you can find, all eldrazi + blightsteel (suspends lets you get cast triggers and gives haste), add in omniscience and memory jar, get all the good mana rocks and counterspells (none of that 3 cmc casual shit). Add in winter orb / static orb effects + Teferi (both planeswalker and creature) and don't forget your homie the blue preator. Enjoy your tier 2 deck that works on 2 mana and is able to produce a chain of suspended "i win" and watch them suffer while trying to find a solution for everything you will be casting - add in timecrafting / fury charm incase they're out tapped to surprise hit them with whatever it is you suspended and fuck up their game (don't bother with crap like Jhoira's time bug). Just claim it's a casual deck you're trying to play and that it's fair because it takes 4 turns for you to cast anything meaning they got plenty of time to look for answers (add insult by claiming that if they can't find a solution in that time they must be bad players/have bad decks). Also don't forget your extra turn cards and claim jhoira is all about time, and being a time wizard, how eldrazi are able to wsrp through the nether etc., so it fits the flavour of your deck - emphasizing how casual the deck is and that you build it with a theme in mind.
