Terrible Player/GM stories

Which would you like to hear first? I have given up pretyping, I will just type them out as they come to avoid being too long-winded.

Whatever, just be entertaining with your lies.

How about Cyberpunk edgelord?

Rage

Currently GMing a cyberpunk game so Ill second the edgelord rampage

Edgelord, and save Last Game for last for obvious reasons.

Sounds good.

Cyberpunk Edgelord it is!

So in the last few months things have not been going well for Virt. I have not seen him in over a month. He lost his job at the local game store due to scheduling concerns and he had to get another shitty min wage job while he's still finishing his college. Virt *loved* working at that game store, and having to deal with cunts at Subway was driving him nuts. So he became even more dark and angry than normal. One of my friends got a girlfriend and Virt killed off her Pathfinder character within like 3 sessions of her joining and described her getting eaten by an ogre or something. As a result she didn't play much after that.

So after a while Virt decides he wants to run a cyberpunk game using Savage Worlds cause we've never really done cyberpunk. None of us know anything about Shadowrun but Virt says he'll make up the setting. Except at the last minute, one of my other friends decides he wants to GM, so Virt gives up the reins and starts making a character.

Continued below, sorry I am taking so long.

Cyberpunk Edgelord Part 2

We were planning to buy the Interface Zero book for Savage Worlds but Virt took a look at it and decided he didn't like it. I think part of this has to do with the fact that we were going to buy it from his former employer and he has made a point of not buying anything from that store since he quit/was fired.

I should also point out that half the reason Virt wanted to play Cyberpunk was the "tough moral choices" that he thought would be involved. He's the one who introduced me to Veeky Forums and he showed me this screencap of a Shadowrun story where a guy shot a bus full of children to stop the BBEG. Then everyone pointed out that there was another way out of it and the guy was like "oh shit." I can't remember the story for sure, but virt seemed to relish the idea of killing innocent people in the cyberpunk game.

So he started making a severely edgy character. He named his character Dan Staver (dunno why I remember the name) who had super-good shooting skills and very good stealth. Virt's backstory was that he was an ex-criminal who was now a gun for hire. Which i was fine with, I mean that was what most of us were. And it was meant to be noir-ish so it fit in with the setting. So I didn't mind.

Then we started playing.

Part 3

I should point out that Virt, despite being a massive asshole, is far and away the best GM I have ever played with. I don't know why, maybe it's one of those "you must suffer to write" type of things. The other guy we were playing with was not nearly as good as Virt and he didn't have much patience for less-than-satisfactory GMing. Virt started riding this guy's ass over random things then backed off when he realized he was annoying the GM.

The story started out pretty standard, with us being tasked to sabotage a PMC that was gearing up to try to overthrow the government. Virt played his character very ruthlessly, he would take prisoners then shoot them after questioning them, leave weird messages painted in their blood about freedom and democracy, something about well-armed lambs, I have no fucking idea what half of it meant. The GM was just like "....ok" whenever Virt did that stuff.

Of course Dan Staver the ex-criminal was still partly a criminal and would do random mean shit as one of his flaws... I think he took "mean" as his Hindrance in Savage Worlds. So he would steal candy from kids and shut the door on people and other petty shit. Again, just RPing his character.

Then at one point we got cornered by this PMC agent who basically said, the jig is up, we know who you are, and where you live. We were in a cafe at this point. Virt took out a handgun and said if the PMC guy didn't fuck off right that instant he would light up everyone in the cafe, shoot the PMC guy with another gun and put the first gun in his hand after everyone else was dead, and make sure the PMC guy was blamed for starting the gunfight and accidentally killing a bunch of people.

The rest of us were like WTF that plan barely even makes sense, how would 25 innocent bystanders get killed in a shootout between us. But Virt said to shut up. The PMC guy agreed though and called Virt out on his bluff.

So virt did it.

I remember that screencap, did he even read the last half?

lol @ the children.
I had a similar but cool incident:

My wizard was in essence forced to decide between "the greater good (tm)" to defeat a Menace which could easily have devastated entire Regions, or on the other hand, saving a relatively small town of maybe like ten families or so from an evil raid.

Due to time-constraints my character could not do both and not enact any plan to somehow compensate for the neglect of either option via a third partie. He also knew that one other playercharacter would definitely go to save the little village: The Group had stayed there for a couple of nights, and this rogue had gotten enamored with one of the farmers girls, who was a smart tomboy.

In the end I rolled for Philosophy and Self-Restraint separately, reasoning that rolling low or failing one test would require my figure to protect against the immediate danger for the village, while rolling high on both would lead to him reasoning for the greater good and exercising self control ( he was highly moral and compassionate all his life and couldn't ever abandon someone before ).

He rolled high, so the "greater good(tm)" it was, he told the group what they needed to hear, off we went and defeated the BBEG, stopped a smallscale apocalypse. One of our group died, and during the resolution and recuperation-period, I rolled again for his morals and self-restraint.

This time he failed, and finally cracked. But the group was there to console him, they were there for him, they understood the terrible decision he had to make. Starting with very high difficulty checks, supported by the group, this Mage would try to keep his act together, cope and overcome the terrible moral choice that had been forced upon him. With time, the rolls got easier and easier, finally we could move on and care for other things.

Part 4 (and final)

So Virt starts lighting up the bar with his machine pistol. This thing has ROF 4 so he can basically do 4 attacks a turn with it, and his shooting is d12 because he put half his skill points into it, so he is picking off 3 to 4 people per turn. Most of them run off, but Virt doesn't want any survivors, so he runs after them. But he can't kill them fast enough, and eventually he runs out of ammo after trying a full-auto-suppressive fire attack to at least slow them down. Meanwhile the rest of us are stuck facing this PMC guy who turns out to be a fucking ninja who pulls out a scimitar and starts attacking us. My character goes down after his damage dice explode like 3 times and I can't roll high enough to soak all the wounds. We eventually kill him, but by the point the police have shown up and Virt's character is under heavy police fire. At this point he's shot like 2 dozen civilians. He comes back into the cafe and barricades himself inside. He starts capping off the hostages, "women first" as he says, then once they are dead of course the SWAT team bursts in and shoots him dead (after he kills like 5 of them).

The result is like 23 dead civvies and 5 dead SWAT team, the PMC guy, and my character has a permanent injury.

Also we end up under government overwatch because Virt's character went berserk and we were associated with him. Which makes the 1 or 2 sessions we played of that campaign completely boring because we could barely make a move without running into federal spooks.

So we gave up on that campaign. We were kind of bored of Cyberpunk at that point. Still makes me worry about Virt... I mean wtf was he thinking. I think he just wanted to kill a bunch of innocent people in an RPG... and he really needed to ruin a whole campaign for it.

Well, that's it for that story. Next one? I'll save my last game for last. So it's between the ex-GF story and the Warrior Rogue & Mage rage.

Our next adventure started, and the checks for remaining sane and coping had become so easy, that I could basically not fail them. The group got to ease, we got onto our next big thing, and the GM told me, to roll one last time, gave me a veeeery easy roll.

And then this Wizard rolled a critical failure.
And while the rest of the party packed up the camp and put out the fire to start the days hike, he turned around as to take a piss, I made him take two steps into the woods, pull out the flintlock pistol, put it to his temple and pull the trigger.

I was emotionally stirred, but it felt kinda great at the time. We still sometimes remember it

That sounds interesting... what system was this?

And I will be back in about an hour for more stories, but let me know what you want me to tell next so I can try to pretype it.

cool story brah.
I can see the reasoning behind it, though:
> Murder every witness
> Murder innocents
> Frame the PMC
> Kill all the PMC as well

In the mind of a sociopath, it could easily make sense.
I can also relate to this guy, I also can't stand subpar gamemasters :-S

Ex-GF story

hey! I really liked your story as well.
It was DSA, or in english: TDE, which is basically the german version of D&D, though... very much more "german" in feel :)

I'd take:
> Warrior Rogue & Rage
please kthx

Either! Both!

Im a Perma DM and I finaly got a chance to not DM and play a character. Player choosing to DM invites new girlfriend to the party. Now she made a rough that fights with Dildos and has a high rank in dildo crafting and the dm refuses to do shit about it. She also begs him for special items and shit and he caves in... I now see why everyone picks me to perma DM... im so sad.

well.
"Bros before hoes"
is an ideal oftenly striven for,
but seldomly attained.
It is known:
Such things bring gloom.

I vote for chronological order.
Whichever came first.

Graduate high school, that'll solve most of your problems.

I have been on Veeky Forums for a while now and it sounds newfag esque but I still have no idea who VirtualOptim and NiceDaemonette are, except for the fact that everybody hates them. Explanation somebody? The internet tells me nothing except more evidence that everyone hates them.

We have all graduated highschool she is 23.... fml

Bump

I am the forever Dm of the group,the bad player/dm stories i have is because they lack experience nothing else, but about two weeks ago i was making a 5e campaign with rotating dm, 3 sessions each one, i was the first, when the second dm started he separated all the players making it more difficult for him and boring for everyone else, but its not that his was bad he just lacked experience

ex-GF story pls!

Briefly had a guy picked up from FLGS who was a huge weeb and "nice guy" who always went out of his way to hit on every m'lady he encountered. This was just NPCs at first, but by the second session he worked up enough courage to start doing it to our asexual lesbian friend's character and remained pretty much glued to her the rest of the session. When he wasn't trying to be "charming" he was making LARP-style motions with his hands to "polish his katana" that just happened to be always right by his crotch; i.e., he was basically holding the base of an invisible dick right at his crotch and jacking it off.

We got rid of him. :)

>asexual lesbian

She and her girlfriend are in a long-term romantic relationship which does not involve sex.

Get new friends

So....a friendship?

It's romantic, so it's not a friendship, they probably just cuddle and kiss and all those sort of things, but the asexual woman doesn't feel any desire for sex so they don't have sex.

Not gonna argue about it; I'm just the messenger of a detail to the backstory, not a conductor on the train to a SJW magical realm.

Alright I am back, sorry. Had to go do something for a friend.

So we'll do chronological order. I was mostly asking to make sure at least a few people were still lurking so I wasn't typing out all these stories for nothing.

Anyway, so at one point Virt had this nostalgic kick and we played some AD&D for a while. He likes to switch between systems a lot, he says it keeps his creative juices flowing.

So one day we decided to try Warrior Rogue and Mage, which is a kinda cool game where you have three stats, Warrior Rogue and Mage, that you use for checks. it's level-up hp based, very rules light, and virt liked it because he said it was more like a "real RPG" than Dungeon World, a game he really hates.

So we started playing and it was an okay game, the core mechanic is like 100% broken but it was a cool idea. Virt, however, took this far more seriously than the rest of us. I think it's because he considered this game a rules-light fantasy option that was better than Dungeon World and wasn't an AD&D clone, so he was really mad that it wasn't that good.

At one point Virt was auto-hitting NPCs in the game despite not having a very high Warrior score. Suddenly he throws his d6 (you only roll 1d6 for your actions, which is part of why the game doesn't work so well when you have modifiers between +0 and +8 or more) across the room.

> craig wtf
> this game is broken. I literally cannot miss
> *chuckles* isn't that a good thing, man?
> no, it's retarded. the guy who designed this game is a fucking ex-3.5 wizards faggot who thinks D&D is the pinnacle of game design
> people laugh awkwardly
> dude do you not want to play it anymore?
> no. fuck this shit.

He actually picks up the rulebook he had printed out at Staples and TEARS it in half

> MICHAEL WOLF OWES ME TEN FUCKING BUCKS FOR THIS PIECE OF SHIT I SPENT AN HOUR PRINTING OUT

Continued below

But yeah, that to my understanding. They live together and introduce themselves as a couple.

Flintlock pistols in DSA?

Warrior Rogue & Rage Part 2 (and final part)

So after virt ripped up the WR&M book he apologized, lit the pieces on fire in his sink then freaked out when he realized it might set off the smoke detector and sprinklers.

Once everyone was gone virt started going on at me. I can't remember his entire rant but I will try to recreate as best I can, it was something like:

"I can't understand why all these fuckers who are stuck in 2003 cannot learn to design a game when they have a good idea for the first time in their fucking lives. Everyone who has worked on a D&D game is the laziest piece of shit imaginable. They don't even have to do any work, just change the rules a bit and release the game and even if they make up shit from 20 years ago people will act like it's new because that's all people play"

I told him it's okay, we can look for another game to fulfill his OSR tastes. To which he went on another rant about how Fantasy Craft and all the OSR clones are shit, as well as how he hates Reign and it's "clusterfuck" of a dice mechanic. The dude really does hate 90% of RPGs, I guess. After reading some of the posts he made on here, I guess I am not so surprised.

Virt made us play Grey Six for the next month and a half, except heavily house-ruled. This brought us to around March. That's about the time his ex came back to visit.

He's a huge jerk who used to post here and I know him IRL

Good for you, that sounds cringe-worthy as fuck.

Back in college we ended up playing a game of D&D in one of the public areas. The game mostly consisted of my friends and anyone else around who wanted to join, of which there was a fat asian man who did. The game goes pretty smoothly until my friend, playing a chaotic neutral half-elf ranger, rescued some prisoners from a dungeon cell and helped them escape. This got the asian guy really mad, yelling at my friend "You're supposed to be chaotic neutral! That means you do evil stuff to balance out the good stuff! Why didn't you rape the prisoners?!"
The game devolved into a huge argument and ended shortly after. We never played again that semester.

>Why didn't you rape the prisoners?

smdh

well, in Horasia there is a torque-string version of "flintlockpistols" :) There is also a popular hack called "peng instead of plong," which will re-skin some of these weapons and some of the crossbows to instead be firepowder-weapons ( but with the same statline ) :)

Youfoolyoumustrapeher.png
Crazy Ching Chong

Yeah I know about Arbalests and the like bit DSA seemed always very anti-blackpowder to me.

lol.

So now, ex girlfriend story tiem?

well, it is very grounded in some regards.
However, in-world, there definitely is blackpowder.
It is in wide use across the ocean in Myranor, but in Aventuria not so much. This is partly due to problems in mass production: Blackpowder is a type of alchimy which, by its nature, will attract minor elemental ghosts when accumulated in high quantity.

This is the actual reason you don't have proper blackpowder-weapons on a large scale:
> Massproduce Blackpowder
> Minor Fire Elementals Appear everywhere
> They blow everything up

therefore, in-universe by the laws of the setting, blackpowder is something very rare, very fringe and not very usefull.

Except for my group.
We started going with "Peng! statt Plong" when we were doing a southern seas setting and reaching the southern continent:

It's just more fun to have ship to ship battles and a colonial-middle-america like setting, when there's gunpowder, explosions, smoke and shit :)

We stuck with it ever since: In the Middlerealm people use proper crossbows, but in Horasia and the southern Free Cities, people use blackpowder rules-equivalents :)

The Ex Girlfriend Story

This sounds like dumb-ass drama but it actually is gaming related. What happened is that Virt's ex-girlfriend had lost her job and Virt was basically cut off by his parents so she decided to start rooming with him until she found another job.

He told me all of this in a totally calm voice and I told him it sounded a bit weird that he was going to be staying with his ex. He just looked at me and started to grin then suddenly stopped. One of the creepiest facial expressions I've seen out of him.

So I went to hang out at virt's place for when his ex showed up because I wanted to see this.

His apartments on the second floor of a big old house so it overlooks the street. So virt was having me try some of the shitty drinks he likes to mix (I really think he is an alcoholic now, or at least flirting with it. Dunno how to stop him, don't really care anymore).

I hear a car door slam and I see a girl with light brown hair and glasses, tall, thin, not hugely attractive but pretty decent for someone who'd date Virt.

She comes in and they hug and she gives him a kiss on the cheek. She starts talking to me, I guess she finished a business degree but lost her job so she is moving down here now. She had a fairly quiet voice. Virt started drinking heavily and smiling every time she looked at him then going back to this chilled out frown when she looked away.

I was weirded out and only got more weirded out when she pulled out a present for Virt, which was gift wrapped and everything. He unwraps it, and, lo and behold, it's a D&D 5e players manual.

> "You're supposed to be chaotic neutral! That means you do evil stuff to balance out the good stuff! Why didn't you rape the prisoners?!"

Classic

No thats just an idiot player being an idiot player. Its a cyberpunk setting dude. CAMERAS EVERYWHERE. The current world is almost always under surveillance, I dont understand why a cafe in an high tech, corporate owned dystopia wouldnt have caught the whole ordeal or at least catch them walking into the diner (and consequentially not being amongst the scores of dead) or even catch the party leaving it either.

Yeah, you can justify any character behavior by saying "He's a sociopath" but that doesn't mean it was a smart move to make.

Virt, you have my permission.

Reminds me of a move my player made in my cyberpunk setting. Though he caught on that he made a dumb idea and made the best of his flawed logic afterwards.

Basically they had to get information out of a con-man. They did so by breaking into his house, sneaking up on him playing a pokergame with his gunmen, then revealed themselves and demanded they tell him the information.

While one guy attempted to intimidate him with his gun, this other player reveals he strapped himself with 5 satchels of C4 and threatened to blow everyone up if he didn't get the info.
"IF I DONT GET THIS INFORMATION THAT I BADLY NEED, ILL KILL US ALL, ALONG WITH ANY GOALS THAT I NEEDED TO ACCOMPLISH WITH THAT INFORMATION."

Yeah. Sorry the Warrior Rogue and Mage Rage story wasn't as long or as interesting. These aren't as good as the ones I posted in the last thread, but I figured I might as well tell the few I had left even if I had to scrape the barrel, seeing as he's kinda out of my life now.

Anyway, so Virt unwraps the 5e PHB and I see his face twitch. His ex is like "oh now we can play D&D again like we used to."

He forces a smile and says thanks. I start chatting with his ex again and he walks into the kitchen and starts getting out some snacks and making mini sandwiches and stuff. I can see his fight wrapped really tightly around the knife.

So I'm sure you all know Virt hates D&D 5e (or "Next" as he always calls it for me). He used to spend hours ranting on Gchat about how much he hated it. I think part of that has to do with the fact that he used to be an Adventurer's League GM which basically equaled tard wrangler in our city. He's always gone on about how 5e was a mistake and that "Kike" Mearls isn't even a real game dev. I kinda cringe at this cause I'm part Jewish which Virt knows but I think he just doesn't give a fuck.

I also remember how his ex bought him All Flesh Must Be Eaten a year ago and he forced us to play it for months despite not liking the system. So I just KNOW he's going to force us to play 5e. Which i don't really mind, I don't like 5e a lot but it's okay.

And to my exactly zero surprise, Virt announces we will be resting the Grey Six campaign (virt's term for resolving a campaign completely but leaving it somewhere we could start a new arc later) and playing a D&D 5e campaign. Our rule is usually one D&D-esque campaign and one side campaign, usually GURPS, Savage Worlds, Mini-Six, or some other game, going at a time. So we have two campaigns to choose from.

So we set about making 5e characters. Virt was our perpetual GM as always (the guy who GMed the cyberpunk campaign where virt shot up the cafe had quit the group)

Cont.

Virt's gonna do a Columbine isn't he? At this point he needs fucking help or he's gonna get guns banned in our country.

this dude sounds like crazy fun. If you can accomodate him. Is he content with being forever a GM, or is he salty b/c he'd like to play as well?

So we were down to five players: Virt as GM, his ex, me, and two other guys. Neither of them were friends of mine; the other friends I knew from the group had mostly quit. One of the two was a new hire from the local community college; he seemed okay. The other one was a hipster virt had brought in mostly to fuck with and abuse. Both were decent roleplayers, but I was on the verge of leaving the group at that point. I mostly stuck around because Virt's GMing was really really good. He was the kind of guy that would take your lame-ass backstory idea and twist it into something really good. I hate to sound like that "MLG DM" copypasta but he really was like a professional game master.

So we started the D&D 5e campaign. It went on for about ten sessions. It took place in Virt's low fantasy world, and made great use of Virt's zombie obsession. If you've played the first Halo game, the plot was quite similar to that; we waged war on goblins coming out of the hills, cleared out one of their underground bases only to learn the reason they were fleeing was because of a zombie plague.

One thing I will point out is that Virt was a MUCH cleaner and kinder GM with his ex around. Usually he is like what I imagine John Wick is like, except less of a faggot, and more of an edgelord. We ran a Zombie Survival game in GURPs a while back and he graphically described a 14 year old girl being beaten to death with a sledgehammer by a religious zealot, and the villain would threaten graphic sexual tortures on our characters when we were captured. His descriptions actually made people cringe sometimes.

This time was a bit different. And he didn't exactly favor his girlfriend (who was actually a pretty smart player) but he did have mercy on her a couple times I noticed.

The worst part of this game was that it finally destroyed Virt's gaming group once and for all.

Top kek. Sounds brilliant :P Though at least he didn't just kill random people to be edgy.

Do you have brain damage?

do you? Sounds like he's some obsessive storyteller, and given a proper GM and strong players who dont give a fuck about his social anticks - but who are in it for a game and the storytelling - he could be great. Sure maybe you'd have wo wrangle him and keep him in check when he goes full "kill all innocents" retard, but maybe if he has a creative outlet and the opportunity to play proper games himself, instead of being the perpetual GM, it could be great.

I'm struggling to understand why you wouldn't just fuck his ex and then never talk to this guy ever again?

I should (and eventually did) but I am addicted to his GMing in a very unhealthy way.

Anyway, so this 5e game ended up imploding the gaming group. This is because Virt wanted to do a "different" kind of game where he used the zombies from the 5e monster manual, except their claws and bite were fatal, no save. Also, the only way to kill them was by burning their corpses. And by this I mean, they came back to life after half an hour if you didn't burn the bodies.

So hipster guy lost his gnome warlock to like 5 zombies after we killed them then moved on to the next room, fought a group of goblins and got attacked from behind by zombies. They killed the gnome and reanimated ten minutes later and scratched the community college guy. This is how we found out about the fatal injuries; Virt's GF was an archer and I was playing a wizard, so we mostly stayed out of melee, relying on CC guy to hold the front with his barbarian. Half damage while raging didn't stop this guy from losing like 2 hp, so he didn't give a fuck, fell asleep, then died and reanimated in his sleep.

So virt's ex and me were the only surviving players. We escaped the dungeon, ran back to town to restock on provisions.

So that was where we left off for the night.

Cue to that Tuesday when virt's friends email him telling him that they think the adventure is badly designed. I guess virt BLEW UP at them over email, told them they were pussies who couldn't handle combat that wasn't straight hack and slash. the CC guy was (kinda legitimately I guess) angry at virt because his melee character was nearly useless since any hit from the zombies was a death sentence. Hipster guy was angry because I guess he spent a lot of time on his gnome, who was 3'5" and very prideful about being taller than most gnomes (apparently). He was a pretty funny character. Reminded me of Miles from Zero Charisma but less obnoxious.

Anyway, those guys quit. So the game became me and Virt's ex.

lol. this is not the end? :D

>I'm struggling to understand why you wouldn't just fuck his ex
NOOOOO
At this point if he goes on a shooting spree OP will probably be safe. You tap that well and your going to be his first target

Hey I know that this isnt the greateat place to ask.

But im an ausfag, and its kinda hard to find anyone to play tabletop games with. So I usually just watch someones or read about other peoples.

Are there any yt channels / old playlists that are people running through a campaign? Besides tabletop time. Cause ive seen theirs.

Also love the virt stories

>He also searches his username on 4plebs quite often, so he found the stories I told about him

Virtualoptim, you are a tragic human being.

During this time Virt and ex started hooking up again. I kinda joshed Virt about it when we went out to dinner at a restaurant down the street from his apartment, being like "yeah bro you're finally getting some" but he didn't really seem that enthused about it. I really don't know what the fuck is up between that guy and his girl. I only found out because I heard them when I showed up an hour early to game night.

I also spotted him at college more than once, working on drawings on lined paper (why do people draw on notebook paper). Most of them involved his drawings of elf slaughter, which I've learned to get used to, but I noticed more and more that the murderers of the elves were less clad in armor and looked more like Virt actually did, and the elves themselves looked taller and thinner.

I still don't know what to make of all that.

But anyway, we went back to playing. Virt's ex acquired lots of bottles of wine for molotovs and we headed back to the dungeon, luring out the zombies and burning them. I killed loads with burning hands. I think Virt nerfed them a bit hit-point-wise because they definitely did not have 22 hp anymore.

Eventually, though, our lack of numbers caught up to us. We were cornered in a back room, about to be clawed apart when the zombies broke through the door.

Nice Demonet is a namefag who used to post with images of females with a trend toward a 40k theme. He was often accused of shitposting.
I don't know anything about Virt or that guy beginning with C that AoS is so worked up about (borrowing your question to educate myself).

At this point Virt's ex (or GF now I guess) were kinda gaming buddies. Like that ally-in-gaming acquaintance kinda thing. It's hard to explain, but if you've ever played in Adventurer's League like I did for a bit while I was desperate for gaming after Virt kicked me out, it's like, I wouldn't hang out with these people outside the game but I'll help em out when we're playing, and you guys can trade bantz and all. Kinda that attitude in online co-op vidya. Idk, my point is I wasn't friends with her, but we kinda understood this was the end. So I offered to shoot her in the head with my crossbow so she didn't have to suffer, then try to reload a bolt for myself before the zombies broke in.

Well for some reason Virt didn't like this because suddenly the zombies gained goddamn ogre strength and burst in, ripping me to shreds first. Then virt's ex died next.

Then something weird happened, virt started getting pissed at ME. I think maybe because he thought me and his gf were sharing some weird romantic moment in killing each other?? I don't know. To this day I am mystified. But virt's ex got mad at him, saying "this is your problem, Craig. You get sensitive over the smallest things." and virt just looks at her with a straight face and says "I decided the zombies needed a d6 rounds to break in. I rolled a 1"

His ex just rolled her eyes and stormed off to their bedroom. Virt looked at me, shrugged, and said, "Good campaign, eh?"

I just kinda stared. We shot the shit for five or ten minutes, then I packed up and left.

Yeah I'm getting to that part. And the tragedy is just starting.

Yeah I dunno who Carnik is either or what he does. But then I don't do have much to do with Age of Sigmar or Warhammer in general.

cool story brah.
I can see the reasoning behind it, though:
> Be edgy as fuck
> Careful with those edges
> Now THAT'S what I call edgy!
> murderhobo top kek xD

In the mind of a retard, it could easily make sense.
I can also relate to this guy, I also have a subpar IQ and crippling self-esteem issues :^)

>well, in Horasia there is a torque-string version of "flintlockpistols" :) There is also a popular hack called "peng instead of plong," which will re-skin some of these weapons and some of the crossbows to instead be firepowder-weapons ( but with the same statline ) :)
user, I know you're German and thus lack appreciation for board-culture outside Krautchan but stop using emoticons oder ich müss dir schwul rufen

NiceDaemonet: Namefag that derailed any and every thread with a flood of smut. Did not believe that other boards on Veeky Forums existed or that there were entire websites dedicated to collecting and distributing r34 shitsribbles. Fapping before browsing Veeky Forums only strengthened it.

>Virt: Tripfag. That's about it; his opinions, attitude, and actions weren't much shittier than the other garden-variety autists that congregate here, but he decided he *had* to have his name attached to his posts. More specifically, he was known for his seething hatred of D&D 5e/Next and Dungeon World, elf genocide porn, and getting banned from reddit. So, like I said, not that different from many Veeky Forums users, he just had a consistent identity, giving him an individual reputation for asshatery.

Nah he's not really that type. He actually talked about it to me once. He made some edgy joke about the Pulse Nightclub shooting and started talking about mass shootings. I was giving like 1 word responses trying to steer us to another topic but he kept going on. He told me that if he was that fucked up inside, he'd just take himself out instead of taking it out on other people. He said this like he was some kind of hero for making that decision. He also said his Mav88 only holds like 5 rounds so he wouldn't get very far. Then he chuckled and changed the subject.

Anyway....so that campaign was over.

And with that, virt's failing gaming group was dead. Most of the core players, he'd scared off over time. The best players had graduated and moved on. I myself was already looking at another group, but I liked virt's GMing style. The other group I played with had too much of a rollplay attitude to things. Virt was dramatic. Like I said he was like a less faggy John Wick, there were shocking NPC deaths that stung, there were tiwsts and turns, I was ALWAYS looking forward to the next session in his campaigns. I know in retrospect I should have left much sooner and learned how to git gud at GMing myself. But I couldn't.

The morning after that 5e campaign concluded, I found virt on the college campus. He was definitely a bit drunk but he was in the corner of a lounge half-asleep so thankfully no one noticed. He's way overage but they'd still kick him off for being drunk. Some "dry campus" rule. He had the 5e book with him. I woke him up a bit, he said he was going to donate it to the library at the school.

"It's a shitty system anyway. I think that short campaign proved it."

I got another healthy dose of the same circlejerking about why 5e sucks. I kind of nodded along. I partly agreed, partly not, but sometimes with him it's safer to just nod along, you know?

>house-rules 5e into a shitty mess
>no one likes it
>"See I told you it was shitty!"

That sounds like the virt we all know and love.

So I ended up talking him into selling me the 5e book for 30 bucks. So probably about what it's worth on Amazon now, but whatever.

We exchanged the book and cash and Virt gave me this disapproving look, like a father might give a kid buying cocaine from a dealer or something. I don't know how to describe it besides that lame-ass analogy. I felt like he was shaking his head at me without moving a muscle.

I asked him why we was partly-wasted and he chuckled and said "yeah my head's killing me."

I pressed some more and learned his ex had left for a hotel after they had a huge argument. We went to his place and several things were broken. I noticed Virt had a bruise on his shoulder when he changed his shirt in front of me. I asked him if he was okay and he said he slipped in the shower.

So we sat at his table and started talking about what was next for our gaming group.

"Nothing. Group is dead. I'm gonna have to make another one."

He offered me a beer. I refused. He shrugged, opened one for himself, and finished it within 10 minutes.

We played some Magic the Gathering. Virt ripped one of his Tormented Souls in half in anger when he lost the tiebreaker game. I kinda stared at him and he said "don't worry they're like 25 cents."

So after that I went home. Then a couple days later I got a call from Virt's ex

>So, like I said, not that different from many Veeky Forums users

Oh there are many like him, but they're still the scum of Veeky Forums. Virt doesn't get off the hook just by virtue of not being unique - he's a giant septic moose anus no matter how you look at it it.

Whats with your insults?

Theyre not even insults, like damn.

>he used to be an Adventurer's League GM

No wonder he hates 5e. I still haven't played since I stopped doing AL games.

>Then a couple days later I got a call from Virt's ex
Oh this will end well.

Of course. I'm not defending him, just saying his bullshit was not unique. Veeky Forums would be a much better place if all the virts too smart to have an easily-filterable name/trip fucked right off.

>and that "Kike" Mearls isn't even a real game dev. I kinda cringe at this cause I'm part Jewish
I was finding the entire story at least believable. You went too hard, user.

Remember to read this again in the 4plebs archive, brah. :))))

The gift that keeps on giving.

Yeah it did not end well.

Basically she was calling to invite me out to dinner. She said I seemed pretty sane and she didn't know anyone else in town and wanted to hang out. Being an oblivious retard I agreed. I don't have a girlfriend myself.

So we went out to this nice dinner and split the bill and she invited me to see her new apartment. At this point I started getting really weirded out and agreed, we watched part of a movie, then I left and went home. She was a nice person, she was from back east where virt is from (not the same state just the same general part of the US) and we talked about that for a bit since I've only been out there once.

I left fully realizing I was walking away from sex but the entire thing felt sick and wrong and I got that feeling like something or someone was after me.

I went home, woke up, and felt like an idiot. I went to Friday Night Magic at the other FLGS in town. This is the one where Virt freaked out after losing to someone's Jace in a tournament. A couple weeks after that they switched from constructed to draft for FNM. They claimed it was to help their revenue and help new players get into the game. I feel like it was insurance against other virt spergout, even though he was barred from coming to the store.

Well he showed up anyways.

He's the kind of guy who uses racist language to seem edgy even though he isn't actually racist. I've driven with him a few times and one time he slammed on the brakes when someone cut him off and shouted "you fuckin nigger!" at the guy, even though he was white and I'm honestly not sure Virt has even talked to a black person in his entire life.

I mean it doesn't really offend me but I don't invite him to family gatherings like I have with other friends because I know something will slip out.

But yeah he actually calls the guy "Kike Mearls" in real life. He laughs at it too sometimes like he thinks it's clever. Again, I know I should've called him out on his bullshit but I was scared of pissing him off and maybe getting kicked from his group. He's the only really good GM I know and once you play with him long enough, other DMs just don't seem good anymore.

user, that doesn't mean he's great, that's just Stockholm Syndrome

You're an alright writer, user. Don't get me wrong; the story was entertaining. Just a little too pat, if ya catch my drift.

Work on that, next time you tell the story.

cant read
>whyisitnotgreen

I'm getting tired, I read that at user, that doesn't mean he's great, that's just Sherlock Homes.

>So I ended up talking him into selling me the 5e book for 30 bucks. So probably about what it's worth on Amazon now, but whatever.
That's how much it was worth on Amazon to begin with, WotC charged $20 less there so it would drive up the ranking.

this is it? its over now?
no fucking? where's the finale? Where's the fallout? Do you really require 20 fucking minutes to type out a couple of sentences?

Anyway, I guess the FLGS employee that night didn't know who virt was because he didn't get kicked out.

He did alright in the draft, and it actually finished early, around 11. The store stays open til 1 am on Fridays and the weekends cause the owner has no life and thinks his employees are same. So there were some D&D games being played in the back. Virt and I watched while virt leafed through some old rifts books.

I'd been getting texts from virt's ex during this time. She was asking me to come over again, hang out, etc. and being flirty. I was trying to dissuade her but it wasn't working. I've never really attracted a woman like that before so I didn't know how to react, honestly.

So at one point I go to take a piss and when I come back Virt is looking at my phone. I grab it up and he says "It was buzzing, I was just curious."

So we decide to head to this place across the street to eat even though it's late. Virt leads me out the back door into the parking lot.

I kinda do? Have you never encountered racists in real life?

I wish I could prove to you guys that this is real but I don't know what I could post that would satisfy you, without leading some kind of doxxing squad to me.

We once had this player that always tried to sneak his way out of situations and "talk things out".

It was fun once or twice but after awhile it got boring. He also started doing shit like this and I distinctily remember quite a few times the GM asking for his HP and him just never giving an answer.

Oh christ and then one time we time skipped into the future and our gold coins were worth about 5,000 of the modern currency and after we got our money exchanged we were so ridiculously wealthy and that same player tried to make himself the "main character" again.

Constantly he brought us into high intrigue RPG and we went 2 sessions without a single round of combat. Eventually we talked to him but holy shit were those boring games. Stressed the GM out as well because he'd write up all this material and we'd never actually do any of it.

> no fucking?

No. We never ended up having sex. It'd have been nice to have notch #2 on my bedpost but (1) I felt like she was emotionally vulnerable because of what happened and it felt wrong to make a move, and (2) I cannot stress this enough, I was a huge pussy.

> Where's the fallout?

It's coming.

> Do you really require 20 fucking minutes to type out a couple of sentences?

Yeah I'm looking at D&D miniatures online in between typing, sorry. I didn't know people were still lurking.

I don't see you fucking typing something, punkass!