Inquisitorial Penal Regiment Veeky Forums

To their space hulk of a fortress Monastery sergeant. Just know that it is in a better place now.

By the way Admiral! I never got to thank you for the field commission back on Gospyria. So thank you, Sir!

Well, I heard these rumours about some event called "in the middle of the new crater", a-and it sounded pretty terrifying. Is it really true that n... Nurg.... That you know what spawned from a portal? I just want to know if we are getting upgrades to the flashlights, can we request that? I don't really feel that confident with this one no more

Bloody astartes...

Alright I'll be on the armory getting myself a new weapon. If anyone needs me, you know where to find me.

if you're looking for a new flamer I think the greenskin left his in his quarters, ol' skorchy he called it, looked like a nice piece of work too.

Mother-! Fine!
>He'd pull out, and then hand the man the twenty thrones.

But next time you don't get to argue about our next bet!

...Also, has anybody seen Larrs or Hawthorne? I swear to Throne, they'd better not be "bunking it up"!

>Mot shakes his head as he slips the money in his pocket.
haven't seen either of them.

Hell no. I am not suicidal, Emperor knows how that thing will react when I pull the trigger

Haven't seen much of anything. I wore nightvision indoors again and only just recovered.

Also sir, admiral, sir, I heard that a terminal had gone rogue and developed a-artificial intelligence recently, but I can't find anything about how to deal with that in the handbook.

>Larrs enters the hanger carrying a surfboard under one arm
>he's wearing nothing but a pair of red swimming shorts with yellow stripes down the sides.
alright dudes who's ready for a bro-tacular surfing holiday?

God Emperor's Holy Throne! Is that what I think it is!?
>The young Lieutenants mouth would be left agape at the sight of the Felinid. Having only ever heard the rumors about them.

>Is working in his lab

Why is that such a common reaction?

Larrs... our vacation ended THREE DAYS AGO! Where the hell have you been!?

>laughs at Malak, triggering another coughing fit into his handkerchief.

I uhm-... well it's just- you know that-... the Imperium is a-... uhm-....
>This would continue on for a moment, before the young man would let out an exasperated sigh well shrugging his shoulder.

I couldn't tell you trooper...

I've been catching the most bodachious waves in my mind man...
>his eyes are bloodshot and the tips of his hair have been bleached and spiked, he's also wearing several beads and he stinks ethanol.
like, how many days has it been bro?

Aaaaaanyway....
Anyone seen my spare scope? I'm feelin Longlas this time. Orks are one of the things I don't care to tangle with in close quarters combat.

>Two scouts watch over the stationary ship in orbit.

Human reinforcements have arrived.
>"To fight the green tide no doubt."
Indeed.
>"Filthy savages, why do we even need them?"
Just think of all the unprotected spoils we'll get once both armies kill each other. It's worth the wait.
>"If the greenskins leave anything alive, that is. The cabal is in need of slave lavour, these savages will break through their defenses like a child breaks munches through candy"
Not if you do your damned task and sabotage those fuel barrels as you were told to! Now get back to work, we'll enjoy the meal once the appetizers kill each other.

>With a jokingly angry look on his face, and a wag of his finger cast towards the Acolyte.

You shut your mouth Ron!
>A devious look would then appear upon the faces man.
Ot maybe I should tell your boss what you did during our vacation... I still have those recordings...

>mutters to himself
Is there any reason you are not answering me captain, admiral?
I feel the troops could benefit from knowing

>Ron stops smiling, and looks darkly at Malak, and says with an unusually raspy voice. If one were to look at his teeth, they would find the amount of blood on them to be excessive
My superiors are aware of my actions, First Lieutenant. Watch your mouth.

*speaks with an unusually raspy voice

>He'd toss the Felinid one of the scopes he'd taken from the armoury.
Catch!

Like I said Larrs... it's been about three days since we left.
>He'd wave his hand in front of his nose at the intense smells wafting from the Eldar.

Now go take a shower and sobber up! You reek of utter shame trooper!

Eh, Close enough. I'll just have to properly adjust it later.
Thanks.

>The man would give a simple smile. Like that of an older brother who was playing innocent, after having enjoyed tormenting his younger sibling.

like, way to be too harsh my man I'm just coasting through the waves of life and stuff and you're here being all grody.
>he shakes his head before walking out, dragging the surfboard along with him.

>As soon as the Eldar was out if ear shot, the man would gently smack his forehead in exasperation.

...Holy Feth that is going to get on my nerves...
>He'd then return to his usual self, before looking over the men and woman assembled about the massive hanger. As he begins yelling out orders with a voice filled with authority.

ALRIGHT TROOPERS! GRAB YOUR GEAR AND GET READY TO MAKE PLANET DROP IN SIX MINUTES! EQUIP WHAT YOU NEED AND STORE WHAT YOU DON'T! ANYONE NOT READY TO LEAVE BY THEN IS GETTING A TASTE OF LASPISTOL TO THE KNEE! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!?!

>Larrs returns a few minutes later cleaned up and shaven, his frosted tips now gone and the smell of ethanol also removed.
I can smell Dark Eldar by the way, just wanted to let you know.
>he doesn't look very happy either.

I've been ready since I got here, I don't have enough stuff to need to store anything.

>He'd only be able to sigh at the Eldars words.

Great... just what the men need so soon after their vacation...

By the way...
>He'd look down at his wrist watch.
You have two minutes and seventeen seconds to equip and store your gear, before I personally shoot you in the leg Larrs...
>He'd of course be joking about shooting anyone's leg. But the punishment for not flowing orders would be just as severe.
>After all... the ships compliment of Ogryn still needed their uniforms washed once in awhile as well.

>lights a smoke
Always with the secrecy... Assign one word to every guardsmen out there, and we *still* wouldn't even cover 1% of all the classified material.
>exhales smoke
Shoot, kill, die, and shut up about it. When's the last time the angels payed any heed to the dogs of war?
>puts out cig

Then why in holy Terra haven't you boarded a Dropship yet Corporal?!
>The mans eyes would show a hint of annoyance within them.

>nods as he checks over his sword and pistol before boaring, sitting next to Mot who's tuning his guitar.

Guardsmen! This is NOT the time to be smoking! You have your orders! Stow your gear, and get SET for a combat drop!

>Ron leans against a wall, grimacing in pain.
Let's go, people. Time's a-wasting. Your men should be ready to go already, Malak.

Because if I do i'll be yelled at for not packing my gear and told to go pack it.
if I don't want to get yelled at I mull around until everyone else is ready and then board.
>Has the usual level of self-assured smugness

>Slowly walks into one of the dropships

You're damn right they should be, Sir!

>The officers eye would visibly twitch in annoyance at her smugness.

Just get on the damn Valkyrie Corporal! That's an order!

>The man would loudly sigh. Muttering under his breath as he does so.

I don't kown what's worse... dealing with these Dregs... or the mixture of Greenskin and purple armor we're about to face when we reach the planet...

Yeah, yeah. My life on the line, I get it.

Probably the purples, The greens are at least predictable. Both shades.
>Does a halfassed salute and gets on the damn valkyrie

>Comes out of the armory with a plasma rifle, holding a new flamer holstered on his back as he boards a Valkyrie transport.
Certainly the greenskins, bigger, badder, uglier and want to kill you. They smell better than humans when burning.

>gives her a sympathetic smile as she boards before finsihing up tuning his guitar.
>with nothing better to do he starts to play.
>youtube.com/watch?v=z4Z-zdo1maA

>Is lying on Mot's usual spot.

Oh look, sarge even got his plasma on for this one.
>studies his shoddy looking lasrifle
>looks to the other guardsmen and grins morbidly
Better pray the emperor himself built these flashlights friends

>eyes te servoskull and picks it up gingerly.
what do you want now?

>With the gear stowed away, and the troops having finished boarding. Malak would quickly make his way up the dropships boarding ramp, just as it is about to close.
>He'd then quickly take a seat near the cockpit door, before Voxing the pilot, with permission to make way.
>A quick 'Aye Sir!', would come over it, before the Dropship pilot would send the Dropship flying out the now opened hanger doors. Soon followed by a few dozen more behind it.

>It's disabled.
>when picking it up it opens a mouth, it has a note in it.

>"My time has come. I am no more. You have your task, Greely will probably keep it locked away, it's easy to recognize at plain sight. Looks very dead. You may keep the servoskull for yourself."

>Quietly sings a old drop pod chant to herself as the ship clears the hangar
>Something about helljumpers and feet first into hell

>tears up the paper and straps the servoskull to his shoulder as a kind of momento before sitting down and playing another song.
>youtube.com/watch?v=N9vzxzjsv6g

>starts swinging back and forth nervously to the sound and rattling of the dropship,

Those "flashlights" saved more lives than men we can count, don't offend the machine spirits.

Ah, a jungle, orks and a flamer on my back...
>Inhales deeply.
Feels almost like home.

>speaks loudly over the roaring sound of the dropship
Hey man, knock it off would ya? I don't want to die to a soundtrack

As captain of this vessel I do not take part in action on the surface. You will want to talk to your superior officer.
Sorry, I was busy. It was just a greater daemon though.

>meanwhile. Deep within the planets jungles.
>A large Ork. Presumably the Warboss. Would be standing in front of hundreds of much smaller orks.
>Each of the assembled Orks would be wearing what would appear to be wearing some kind of oddly made vest. A confused look upon each of their faces, as their Warboss attempts to explain to them it's function for the... well he lost count after 5. But it's presumably MUCH higher!

Fer' da last toime! Ya put'z it on's. Charge da 'umie lines. And den ya press da button on da side o ya vests, and it'll go-
>This would be followed by a series of spittle filled explosion noises.
Ya Gitz undastandz now?

>The assembled Orks would all nod their heads.
>But this would quickly turn into mumbles of confusion, as they start shaking their heads in unison.
>The Warboss' eye would twitch for a moment, before he grabbed the nearest Nob and began bashing him harshly into the ground. Blood splitting everywhere
>Angry Ork Warboss noises soon follow, before he once again attempts to examine the "Explodeh Vests"

If it were a deathworld it would be perfect.

>grins back at the guardsman shaking his head and making "I can't hear you movements"
>he does however stop playing after the song finishes.

anyone mind if I'm this arcs bbeg?

you people sound like you have terrible homes.
go right ahead, sounds like fun

>the big yellow meganob freeboota lumbers over to B'Ork
Uh, Boss? Is we gonna tell da boyz about da bombs in da vests?

Well, on mine the atmosphere was toxic, the orks were overpopulating it and we kinda burned every jungle down in a few decades. Then dried the seas to draw their submarines out and then came the nids...

this one time at Eldar camp we ran out of fruit juice...

>A random ork starts panicing
DA VEST IZ A BOMB?
>He starts trying to pull it off and triggers it

>the large mechanical Ork starts laughing
GAHAHAHA! I knew dat would 'appen! Stupid boyz!

Do you mind if I have a few dark eldar muck around with both sides, weakening them for their own purposes?

My home planet got...Whats it called? Exterminatus? because it was overrun with some thing or another. I had already left though. Before that it was the nicest place you could live, Only 90% of the plants and animals wanted you dead and everything was delicious if you slit its throat and disemboweled it to get the good bits.
>Speaks fondly and with some sadness

>After a short time. The dropships would make their final approach towards the main command post. Landing upon what would appear to be a freshly cleared dirt airfield, before depositing their payloads.
>Far off within the deepest part of the jungle, can be vaguely be heard the echoing of Ork " WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!" Screams. Which is quickly followed by the echoing of an explosion.

Nice place they've got here... I wonder if they get many tourists these days...

>steps out of the ship and is instantly hit in the face by a flying and burning ork arm.
unusual species of birds.

Only tourists in green I reckon.
Heh.

Yeah, home sweet home.
>He's not even sarcastic about it, he means it.

Did they force you to drink Grox Milk instead?

that's more than fine. I've just been wanting to make B'Ork the main villain for awhile now

No offense... but your world sounds like it was a hellhole, even before the Exterminatus...

oh no, one of daddies servants brought me juice from home.
>he's wiping the ork bits from his face and looking for where it came from,
the smell of Dark Eldar is very strong on this planet, I suspect that they're waiting for us to die before moving in.

Plants... Animals? Didn't see my first artificial potato before 27 years. Had a dog tho, two tails too many, blind as something called a bat, frothing at the mouth. Pretty low mutation rate for my world. Industry has its price.
>coughs
The day industrial grey becomes my first color, I plan on ending it myself
>cracks an uncomfortable smile

We should look for a tourist guide on the closest barricade built by ork corpses, I'm sure they'll know the way around...

Dark Eldar? Here?

Home is where your heart is.
Or something.
Don't think I could survive one of those places, Concrete jungles are not my style.

>The officer cracks a small smile towards his right hand man.
Let's hope the local hotels don't charge us too much for the night. I only brought so many thrones.

Why is it, that we always get the 'fun' ones...?

I could hardly deal with the potato, your world sounds terrifying as fuck
>twitches nervously
Anyway
>looks to his fellow guardsmen and officers
Where we marching

>nods
they're close by as well, most likely watching, waiting, in the shadows.
youtube.com/watch?v=azpErXezD8M I had to make this joke and I'm not sorry

>walks out, slowly injecting something into his arm
Alright, Malak. Get the show on the road.

>Underneath the gasmask, Eisen alows himself to smile.
Heh, I bet we can pay our stay with greenskin kills...

...And hopefully some Black-Wearing Knife Ears too...

Knife-ears make for good huntin. I might just focus on them. Might give me a workout for once.

>shrugs.
chances are I might know them.
>he laughs, it's a very nervous laugh.

>Watching from the cover of a rock formation.
I've got visual on the blank...
>"We already poisoned their water, just watch over the progression of the virus and don't compromise your location... wait for the preys to be weak..."
That's so easy to say after feeding on the tortured souls of ork captives.
>"If you want to fuck-up our entire operation and have a very angry Archon looking for you, take the shot."
>The Xeno would grumble as he kept vigilant

>At this point, B'Ork had explained how the suicide vests had worked at least.... uhm... what's six plus seven again?
>In that length if time. The number of assembled Orks had shrunken quite dramatically by more than half. Most of them either having accidentally blown themselves up, or having convinced the closest Ork to blow himself up by pressing the big red button.
>Thankfully, due to certain members of the class having shown themselves how it works. The remaining Orks were now ready to make their way towards the nearby imperial lines. All in the name of Alla- I MEAN!!! in the name of Warboss B'Ork!

>Micheal would then begin making his way towards the front lines. Intent on leading his vengeance charge against the imperium.
>...only to be stopped by EVEN more orks, who were asking how the vests worked.
>The job of an Explodeh Ork Warboss was never done it seems!

>suddenly stumbles and falls down in the heavy jungle grass
>notices a faint footprint off the marching path
Hey, any of you guys see this?

>stomps over
Oi, boss, we'z got 'umies on da way. Me boyz also sed there's sumthin' fishy goin' on. Elfdarz wot me weirdboy sez. Wot we gonna do?

>An oddly intelligent ork speaks up
Uh, warboss? Wut if we...put da word 'boom' on da red button? that wud explain it!

>stops marching for a bit
What's that friend?
>...
Footsteps?
>tries to call for corporal Kaht
Hey jungle Jill? This guy says he saw footsteps off the marching path, would ya get over here?
>grips laserrifle tightly.

>Slinks out of a nearby bush
The hell you call me?
>Takes a look at the footprint while looking annoyed about the Jill thing

Sorry, it's just I never heard your name.
>signals some guardsmen to stand guard around corporal Kaht¨
Anyway, what are we looking at here?