Inquisitorial Penal Regiment Veeky Forums: It's raining 'Nids Edition

An explosively suicidal Ork WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! To the east of us. A Tyranid Hive fleet above and to the west of us. And to top it all off. We can't leave until reinforcements manage to break through. So until hat time, do what you do best men. Die fighting in the name of the Emperor!
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1d4Chan: 1d4chan.org/wiki/Campaign:Penal_regiment_designation_Veeky Forums

Steam Group: steamcommunity.com/groups/40k_penal_regiment.

FAQ:
>What the fuck is this?
Somewhat a campaign of crack-infused free-form roleplay in the grim darkness of the far future.

>When do you guys make these threads?
Usually mondays at 4PM GMT, but they sometimes extend to Tuesdays if we got caught in the middle of something when the thread died and it was too late to make another one the same day.

>Can I join in?
Sure, just think of a character and have fun, you can find most info in 1d4chan albeit it's ussually a little bit out of date in comparison to where the threads are.

>Is there any requirement in character creation.
Not really, we've had Xeno infiltrators, Chaos infiltrators, Villains, Heroes, Normal Guardsmen, Crazed Guardsmen, Assassins, Psykers, Space Marines, Inquisitors, Squats... just think whathever and join the fun.

>Is it allowed to have more than a single character?
Yes as long as you don't use it to powerplay.

>So how you guys do the playan'?
We tend to use spoilers for OOC chat, but nothing is set in stone.
We tend to use greentexts for describing a character's actions, but again nothing is set in stone.
Use d20s for combat checks and d100s for other things you want to roll, higher Is better.
It's important to know that the regiment is now in the employ of a radical Ordo Xenos Inquisitor, with influence from an Ordo Malleus Inquisitor and under the watch of an Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor. Yes we've been through a lot of shit.

I wonder how Larrs and his new fling are liking their accommodations right now. I hear the view down there is just terrific!

Don't forget to get into group chat people.

>Is sitting on her cell.
...And here I thought you Mon'Keigh would have the situation under control...

>Larrs wakes up in small cell, looking around he doesn't spot anybody else.
thank Cegorach they didn't lock me up with her.

>people
for those of us who aren't forced to use a phone because some brat destroyed his 1000$ laptop with a rock T_T

>The good major wakes up from his slumber, caused by borderline heretical activities.
>He decides to contact any imperial forces surrounding him
>Or any forces at all, he didn't really care
>So he took his vox and snet out a message on an open unsecured channel

My name is Dmitry...am major...
>gagging noises
Forgive...is of bad day to be me.

Requesting...uhh...Is there imperial force on planet?

If yes then I presume is being in general direction of battle noises blyet.

>Knocks the wall from the other side.
Sadly enough for you these walls are like paper

>a look of panic on his face
sadly? oh no, not at all I love talking to you.

>Leans onto Malak's side.
Sir why is the Major... Radioing for pick-up from on top of a table in the mess hall?

You know I've studied verbal torture aside from mental and physical torture, right?

BECAUSE YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT NOT HOLDING BUTTON FOR RESPOND BLYET

IF WANT TALK SHIT COME TALK SHIT TO MY FA-
>static combined with faint noises of, probably the good major puking his insides out.

you know I've had enough verbal torture from my father to make me imune to anything you try, or have you forgotten what happened on Zool?

I'm... not really sure Sergeant... I'm really not...

Mhm. Good times...

What are they even going to do with us?

By the way Eisen... you have full permission to torture whichever Eldar you wish. But if you choose Larrs, then I'd suggest you leave him alive for now. After the fighting is done, you'll have full permission to blow his brains out across the permacrete.

Uhm... sir? Need a bottle of... something alcoholic?

torture you, torture me, then force me to operate on soilders, most likely ask you a lot of questions. nothing too bad, kind of like what happened to us on Hu'll, by Cegorachs balls I hated Hu'll, what a shit hole.

Oh marvelous! I'll get to the brig right now then!

It's a bit late for that Eisen. He and Acolyte Ron spent all of last night drinking. Though in Ron's case, nothing happened, and he was forced to stay sober. Something about "Nantes"?

In my opinion it was fun. Then again I was the one chasing you in there that time.

>still openly broadcasting on the vox
ka-ka-lin..ka-kalinka kalinka kamaya!

>Turns to face the serzhant
>Stands at attention

YUO ARE NO MATCH FOR-
>collapses on all fours and crawls toward his pack of various containers filled to the brim with questionable content.

Aaaaalriiiiight theeen...

I'll just go to get some torture done...

>Heads to the brig.

it wasn't the torture that got me, it was the food, such bloody awful food should be a crime against all sentiant life.
>sighs
I missed you, ya know I really did.

Take at least a squad of fully armed guardsmen. I'm not taking chances with an insane, pain loving, Eldar witch and a drunken wash up of a traitorous Harlequin.

I miss one thread and everything's gone to shit
What's going on

This is Sternbridge. We were unable to keep Hive Fleet Sovereign's scouting ship from seeding Yndris Prime with bioforms. They should not be that much of a threat when cut off from their main intelligence, but do not give them time to work a way around this problem. Patrol Group Hephaestus is waiting in orbit to combat the rest of the tendril, so you will have to go without air support, Lieutenant.

Torture?

Hold on I want in join yes!

>the major seems to instantly lose all signs of nausea, or any kinds of disfunctionality.
>Then again there has appeared several empty bottles behind him seemingly out of nowhere

...
>She looks to the side of her cell.
Despite how much I hate you I've missed your pressence a bit too.
>Albeit after that she regains her composture.
Just a fucking bit! Don't get any ideas over your head, I still don't like you pirate scum!

Explody Orks in the jungles and Dark Eldar hopping about. An army of Nids are on the way, Larrs has betrayed the regiment for a piece of ass and now he and her are tied up in the brig about to be tortured

B'Ork returned with an explodeh Ork waaaaaaaagh. Dark Eldar appeared and tried to further stir shit. And now a Tyranid hive fleet is in system and don't have enough forces to do anything more but hold the line, and hope to the Emperor that reinforcements arrive within the next few days and we run out of ammo and men to throw at it.

So a typical regimental Wednesday.

Understood Sir! Just a typical Wednesday morning for the ground forces of the reigment! We should be back in time for lunch tomorrow!

Sure come along, there is two prisonners to torture anyways.

>The brig doors open letting Eisen, suppossedly followed by Dmitry into the area.

Well, well, well, looks like Larrs got a lovebird! How heartbreaking!

>He's holding a stunbaton between his hands.

Are we still on the vacation resort?

I-Its not like I still have f-feelings for you or anything! I still hate your craftworld guts! B-B-Baka!

we skipped the vacation all together and now we're on another planets who's name I don't recall.
>before Larrs can reply he's interupted by entering his cell
hello there skorchy, looking forward to this aren't you.

>resort
Nope, that ended about a week ago canon wise. And for the last standard day, we've been fighting to hold the line. It helps that the orks are blowing themselves up instead of letting the Tyranids consume them. What doesn't help, is that we're on a jungle world TEEMING with life

Dmitry stumbled along

Wait...when did we get eldar as prisoner?

POINTY EARED CYKA BLYAT I WILL RIP YOUR FUCKING EARS OFF NOW SHUT UP OR I DO IT AFTER ....

Blyet forgot what was saying

>Glares at the POINTY EARED PIECE OF SHIT

Ohohoho yes I am, you know me too well... but then I thought:

"Eisen, they want Larrs alive and surely, if you get your hands on him you're going to kill him!"

So I was there, heartbroken for 5 or 6 seconds thinking on how could I torture you without killing you and then it came to my mind!

>He opens Kara's cell.

Through those you love, of course!

>He'd then have two men hold onto her and pull her out of her cell.

And I'm going to force you watch!

>inside one of the Valkyries, Ron is having a panic attack
No... Nooooo...
>he is not talking his forced sobriety well
Fucking nanites... Fucking poison... If there was ever a time I needed a DRINK!
>he curls up into a ball

this is almost as fun to read as when I originally brought in Micheal B'Ork (if you people didn't realise he's just an ork version of Micheal bay, then I'm ashamed!)

Psh. Torture? I bet you guys still use death Pendulums.

Dmitry we drink together all the time and you still didn't notice I was an Eldar.
do it, she's an exabitionist.
>blows a kiss to Kara
remember to moan nice and loud for daddy.

No, use broken amasec bottle, hot metal rods, and y'know, slaaneshi deamonettes.

Have you tried other methods Sir?

>Alice's Thunderhawk lands on the deck of the primary Shuttle Bay of her new Cruiser, the Quarta Equitis.
>The Ramp drops and an extra Platoon of Stormtroopers marches out into the bay, followed by Alice in a suit of superbly crafted Power Armour......carrying a -very- big hammer.
"Inquisitor Wellesley to Flight Control, all passengers accounted for, inform the Captain to request departure clearance. Out."

>Soon the Vessel has left Mars and is headed into the Warp, headed for.........

>A ship comes out of the warp almost dangerously close to Yndris Prime, opposite the direction Hive Fleet Sovereign is coming from
>More observant members of the regiment might notice red and yellow heraldry on it

What?! NO! Of course we don't! We are much more modern than that!

>He leans towards Eisen and whispers:
Quickly, get into the torture chamber and dismount the death pendulum before I send these two there.

Is called magics

You are foul pointy ear piece of shit

Your kind, murder my regiment! ALL OF IT

so is only fitting I am on personal quest to avenge each one of them by feeding you and your people to your worst enemy.

Y'know, naturally after I am done with watching Eisen torture your cyka.

>looks up
Drugs don't work either. I've tried everything I have. There's about a gallon of morphine in my circulatory system right now, and all I feel none of it.
>Ron groans loudly
The Emperor has truly forsaken us.

>Winks
Will do, if only to give these guys the feeling that they can actually torture someone from our race.

in case you hadn't noticed I'm not really like the rest of my kind.
good girl.

Have you tried the "back-door" Sir.
>He'd say this without looking the man in the eye,and with an entirely straight, and serious face.
I've heard rumors that you can skip the whole liver if you insert the alcohol from "there"...

You are so boring, you should use chains and whips...and you know, slaanesh deamon.

Hold their soulstones right in front of demon, is win win, demon is tortured, eldar tortured.

>Shrugsa and leaves the scene to "totally not dismount the death pendulum but instead install something very nasty"

In case you have not noticed, I don't care blyet

>Is lying on his bunk

>Ron looks at Malak like he has some sort of mild, but still life-affecting mental disorder. Like autism, or maybe ADHD.
>He then slowly stands up, and leaves the Valkyrie and Malak. As he walks away, he shakes his head in disappointment. Malak has truly lost all of Ron's respect.

Remember that command wants Larrs alive... but they said nothing about his girlfriend...

Alright enough bullshit you two!

>Both guards pull the Xenos towards the torture chamber.

Welcome to my motherfucking kingdom, we work on death here, population: you.

>Malak is hailed on an unfamiliar vox frequency

Now... If you'll excuse me Sir. I need to get back to the command center. It seems a certain Eldars old fling killed most of the command and support staff, so I'm now in-charge of keeping the front from falling apart whilst Greely is resting.
>He'd then make his way towards the local command center. Using his vox to issue new orders to the men on the frontlines.

nice line, I bet you spent all morning working on it.

>Inspects the area.
Wow so you guys do have a death pendulum after all! That's like... fucking classic.

And here for a moment I thought they'd actually hurt us.

>.........Yndris Prime, the Quarta Equitis drops out of the Warp a fair distance away, adding one more ship to the mismatched 'Battlegroup' opposing the Tyranid Forces.

>Alice stands on the Bridge of the Equitis, watching over the space, until she spots a familiar ship.
Captain, send a priority message to -that- ship requesting that they open a pict channel with ourselves immediately!

Psh

command can kiss my vomit.

I break, is whoopsie daisy, command says whoppsie daisy, and nobody cares.

Besides, command deserves a punch in gut for letting eldar in the regiment in first place?

LIKE HOW THE FUCK DO YUO DO THAT??

SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN I'M QUESTIONING BUREACURACY! OR I WILL HAVE YOU READ TROUGH THE IMPERIAL LAWS

ALL OF THEM

OUT LOUD

WITHOUT PAUSES

>He'd answer the Vox.

This is Yindis Prime command post. Who the hell is this?

now that could actually work as torture, try that.
>he's grining like a madman.

YUO SHUT UP TOO OR

>Idea
>if the major were to be a psyker, a lightbulb would be conjured above his head

EISEN!!!

STOP EVERYTHING!!!

I HAVE IDEA!!!

I say shut up svoloch!

I have idea!!

OH WE'LL SEE WHO LAUGHS LAST AFTER I'VE RUN THIS THING OVER BOTH YOUR FACES YOU FUCKERS!
>Brings out a circular saw.

Actually, you know what? You're right! FUCK COMMAND! THESE TWO DIE HERE TODAY!

no no no shut up, calm down and let me tell you idea!

>the ship complies, and the pict-screen opens, displaying a space marine in red and yellow quartered power armor
It is good to see you, Inquisitor.

What idea?

>Alice's face fills the viewscreen, her hair now significantly shorter and.....gelled.
>Her face however is dwarfed by the Power Armour she wears.
It's good to see you too Behrend. Oooooooooh, by the way, can you bring the Poison Star alongside the Quarta Equitis and extend the docking umbilical? I've got a present for all of you. It's a surprise, you'll love it.

... are these two always like this?

>Behrend smiles
Gladly. Are you here to hunt the tyranid fleet as well?

Have you watch cooking show?

You know, always so very annoying, the cook is always like blah blah blah we put this and that and blah blah blah

So we replicate that, I have seen many show, so I can be the cook, and best part is, I have no idea how to cook!

Bring me kitchen!

Shut up or I will feed your vagina to your pointy ear boyfriend!

pretty much, for me this is wednesday.
>shuffles closer.
so now you've come over and met mum and dad you think we can get married?
>laughs at his own joke.

Pffft
>Has to hold her laugh.

What kind of torture is that? Bring it, tough guy.

You want to cook for them? Major that is the most stupid idea for torture I've ever he-
>Remembers to who he is talking to.
Actually you know what? If you cook you might end up intoxicating them so go for it, Kitchen is this way.
>Addresses guards
You six stay here and look after those two.
>Guides Dmitry.

>The sergeant would get a message on his comm

>Answers comm on his way to the kitchen
Is there a problem, Sir?

First come standard imperial guard rations.

essentially it's the vomit of commissars in a package.

Probably has pieces of bullet inside too.

How would like prepared? Raw?
Or with extra sauce?

Later... I will feed you to eachother

You two will...eat eachother, to death. Or you know transform into one another that eldar cyka is actually svoloch and vise versa

Da! I shall make great kitchen show!

Affirmative, it will be good to fight alongside your Chapter, as well as yourself, once more, if you'll have us that is.

Anyway, I'll meet you down in the Cargo Bay so we can sign off on that delivery personally.

>The Equitis would join with the Poison Star and open the bay doors, revealing Alice as well as several reinforced Containers that are being hooked up to Atlas ARVs

>Raises an eyebrow

Only six guards... I bet you know most of these idiots from visitting your infirmary, so speak quickly is there anyone on this room you want to come out alive besides us two or do I have free reign?

go right ahead my dear
>headbutts the nearest guard and kicks another in the stomach.

>two techmarines recieve the cargo while Behrend meets with Alice

>Walks in, mumbling to himself
>shuffles past to the next chamber with "OCCUPIED" sign on the door

You know there's a quest board now right?

>vodka senses tingling
>ignore it, drinks more vodka
>Still walking toward the kitchen, ordering a few guardsmen to bring camera equipment with them

>Kicks other two, one of them against one of Eisen's torture tools and the other against a circular saw.

>Slams her head agaisnt the throat of another guard and jumps onto the remaining one.

They reeeeeally should of restrained our legs too.

No. Simply making sure that our two "friends" aren't just dead yet, And that you're actually following orders.

Yeah we know, but it's absolute garbage and this sin't really a quest more so than just fucking around

Oh sure enough sir, they live, the major wants to food poison them, non-lethally of course.

>unties her arms
and they should have double knotted but these mon'kiegh are fools.

>Alice extends a hand to Behrend with a warm smile.
So..... heard you had a bit of a Dreadnought Shortage, I also just happened to 'find' five of them without a Chapter to own them, I'm certain that you'll be able to put them to good use.
>Alice then jerks her head in the direction of the cargo containers.

Quiet down with you... I just woke up...
>Enters the door and locks it behind him

>She also unties Larrs' arms.
I could of just let you tied up here like a present, you know? You just look that cute as a gift.

>She turns to the three unconscious guards that she's left alive.
>Ties them together.
>Places them below the Death Pendulum's way.

Oh this feels like home already.

And you're keeping an eye on them...?
>He'd know exactly what was going on inside the torture room. Having full access to the bases cameras.

Because it REAAAAAAALLY doesn't look like it Eisen...

I left them with my... best... me...
>He stays still and silent for a second.

MAJOR THERE'S NO TIME! WE NEED TO GET BACK THERE ASAP!

You have my thanks, Alice. Do you have any plans to combat the hive fleet?

and you look jsut as cute unconsious on the floor, now let's get out of here.
>side steps him and unocks the door with a key on a hook next to it
hello there lovely weather we're having.

Did he really just... ignore us?

>Holds up a severed foot as Larrs opens the door
What are you doing in here? Don´t you see I am busy?

Ah ah ah ah, we're not going anywhere yet, not without my gear.