Veeky Forums Confessions Thread

In the early days of quests I ran two false flag quests to demonstrate how bad quests would be for the board. They both were severely outdone in shittiness by future quests.

I have no idea what I'm doing, system-wise.

I just said we're doing EDF in Star Wars d6 and did NOTHING to ensure this will work.

But I am still determined to pull a straight face and tell everyone that I did put some work into It and I'tll all work out swimmingly in a session or two.
It won't

I was the guy who posted the Dio troll of Strahd. I did it to get pirate fags to shut the fuck up in 5e threads and delay someone else from ACTUALLY scanning it.

I walked right into my DM's magical realm last night and got raped by a CE dragoness. It was cash tho

I have played a strip version of a deckbuilding game.

The details surrounding it are so outlandish that I doubt anyone would believe me anyways.

I knew a guy once who did what you describe and pulled it off. Granted, this guy was a god at improv.

Let me guess you got drunk with bunch of neckbeards and then bromosexual stripping game seemed like good idea?

While everyone is distracted, I masturbate under the table by slipping my cock through my jeans and keeping it hidden under my shirt.

It ended in a literal circle jerk....

Details please. we will believe it. Or I, at least.

...

I secretly want to seek out some of the autistic, societal rejects who generally don't work out with others in games or anything really as players for a game. Then I want to rehab them somehow through the game and make them realize what the fuck they need to do to better themselves. And importantly, come out happier and fulfilled.

Autism is a form of mental retardation. Why not just go into the mental health profession?

Does this ever really happen? Just curious...

I enjoy 3.5

STORYTIME

I'm so goddamn lazy as a GM. The only thing I can be bothered to any time or effort into is worldbuilding, where I'm utterly obsessive. Nearly everything else is halfassedly done an hour or less before the session. I worry that one of these days my lack of forethought is going to write me into a corner I can't get out of

I also genuinely enjoy running ERP games

Every movie that tried to be "so bad it's good" falls flat by not actually being bad enough. Bumbling incompetence can accomplish things deliberate sabotage can only dream of

It has happened to me and I've heard stories from others. You know geeks have sexual urges too, but not a lot of them have much outlets for those.

Psychology is harder to get jobs in, and it's not a major thing for me. More of a passing thought.

I've written erotic fanfiction for multiple campaigns.

I help build everyone's character's since I know the system the best yet I intentionally ignore stat limitations to be the most physically powerful character at the table. But since I have self-control I never just showboat over the party and take a more backseat role in decision making and investigation.

I can't enjoy "serious settings". Unless it lets me play as a ninja-necromancer superspy or smear my naked body with the blood of my enemies before I change into brutal melee it's fucking boring as hell.

List of the things I do:

>Purposefully misinterpret a rule and spread that misinterpretation within the game

>Bring up the rules for something only if it benefits me at the time

>Minmax my characters so that I never have to roll on certain things due to their passive scores being insanely high

>Argue with the DM until he sees shit my way or at least gives in to some of my bullshit

>Make pseudo-edgy characters with redeeming qualities and grey moralities

EVERY single setting I prepare for the next game, is being prepared with a window that lets me create non-human waifu npcs. If I can't make non-humans there WILL be maids.

I can't help It. I don't think It's that blatant but It's entirely possible that my players are simply not that clever to notice there's a connection like that.

I hope you're trolling, but if not then you're really way too much that guy.

I thought about killing myself on the way to last night's session.

Don't do it.

The best part is that I'm incredibly close friends with the majority of the group, so much so that if I leave, they'll almost certainly leave too, and kill the game.

As a control freak and a minmaxer, the exertion of this power gives a pretty good thrill and a decent high. The fact that I'm doing this in a casual environment meant to have fun is makes it even better - the lower the stakes, the greater the thrill.

You want to know the best part, though?
I'm not the worst one. There was a dude who got kicked out for being 10x worse of a that-guy than me. The group is still traumatized by his exploits and behavior, and in comparison I'm nothing - hell, I'm even a saint when put next to him.

But why?

You monster. Sounds fantastic.

The problem is that's what most of them need. I've tried doing this, albeit with one person at a time and not through RPGs. They're problem players because they don't understand, at a very basic level, how social interaction is supposed to work.
You know at this point I think daddy issues villains are the norm and people who do bad shit for the the reasons most people knowingly do bad shit IRL- greed, power lust, and sadism- are the subversion. I'm really fucking sick of people taking poorly written villains, tacking on some "noble" motive that doesn't make sense and doesn't actually make the conflict any more nuanced or complex, then pretending their fucking George RR Martin. Especially since ASOIAF has given us some of the more memorable bastards-who-know-they're-bastards bad guys in recent memory.

Ugh.
Don't try suicide.
>Nobody's worth it
>You're just gonna hate it
>Nobody gives a damn after all

It doesn't work like that. For the players to change, they must realize and accept that what they are doing is wrong and work towards doing something about it.
The kind of people you refer to are usually incapable of that kind of objective, non self-serving introspection, even moreso when they use a victim complex as self defense.
>been there, tried that, it doesn't work unless they could have already did it themselves

Or maybe it's only important in your own head, and no one else cares.

>You're just gonna hate it

Not if I fucking succeed. Also the other two points aren't steering me away.

I shitpost in 5e threads because I`m bitter about my systemfu having no players.

But when you're dead everything that you've said will lose its meaning and fade to grey
Are you ready for that? Wouldn't you rather counterattack instead of leaving your own song unsung?
Can you justify not breathing air into your lungs?

Sometimes, as a player, I cheat close rolls by "forgetting" penalties so I succeed. The GM trusts us somewhat so it usually flies by. If it doesn't, it's excusable as an honest mistake, and I keep it secret.

Once, I fapped to the backstory of a PC. Granted, it was pretty magical-realmy if you read between the lines, but still.

I know this sounds like shit advice and you've heard it 30 times before, but you should see a doctor. they won't magically fix everything, but they can help get the ball rolling.

Then honestly, dude, do it.
Don't halfass it, eat a gun, get it right the first time.
I tried the pill thing, would have worked had the cops not shown because they raided the wrong house.
If you survive, you gain perspective. If you don't, you get what you wanted.

>You're just gonna hate it
What? You're gonna hate...being dead? I don't think you'll be feeling anything at that point, user.

As I see it, it ultimately doesn't matter WHEN you check out, because it's going to happen at some point, to everyone. Yourself, and everyone you know, and everyone who knows them, etc etc forever until the eventual death of the universe, at which point all of humanity and everything else is completely fucked.

If everything is going to end up like that, there's pretty much no reason to care about anything except what you enjoy.

Me too. The worst part is that every group I have loves how I GM and always has a glowing opinion of my games, so I have no incentive to change my ways. In fact, I'm three days behind on my current GM duties. I'll work on it tonight, I promise (I even made a sticky note to do it!).

Also, for my own contribution: I actively hate 90% of gamers. But I love going to game stores and playing there. So it's a horrible cycle of hatred and addiction.

>I don't think you'll be feeling anything at that point, user.
Who the fuck knows? Who can prove that there is no afterlife 'n' shiet?

Been trying for about a week and I can't seem to find a doctor that is taking new patients and will also take my insurance. The only place open so far can pencil me in the second week of October.

That's fucking garbage, but I'd at least try that October appointment before you make the big decision. Maybe in a few years you'll be glad you did.

Wishful thinking for people who find some issue with not existing after you die.

Personally, I would prefer not existing. You just enjoy your time, and then cease to be entirely, with nothing else to ever worry about, do, or think for all of eternity. You won't mind it, because there's nothing left of you to mind. Absolute bliss, to be honest.

>Me too. The worst part is that every group I have loves how I GM and always has a glowing opinion of my games, so I have no incentive to change my ways. In fact, I'm three days behind on my current GM duties. I'll work on it tonight, I promise (I even made a sticky note to do it!).
I openly admit to doing this and my players still can't tell the difference between what I planned out before hand and what I pulled out of my ass after the session already started.

When I bring food for my group, I put some meat in the food for the vegan guy.

Where do you live? I could imagine someone I know saying shit like this.

Vegans are retarded, so no issue there

Does anyone have the anti-suicide copypasta that is basically "life sucks and you want to die? go on an adventure instead"

There's no way I could tell you that, user. You might be a member of my group.

Who the hell is Steiner?

What is your systemfu? It better not be rules-light.

Best GMs I have played with are actually those who pull things out of their ass rather than make detailed plans what's going to happen. Planning types tend to railroad and when their rails break usually the game breaks too as they relied too much on them.

Still, things like maps and stuff are nice, but I don't think one should plan actual story too much.

No, it's Fantasy Craft.
Nobody will ever play with me.

I get the distinct impression that the Dungeon World shitposter in the 5e threads doesn't actually play Dungeon World, given that its not particularly hard to find people online to play DW with.

You are a fucking hero.

I've seen that pasta, user
It's fucking shit.
It assumes people have the disposable income required to fund 'adventures', or the health to endure such a thing.
If you're poor or disabled, or both, it'll just depress you further.

I keep lands in my pockets and usually put at least one or two a game into my hand.

Got into a religious argument with the Muslim guy in the group that left us with some bad feelings. So I baked some vegan cookies for the group next session. I secretly used bacon grease instead of olive oil in the recipe.

Educate yourself: sarna.net/wiki/Lyran_Commonwealth

Hi there dungeon world.

I don't have people to play with and I'm socially anxious. I learn complex system rulebooks by heart, make dozens of character sheets focused on every mechanical aspects I can find and use them during single-player testing sessions. Then I spend my time on forums and boards just helping people with the RAW.

When I do play, I kind of assume everyone is as dedicated as me for some reason and am always disappointed deep down.

As the ancient /pol/acks say: "WTF M9 WAT A FUKIN KEK LMAO."

Like said, the Dungeon World angle that the PF/5E thread shitposter takes is way too in-your-face to actually be someone trying to sell DW at face value. I think it's someone who has an even more obscure system they like (probably some heartbreaker) trying to run the indie darling against the mainstream games that all get more attention that his system of choice.

Are you me?

I cheated my spells prepared when I was a teenager, and though I regret it now, at the time I felt justified because no-one gave me time to prepare spells each day.

I love playing a healbot cleric, I feel like it's my destiny. Thankfully my group has kept the bullying to a minimum though.

I played with my fwb for years and I did not like it. I would rather keep those parts of my life separate.

>When I GM, my games are often based on retro songs
A GM of mine did a shitty campaign he claims was based off the song American Pie. Apparently it's relatively common to do.

>I thought about killing myself on the way to last night's session.
R E R O L L

I always self-insert into my characters. That's not to say I'm trying to Mary Sue, but rather I try to be close to my character so that I can fluently play him at any given moment and never appear out of character. So I approach every character with the mindset of :'What would I do in that moment if I was this person?', and I build them close to myself.

Because of this, I always feel personally insulted when player actions purposefully abuse my character or act disrespectful toward them. I even carry grudges and tend to make plots to kill off other players' characters for slights in other campaigns against my previous characters.

But how you manage the hide the smell of your jizz after you masturbate?

Given the IRL Dungeon World fans I know, I actually would not be at all surprised if he was unironically shilling.

For a while I played monstrous characters trying to get the GM to be fantasy-racist towards me so they would say mean things to me.

I've found the trick is to be strategic with your prep work. Create a good framework of locations, societies and organizations for things to happen in and improvising the fine details is actually really easy. You don't have invent much from the ground up, you just have to ask "what would a tavern in this kingdom's capital look like?," or "What kind of person would this organization place in that position?" It's also good to create a "stable" of interesting and well written characters, locations, organizations, etc. that you don't have any specific plans for but can throw in whenever they're needed is a huge help too.

I've always wondered what's like to single play RPGs and does it really happen. I'd imagine it would be pretty boring since being both player and GM would mean you know everything that's gonna happen.

I also can't get enough playtime, but computer RPGs work well for me. It's just that I've played everything worth playing, so it's often about waiting my memories of games to get hazy enough for a new playthrough.

I've done this sort of freeform roleplay in my head in the same continuity since age 8 or so. I've statted out a lot of the main characters and creatures for use in Savage Worlds but the setting is far too autistic so I'll never use it in a real campaign.

That said most of the "creative" monsters my players like, are ripped off from that world.

>It's also good to create
>is a huge help too.
I'm an idiot

Hello my fellow /pol/ack.

That butthole came to the pathfinder general as well but I think he gave up because the thread is already shit.

I don't ever let go of most of my characters and I've been basically putting them through various stories together since forever.

I do this too, but I don't like it and I'm kind of ashamed by it. I just can't create anything other than some kind self-insert no matter how hard I try to. I really love to play games with premade characters because then I can actually roleplay instead of being myself.

I can't enjoy "original settings". You know, that "actually my dwarves are mermaids based on the Zulus" shit Veeky Forums loves? Or Glorantha? Make me bored out of my goddamn mind. Anything that isn't Tolkienesque Monster Manual Galore with dwarves and elves will be hard-pressed to make me interested and/or invested.

I do actually like solid worldbuilding, intrigue and stuff like that, but I find that well-executed tropes are the best, and will likely avoid a game that attempts to put them on their head or make everyone a lizardman or something.

People try to change shit to be "original" without understanding what made the original work in the first place, and themepark version of real societies aren't actually any more creative and probably even less interesting than generic shit, because we've all seen interesting takes on the standard fantasy races and can incorporate bits and pieces of them to create our own version. With fantasy Zulus you're starting from scratch without any real benefit.

I'm always tempted to play a character with some means of mind-controlling enemies. And allies. And NPC's.

The puppetmaster in me begs to act, but it feels wrong.

What about "original" settings that try and build their own half-assed shit from the ground up?

You do understand that the mudslime is excused of their sin if the pork is forced upon them, or they est it due to trickery. Right?

I just want to ERP /ss/ and incest fantasies in a court intrigue situation ;_;

That also bores me. Elves prancing around in forests and scottish jew Dwarves or bust. Sorry user.

*tips*

I spent most of the last year thinking more about dming than work, and studying advice constantly to try and up my dming game as much as possible (to the point where it is messing with my sleep). I have spent hundreds of pounds on miniatures, I have a major backlog. So, I'm investing a lot. The issue? Time... Next year I'll be married, and the year after probably have a child. I am looking forward to it, but I am also in a secret race; to finally get a full , memorable, fanatastic, awesome quality rpg campaign done, and I DESPERATELY want it to be excellent.

I think most of us appreciate what it feels like when sessions don't go well; dissatisfied with the loss of time or perhaps someone's personality clashes with another's. DMs or players find there is a problem with their game, but it doesn't get solved because it's socially awkward or it's dull but 'good enough'. It was easier to accept mediocrity or frustrations than constructively make changes to make any of it great. If I could go back in time 15 years and start looking more closely at the way I game, the value I had for my hobby, enjoyment, time, the company I kept (and the company I was to other people) I would have all those memories already.

So my secret is that I care a lot more about this stuff that Iet on, and I'm taking it seriously so that when they're old enough, I can blow my children's minds with something they think is amazing.

...