Mages Guild: Best Wizard Staff Edition

This one just uses hir paws....

But they break too easily!
Why don't you use mystical metals instead of mystical wood?
Hm... Aren't you that new kid Lurco adopted or something?

Trust me, your going to need it once you see how much paperwork you have left to do

I don't use a staff, but a sword is probably close enough.
>"Boss, are you comparing me to a stick?"
No, I'm saying you're the best stick.
>"I'll take it."

Uh...yes? It was on business here, and...This one got left behind.

Metal is terrible for handling necromancy, you want a staff that has a connection to the magic you're casting.
Silver? I suppose it's good for some branches of magic but it's a terrible fit for mine. I'll give it points for the design not going overboard like I've seen with some staffs the current generation is using, just look at this thing! Too much decoration, too little staff!
Break too easy? Only if you make them wrong. And if anyone is close enough to break your staff then you have other things you should be worrying about.
I don't doubt it, what's the main bulk of it? Complaints? Applications for new mages? Taxes?

GENTLEMEN

LOOK AT ALL THE STARS

>Crackrockius is twitching around as if he were a walking earthquake

I think I've succeeded in my research of creating a enchantment which allows you to see unseen magic!!

What are you PEOPLE! Discussing?

Pic related, is me

All that plus your renewal contract

I've got to agree with you there. Nothing beats a good old fashioned sword.

Lazarus, are you quite sure that's a staff? It looks like something my brother would sport...

She's hardly a staff, foci sure, but it's no traditional wizard staff.
Wizard staffs, and what's the best material to make them out of.
Right... It's a good thing I have other forms of income considering I'm almost working for free these days.

Hello, I don't believe we've met. Who may you be?

The student I confiscated it from insisted that it was a staff, personally I'm not sure if it should qualify.

Hm, yeah, a talking stick is pretty good...
I see. Well I'm his friend Gluglobul.
What's your name?
Are you sure you just haven't found the right magical alloy, Lazarus?
And what's the point in having a staff if you're too afraid to bash someone over the head with it if they get too close?

How do you consider 3% of the annual budget as "free"?

I would tend to agree with you.

Any luck restoring sentience to the draconic fossil I sent to your department?

>Iris pauses looking at it.
This isn't a staff, it's a ceremonial gnoll sword.

>Loud bubbling noises as he appears in a haze of smoke. It makes you lightheaded
BEHOLD!
>Bubble bubble
MY STAFF!
>Its a bong of incredibly high quality attached to a generic quarterstaff like you could buy in any town in Aen

Oh uh... This one is... Iris. Or, that is what Lurco has named it.

>He'd push out his hand, in an offer to shake your own.
Brell. Brell Oregetha. I was hire on near the end of the winter semester to teach elemental magic, as well as life and adventurer skills.
>He'd flash the man a charming smile
It's pleasure to meet you mister...?

This is Focii-ist. What about those of who don't use staffs? Wand users and Battlemages who channel through swords? Not everyone has as magnificent of a focus as we do. Just like none of you have as magnificent of a focus as /i/ do

I've been using staffs for millennia, it's not so much that I haven't found the right magical alloy as it is that I've found the perfect kinds of wood. Living wood, especially old wood, make amazing Necromancer Staffs. Spines work very well too, but they look terrible so I haven't used those since the Third Age.
You would be surprised how little of that ends up in my pockets. I've been working almost for free since that time I killed the Archwizard. It's a good thing he has a sense of humour.
It hasn't been a priority so I haven't gotten around to it.
That's very likely.
Hmm... I've seen worse.

>Bubble bubble
>Thumbs up

I kind of use, alchemy for most of my work but I do have a staff somewhere, or then I sold it... not really sure...

I'M HAVING!! ..Issues with my memory...

Ah! My brother's replacement.
>The Dragonborn shakes with both hands, bowing slightly and offering a quant smile

I am Professor Glaive Oakenheart, I tend the Dragonology Department. Your students often come to my lectures on draconic hoards and the presentations on dragon combatives. Certainly better than my brother's charges; they only came to see how to slay or seduce Dragons.

I'm sorry I couldn't greet you earlier, I was away on Pilgrimage.

Uh... I have no strong opinions on staves one way or the other?

>He'd mumble under his breath.
Say hello to the narcissist everybody...

>The man would shake his head at this.
I don't understand why everyone has to backstab each other around here. It's completely unnecessary.

Understandable. But please do inform me when you make progress. My lack of knowledge on ancient grooming practices and Aenic Metallic musical theory is proving to be quite vexing.

Nice to meet you Iris. Do you want to go back to your new home or would you like to wait here for your dad to come back?
Incindia, what's the purpose in not having one of every kind of foci?
Uhuh... My staff is still better than yours.

That's their choice to chose a lesser foci, staffs are superior to all variants of the spell focused wizard.
Is it your first staff?
Did you inhale the fumes of one too many potions? They tend to mess with your mind for a bit.
Don't you at least have a staff? Or have I just assumed?
I'll have you know I put the dagger through his chest, and had every intention to bring him back. No permanent harm was done, and I accepted my punishment for the incident it caused.
Very well.
Really? What does your staff do for you then?

Because you can only use one efficiently at a time. Remember that apprentice who tried to patent 'gangsta' style wand use and died horribly due to magical feedback?
MY STAFF IS SUPERIOR!
Doesn't change that they should get a chance to /try/ to prove its better than my staff.

Ah, not to worry my friend.
>He'd return the mans smile with one of his own.
I'm usually away on various adventuring outings with my own students. After all, the arch-wizard doesn't really give us much of a budget, so we've got to make our own! Also, I'm sorry to hear about your brother professor. His theories on werewolf combative procedures are well known throughout the world.

Seriously?

Not cool, Glug.

>Iris hides behind Gluglobul.
Is it always so, falmboyant, no? She scares this one.

>the twitching "mage" would present a jar, filled with crystals in varying colorations

G-g-g-gentlemen!

My latest batch... I haven't had time to name my new invention, but the results are INCREDIBLE the substance is in a crystalline form, and can be dissolved into water, or ingested directly trough the mouth.

YOU SEE!! The effects of this...substance, is that it greatly increases the agressiveness and energy of a..uh...ANYONE! Who were to ingest it.

The dosage is still a problem, because some have died due to presumed overdose

But the preliminary results WOULD IMPLICATE!! that it is a success

You're not supposed to inhale the fumes?

I don' use a staff really. Ne'er saw the point. But e'eryone seemed so focused on them so I went and bought one.
>Shrug
>Bubble bubble

>With a sarcastic tone of voice
Keep telling yourself that sweetie. Maybe it'll come true!

I mean, I have one, but I didn't exactly start learning in a stave-heavy environment. I had bigger concerns than what focus I used.

Of course I am, I'm a pyromancer. I should be all sorts of flaming.
... heh.
I already know its true.

shit, there was a drugomancer already, eh, whoops, although my title has more words in it and is thereby superior :^)

Herbal treatments? I-If I may ask?

>Iris sticks hir tongue while still crouching behind Gluglobul
This one was not talking to it!

>Dankinus is kind of like that one professor in college who has tenure and nobody really knows what he does anymore
What about em?
>Bubble bubble

Hmm... I see your point. It doesn't feel very sporting to humiliate them like that. But if you want to let them make a try, then give them the chance.
Hmm... a bit short and thin perhaps, but otherwise a very traditional geomancy staff. I approve.
Generally? No, it's not advised to inhale thee fumes of the potions while they are still cooking. Am I right to assume you do it every time you make a potion?
I see... more of a lab person then?
A very fair point.

Gods above... We already have a drugged out Arch-Wizard running around, spending half the guilds wealth on cocaine. Do we REALLY need another drugged up hippie wizard around here?

For the first... I wanna say year, year and a half, I didn't even know what a focus was.

Oh don't feel sorry for Dramorn. Pity is the last thing he needs, yet pity and alcohol is the only thing he seems to barter in now.

He'll turn around at some point, then drag me along to fight some unfathomable evil before drowning himself in whores and whiskey again. He's nothing if not predictable. I'm not surprised that the Battle Magic Subdivision is tight on coin, Dramorn always did have trouble acquiring funds from Applied Magic. I would be willing to provide income for your services, however, since Aen seems to be riddled with Draconic relics just beyond my own means.

Why it does many things.
It channels my magic efficiently, it has it's own internal necrotic energy and is able to shoot out necrotic beams, which honestly thinking the metal would probably be extremely suited to channeling necromancy.
Oh, and it's able to be wielded effectively like a mace and is able to strike steel without damage.
Now that's silly. First off, you're implying that having multiple foci means you have to use them all at once, and secondly, the idea that someone actually tried that is pathetic.
Also, your staff sucks compared to mine.
Look, I'm just stating facts. There is at least some kind of mystical metal better suited to channeling everyone's magic.
Yeah, don't worry about her.
She's just hot headed.

Ook

>He'd pat the pyromancer on the head, as if she were a small child with dreams of becoming an astronaut.
Mhm! I bet it's true!

Well that's not nice to do.

Ey man, You lookin' for a fight? Don' diss my department. Even if I have no clue who that kid is.
Nah. Just use my hands. Its how it used to be done ya know?

I made it myself a good 4 or 5 years ago, before the guild. I've no plans to replace it until it breaks.

I would love to see this mystery metal you claim to have.

>The mans brow would perk up at hearing about extra funding.
Do go on Professor... I wouldn't be surprised if some of our recent trophy's are something you might have been looking for.

J-just curious
>stares at the process, eyes glazed

Pardon me
>proceeds to crack a smaller one of the brightly colored crystals into a smaller piece then eats the piece...
I manufacture potions of varying degrees, my laboratorium is constantly filled with fumes, paint fumes, potion fumes, smoke, dragon fumes...

It's a hostile environment, one time my house exploded, no reason why, I was lucky to be out on business...

I'M NOT A hippie...

and secondly, I BRING MONEY IN

instead of draining on the treasury, my PRODUCTS are well sought within the barbarian, orc, and certain mercenary factions...

Although I have met a few druids who have sought me out for the vision-enhancing potions...

>tosses a sack of gold coins at his feet

THERE! MY ...membership FEES!!

>Iris mumbles something
This one does not think it is so nice either.

Ever had third degree burns on the entire surface of your tongue?
SO IT SHALL BE!
PRESENT FOCII!
There are few magically inclined folk who lack a preferred focii to be interested in using others but I suppose you COULD have more than one if you really wanted. I have two I suppose.
>You smell something like cooking meat.
>You should probably check your hand

>He'd attempt to fan the scent of drugs, and shame wafting up from the man away from himself.

Please move back a few feet... you absolutely reek of sadness, shame, and soiled underwear.

>A red portal appears on the ground.

>A Chrome skeleton claw emerges and pulls up a massive dragon made of chrome skeletons

>Between its teeth are the remains of whhat seem to be a flying metal creature, as indicated by wings jutting from the teeth.

>Slowly cheewing, the creature scans the room

"What is going on here?"

Once...On a bet!

Are you setting people on fire?

Stick waving contest.

Ook

As you're well aware, the Metallic true dragons of Aen are long extinct. It is my goal as a cleric of Io to see their return and restore order to the world. However that has been a rather...daunting task? So, barring the completion of that I would see the return of their culture and history, as well as gain insight to their disappearance.

I would be willing to pay handsomely, especially considering the risks involved.

Son, It ain't often I meet someone with less sense than myself these days but you best respect your elders. I'm as old as the Archwizard and I'm the reason why hes always high as a kite. You know what they say, Talk shit get hit.
>Pause
>Bubble bubble
Aite. You like, a new member of my department then? you need a map?
>Bubble bubble
Or a chill pill maybe.

Well that's hardly your fault, it's a shame we still have places with such disregard for magical education. Or the magical arts in general as it is in this case.
Very well, let me tell you what the advantage of mine is. First, it's lighter and better balanced, secondly, it's alive and thus capable of joining me in the Realm of the Dead, and thirdly you're cheating with outsider materials. Is that thing even from our universe?
For the last time, my book is due until tomorrow, you'll have it first thing in the morning.
Fair enough...
Even better, a personalised foci is usually better than a standard one.
Do you make any healing potions? I find that one can never have too many of those. Saves the effort of bringing people back from the dead. Or having to be brought back yourself.
My staff is fairly standard, made from Shadowoak from the Wraithwoods, I've carved it personally and fitted it with the skull of a powerful wizard.

Mystical, not mystery.
Like geomancy can be channeled as greatly through the metal silmarith as any wooden equivalent.
You say something, kiddo?
I have several, just to know I have them.
Also don't threaten one of Lurco's daughters.
YOUR STAFF SUCKS!

Interesting, you wouldn't happen to be a Steel Dragon, would you?

No need for rudeness to our Draconic guest, Master Gluglobul.

>His hand would be perfectly fine actually. After all, he'd be dumping copious amounts of water and ice upon the pyromancer. Not to mention, he's covered his hand Inf heat resistant rock.
You've got quite the 'fiery' temper there I see. Every thought about finding work as a dwarfs furnace?
>He'd flash her a charming smile.

>"Good, debatable, old fashioned, true, but I stil take offense."
I don't take all too much stock in tradition, to be fair.

"I see. I remember doing that in my younger days. Childish things, really. Until, of course, he calls your stick a stick. Back then, a man was disintegrated for saying such heresy."

>Continues chewing the creature

"And who might you be?"

>Menacing glare
"Ill rek u u little fegit, swear on me hellish cuthulhu."

"Chrome, to be exact. I recently was fused into this body."

>today's topic

Hmm...

Didn't a Biomancer bring Obsidia's silver back to life then kill it to harvest a replacement organ?
>Ponders

You know exactly where I learned and exactly why it's like that.

Eh, my first focus was a steak knife

I recreated it in this universe so technically it is.
It's a metal called Necrodermis and it is a living metal.
. . .You've been gone for months, what are you doing here? I know who that guy is, I have every right to talk shit with him.
Bring it on you hunk of junk! I've seen rat traps scarier than you!
>He responds with a cheeky grin

Ook
>goes off to find banana

Ook

>Iris mutters to Gluglobul
These ones are very strange, are they always so boisterous?

I deal in high quality potions, and other digestible temporary enchantments.

Like these crystals... try them out man, you'll get off your ass and do all the things a hundred times over...makes you feel like a king...trust me... good stuff.
>tosses a crystal shard

That should be enough for at least 3-5 doses.

I'm not really sure of the medicinal applications of my products, I seem to only be able to accidentally kill some test subjects... Then again I use the nearby orc village as a testing ground, their warlord is highly amused by the results of most of the tests...

Then I've definitely got a few things for you my friend! Just the other week, my students and I cleared out a kobold clans lair. Turns out they had a massive statue at the back which they were worshiping.

Some of my students had it examined and it turned out it might be one of the artifacts you seek.

Huh. Not the answer I expected.
Not my fault.
Meteorite Metal with a Solarum crystal focus. Because it's not a proper staff if it isn't explosive.
Also the grimoire, But its not as cool. I threaten whomever I please.

A freaking dragon! AND IT'S NOT TRYING TO KILL ME FOR ENTERING THE KITCHEN

HA-HA... I MUST HAVE TAKEN A BIT TOO MUCH

But where's the gnome?

Thank you.

Do you have a single fact to back that up?

>He stares at it before tossing the crystal into his mouth, Theres a pause and then a bubble bubble
You pass.
I' would teach you, provided you're here for that.
>bubble bubble
Whaddya call it?

Also, you're lighting the floor in fire at this point...
>He'd conjure up a good sixty gallon ball of water over her head.
>He'd then drop it on her in an effort to extinguish her.
You know the rules Missy!

Indeed!
>His professional demeanour is barely restraining the excitement of a giddy child
You are one of Aen's ancient Metallics?!

Pardon?

I made pilgrimage to Azahad, where a great shrine to Io lay within the ribs of the ancient dragon Ja'Hazad, guarded by the Tweleve Azure Blades of the Blue Dragonlord. It was quite an impressive site. Afterwords I traveled to the Guild of Cloth to treat with the cultists of Tiamat and the Brotherhood of the Silvered Wing, a monastic order to Bahamut, that resided there. I returned just in time for this meeting.

Indeed? I would very much so like to see this effigy after the proceedings.

Well I do. And as such, robe, hat and staff are all essential to own as a wizard. Have you always had your sword or have you ever had other focii Adam?
Which is why I shall not name it. And really, a Biomancer brought the old scales back to life? Do you know how?
Well, I don't like it. Metal shouldn't be alive, it's not how things should be.
Don't worry, I won't forget again.
Well if you find something that can close wounds without too many side effects, let me know. I'm glad to hear you've been able to find test subjects that don't complain, that's not something to scoff at.
Meteorite Metal? I suppose that does make for a good base for explosive spells considering the impact it makes as it hits the ground.
Did you make the material as well, or did you go out an gather it?

I got her a few years back. Before that it was all mental focus to cast. Figure out planar alignments for a bank of spells to cast every morning, cast until my mana reserves are tapped.

This one is very brave, yes! Shi has licked many things on a bet!

Id be more than happy to show you it professor. I'll conjure it from my personal demi-plane after the meeting is over. Along with a few other things I've been keeping since I started adventurering.

Meteorite metal is a great pyromancy focus, It burns up in the atmosphere and then explodes when it impacts. difficult to obtain in meaningful amounts though.

Eh, we're getting extra loud and shouty today because of staves.
Well fine, but just to let you know I learned hydromancy.
I know a guy that went on to prove the effectiveness of mystical metals as the material for staves for foci use.
Yo, I did not ask what you have been up to, I asked what you were doing here.
You just don't want to admit my staff is better.

"Interesting choice. Few I have seen use weapons. That few is millions, but still."

"You want to duel, little man?"

"Ook."

"Hmph. Everyone assumes a dragon is only out to kill them for some reason."

>He says this as he crunches down on the metal creature and proceeds to swallow it.

"I am unsure. I've only recently found this thing, and initially it was in a fight to save the guild tower from a crack made mountain."

Eek