STORY TIME

None of these stories are true. I don't mean that as 'all stories on Veeky Forums are fake', I mean this thread, specifically.

Don't you fucking get it, that's the point Z it's a copypasta to piss anyone with half a brain off

You have to go back

You have to go back
You have to go back

You have to go back
You have to go back

You have to go back
You have to go back

You have to go back
You have to go back

You have to go back
You have to go back

You have to go back

other guys say this is bait
i'm fucking taking it;
you are trash.
YOU
are That Guy.
You insufferable asshole.

>little shit at the FLGS
>prolly about 14-15 yrs old
>we're all certain he had been stealing bits and pieces, both from players and off the shelves.
>there were tons of rumours about it, even from some of his so-called buddies
>repeatedly heard he was a klepto and sneaky asshole in general
>never managed to catch the little sneak red-handed or with any of the goods though
>decide to go vigilante on his ass
>it's one winter gaming night, getting dark early
>I leave early and lurk outside, waiting for the thieving little fuckwhistle to head home
>got a nice egg-sized rock in my pocket
>cautiously follow him a few blocks
>line up my shot
>the eggrock of justice sails through the air and bounces off the back of his head
>yelp of shocked pain
>it looked like he was going down to the ground but I didn't hang around to observe
>run through some back alleys, trying not to laugh out loud
>hear later that his mom forbade him to come to that part of town again
>apparently they're a Polish family and she thinks it was a neo-Nazi hatecrime or some shit
>never see the kid in the store again
>I do see him around town sometimes though
>always greet him with "Hey man, how's it going!" with a big friendly smile
>shit still went missing from the store

I didn't know it was a fucking copypasta until I posted. Holy shit, who took a fucking shit in your coffee?
Also to >48610589 go back to /pol/ and watching your BBC porn you fucking faggot.
I'm done with Veeky Forums and the internet for tonight.

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>I didn't know it was a fucking copypasta until I posted

the odds of you unintentionally getting every character in the exact same place as the postings on March 2 and March 8

are lower than the chances that the makers of D&D will ever field an unbroken system within the lifetime of the universe

What the fuck are you talking about? I'm not the first poster you fucking retard. I'm the fucking retard who answered . What the fuck is wrong with you people, I come back on to jack off and I say "well, maybe Veeky Forums is back to be normal", and then this shit happens. Fuck it, I'm not in the mood anymore, I'm going to /gif/ to watch someone being tortured and killed.

>I didn't know it was a fucking copypasta until I posted.

How is this even possible?

I've only seen it a few times myself. Is it new or less popular than, say, katanas are underpowered?

This is from Tuesday night's game. This campaign has been wonderful.

>Be a Rogue Trader
>My Arch-Militant and Astropath are stuck under ground fighting a massive, insane AI
>Have had my Archivist figure out how to turn the fucking thing off
>We have the information
>The AI has blocked all communication
>No radio, no nothing
>Buuuuuuuuuuuuut my Arch-Militant knows Morse code
>We bombard the planet's surface in Morse code
>The bad news is that hundreds of thousands die
>The good news is that hundreds of thousands who might've resisted our eventual invasion are dead
>And we shut off the homicidal AI

The campaign has been beautiful.

Not bad

>The bad news is that hundreds of thousands die
The Imperium kills more people while making coffee.

>Nuking the planet dozens of times to send a message in an archaic, outdated language
That's the 40K spirit!

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That is a fantastic thing. Thanks for posting it.

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I've got more stories from the campaign if ya'll are interested.

>Be running Pendragon
>That guy begs and begs to play a lady knight
>annoys me so much I relent (now know I should have stood my ground)
>thirty years into campaign
>Group of mostly second gen PC's, including lady knight
>go to kill giant family
>kill one almost instantly
>bigger brother shows up
>much, MUCH, bigger brother
>Knights thinking tactically, take him down by lance charging and retreating while another pair lance charges
>lady knight and another charge
>roll rolls for stomp
>both crit
>Knights and horses turned to red paste
>lady Knights first quest
>other knight went on this quest to prove self to his love
>players absolutely stunned and melancholic for the rest of session
>legitimately feel terrible, players all tell me that was the most emotionally draining session of the game they ever played
>reading rules for unreleased reason later
>Knights on horses are too big to be stomped by Giants
>would have had to use club smash instead, only one knight would have died
>but it would have been the good players knight as he was attacked first
>lady knight would have lived
>never tell anyone

>Asking if Veeky Forums is interested in stories.
Bitch you know the answer!

Lostinkeks

I've read this story before, you can't fool me.

Fair enough.

So the characters;

>Arch-Militant
A psychotic, homicidal professional. Hired by my character's family to protect him. He runs a blood-arena in the bowels of the ship and has a real fetish for Power Fists and their ilk.

>The Archivist
A strange creature of uncertain humanity. Has a tendency to emerge from shadows dramatically. No one is quite sure who hired him on the ship. My character has assumed this was another family hire but is far too lazy to check-- it is more than likely he is an anthropomorphization of Archive itself, in truth.

>The Astropath
A naive, unhinged psyker who is convinced they have a deep and personal friendship with the Emperor. Often claims to have long discussions with the Emperor while meditating. Lacks arms. As a biomancer this isn't as big a hindrance as you might assume.

>Rogue Trader
My character. A shameless, selfish, vainglorious momma's boy who absolutely had nothing to do with the untimely death of his older brother. But his brother's death secured him heirship of the family Writ. It's a coincidence, really. A moron when it comes to most things EXCEPT ship-to-ship combat.

That about sets the stage. Choose your story.
>The Humiliation of House Flander
>Shopping for Planets #RogueTraderThings
>Bloody Barter Swaps

I have more pendragon stories, if it would so please the members of this fine court.

Yes please

>>The Humiliation of House Flander

Anyone got the story about the paladin bonding with a dwarf over their hatred of orcs and at the very end of the story the paladin is revealed to be a half-orc and the dwarf lets go of his hand causing the paladin to fall to his death?

Did you have to ruin the ending man?

Righto. So this one took place at pretty much the start of the campaign. My character comes from House Voort and our sworn enemies are those of House Flander. My DM took this and ran with it.

As you might--or might not--know, in the Koronus Expanse one of the biggest ports of call is Footfall. Notably, it has no central authority EXCEPT when a Rogue Trader arrives. Thereafter, the most senior Rogue Trader on Footfall is the de facto leader. It's weird, but it is meant to preserve the impartiality of the station. Or something.

We arrive at Footfall and spend some time really enjoying being the big dicks on station. The Arch-Militant gets more Power Fists, the Archivist does creepy stuff all by himself, and the Astropath reads a shit ton of sermons.

Unfortunately we catch word that a Captain from House Flander is coming to the station-- and what's worse, he's more senior than I am. Lord-Captain Voorhees von Voort will not stand for that. I set the Archivist to dig into this Captain; we find out that he has settled over 19 planets for the Imperium and is basically Mister Perfect. Also he likes a specific brand of amasec.

Soooooo I blew most of our profits buying up that amasec. All of it. All of it on the station, all of it from the nearby traders. All of it.

When he got there, I invited him to dinner and served the absolute worst amasec available. It ruined the filet mignon but forced him to either be an absolute boor, an ungracious guest, by requesting something better OR just drink it. And he drank it. He drank two bottles of it as I dragged that dinner out as long as possible.

And once he was done sucking down sour, sub-par amasec I had my Archivist make a presentation in which we flattered him by recognizing all of his deeds-- listing off every planet he had declared an Imperial colony. And when that was done, my Astropath innocently asked how expensive it had been funding the settlements out of pocket.

cont.

The Flander Captain was confused until my Archivist explained that there was not a single record of any colony receiving the usual provisions and equipment from the Administratum. I clarified that we assumed he was funding the colonies out of pocket-- the alternative would be that he was nominally settling colonies and then abandoning them to their fates once he'd gotten the accolades.

I then asked if it was really 19 planets he'd settled, or perhaps only 18.

And that's how we got a planet to colonize for ourselves.

HA! That's great

I don't get it.
If he'd been making the colonies and then abandoning them, why would you even need to bother asking for his permission?

We talked about it during the session. If we'd just exposed him for the failed colonies, we would be inviting an real blood-feud with House Flanders. We weren't equipped for that.

If we just took them from him, we likely would've provoked the same thing if only because they'd want to cover it up.

This way we leveraged them and legally had the colony under our name. And forced the bitch to suck down sour amasec for a couple hours. I can't stress enough how important it was for me to spend several metric tons of money to make my nemesis feel marginally uncomfortable for an entire meal.

The problem was that, on the books, they were functioning colonies. This play gave us wiggle room if we fucked things up. Which we did. Do. We fuck up a lot.

>Arthur just crowned king
>big party at Carlion to celebrate
>all sorts of events, wrestling, shield throwing, races, animal fights, etc.
>Time for swimming
>players never upgrade swimming skill so they assume they are going to fail
>oh boy
>half of them fail
>half of them critically fail
>drowning, failing con checks
>squires run to fish them out
>multiple squires fail squire rolls
>friends of players go I
>all failures
>mass of drowning squires and Knights
>table cracking up
>King Arthur laughing aproariously
>group is christened the "Salisbury Swim Team"

here's a story. No idea what it is, I can't preview images when uploading, so I just clicked on something that looked like a chan screenshot.

... well it's certainly a /kind/ of story.

>be me
What a retard.

You, sir, are a credit to Rogue Traders everywhere.

Bump

Any fuck-ups worth remembering?

>I am That Guy
It's okay. We understand.

>Playing D&D 2nd Edition after everyone had a big pizza from a local chain.
>Group is AWESOME. Half are part of a college improv club. Fair ratio of males to females. You couldn't wish for a better group.
>Party is in a low-level Gygaxian dungeon. They're trying to sneak up on a garrison of orcs. >SRS bidness.
>Players are quiet and super tense. They haven't taken a risk like this before and are all keyed up. So they're in full strategy mode.
> DM knows that orcs aren't showing up at all in this section of the dungeon, but is a veteran pokerface. The entire chamber is really empty.
>One guy playing a cleric starts his turn and begins to state his intentions, but then farts. Loudly and uncontrollably.
>Everyone else laughs.
>Breaking wind doesn't mean Cleric breaks character tho! With no reaction and complete deadpan, "We found the orcs, I can hear them growling!"
>DM CHANGES EVERYTHING ON THE FLY, pointing to the player and saying, "Yes! The orcs failed to sneak up on the party, you have thwarted an ambush!"
>DM creates a party of orcs on the spot, based on the player's positive integration of flatulance into the campaign.
>DM also grants bonus roleplaying XP.
>Other players happily follow along, "These are the worst smelling orcs we've ever encountered," etc.

Urban Legend or not, it makes me want to reconsider just "dropping in" on a game at LGS.

I lol'd

more stories

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I don't have the slav-drow elves cap.
I love that cap.
Also have this cap.

I do.

Thanks user.
You're good people.

One group, multiple campaigns
>playing ravenloft that DM adapted to 5e before actual book was announced
>at some point, find deck of many things
>one player draws, get shit loads of gems
>another player draws, gets sent to a tiny bubble prison in space where monstrosities torment him
>everybody freaks out
>compulsive liar character/party "leader" takes the deck to stop crazy shit
>instead draws cards, fights an avatar of death, gets a free level, and becomes owner of a mansion
>then destroys deck/gets rid of it to "stop all the crazy shit"

Then my game, home brew setting
>party going through dungeon
>find senile old elf who makes worthless silly magic items, along the lines of orb of slope detection
>party decides to take elf with them
>elf says "oh, that sounds wonderful, first let me go check my deck of many things"
>playing online, but party goes quiet and I can tell they're on edge after the ravenloft shit
>elf exits through side door
>one member follows
>describe the door exiting out to "an outdoors platform, made of wooden planks. On the platform are several objects (jacks, a bike, blah blah)"
>elf picks up a marble, turns to party member- "ah, this is my deck of many things! Impressed?"

Afterwords, two of the players who were in the same room told me how when I mentioned a deck of many things, their eyes went wide and they looked at each other slowly and just went "oh, fuck" quietly. The joke had the intended effect, and they loved it.

Story time:
>Playing DnD as usual.
>Party needed to get through a forest because we were supposed to be diplomats.
>The forest was a short cut to the meeting place, supposedly.
>I was playing a ranger at the time, there was a druid, a wizard and a fighter. We had a warlord too but he had gone on ahead.
>The party comes to rest for the night and we finished the last of our food that night.
>Fighter is on the night watch first but I sneak out to kill some things, I couldn't be assed waiting for timorrow to get it done.
>Kill a couple of rabits and down an owl.
>Meat's good and nobody will argue with good meat.
>Return to camp and sleep.
>Get woken up by the druid.
>Says he feels that something isn't right.
>All of a sudden huge bears start steamrolling the camp.
>There are like four of them.
>A few bears is nothing to us, but non of us are doing any damage to the furry tanks.
>Wizard casts fire and missess, badly.
>Burns down a couple of trees.
>Every fucking animal in the place becomes feral and just destroys him.
>Fighter and druid grab me an run, warlord arrives and asks what the fuck is going on.
>Gets attacked by bears.
>Fails his roll to run away.
>Get lost in the forest for a little bit.
>By the time morning rolls around and we find the village, the warlord is already there looking pissed.
>I sneak off from the earful we're being given to sell the pelts from last night.
>Ask if something is wrong with the forest.
>"There? Nope, the sipirits let us take whatever we need as long as we don't kill any animals."
>I realise exactly what I did.
>Buy provisions and manage to convince the party to get out of the village.
>Days later we get news of the village being destroyed by were-beasts.
>Apparently days later it all became forest land.
And I regret nothing.

You're a horrible person. I hope you die in a fire.

That's pretty cool.

It's copypasta.

Anyone got some good Mage or L5R stories? Those tend to be quite good.

Can confirm I've never heard a bad L5R story.

>Be playing L5R
>Nothing memorable happens
>The end?

I had a rough night, last night. Still, I should of known better that it was fake, but I took the bait and by than I looked like a bumbling retard. So....sorry?

It's mostly because he's posted this story multiple times on Veeky Forums.

This is from 2 weeks ago.
>playing D&D 3.5 for the first time, just finished my character back story
>Mordrin Coalmined, eldest son of a coal merchant, taught from an early age to respect coal, learn from coal, and die, to become more coal.
>I cast aside my inheritance to join a adventurers party passing through, my knowledge of stonework, and appraisal getting me the spot, as a FIGHTER.
>My dear beloved friends...none of them wanted to be a druid, or a ranger. Or a cleric.
And so
>First time player, friends give me the super important job that only I can do.
>"You like divine magic right? And maces and you get to curb stomp undead, and you are the best one here at keeping everyone from fighting.
My friends knew I was new, they...did things to my character sheet. Horrible things.
>Mordrin coalmined, cleric..

2 sessions in

>Sleeping in the inn, my character isn't used to the fluffy deathtraps humans call featherstuffed beds.
>I roam the inn, find the teams rogue/archer/cool guy. His name was Armalos. (Not making this up)
>He is doing shady shit. I keep hidden like a good dwarf.
>Hear a yell from outside
"We have the inn surrounded, prince Armalos, we know you are in there."
>He decides to shoot an arrow with a potion tied to it
>Flubs roll, inn is now on fire.
>Party is now awake, running downstairs
>Armalos runs for the back door
>Uses strength check to break door
>Fails, bounces off door
>Hulking man slashes an axe through the door, barely missing him
>Armalos isn't afraid, goes for point blank shot under pressure
>Flubs it critically
>Bow string snaps, angry axe man goes for strike, gets burnt to a crisp by our mage. Chandra
Chandra and Armalos flee together, mordrin, our fighter, Schwarze and our second mage Jace prepares to flee together.
>Front door kicks in, official looking official guy walks in

>First time player, rolls diplomacy
>Perfect 20
>DM informs me I have to explain myself
First of all, I'm a horrible speaker and prefer not to think of a speech on the fly..
>Official: whats going on here
>Mordrin: I am a simple cleric of St.Cuthbert, I awoke this night surrounded by fire and screaming, these 2 and I burst from our rooms to help whomever needed help.
>Official: and you were the only one already in armor? We're you prepared for this.
>Mordrin: no, a true dwarf fights in his armor, dines in his armor, sleeps around in his armor, and when the wife finds out, dies in his armor.
Honestly I love the feat that lets me sleep in armor and never take it off. no more waking up naked and fighting wolves.
5 minutes later we were enlisted to find, and capture the prince, who ran away with a foreign ambassadors daughter Chandra.

Still working on that one.

D&D 3.5 super epic i tried to GM my instructions were as follows:
Create a super BBEG
Cause destruction
Try to kill us
>5 of them, 2 mages, 1 cleric, 1 fighter 1 rogue
>All of them super veterans, I am a first time DM.
>I made my own monsters for this event.
>The great demon spider has awoken, and his minions are spreading. Stealing humans and killing everything in their path.
>Session 1, they steamroll my scouts, using their demigod levels of power.
>Session 2 they enter the BBEGs lair properly, spiders a little harder to kill. Still running rapidly
>Session 3 half eaten corpse of a bear is found, giant tarantula attacks, from the shadows above. Killed in 3 rounds
>Session 4 a horde of tiny fast scaled spiders attacks, from everywhere, shitting webs constantly and are poisonous. Nearly killed a fighter, cleric fixed him instantly. pace starts to slow once they pass the webbed remains of a wyvern.
>Session 5 cave opens up into a large antechamber. A single gigantic spider is waiting, it's body impossibly big, and seemingly bouncy. The spider lunges and is evaded effortlessly, fighter decides to strike it with his favourite flaming vorpal god blade of holy shit this thing is op.
>Blade shears spider leg, like butter, before the leg forms itself back together.
>Spider counters with a "go fuck yourself" grapple roll, succeeds by 10 billion. Fighter is grappled, spiders body slightly oozing to cover the fighter.
>Mages start shooting magic like crazy, cleric trying to heal the fighter.
I broke a pencil
>*Snap* the fighter has perished.
>Fighter player is like, whatever, I can Rez.
>Spider dies shortly afterwards.
>"A small spider flees from the corpse"
Rogue rolls a reflex to stop it, rolls a 1 fails by 3, felt bad, but it saved me.
>Fighter is back to life, minus a level, no problems.
>Session 6 a horde of armored spiders attacks from the front, a small group of tiny web shitters attacks the mages from above, super effective as it turns out. Mage#1 dies from poison.

>Mage freaks out because they had no way to safely fix him. Until they rested.
>Everyone blows all their shit to clear out the tunnel, rogue traps everything and they bunker down.
>Everyone uses spot periodically through their watches, each of them fail to notice the spider that hatches from the mages body, and crawls away.
>Session 7 freshly rezzed, party sets out to finish this long ass dungeon of endurance.
>Morale is low. Tired of fighting boring spiders.
>Unleash my only non spider monster at my disposal.
>They enter a room, blow through the monsters, and find a treasure chest.
>It's a mimic.exe
>They poke the chest, no response, they shoot the chest, Nada
>They open the chest, inside is 20k gold, numerous gems, and a small box.
>Rogue player forgets the magic words and grabs the box.
>Cleric player realizes too late. Yells NOOO, as I say," you hear a string snap as you pull the box out.
>Floor under the rogue collapses, drops him 100ft, knocks him out.
>Rescue party begins, fighter drops down, reaches for the rogue, rolls reflex, makes it, and kills a small spider on the rogue.
>Drags the rogue up, safely. Chest is lost.
>Session 8 players enter a large room, across which a spider with a large tentacled mouth stands waiting.
>Psionic bullshit begins, players bitch about psionics immediately. Retcon it, instead it's a large spider, made up of many small spiders, which swarm the cleric, cleric says fuck off but lives, the mages blast AOE like mad, fighter and rogue throw liquid fire at it.
>Spiders mob the rogue, manage a kill, (mostly due to a very lucky roll on damage, and because I misread how much potential damage I had.)
>Mages laugh, pour more power in it. AoE so hard nothing but dust is left.
>Rogue is revived,
>Session 9
>Nothing much of interest this session. Rogue failed to notice the tiny spider leaving him. Had to convene early due to a nearby fire.

Session 10: the finale, redux, extended cut, the revenge of the spiders.
We decided to hold a marathon game, roughly 20 hours to finish my game.
>Players fight through hordes of strange spiders, fire breathing ones near a dragon, furry clawed ones near a werewolf, and my personal favorite, a human headed spider with hands on the end of each leg, each holding weapons. Near the corpse of a drider.

>Team oblivious doesn't notice the connection somehow, kinda depressed me a little.

>Enter the spider demons lair properly, a gigantic chamber lined with gold and dead bodies.
>Big humanoid spider. Claps his hands at the party. "Welcome brave adventurers, are you ready, to die? I hope you don't mind, I brought some friends" *snaps fingers* I put duplicate figures of my friends models, (and 2 of the same mage) but I attached 8 spider legs to them. Minus the cleric.
>Who then rolls reflex so fast I didn't even ask yet.
>Tiny spider leaps for freedom, into the demon kings Hand, who laughs. "FINALLY, the final piece i needed AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAH"
The demon spider thing throws the spider at the corpse pile, which climbs into a body and reanimates it, into a humanoid black armored spider beast holding a faintly glowing mace.
"I am making humans better, stronger. And more willing to serve, they only need to pledge loyalty, or I can always make them myself, with a corpse and a baby spider which you so easily provided to me.
>Team is fighting a pure mirrored 5v5
>Nearly 20 rounds of combat, they get super serious, lucky dodges, insane crits and manage to win. Minus a rogue and mage.
>Rogue: blocked the cleric, died from fireball.
>Mage: fighter spider hit him hard, then the rogue spider instakilled him

>When the last one falls, the tiny spiders run back to the demon spider.
>Demon spider swells, get larger, grows gigantic horns, loses humanoid appearance, looks like a spider with more legs, and a horned head.
>Finalboss.jpg

>Fighter charges in the name of Pelor
>Cleric prepares to support prays to St.Cuthert
>Mage says fuck it and runs away
>Everyone looked at the mage like he just shit his pants.
>Fighter strikes the BBEG with his Pelor blessed weapon, shattering his weapon, and the enemies defenses
>St.Cuthert decides to help, for one time only, grants the cleric access to a single spell, of his own devising.
>Mage teleports to his house, and cowardly goes to bed.
>Cleric hands me a slip of paper, I nod and he starts rolling and talking.
>St.cuthbert Lend me your strength, so that I may smite this one so evil as to forget his place. I cannot knock sense into him on my own, please heed my call and..."BRING THE PAIN TO THE FOOLISH"
>The roof of the cave explodes, daylight streams in, demon spider cowers "impossible, you can't do this, you cheated, your cheaters, your deities helped you this isn't fair LLOTH SAVE ME HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE
>*A gigantic mace of light slams down, it's lawful influence Sears the demon as it cowers in fear as it is smashed into the ground. A cracking sound is heard and the mace explodes, sending out waves of intense holy light, healing all within the room*
>Their help unneeded. The deities leave. And the light disappears, leaving the light of the moon to illuminate the freshly resurrected bodies as the people cried out to their saviors.
>The formerly dead rogue and mage. Slowly rise unbelieving even as they witness the charred remains of the demon.

Good end achieved, except for one...

And that's the story. Hope someone enjoyed it.

If this thread is up in the morning, I have a short little Shadowrun story I'd like to tell.

I'm down.

>Make a blessed decanter of endless water.
>Set it to 'waterfall.'
>Spray the legions of hell.
I want to play a cleric/artificer.

...

Morning Veeky Forums, I see the thread's still around, so let me grab a bit of caffeine and then I'll share the tale of Praveen the tech-spirit.

L5R you say?
>playing L5R for the first time.
>I've rolled up a Phoenix clan Shugenja.
>I have no idea what the fuck I am doing.
>the character gets steamrolled in the first fight, so in the second encounter one of the other players starts pointing out what my character can do.
>the GM rules me knowing how to properly run my character counts as metagaming.
>further, if the other players continue to help me, he won't punish them. Instead he will punish my character. That way I'll get mad at them for trying to be helpful.
>the games dies not long after that.

>Praveen the Tech-spirit.

So a few years ago, a group of Shadowrunners found themselves in the middle of a highly secure data center with a dead Decker, and no way to contact either our Rigger (who was busy anyway on account of our getaway vehicle being spotted) or our intel guy. In retrospect it wasn't the best planned mission.

Our Decker's last act had gotten us the data we'd been sent for, but we'd been intending to supplement our initial payment by looting all sorts of valuable data and hardware and selling it on the side. The problem was, that without the Decker we had absolutely no idea what to grab or how to properly grab it. So how does a trio of non-technical Shadowrunners (a Gun-Sam, Infil-Sam, and a Mage to be precise) decide what to steal from a corps datacenter? They do what any other technologically-outclassed person would do: they call tech-support! Except with more magic and dead people, because it's the Mage who's calling.

Well, to be honest we weren't actually trying to call tech-support per-se, we were trying to get in contact with our Decker, but the Mage botched shit hard. Instead of our recently-deceased hacking expert, we got Praveen, an India-born junior Server Admin who'd died from a stress-induced aneurysm in that very room, and had somehow wound up bound to the machine he'd been working on. You can imagine how thrilled we were.

What a shite dm.

We debated trying to summon the Decker again, but time was getting short and while the spirit seemed pretty out-of-touch with reality, he did supposedly know what was where and how it worked. So, since we figured it wasn't a good idea to open with "Hi, we're robbing this place, what's valuable" we had the mage tell him the datacenter was on fire and we were there to do an emergency backup. I want you to imagine a small, tech-illiterate, emo-looking chick relaying the heavily accented and confused instructions of a dead IT guy to a heavily armed Troll and an Orc in ninja gear as they run around hitting buttons and grabbing servers. It was a complete shit-show.

Between the language barrier, our own lack of tech-skills, the confusion over what we were doing, and the way everything had to be relayed via a game of telephone it wasn't long before the datacenter actually was on fire. The discussion devolved into screamed expletives on our side and a mix of lectures and apologies on his, and we were about to just give up and grab the shiniest-looking servers. Then after the tenth or so reiteration of "No, no, no, that is not what I said! Kindly be of attention and follow Corp policy!", our Mage admitted (screamed really) that we didn't care about Corp Policy as we were Shadowruns there to steal shit. There was a pause then an "Ohhhhhh, you should have said!", and then a torrent of far simpler directions.

>new to call of Cthulhu
>Other players help me out
>Somehow I am targeted constantly for sanity loss
>I go to a hospital for a few weeks, while I'm not even playing a friend tells me to roll medical on top of it.
>While in the hospital. I suffer a psychotic break, go insane
>Call bullshit, GM says it's legit
>Never play with him again

He was a pretty shitty player too. Metagamed like crazy, and would threaten to quit games if he didn't get his way.

After that Praveen got a lot more helpful, even giving us instructions on how to lock down the data-center's external doors (unplug a certain pair of servers at exactly the same time) and scramble the Corp's comm system (move a wire from its current jack in a server to the taped over one next to it labeled "NO"). In fact he was so useful that we decided to grab the server he'd been bound to by the Corp's mages (because every time they'd exorcised him the payroll system had stopped working, so they figured it was easier to just keep binding him until the got around to upgrading the system). We took the loot back to our base (after the usual Shadowrun shenanigans, which thankfully didn't result in any more deaths), and wound up connecting the out-of-date payroll server to our network, giving Praveen free run of our base until we got around to exorcising him.

Praveen wound up floating around our base, offering occasionally useful tech assistance to us and our friends when asked, and otherwise just being a comically racist caricature and excuse for our DM to talk in funny accents. We liked him, and even after we properly freed him, our various Mages (the initial summoner got perforated by a Doberman she didn't sense coming next run, and we went through about one a run for a while after that) would call him to help with technical problems. We once even went an entire run without any real hackers, just a Shaman with a datajack who followed his instructions, it was a terrible idea in retrospect, but at least nobody died that time (And it was a nice one-off session for while the guy who usually played a hacker was off on summer holidays)

All in all, he was one of the more memorable and useful contacts we picked up.

Might as well help keeping the therad afloat with a short story how good intentions rarely yield desirable results, especially when grenades are involved.

>Deathwatch
>Stealth mission with the directive to perform tactical sabotage, targeted assassinations of key personnel and exfiltrate unnoticed from a remote Tau research facility located in a remote mountain range

>As you can imagine, the base is on full alert, with trail of ruin and desolation left in the Kill-Team's wake
>The group emerges on a landing strip on the top level of the facility, where they are see their welcome party
>Half a cadre of Tau warriors, supported by crysis battlesuits, XV88s and pathfinder spotters
>The team immediately dives for cover
>But not brother Arkio
>Brother Arkio frenzies and charges across the 60 meter surface with no cover to rip and tear disgusting xeno flesh
>To his credit, made it almost halfway through before going into negatives and losing consciousness
>

That was a whole lot of fucking words for
>Shadowrun
>our decker died and we needed to know how to steal a NEXUS we whined at our DM until he let us fuck the rules and summon a free spirit
>spirit turns out to be stereotypical Indian IT guy, despite the fact that it's not setting appropriate
>lolololololol, we decided to keep him because it was so lolrandom

Sorry user, typing a lot doesn't make a pointless story any better. Thanks for sharing, but fuck off back to Veeky Forums with the purple prose bullshit.
yes, I am mad. It pains me to read through something like three pages of text and discover that not only was there no punchline, there wasn't even a joke

See, short and to the point: space marine be stupid, space marine fall down.

Just because you didn't like the story doesn't meant it was a bad story. The thread is about stories from your games, not shitty jokes that were made. Are you upset that people have fun in a way which you do not approve of?

Ah, wrongbadfun

It's just not a very good story worth of sharing, is all. Calm your tits.

>artificer with a super soaker
yes

...