Hey you

Fucking hell at the christ fags in here.

I assist this angered father by kicking the stall owner as he is on ground.

It has always been my policy to be the kicker, not the kicked.

Deus Vult-mind.

Well, I'm playing a righteous paladin so he'd act almost sickeningly nice and good about the whole thing like he'd duct taped down the paragon interrupt key.

Though I might try and feign outrage at the price. 20 coppers!? What was she stealing, an entire barrel? Come now, it's worth half that at most.

And for the low, low price of just three silvers I won't haul him off for trying to elicit a bribe from a noble.

I'm sorry, your backtalk distracted me. I meant five silvers.

>Make a perception check to see if they're actually in cahoots with one another to scam people out of copper pieces with no real risk for her

But if they honestly aren't, take her with us and train her and be her family if she didn't have one

Rolled 5 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

I never rolled before and messed up big time

Rolled 6 (1d20)

You did so well I'm not sure what you rolled.

Can't see shit cap'n

See

Okay pay him 2 gold for the fruit.
Then the little kids getting stern lecture about stealing, and how she has to clean the vestry for two months.
being a cleric is awesome.

Can I use the goat girl as a ram to defeat her attacker and teach her a valuable lesson about self defense?
Is that within the rules?
I have a plus to strength.

"Ain't my problem, she probably just thought that I looked like the most likely person to bail her out, should've went with an old lady instead. That said, if your prick leaves your trousers while you 'give her a piece of your mind,' I'm gonna shoot it off and leave you to bleed." (Roll intimidate)

>and she just fingered you

Dirty

>No goat eyes
Ain't a demon.

>Oy vey, 15 coppers? What do you need 10 coppers for?
And then I proceed to leave having spent 5 coppers on a goat demon loli I can probably sell for way more at the nearest slave market.

"Insolent peasant! You dare try to extort money from me, and with such an insulting, paltry sum? It was I who drove the Vampire Hordes back, I who expunged the Cult of the Gibbous Moon from the city, and I who defended your walls from countless ghouls, orcs, and vile monstrosities too wretched for mortal kenning while guards such as yourself fled like rats or died like cowards. The girl comes with me. You will pay the witch for stolen goods, and if I hear even the slightest mention of this disgraceful act happening again, I will return and make you and all your cronies face the king's justice, and I assure you, it is a sweeter fate than facing mine."

Hang the demon and burn the witches.

>20 coppers
Dude, in D&D terms that's not even worth writing on your character sheet.

...

Take her back home and explain that these are dark days when a witch gets support from the people. Move out, find a new home.

>Pay the 20 copper

I've always wanted an apprentice! Tell me, what's your name? How did you get those horns? Oh stop sniveling and come with me. I have much to teach you. No no, I'm your family now. I payed for you. Look, if you don't stop struggling I'll have to bind you. There, that's better. You're going to love being a wizard, trust me!

>Fork over the money since I have a soft spot for kids
>"You got a home runt?"
Yes
>Take her home, maybe see if I can get something I can use, likely directions or a house for the night since the family might be broke
No
>Guess who's becoming a Ranger's apprentice?

>having spent 5 coppers
You overpaid, goy
10/10 would study under

>You overpaid, goy

s-sauce? I cannot appear to find any. All I get is it being used as profile pictures at places.

...

yes, I too would like a source.

>rape the goat loli.

Rolled 2 + 1 (1d20 + 1)

>Persuasion roll to fuck the goat loli

I believe this is the correct answer

Rolled 1 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

Fuck.
>rolling stealth to molest the goat loli in an alley without getting caught

>Publicly chastise the goat girl.
>Pay the 20 copper, shake stall keepers hand, clap shoulder, apologize profusely.
>take goat girls hand, lead her away.
>once out of sight, heft stall keepers coin purse to gauge how we did.
>congratulate goat girl on performing he roll so well.
>Meet up with other urchins who picked bystanders pockets.
>Head to other side of market to scope out another stall to repeat our con on.

Roll initiative

Congratulations, you just convinced her that yuri is the purest love.

Artist: SolopipB

Also, what the hell is up with these nonstop Italian captchas?

DIE BEASTMEN

I bet she grows up to be a

mountaineer.

Rolled 14 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

FUCK
>roll survival to kill her before she attracted attention. Steal her panties too if successful

And why would *I* be related to her? Just because I also have a big pair of goat horns upon my head?
...
Yeah, probably. How much am I supposed to pay? 20 coppers? Whew, that's a relief, I thought you were going to ask me to pay ACTUAL money. Now go away, you're scaring my groupies.

(Ironically enough, I'm currently playing a 5.0 Valor Bard Tiefling who also has a pair of big goat horns. (I don't like the current design, I mean, I want horns, not unibrow-horns))

>the same guy who did the moth
Oh. I like this guy.

Ah, so you're the pair pulling this little stunt. We've had complaints, and you must know that impersonating a guard is a serious offense, right? Oh no missy, you're in for it too! We all know you're really Fiona Fawns, a perfectly grown up halfling who's father just happens to be a satyr. Say, I actually spoke to your old cellmate yesterday, the pooka? Is it true what she says about you bleating real cute when she does the thing with her tongue?

>mfw this was my most successful roll

Congratulations, you just failed at molesting a girl to the point where you turned her gay, made her cry, and then murdered her.

You should be ashamed of yourself, Welshman.
Ashamed.

In hindsight, I really shouldn't have tried this with a lvl 1 ranger

>I really shouldn't have tried this

Fixed.

But Fellow Paladin.

Are you saying you are NOT her Guardian? As in a Guardian against the foul and evil?

>Deus Vulting an innocnet fawn

This is exactly how you give the Ice Witch new sympathizers.

>Demihuman
>Abomination

I See you Blackguard! Trying to pervert justice! Just stands to defend all that is innocent and pure!

That includes Goat-lolis!

>I'm your family now

>implying you wouldn't fuck that qt 2D goat loli given the chance

I'll pay you 20 copper to ensure her hand gets cut off as is the law of the land.

>having sex with lolis
You sick fuck

Agreed, lolis are for head-pats only.

Here's your (You). Now go back to listen your Dimmu Borgir playlist while feeling so evil and edgy and cool.

>head-patting lolis
>not protecting from evils of the world
>doing anything sexual towards a loli

if I've watched enough anime and trust me I have, then it's the lolis who are protecting us from the evils of this world.

Then why are you trying to corrupt them? You don't do anything sexual with lolis.

>Not giving your loli the impression that you're totally harmless
>Not violently savaging anything that would corrupt your loli the moment she's out of eye and ear shot
>Not scrambling to clean up the mess before she gets back so the illusion isn't ruined

Step up your game niggas.

Play Unteralterbach, having sex with the Lolis is what saves the world from demons. What do you do in that situation?

>going that far to protect a loli
Come on, you're gonna slip up someday.

>not feeding her eggs

The fuck is this shit?

>implying you don't want to fuck even ONE of these loli classes

head pats aren't sexual, they're only used as rewards to congratulate a loli
plead the fifth

But headpats are sexual, you should be aloof towards them.

>aloof headpat

>not patting them at night when the loli is asleep
That's how you do it.

why are they all dressed like sluts

>Paladin steps forward, shoves guard away from child.
>"Don't you dare lay a hand on my daughter like that ever again, you brash cur!"
>"Now dear, what did I tell you about wandering off? And if you wanted fruit, you just needed to ask."
>Barbarian: "or just look at the bard"
>"Ignore him, honey. Look, I know your mom's busy on the lower planes, that's why I'm taking care of you for the weekend. But you gotta stick close to us, okay?"
>Quiet nod from child.
>"Good girl."
>Turns back to guard.
>"Now you, sir! I hear one word about you harassing children of ANY race, EVER again, and Kord as my witness you shall feel the full fury of my boot upon your arse!"
>"But the coppers..."
>"DON'T TALK TO ME OR MY TIEFLING DAUGHTER EVER AGAIN!"

>Pay the 20 copper.
>Give child a shiv.
>Tell her we leave no witnesses.
Such is life in the assassins guild.

Alternatively: Frog eyes.

>reward your loli with head-pats when she does well
>discipline your loli with a spanking when she is disobedient

>spanking a loli
How do you know she isn't gonna get turned on by it?

Of course this foul creature would steal. It's in her blood. there will be no need for an exchange of currency, I shall summarily execute her here. the shining one's judgement is swift and decisive, and all that is foul shall burn in its radiance, including this wretched thing.

Candidus, salutem, in victoria fide.

>killing something for doing something minor

Her theft is petty, yes. That alone is not enough to grant her death. Her devil-blood, however, is. She is vermin and any treating her otherwise know nothing of the radiance of our deity.

This is probably a con
Chokeslam the individual threatening her, gauge reaction from small horned child

>killing something because of it's blood
Bullshit, devil-blood or not, shit is petty. You don't waste your time on petty shit. Hell if anything you should help that loli out and show her the true path, that even with the devil shit inside of her, she can you know, reform.

If it's legit then you just made your fine go up a few coppers.

No! We only give a stern talking too and chores as discipline

Most logical course of action is to chokeslam local authorities until fine goes away.

The shining one does not accept worship from the likes of her. That which is touched by the infernal or reeks of undeath falters and crumbles beneath the light. by ignoring the trespass of the infernal into our world, you're both mocking The Shining One and taking the first step towards bringing ruin to us all.

Nothing good comes of the infernal. Her blood is destined to be spilled, for a single lapse in doctrine leads to the deaths of many.

I like you.

"I'll give you a gold if you give me the girl and punch yourself in the nuts for our amusement."

>The shining one does not accept worship from the likes of her.
Then maybe the shining one is kinda a dick and a horrible god. What god refuses worship.
>Nothing good comes of the infernal
Then you make something good come from the infernal.

Then what? Choke slam the kid?

Rolled 16 + 17 (1d20 + 17)

>"You want what?"
>roll intimidation

Wait wait wait, how do we know shes a witch though?

Certainly we must first perform a trial right?

If it looks like a witch, you kill the witch and ask questions later.

And now we all know you're a Pedophile Child-Murderer.

A somewhat unsuccessful one at that.

My god can afford to discern, unlike those lowly, writhing heathen gods. Even Beogh, foul, abominable god he is, only accepts those of orcish bliood. Be thankful I am not follower of Zin, lest the driders and nagas of this place feel my wrath as well. fortunately the Shining one believes that the creatures who dwell beneath the rocks and within the caverns of old can be spared and taught.

Not so for the infernal. One whisper and this youth is opening holes to the iron city of dis or some outer fragment of pandemonium. As she grows, her blood will call to her, no matter how little of it there is, and judging by her horns I would say there's more than a little. I will forgive you the trespass of insulting my god, as I have sworn to be a shield to the people. This monster, however, is not a person. It is an abomination.