Djinn Wish Fulfilment

You get a really huge rooster that for some reason women really want to have sex with.
The rooster acts like a normal rooster though.

Bernie sanders is elected president and bankrupts the country attempting to make good on his short sighted campaign pledges.
It has zero sensory nerves and thus can't achieve orgasm.

I wish I knew how this was a traditional game. :D

>The rooster acts like a normal rooster though
Roosters are dicks.

Your dick transforms into an Conceptual Dick that is invisible and exists on a psychic plane, where it is mentally capable of satisfying anyone's desires if they only imagine it to be doing so with no physical contact required, just as all mind-blowing imaginary sex is often satisfying.

Unfortunately since said dick is basically just an idea it appears nonexistent to everyone who looks at it so none one will actually have sex with you.

Djinn wish threads have been a part of Veeky Forums long enough for it to be traditional in the cultural sense. Combine that with it being a mental game and suddenly it fits the theme.

>Bernie sanders is elected president and bankrupts the country attempting to make good on his short sighted campaign pledges.

Just as planned!

You now know it's not a traditional game, but now you are not sure if it's even a game.

I wish to lead an army of minions

Well shit. Glad i included myself in that so i can bang my imagination all day.

I wish for the worlds best tasting sammich delivered to my door every day when i wake up.

These guys show up at your side.
I wish to literally be made of fire.

The sandwhich is delivered to your door but the goddamn door is ALWAYS jammed just long enough that it's incredibly rare and fine ingredients loose their potency and flavor by the time you actually manage to get it open.

It smells awesome every time you try to get through the door though.

You monster! I'd honestly take what free years of college i could before digging into year long scholarships for not being white. If i could get to masters free i'd be set and able to live life relatively debt free.

You lead an army of minions against forces of Light and Good. You are doomed to die today.

I wish for whatever i drink becomes cold. Not colder than 5C.

You are granted 450 small green goblin-like minions, who are mentally retarded to the point of being vegetables.

I wish for a second djinn who can grant me more wishes.

You dissipate into the atmosphere due to entropy.
They say smell is 6/10ths the equation of taste.

I wish for a canteen that replenishes itself to a full state every hour.

Whenever you drink one of these the temperature is always cold.
idrink.com/v.html?id=35350

A second djinn appears who CAN grant you more wishes.
But he doesn't.
The canteen is always filled with moose urbi

The canteen is always filled with moose urine every hour.

I wish for really big feet.

I wish to purge the unclean

Your body temperature is raised by the amount of temperature difference the beverage is from 0 fahrenheit.

I wish to have a woman of my exact wants to be in a lifelong, dedicated, sexually and emotional faithful relationship

You got 1(One) FREE FEET CANCER!

You can purge the unclean, but at night you start to wonder if you are being corrupted and are in fact now unclean. Also, gene stealers.

It replenishes itself with salt water.

I wish for a drug which makes sleep unnecessary.

You get a bottle of really good house cleaner.
She appears, and she is in one.
Not with you though.

I wish to piss thunderbolts.

You have an insatiable urge to clean the unbathed.
Your feet are so huge they've recursively gone around space and time and into themselves and have ended up, perceptually, to be smaller than they originally were.

The drug turns you into an unfeeling biological robot that needs no rest, but neither do you feel joy or anything else thanks to how dead your nerves and brain is from reducing the need for sleep.

I wish for the djinn to truthfully explain why he's such an asshole about this.

[Holds back termina-tears]

Your dick hurts when you are doing it

Your job is now helping elderly deathcamp commendants and heroin addicts to wash their bodies.

Gah shit i knew that wish was missing something and i just couldn't figure it out.

You suffer at all times from near fatal plasma discharge of the pelvic region.

I want vision equivalent with the accuity of a hawk and the color spectrum of a mantis shrimp.

I wish to endlesly float in space while still alive.

Urinating is incredibly painful for you, and whenever you take a leak, your toilet explodes into a fiery ball of porcelain.

I want to be able to make anyone dance just by thinking about them.

You think about dead person and he rises from the grave to dance. He is going back to grave after he finishes dancing, he stays here.

Its funny.
They know it's you thats causing them to do this and they'll probably call the authorities or try and stop you themselves, probably with capoeira. You sir have earned one wish i will only mild fuck you on for your giggle inducing wordplay.

>I wish for the djinn to truthfully explain why he's such an asshole about this.

He's an asshole because he fucked your mom, who doesn't really love you or your father, and found it fairly unsatisfying.
You gain merged head of a hawk with the eyeballs of a mantis shrip, complete with all the physical limitations of both creature's heads.
You can a 5 by ten space which you float endlessly while still alive.

I wish to be super unpopular.

I can live with a beaked mantis shrimp head with swiveling eyes. Maybe wearing a fishbowl full of water.

Wish granted.

You are on a planet floating in space.

I wish that the genie will attempt to fulfil any further wishes made of him in an honest, non-malicious manner in the way the wishers desire.

I wish to redeem myself in the name of the emperor

Hawks can't breathe water and you have the limitations of both.

Oops.
You're so unpopular people don't even know you exist. Oddly enough thats pretty standard living conditions given humanities population size.

He attempts to, but fails.
You redeem yourself in his NAME, but nobody likes or agrees with how you did it and calls you a heretic for doing it in such an unorthodox way.

I wish to trip over cats constantly.

Emperor now thinks you are OK, but honestly he didnt really like that you change his mind by striking a deal with some demonic warp creature, instead of proving your courage and faith on the battlefield.

Sure thing, LITERALLY HITLER.

I wish for all crimes committed by me to be pardoned while I am still alive, both past, present and future ones.

I'll have my lungs intubated and a protected stoma installed. Now I'm amphibious.
You have been tasked with an unending undying war in the eye of terror.

You constantly trip into yet more cats. You shall be pardoned on your deathbed in prison shortly before you expire. Oops. I wish to see 20 more of the color spectrum than your average human women with that bullshit sees everything gene.

You get forgiven by everyone you commit a crime against, and they don't hold it against you in the long run.
You still have to go to jail though.

I wish to have radioactive farts.

I wish my face was fixed

I wish that everyone infected with HIV died of a brain aneurysm the next time they fall asleep.

One of the spectrum of colors is so vibrant and common that it's like looking into snow during a sunny day; all you see is the one color at all times and it's hard to differentiate between anything, rendering you nearly blind.
He takes off your face and fixes it.
You don't get it back.

I wish could jump good.

You now fart polonium.
Your face has now been spayed and/or neutered. I'm not quite sure what that means or entails.

They do, but they come back the next day.
I wish I could eat a buttered lobster roll.

You jump gooder than the rest of your respective race but blacks will always have mad hops in comparison to your bellcurve skewing statline.
AIDS and HIV victims no longer require sleep.

I wanna be the guy.

you jump good, but leg bones are not stronger, so good luck landing un-shattered

I wish you can never grant another wish.

You are the guy, but your web series still gets canceled eventually when your creators get married and have children.

You can physically ingest a buttered lobster roll but you are highly allergic and a particularly nasty lifelong bodyguard has been given the task of suicide watch over you.

I wanna be the best, like no one ever was.

>I wanna be the guy
You are fighting ith your father. Only one of you leaves alive.

He agrees, and then clones himself to continue his dickery, satisfied that his work can go on.
You are the best.
Nobody actually cares though, which is something nobody else has ever managed to do before.

Been there done that.

I wish for all magic to no longer exist.

You go braindead

Walk away

All advanced technology beyond writing is dead.

You are granted the incredible ability to keep your eyes open a second longer than any other human on the planet. No one has any interest in it.

I want to die, right this instant.

>Thats fucking perfect i hate this place and everything in it and this way i can make a universe with black jack and hookers with out the christians and muzzies getting uppity.

Oh user, he never gave you a way to get there.

Your wish to not take part in the genie's games has anger the genie.

You are dead and the rest of your "life" is painfull hallucination in your diying brain.

My imagination is a universe unto itself. You've been dead inside all along but your physical body lingers on.

I wish for you to go back to your home.

I want to shit myself.

You literally shit YOURSELF.
The process is excruciating and takes years to pass a full-grown copy of yourself through your intestines and asshole.
He lives here, actually.

Yay! I wasted my wish!

I wish to be able to induce sneezing in other people just by thinking about it.

I wish to be good mutual friends with the djinn.

You become good friends. He wants to crash at your place constantly and mooches off you emotionally and physically. But you can't seem to be able to cut your relationship or think ill of him.

I wish to kill stuff more deader.

You kill things so much deader they ressurect in their next life right before your eyes.

I wish to be able to grill the best steaks ever.

You kill yourself and the bacteria on your body in such a way that they are deader than anything else which had ever lived.

I wish for the ability to decide on the rate and direction at which I travel through time at will and as often as I choose relative to the instance of the Earth on which I am currently living with no cost to myself, without any additional changes to my velocity relative to this planet caused directly by this wish or by the abilities granted by this wish, without having my body or mind altered by the effects of this wish in any way except for a way to access the abilities granted by the wish that I would consider convenient and easy to use both before and after the granting of the wish.

The Djinn misunderstood your wish and though you wanted to be able to grill the best STAKES ever. You are now the best (and only) stake griller in all of the land.

I wish for the death of the human race.

The Olympics are promptly canceled

>without any additional changes to my velocity relative to this planet caused directly by this wish
You now have to make sure your point in spacetime is within safe distance of the earths surface.

The human race is already dead and we're just hollow shells keeping up the act.

I wish for the best wish ever.

Just curious, how is this condition being violated? Is the djinn teleporting me?

The phrase 'the human race' is redefined to only include you. You are then killed.

You said you wanted your relative position using the wishes power unchanged to earths relative position. Earth not only moves around the sun but through space. You want your position unchanged despite earths relative position therefore you'd be floating in space if you attempt that trick for any appreciable amount of time.

>I wish for the best wish ever.
Your wish is constantly changing to what is currently at the moment considered the best wish ever (by the rest of your species), with no explanation or warning. The consequences of the previous wishes often remain.

I wish to have no problems but able to retain what I consider happiness.

Genie, you're free.

>You never defined the best wish ever, so I'll define it for you, you get transformed into the waifu of MY wish's genie.

>I wish to become a SPOOKY ASS SKELETON

Your skeleton becomes sentient and attempts to free itself from your still living flesh.

I wanna become the bestest most successful lich ever.

>Your friends and loved ones pass as you find loneliness as the only lich ever

>I want to be rich!

You're rich in experiences you've never had. Go and cash that check!

I wish a $20 to appear in my hand whenever i wish from a random bank account unrelated to my own even tangential.

>I wish to become a SPOOKY ASS SKELETON
You become a skeleton made entirely of pelvic bones.