-Friend of PCs is missing -Brother of Friend knows, he is in City X -PCs go there by train (start of adventure) -PCs must ask local traders for info where they can find their friend -they get to know he´s living in a loghouse outside the city -they go there to find it empty -they find a tunnel in the cellar, that connects the house with a natural tunnel system -in the tunnels is an occult research station, that was used to inspect a temple, which is also connected to the tunnel system -to find their friend they go to the temple -there is a monster, they can only hurt with fire -final showdown
how can i add some death to the adventure? i´m not satisfied yet :/
thx guys!
Carson Price
OP here.
I mean depth, not death :D
Hunter Nelson
Looks very simple and linear. What hard choices will the players have to make here, other than "find tunnels, kill monster"?
Too simple, really, you need some complications.
Sure, add some more death to the adventure.
Ian Nguyen
Linearity isn't necessarily that bad, but there needs to be support for investigation and consequences/delays for missing the clues. OP should really consider running Trail of Cthulhu/Gumshoe.
Still, the story itself is pretty damn bland. "Friend" doesn't even have a reason to be in the temple, from what we've heard so far. Get some fuckin narrative arc in that thing, OP.
Charles Morris
>occult research station Do elaborate!
Jackson Jones
>Friend is missing Why do the PCs care? What connects them to the disappeared? What are their stakes in the outcome?
>local traders This needs to foreshadow dread. What seems wrong about them? Why is it a challenge to get the information?
>a loghouse Why is that bad? Is it known for housing transients and madmen? Is it haunted? Does it belong to a cult?
>a natural tunnel system This needs explanation. It's the heart of the mystery. A whole system of tunnels? Is it an abandoned mine? Who builds tunnels for no reason? What's the reason? How has it remained hidden?
>occult research station This phrase does not exist. Make it a geological research station, but that can't be in the tunnels. Make it a mad man's lab.
>there is a monster No! If you want a creature it has to show up sooner to threaten and hunt the PCs, you need a tension curve. Have traces of its passing as soon as they enter the tunnels. And make them ominous. It's not about the fight but about the expectation of it.
Nathan Young
OP here!
Sry guys, posted it in a bit of a hurry. I´ll get you the entire story.
Friend´s Uncle owned the log house in the first place. In his days the Mine in City X, which is also connected to the tunnels, collapsed through a strange implosion. So the Uncle, who was really into Occultism, found the temple and build the log house on the only remaining entrance to the tunnel system. There he could study the icriptions in the tempel all day long. (Uncle wanted knowledge and might). But unfortunately he passed away (through natural causes). So the log house came into Friend´s belongings. He never really visited the cabin, until he was stresses out by his brother and their business. So he searched for some loneliness in the woods. Not knowing from anything he found the entrence which is hidden behind a secret door in the cellar. Because he got a fucking secret tunnel in his his he wanted to explore it (come on, you would do the same!), not knowing what waits in the dark. so he just gets killed by the guardian of the temple.
Easton Martinez
The PCs are friends with Friend since early childhood.
Thomas Barnes
I thought about placing party of Friends clothes after the hidden door. So the have the feeling that something is wrong, but the hope that friend is alive.
Charles Barnes
The "occult research station" (sry :D ) is actually the old lab and archive of Friends Uncle.
Benjamin Adams
What about changing it this way:
The Uncle searched for the temple BEFORE the implosion. After the mine imploded the cityfolks thought it´s the fault of the strange, foreign man that arived shortly before the implosion.
break/
so the people of the town still remember the incident. when Friend arrived they are hostile towards him and are also hostile to the PCs, because they fear the Friend and the PCs bring danger. This way the PCs know "ok, something is wrong here".
Carter Price
>Using - instead of green storypointers
Shit OP what are you doing
Adrian Butler
Rate my quest, lads.
>Party are mid-level and, for one reason or another, assigned to work with the Imperial government >Quest is to rescue the wife of a foreign dignitary who was kidnapped by radical elements opposed to Elven-Human relations >Party either rescues her alive, alive and battered, or finds her dead, each ending resulting in a semi-hidden "flashpoint" score that determines the state of international tension; too much tension and border friction will result, or even outright war >Party discovers the radicals were funded by a third-party, leading into a political mystery that has them going across the continent trying to stop whoever is seeking to engulf the world in war
Turns out it was the democratic republic doing it all, eager to see their former masters destroyed so they can swoop in and instill FREEDOM.
Juan Russell
That's a line. You'll read it at the beginning of half the CoC scenarios. Develop it.
If you want to keep it classically flavored then go into detail. Have the players come up with a memory each that connects their character to the missing emotionally. Turn >I risk my life because he's my friend into >I have to risk everything because so did he for me back when _ and have it fleshed out. Give the missing a role and function among the friends, underline how him not being there leaves negative space and upsets the order of things.
Or you can take another route and make the missing matter to the characters' respective future. Make the PCs desperate for retrieving him, each for their own solid reason. >He holds a patent they need, and keeps an heirloom that is crucial to them. He knows where someone important can be found, his recommendation would open long closed doors, and he owes money that is overdue and needed now, all at the same time. By giving each character a different reason their interests can diverge later on, invigorating the story with tension and possible deceit.
The trick is to make it personal and make the players care.
Nathaniel Bailey
This helps me much! Thx mate!
Xavier Jones
Name the uncle. His notes and materials will provide the most relevant clues about the mystery. His pen hand guides the party down the rabbit hole. He could have left a research journal from the time when the temple was discovered (with the relevant pages torn out), a notebook with sketches and discoveries from exploring the temple, increasingly mad letters which were never sent that outline a mental decay under the temple's influence, a goodbye letter warning the world of the creature he woke, and maybe a few last words finger painted in blood inside the temple next to the rotten corpse.
Bentley James
>(through natural causes) Yeah... no.
He who seeks power through the mysteries of The Mythos inevitably dooms himself.
This trope must hold. He may have died of black lung after going into the dusty collapsed mine too much. No need to have him torn to shreds by the powers he stirred. But poetic justice must be served!
Jack Ross
>he just gets killed by the guardian of the temple Kind of anticlimactic. Can't he be left barely alive in the temple?
He could be trapped by the creature and slowly drained for life or magic points. Or he could realize that once the creature has taken his scent he can never go back up for fear of releasing the thing into our world. Maybe he stumbled through an ancient portal and is now lost in the Pleiades. Or his body is slowly dying in the temple while his mind is trapped in the dreamlands where he desperately tries to reach his friends for help through dream visions.
Robert Foster
Thank you so much guys! This will be my second adventure. With your tipps it´s gona be far better.
Andrew Torres
>This will be my second adventure. The most important thing is pacing the tension.
Grayson Brown
Give the players an experience that raises the following questions in order.
>That's strange! Why is that?
>It keeps getting stranger. And it involves more than originally thought. How deep does it go?
>It might be dangerous. Is it a threat?
>What is it, how did it come to be here, and how can it be ended?
>It definitely is very dangerous! Has it noticed us?
>Who knows about it, how much do they know, and what are their intentions?
>It probably has noticed, is it after us?
>How can we connect the dots and find a way to overcome it before it and the madmen in its thrall come and get us for good?
>What was that noise?!
Adam Diaz
I feel it still needs a twist. And I think a natural candidate is already implied. If the strange uncle managed to upset the locals there could be more than just rumors and avoidance, there could be an old nemesis. A local who took it upon themselves to take care of the uncle, whatever that may mean.
It could go so far as the original reason the uncle's research went bad or woke the creature was somehow influenced by oblivious action of the nemesis. He might be under the creature's secret influence. Or he could be blinded by vengeance and set out to scare away any new strangers in the log cabin. Whatever his motivation, he'll easily flank the party because they'll maybe expect a mob with pitchforks from the town, but never an intricate schemer outmaneuvering them.
And this should not be a problem they can solve. More of a way for more mundane threats to keep impeding their supernatural progress. Start with a sabotaged car or missing gear. Proceed to traps or fetishes left in ominous places for the PCs to find and get scared by. Escalate to a drunken midnight shotgun raid or a cut safety line. And allow the players to react. If they find him then maybe a legal battle ensues and the local police get drawn into it, making things harder for everyone. If they murder him, possibly in self defense, maybe an investigator comes looking. If they imprison him his son will find them. It just never ends.
For the showdown he should have done one last very annoying thing that impacts the PCs' chances.
