You are Urist Twelfthbay, and you are a short, sturdy creature fond of drink and industry. You're pretty much the moe personification of Dwarf Fortress, with all the baggage that accompanies that horrific little title: you can bend reality's elbow behind its back, in exchange for being glitchy and prone to intricately simulated injuries.
Lately, you feel like you've constantly been on the verge of a particularly destructive tantrum, because you never signed up for all this insane potentially-world-ending-events bullshit and you're at your wits' end.
Seriously, the return of the dark goddess Arfoire would've been bad enough on its own. Same with accidentally getting banished to the hyperdimensional void, along with an uncertain number of other nation-less adventurers and/or personifications. And there was that time you accidentally swapped bodies with a divine being, which really scrapes the bottom of the fucking barrel when it comes to digging out depraved plot hooks.
ALL of that happened pretty much in sequence, and now, you're staring at the unnaturally powered-up form of CPU Black Heart. She's being puppeted by a fake Histoire, and they all want nothing more than to grab a great big fistful of your entrails and decorate their houses with 'em.
If Gamindustri was a dwarven fortress, this situation would be like... if its only manager/bookkeeper/broker suddenly turns out to be a demon, which immediately proceeds to transform a load-bearing noble into a megabeast that you can't kill because the entire fucking fortress would devolve into the sort of tantrum spiral that atom smashes its weapon lords, floods the surface world with magma, and deconstructs every piece of furniture in sight.
You have a mini-fortress under your feet, though it's just a long tunnel you plowed through the pavement from the Planeptune Basilicom. You don't think it will be very much help.
Right now, the only OTHER thing standing between you and a painful death is CPU Purple Heart. To beat a dead analogy to death, she's another load-bearing noble, and it turns out all /her/ equipment is made of iron (while CPU Black Heart's is all steel).
You can barely keep up with their movements, let alone the damn anime-style fighting. All you can make out is high-speed insanity as the goddesses flit around in dazzling displays of light and motion, two vaguely girl-shaped blurs rebounding against each others' swords as they try to fucking fancy-spin each other to death. Even so, you've kinda got a handle on CPU Purple Heart's style, and you don't know how much longer she can hold on for.
Good thing that big sis Estelle's approaching fast.
(Cont.)
Eli Martinez
Coming in from distant Leanbox, the Dragon Warrior's rainbow bridge arcs across the sky like someone's painting it onto reality in one long, broad stroke that's rapidly accelerating. According to Therapist, she's got Rokko with her. Any other day, that'd be a fighting force strong enough to beat anything this shitty universe throws at you, but you're... not so sure, given this particularly shitty situation.
Next to you, Iffy curses under her breath, pulling out those weird punching daggers of hers. She looks around desperately, torn between conflicting duties: on one hand, Neptune's one misstep away from getting gutted by Noire. And on the other hand, those few civilians who haven't (wisely) started running are just starting to scream in horrified fear, and the building closest to the Planeptune Basilicom is looking considerably more like a perforated beehive.
"Look, just- go help Neptune! We're out of time!" she yells to you, running off to get civilian evacuation kicked into high gear.
You close your eyes, seeing with your mind. Right- they're in range of your little Therapist messaging system. You've gotta update Estelle and Rokko on the situation and point them toward the largest threat, because they're coming in hot.
>CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING: [ ] [NEXT BLACK] "Noire's being puppeted by one of Arfoire's creations, she's turned into a super-powerful monstrosity, help Neptune take her down before we're all fucked!" [ ] ["HISTOIRE"] "A fake 'Histoire' has been whispering crazy conspiracy theories in Noire's ears and turned her into a super-powerful monstrosity! Kill Arfoire's creation!" [ ] [COMING IN HOT] Summarize the situation and let them figure out who to take out first. [ ] [EVACUATE] Tell one or both of them to start getting the immediate area clear of anyone liable to get hurt by all this goddessly fighting. [ ] [WRITE-IN]
Jaxon Evans
NEP
Jose Walker
>[ ] ["HISTOIRE"]
Carson Young
Thread delayed by three more hou--- oh!
Carson King
>[ ] ["HISTOIRE"] "A fake 'Histoire' has been whispering crazy conspiracy theories in Noire's ears and turned her into a super-powerful monstrosity! Kill Arfoire's creation!" It's okay, Neptune can handle Noire for a while longer, plus even if she dies we have a back up now.
Michael Sullivan
I've been waiting for this, Lord Green-Blorp, God of all things Backlog.
…
Gentelman! BEHOLD!
For I have achived Write-in, and not only concluded WHAT to do, but HOW TO do it!
>[] Write-in: Keikaku
The Plan:
1. Distract NEO-Blackheart (Deck her in the schnozz) Everyone, excluding Nepnep and Urist
2. Fudge up Book Birtch to stop Share-Inflow (whoever is left available)
3. Summon Sharacite-Gate to have an Empty Vessel for Shares (Urist's Job)
4. Make the Nep read details about NEO-Blackheart (Since she was teammember with her before) We need info on WHERE the shares are, WHAT properties they have, and HOW to move them.
5. ESSENTIAL PART: TopNep, REWRITER of HISTORY and TIME, transferes Shares from N-BH to Sharacite-Gateway. Else Urist has to do the work.
6. Pray to Armok that we don't become the first CPU of OUR OWN Continent. Let's also hope that we don't succumb to the effects those Shares might have. Seriously, fuck Gameindustri's Moe-Bullshit, we can resist everything, Nya! ~ … What was that?
>TL;DR
>[X] Keikaku
P.S.: We don't want an Uni just yet. Corrupt Shares are not really reliable, you know? The Plan might include a certain risk, but it will be worth it. I think, fitting Music is in place, so what else but? youtube.com/watch?v=02nLHpSLTxo
Adam Kelly
>[ ] ["HISTOIRE"] "A fake 'Histoire' has been whispering crazy conspiracy theories in Noire's ears and turned her into a super-powerful monstrosity! Kill Arfoire's creation!"
Thomas Reyes
>[x] [NEXT BLACK] "Noire's being puppeted by one of Arfoire's creations, she's turned into a super-powerful monstrosity, help Neptune take her down before we're all fucked!"
If anything, we should be the ones kicking the bystanders out of here. It's not like we have a chance against CPUs.
Dominic Nelson
>[x] ["HISTOIRE"] "A fake 'Histoire' has been whispering crazy conspiracy theories in Noire's ears and turned her into a super-powerful monstrosity! Kill Arfoire's creation!"
Hudson Evans
She won't die, she'll just get her clothing ripped.
Asher Reed
You lost me midway, but becoming a God of drunkness and vomit upon Gamindustri sounds about right.
Connor Watson
>[ ] ["HISTOIRE"] Take out the squishy support first
Landon Myers
you know
you've really got something here, because even I am having to stop and REALLY think about all the myriad things that could possibly go wrong with this plan
I am only starting to fathom the sorts of Unintended Consequences that could happen with this chain of events
Grayson Smith
>[x] [COMING IN HOT] Summarize the situation and let them figure out who to take out first.
Eli Ortiz
WOOOOOOO BLORPS BACK BITCHES >[ ] ["HISTOIRE"] "A fake 'Histoire' has been whispering crazy conspiracy theories in Noire's ears and turned her into a super-powerful monstrosity! Kill Arfoire's creation!" Because they might be able to kill fake histoire.
Camden Bell
>[ ] ["HISTOIRE"] "A fake 'Histoire' has been whispering crazy conspiracy theories in Noire's ears and turned her into a super-powerful monstrosity! Kill Arfoire's creation!"
Urist on the other hand does the following:
>[ ] [WRITE - IN: USE DFHACK ON NOIRE] You were able to alter Neptunes abilities with it not a long time ago. Why not trying to alter Noires code for a change? It could sap her overflowing Energy or even do something even more beneficial for you.
Wellcome back Blorp.
Also: Let us accidentally create an Uni with this.
Parker Nguyen
[x] Write-in : "Alright, listen to me Arf4! If you try anything nasty with the bitchlads over here, I'm gonna take your fucking hat and shove it up your ass! I am going to take that staff of yours and use it as a condom to fuck you silly! I'm going to headbutt you until there is nothing but a butt left! I'm going to colour that little pansy green skirt red using yer fucking bone marrow! You better believe you're going to wish you were never born, 'cause I'll make it seem like you never were, you atrocious fucking boil on the face of reality!"
Justin Miller
How have you been doing Blorp? I've missed you.
Ian Powell
>[NEXT BLACK] "Noire's being puppeted by one of Arfoire's creations, she's turned into a super-powerful monstrosity, help Neptune take her down before we're all fucked!"
Jonathan Sanchez
I have no idea what you are talking about.
Aaron Williams
>[X] [NEXT BLACK] "Noire's being puppeted by one of Arfoire's creations, she's turned into a super-powerful monstrosity, help Neptune take her down before we're all fucked!" Woooo Blorp returns!
Asher Mitchell
Eh, I'll just throw a vote in for >[X] Keikaku Just because.
Ryder King
That's DWARF, all in capital letters. I like that. Nice Reference.
Thomas Clark
Been pretty busy, although that's nothing compared to what I have to look forward to in about... three weeks.
But thanks, and I'm glad to be back for a while!
Andrew Morris
>blorp is back Yaay.
Nothing like threats to terrify Arfoire.
Jose Rodriguez
It's simple, really.
>pic related
Ethan Stewart
WHOOPS, started writing without calling the vote! It's a solid majority for taking out Histoire first!
Cooper Johnson
I must've missed something important, because last time I checked, Urist hacked Neptune and Noire was just coming.
Luke Mitchell
A simple plan, fraught with so many things to run askew. If successful, we would posses a charged Sharacite - Gate, depower Noire and a dispelled doppelgänger. But so many things to be a danger, more than probably should be faced at the moment. Or just small things that could simply not work. But an interesting statement about putting of trying to existentializing Uni.
Also, hopefully I have cleansed my mind so far, that I won't try to emulate the Narrator of Darkest Dungeons.
Jace Rivera
Sounds like you indeed missed last thread
Henry Garcia
You should, yeah. Because that game is shitty.
Oliver Richardson
Why not have a little !!FUN!! from time to time? Risk = !!FUN!!
Levi Hernandez
This is Dwarf Fortress, not Dark Souls.
Jose Sullivan
This is not risky, this is unnecessarily insane.
We may as well go for it.
Evan Hughes
>Every time DFHack is mentioned
Caleb Rodriguez
I stand corrected. Death = !!FUN!!
Matthew Walker
How about we just hack the fake Histoire?
Gabriel Roberts
Compared to Noire, we didn't really have her in a party to have the knowledge to do that. At least that's what I know from all the questioning of Blorp
William Campbell
>[Coming In Hot]
Brothers of the mine rejoice!
Yay, Dorf Quest is back! How have you been, Blorp?
William White
But anything bad happening to the faksty will advantage us, so we can experiment.
Brandon Wilson
That can not be worse than having Lyner throw the "Ar Tonelico??" in the first Ar Tonelico game.
Mind you, it is the only know instance that I know of that a game took the description of a combat Item WMD to its logical conclusion.
Chase Hernandez
Can you provide that something BAD will happen instead of powering her up?
Cameron Campbell
A living being is like a complicated machine.
If you pull random plugs, something bad will happen. It's only a matter of time.
Landon Harris
>mfw Blorp finally came back >... but it's 5AM and I really need to sleep Well, fuck. I'll see ya all later.
Hunter Taylor
Well, living beings are more like complicated machines with a pretty large amount of redundancys.
Most of the time, if you "pull plugs", nothing will be happening. And even the important parts are resilient.
Andrew Wilson
Sleep is for the weak! And I can continue to sleep when I'm dead.
Josiah Robinson
Not only that, but IS IT even accutaly considered a "living" being?
Daniel Mitchell
Bloorrpp, thank goodness you are alive. I thought...i thought....
Leo King
He has a Twitter, for when you need reassurance, don't worry.
Lucas Gray
.... good question. If it is just a construct, regardless if purely magical, magically animated, mechanically animated or similiar, pulling things could easily unreavel her. But we would also have to consider then if and how violent its power source would react to that.
Especially if it acts as a conduit.
Gavin Moore
I'm voting for [X] Keikaku because I think we can still do that with the way the vote's been called. It's a dumb plan with a million ways to go horribly wrong, but it could also go horribly right, which means more !!FUN!! for everyone.
Leo Allen
>[X] ['HISTOIRE']
Estelle starts yelling across the telepathic link before you even manage to draw breath (and before you remember that you don't /need/ to draw breath before using Therapist, go figure). The Dragon Warrior's voice cuts through your mind like- like molten butter going through a knife; injured as you are, you nearly collapse to your knees, wincing.
>"Urist! Urist, what's going on? Planeptune started going all wobbly and started building itself!"
Oh. Yeah. You'd almost forgotten about that little bout of reality-bending bookkeeping.
>"And- is that /Noire/ down there? Why's she getting hit by lightning??"
Right. Okay. You straighten back up and give Estelle and Rokko the quickest rundown you've ever given ANYONE: Arfoire's created a fake 'Histoire' who's been pulling the wool over Noire's eyes, and when we revealed that to Noire, 'Histoire' did wacky lightning things and turned her into a mind-fucked powered-up next-gen goddess, GET 'HISTOIRE.'
Your only answer is a quick stuttered affirmative from Rokko- but up above, the rainbow suddenly pulls into a sharp angle as it turns on a fucking dime. From down on the ground, you see the silhouette of a short-haired swordswoman crouched as she rides the rainbow with her sword out, a sleekly armored form balanced next to her.
Even above the sounds of two goddesses duking it out, you start hearing something akin to a jet's engines screaming through the air, if jets had a choir of heavenly angels strapped to their sides rather than constantly exploding metal cylinders.
(Cont.)
Carson Nguyen
So I was giving a try to Prison Architect.
It is surprisingly similar to DF. Keep suicidal drunk psychopaths from killing themselves.
Josiah Wood
A computer program, however, is more like a giant house of cards made of houses of cards. Fuck up one tiny thing and it implodes. Sometimes it's built to handle this, and gracefully folds up. Other times it seizes up and disintegrates on the spot. Most of the time it just stops acting in a predictable and desirable way. Given that DFhack has demonstrated that it can grant the ability to shit all over the laws of reality, we could easily turn our foe into something utterly impossible to fight simply because it doesn't play by any recognizable rules.
On the other hand, super-high-output machinery just tends to explode. We, and people we give a fuck about, are nearby so that's a shitty idea.
Jacob Barnes
'Histoire' remains half-crumpled against the ground, looking nearly broken from where her everything ~accidentally~ walked into the business end of your warhammer- up until she hears that sound. Like some invisible puppeteer's pulling on her strings, the fake book fairy pivots unnaturally up to her feet and swivels to glare at the incoming rainbow.
"Get over here!" 'Histoire' shrieks.
Putting on an impossible burst of speed, Next Black kicks straight through CPU Purple Heart's guard before throwing herself into a fully boosted dash, invisible thrusters flaring and putting her at full speed before you can even blink-
- throwing her into an intercept course toward Estelle and Rokko, and bringing her into your sights.
You have seconds to act.
>CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING: [ ] [SHIELD] Throw yourself into Next Black's flight path, forming your liquid metal gauntlets into the strongest shield possible. [ ] [POWER] Throw yourself into Next Black's flight path, charging up ANY of your powers to hurl at her face. [ ] [ZAP: KEY FRAGMENT] Cut off Next Black's power source of corrupt shares by interrupting that lightning flow with the Key Fragment. [ ] [ZAP: SHARICITE DOOR] Cut off Next Black's power source of corrupt shares by interrupting that lightning flow with your Sharicite portal. [ ] [DF HACK] Pull a split-second on-the-fly hack against either Next Black or 'Histoire,' whichever of them proves easier. [ ] ['HISTOIRE'] Hurl anything handy at 'Histoire's' head and try to knock her out, interrupting her mind-bendy bullshit reinforcements call. [ ] [NEPTUNE] Boost Neptune with anything you've got handy. [ ] [WRITE-IN]
Luis Foster
I do say, my good sir/mam, you have a point there, and if that is the fact, it will be either easier or harder to get rid of this thing. Either way, we should elaborate on getting rid of it as fast as possible, as the shares transfere from the "construct", as we call it, to the BH.
Brandon Torres
>[ ] ['HISTOIRE'] Hurl anything handy at 'Histoire's' head and try to knock her out, interrupting her mind-bendy bullshit reinforcements call. When in doubt, aggro the enemy tank somewhere far and hit the buffer in the groin.
Ryder Jenkins
> [ ] [ZAP: SHARICITE DOOR] Cut off Next Black's power source of corrupt shares by interrupting that lightning flow with your Sharicite portal.
I mean, it's not even supposed to be a door. And maybe the lewds will shock Noir back into sensibility.
Dominic Ramirez
>[ ] ['HISTOIRE'] Hurl anything handy at 'Histoire's' head and try to knock her out, interrupting her mind-bendy bullshit reinforcements call.
Justin Edwards
Here it is!
>[X] [ZAP: SHARACITE DOOR] >[X] [SHIELD] >[X] [NepHACK] Rewrite history and time = !!FUN!!
Jason Cooper
> [ ] ['HISTOIRE'] Hurl anything handy at 'Histoire's' head and try to knock her out, interrupting her mind-bendy bullshit reinforcements call.
Always geek the mage first.
Anthony Robinson
>[ ] ['HISTOIRE'] Hurl anything handy at 'Histoire's' head and try to knock her out, interrupting her mind-bendy bullshit reinforcements call.
Angel King
Usually I'd go for zapping the power-up nodes, but it sounds ominously like destroying our quest items.
[ ] [DF HACK] Pull a split-second on-the-fly hack against either Next Black or 'Histoire,' whichever of them proves easier.
Oliver Allen
>[ZAP: SHARICITE DOOR]
Michael Stewart
Gonna go with
Dylan Perry
...
Jordan Fisher
Now THIS is getting interesting!
Brandon Wood
>[ ] ['HISTOIRE'] Hurl anything handy at 'Histoire's' head and try to knock her out, interrupting her mind-bendy bullshit reinforcements call.
>[ ] [NEPTUNE] Boost Neptune with anything you've got handy.
Use the distraction to get Histoire-bot and preferably take Neptune with you on that.
Or >[ ] [THROW NEPTUNE AT HISTOIRE] Should end in fun / !!FUN!!.
Also, do NOT use the Sharicite Gate or the Key Fragment on the Lightningshares. I have a bad feeling that that would have even worse consequences. (Giving Arfoire a way out of the Limbo or planting the seed of corruption in real Histoire, respectively.)
Oliver Adams
>[ ] ['HISTOIRE'] Hurl anything handy at 'Histoire's' head and try to knock her out, interrupting her mind-bendy bullshit reinforcements call
Brandon Cox
>[x] ['HISTOIRE'] Hurl anything handy at 'Histoire's' head and try to knock her out, interrupting her mind-bendy bullshit reinforcements call. Boom! Headshot!
Blake Flores
>[X] [ZAP: SHARICITE DOOR] Cut off Next Black's power source of corrupt shares by interrupting that lightning flow with your Sharicite portal.
This seems like the type of plan where how good or bad it turns out depends entirely on a dice roll. And they've generally been very bad to us.
But gambling is !!FUN!!
Austin Gonzalez
>[X] ['HISTOIRE'] Hurl anything handy at 'Histoire's' head and try to knock her out, interrupting her mind-bendy bullshit reinforcements call. She can't be as tough as a bronze colossus.
Robert Ramirez
Blorp, my only complaint is that there are no lizards performing interpretive dance in this quest. So the same complaint as ogre quest. I love you.
Brody Wilson
[ ] [ZAP: SHARICITE DOOR] Cut off Next Black's power source of corrupt shares by interrupting that lightning flow with your Sharicite portal.
Adrian Bell
In a completely platonic manner I hope.
Daniel Ross
Right, looks like winging something at [HISTOIRE] wins the vote, followed by... [ZAP: SHARICITE DOOR].
Huh.
WELP, roll 'em!
>Urist Twelfthbay throws a thing! ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field) Taking the best of three! DC: Higher the better! Bonus: +10!
Kevin Taylor
Rolled 82 (1d100)
Joshua Kelly
Rolled 78 (1d100)
don't fuck up.
Asher Barnes
Rolled 84 (1d100)
Jason Sanchez
Rolled 76 (1d100)
Let's end this.
Asher Collins
Yay I didn't fuck up.
Leo Gutierrez
This is us losing our way to our fortress. What could possibly go wrong.
Adrian Hernandez
Welp. That's nice.
Elijah Lopez
Well that's a pretty good average I'd say.
Ryder Hughes
So... a 94 after the modification. I can live with this.
Parker Foster
Am I still in HDFQ? This doesn't seem right.
Henry Reyes
Could have been worse.
Easton Johnson
>Picture
I don't understand
Nathan Taylor
we get pretty good roles here. Sometimes. Good roles are why Nepolitan came into being.
Ryder Turner
I think the fact that the difference between those good rolls is 6 is a message at Blorp.
Kevin Lewis
...
Camden Price
Pagoda masts gone crazy.
Connor Wilson
Blorp is so flabbergasted he couldn't make a face at it.
