Help me, Veeky Forums.
Some qt has dared me into playing a game of chess with her.
If I win, I get to fuck her; If I don't, I won't see her again
I haven't played fucking chess in at least 20 years
wat do? Tell me some rare opening strategy or something, my only real chance is surprising her
please
thisthreadagain.jpeg
Cheat
TADA!
now fuck off
wut, why?
If she challenged you to a chess game with those conditions, then she's confident in her ability to win, and you should leave her alone, because she's trying to tell you something.
It's the first time I come here, I don't get why you say that
fork her
>Win
>Fuck her
>She claims you raped her twice
You really should record it and have a contract like porn does before following through
Conversely, she could be waiting to throw the game as part of some weird fetish.
That seems rather unlikely, but then so is OP's entire narrative.
>jumping at shadows
Sounds to me like she kind of wants to fuck him, but has erected this barrier as a personal rule, like "you must be this clever to get in my pants" and now she's following through on it.
If she's any good you won't stand a chance unless she wants to fuck you anyway, in which case you won't need to know how to be good.
If she's an amateur, here are 3 quick tips you can use to play chess like someone who isn't functionally retarded:
1) Try and secure the middle of the board during the early game. This means moving your king and queen's pawns and generally supporting them with knights and/or bishops.
2) Try and make sure that all your pieces are protected at all times. Don't send your bishops/knights/pawns out without backup. There are very few reasons that you should be sending anything into enemy territory/no man's land defenseless.
3) Every move should have an immediate impact. This is the one I see fuckers mess up the most. New players are inclined to make moves that don't do anything on their own but one or two turns from now they think they'll be able to do something (ie: I'll move this knight here, then next turn move my pawn up then move my bishop out to take that guy's rook). There's nothing wrong with planning ahead, indeed you SHOULD be thinking two or three moves ahead but chess is a game of tempo, if you are on the offensive, as soon as you make one 'pointless' move you're now on the back foot and your opponent can take the chance to seize the initiative and go on the attack. Every move should be something your opponent NEEDS to react to.
some other pointers:
-If you have nothing to do, consider castling. King's side is usually preferable.
-Don't be that dumbass who brings his queen out early. If your opponent is constantly threatening your queen with knights/pawns/whatever and you are constantly moving it out of danger, your opponent is developing his board position while you are not.
-Learn basic checkmate methods during endgame. Easiest is definitely two rooks but you should also know how to win with a rook + bishop, queen + king and rook + king.
-Learn principles of forks and pins.
>wat do?
What's the context here? Does she *want* you to go away forever, but you haven't been taking no for an answer? Because in that case you should really leave her the fuck alone.
>Sounds to me like she kind of wants to fuck him
She clearly doesn't want to fuck him.
Apply Brad Pitt rule
>If I was Brad Pitt, would she be making me go through this bullshit?
Or insert any other attractive celebrity.
Probably not, but I can't say definitively not. In my experience, girls are weird, man.
This whole thing sounds like something she came up with when she was 12 and is now hanging on to as an ironclad rule.
This.
New poster here. Veeky Forums is going to shit, because people participate in emotional discussions instead of engaging the topic and responding to intelligent posters.
I was going to suggest trying the "Fool's Gambit", but if she's experienced, she'll see it coming a mile away. If she's just shopping for a smart boyfriend and isn't really a chess player, you might get away with it.
Your second best strategy is to do as suggested above, and do "battle chess", and concentrate on taking out her strongest pieces before you try and go for checkmate. Use your knights to control the center of the board, and castle when you can. Do everything confidently, and she may be impressed.
I made a thread about devising plot hooks for a party of neutral characters, and got four replies. Someone makes a thread "What if the Devil sent you after the BBEG?" and it's got 187 replies. Fuck you, Veeky Forums.
for those of you who actually get out so little that the very basic conventions of sociality elude you, OP is telling a bullshit story
He is the same guy who wigged the hell out when someone called out the fact he post about "How good is X system and has anyone played it?"
They show up with the same exact template every time one of the threads slides off the catalog. This on top of fucks skimming the archive for years now to repost the same threads over and over again. They got overzealous a few weeks ago and got banned, now they are back to being insufferable.
brah, i feel your pain.
I haven't posted on Veeky Forums for at least 7 years now.
it's just gone to shit. i miss the days when Veeky Forums got shit done and we laughed about the taft alignment chart.
The classic opening for White is f2-f3, followed by g2-g4, OP. Go get that qt!
most coffee shop players focus too much on making perfect moves instead of knowing how to deal with complications.
spend like 2 hours playing a few openings so you can learn the basic "features" of the chess board. the easiest example of this is how the b7 and g7 spots(if you're white) are weak once the bishops leave the back.
at any rate, knowing a bunch of ways to make the middle game complicated gives you the best chance. make some unorthodox sacrifice in the middle and it'll especially fuck her up.
idk. i never go on this board, but it seemed plausible enough.
hey, i have some lehman certificates to sell. they are THE THING these days, risk-free yield of 7+% pa guaranteed!
>I was going to suggest trying the "Fool's Gambit"
>trying the "Fool's Gambit"
my god, we have an elo 2800 player among us
Chess is a game of denial. For you to win, you must capture their prices, ultimately their king. So don't let them do that, and you're on your way to victory.
The easiest way? Figure out their plans, and kill the pieces doing them. Watch what they try to develop and nip it at the bud then you nip her, bud
I'm genuinely sorry, I couldn't help myself.
As to best ways to kill and deny, gave a supreme bit on good map control.
Good luck user, I expect good results. If you have some time play a few games and maybe look up some handbooks.
2100 USCF here, I have one word for you, just one word: tactics. Got to lichess, or any of the other sites offering tactics, and do a shit ton. I will be willing to play a game with you and analyze it if you are interested. Also, if anybody wants to play me in a game of chess, let me know, always looking to play.
Slam your sausage on the board halfway through the match, knocking the pieces willy nilly.
Trust me, it'll work
Make her want to lose.
Thank you all, minus the trolls. I will look into lichess, and focus more on each movement, instead of focusing too much on the future moves
The story is true
Also,
This is gold