>I am the drunken warrior of this tavern.
>If you're a man, state your name and attack me head on.
>fat drunk stumbles forward
>"beer bottle slam!!" he retardedly yells
>shift to crouching stance
>"counter with glass breaking palm!"
>the bottle shatters to pieces
>ha! fool. think I can be beaten so easily
>I've mastered a thousand arts
>I challenge you all to find a move I can't counter
wooden chair attack
>counter with "uncles fat ass"
>your pathetic chair splits in twain
>"I am no mere man, I am a proud dwarf!"
>The short but sturdy creature heaves a recently-emptied ale barrel over his head, and upends it over his diminuitive body.
>A muffled battle-cry comes from within the dripping cask:
>"Barrel-chested bum rush!"
I am Phillip of glass
I Grasp in my hand a wand
I cast power word kill.
>grab attractive tavern wench
>"bouncing booby bum shield"
>the wench slaps the now distracted dwarf disgusted by his ragged beard and warts
>pick up the dwarf
>his mind still wandering around the wenches apple cleavage
>"bullet blocking bum"
>the bullet shoots strait into the dwarfs spine where it is stopped in it's tracks
>"acceptable losses"
Molotov Cocktail.
>just as the last syllable of the power word is being spoken I wrench the wand from the sorcerers weak little girl hands
>holding it over his head I taunt him
> prepare to swing
>"nerd knocker rod"
>the jaw of glass breaks on impact of my mighty swing
>grab the bottle out of the air
>"ah, I needed a drink"
>gulp down bottle, glass fire and all
>pound on chest
>spit fire out of mouth like smelly fratboy about to get a DUI
>"breath of dragon over the legal limit attack!"
>the foolish naive, along with several wooden furnishings, are bunt to a tasteful crisp
>"I am Olaf!" I holler as I smash me glass over my head
>You can't defeat me because I'm already knocked out
I throw an autistic fit at you, drunk warrior!
...
In that case, I'll need to use a forbidden technique, passed down in my family line over generations!
>Entire Door Throw!
>"I am Heinrich! A soldier of the king!"
>the man reveals a large set of brass knuckles
>"I will strike you down as I have many before you!"
>he lurches forward, aiming a powerful strike at the brawler
>set down my drink on the table
>"I am a gentleman, prepare to take the brunt of my pugilism! WET STIFF UPPER LIP: WITH EXTRA MOUSTACHE!"
I invite you for a drink and ask of your travels. Surely a man as mighty as yourself has seen much more of the world than I. If you refuse I will understand and politely let you get back into beating half the town silly.
had me giggling
>"Brother, why must we fight? Why must this world be torn apart in an endless cycle of conflict? Look at the destruction this battle has caused."
>Wizard wondered why he took the wand
>wand isn't necessary for power word kill's execution
>warrior is still dead.
>Wand is just a fidget.
>Fucking dead illiterate barbarians.
>tfw these threads always end up as"I teleport behind you" "No, I teleport behind YOU" posturing
I teleport behind myself
You achieved: Edgy Ouroboros
>use the teleport behind on yourself
Achievements unlocked: 1/6000000000
That's not the point though, is taking this shit too seriously. You're supposed to come up with something humorous and see how the OP responds.
I counter with Wanderlust, Returning sense of obligation, and an adopted child.
However shall you best this trite recovery arc, Wulfgar, son of Beornegar?
I cast Power Word: Sober and Evaporate Alcohol. Nothin personell kiddo
"this is like fighting a woman, which is perfectly fine with me."
*unsheaths katana*
"1000 FOLD SLASH!"
*proceed to slice you into 1000 peices, cutting through any weapon you hold*
"Pshh, nothin personell... kid"
jesus christ how cringe
aren't you supposed to be in school?
>b-but i'm supposed to win every time!
where are your parents?