Your party encounters Judge Bao Zheng accompanied by Zhan Zhao and Gongsun Ce

clearly I must have committed some heinous crime. I ask Bao Zheng to return my corpse to my family for honorable burial and accept my fate.

i work for Cao Cao and Xiahou Dun of the armies of the Empire of Wei...

fucking judge can go suck my Dick....

Call the dm a weaboo and kick him out of the club house.

Turn around and head towards the nearest country that makes sense

But this is chinese not wapanese

It still fascinates me how China was the cultural, military and economic superpower of Asia for thousands of years, but it's the Japanese we know more about.

The whole Communism thing really fucked with their exportation of a culture they tried to tear apart in that leap forward.

Sounds pretty rad.

Friendly meeting, or are they just going around punishing criminals?

Nigga Bao Zheng doesn't care how powerful you are. He's going to take you to court and tear the shit out of you.

>kaijus VS superpowered legal system

I... don't know.

What happens when you put godzilla in a trial?

Godzilla gets fined for property damage and sentenced to serve time in jail.

"Oh, are you here to pay tribute to the Kaiser? I'm sure he has the time to meet some barbarians, do you mind waiting? You can stand over there with the Turks."

Not unless he butters up the judge first.

Even Sun Wukong had a shot at being part of the celestial bureaucracy, and he was an insane monkey King.

Does this mean godzilla has to get a job now?

They just kept fucking themselves over. Like, even before the British flooded the place with opium to support their tea habit, they just kept on building themselves up and tearing themselves down.

What the blazes is this Chinaman doing in my country?!?

Go back to China, silly man.

Bow deeply and avert my eyes until they have passed.

Ask him if he's seen any Vampires around as I'm on a quest with my party to PUNCH ALL VAMPIRES TO EXPLODE FOREVER

Seeing as the party has no idea who these people are, we keep walking. Maybe exchange a polite greeting or two, but otherwise we remain unaffected.

>but it's the Japanese we know more about.
It's because they were at war with the US and because they settled all along the cali coast and on Hawaii afer the anti-chinese pogroms had destroyed the chinese communities.

Kiss the rod
Avoid the guillotines
Marry the sword

>What do?

1. kill them all
2. sell their shit
3. spend the money on hookers and blow

... and acting lessons for the grieving heirs.

What is this and where can I watch it?

...

Why do people get so #triggered by any imaginary scenario that supposes their PCs are not all powerful demigods?

>not knowing th eEmpire of WEi
> not knowing CaoCao's grip on the Chinese court and political system
> fuck, he owns THE EMPEROR!
>not knowing any R3K?
> being this new....

>uses "nigga" before the Chinese

hey, half-orc/half gorrilla sub-human, get your ass back to that land of disease and big animals and cower in your lack of glorious civilization....

Han only, fool!

youtube.com/watch?v=AZieEEvgaLU

"I didn't break the law! I am the law!"

Use the golden dragon-headed guillotine as a weapon.

Why, bow before and greet the Emperor, of course! He's probably off to give us a quest!

Mao literally had them destroy their culture. Communism is literally the worst thing that ever happened.

>What do?
Greet him and go on our way. We've done nothing wrong.

Wikipedia says that its some very strict judge and a couple of other dudes.

Ha ha no, the Chinese were known to those people, hell for most of history the Chinese were those supercivilized Not!Romans far, FAR to the east, if they actually sent a delegation it would be treated like the Romans at the height of their empire stopped by for a visit

LAAAAAW

And I'm saying Bao Zheng doesn't give a SHIT who owns the emperor, or who you have the favour of. You are going to court for your abuse of position.

He seems pretty cool, and we'd offer him no quarrel, but I don't think he could do anything about my Conjurer, let alone the whole party. If he decides we're criminals his whole travelling court is getting wrecked in ten rounds or fewer.

He also summons a "ghost" to extract a guilty confession from someone. It can be pretty Phoenix Wright at times.

he can't execute a sentence north of Chi Bi, dude. that's Black Banner territory....

And our position gives no fuck for the corrupt legality of all China. we get shit done.

legal action here goes through the Inner Circle if it involves any of the Wei personnel. Judge Bao Zheng can sentence all he wants, but he fucks with the endless North if he crosses that line.

Cao Cao > Bao Zheng.

hell, Guo Jia > Bao Zheng, and Guo Jia doesn't fucking care!

N-ni hao!

Tell him I love the Chinese, they're great people, but we're gotta do something about the trade situation and we're gonna do it whether they like it or not.

I come from space. Do not be afraid.

>talking shit about the perfected martiality of Zhan Zhao

Excellent swordsmanship, eh?
>Flying opponents
>Mirror Image
>Abrupt Jaunt
>debuff and crowd control spells
>Dominate Person
>Wall of Stone sarcophagus
>Iron Bands
>Summon Swarm
>Shaped Column of Ice
That martiality doesn't seem so perfect now, huh.

Say hello and keep walking

It's wuxia, m8. Your caster jerk-off doesn't apply.

Zhan literally falls into a trapdoor and gets stuck, m80
There's worse fates than that in my "shopping trip to rural town" spell list.
I've wrecked high-jumping fleet-footed chop-socky-enthusiast foes before, and I don't see anything gigantically impressive about this one.

>I literally cannot stop masturbating to my 3aboodom

>These are the people who infest the hobby today

>Low-level NPCs are not relevant to my high-level PC
>"Nuh-uh"
>Present case
>"You're a 3aboo"

That's actually a different user.

I wonder what the drek three men from ancient China are doing in Seattle, shrug, then continue on my way.

What movie is that from?

Also, Mengde was the man. The Mongols wouldn't have had a China to conquer if Wei hadn't paved the way for Jin. The biggest problem was that Wei's later rulers were not even a shadow of Cao Cao.

Bump motherfuckers.

My paladin greets him respectfully and prepares to make legal arguments re: the ongoing fate of the kingdom and the world in order to postpone the trial of the party rogue, who has been warned repeatedly this sort of thing may happen and that the Paladin is not going to act against agents of the law if they decide they've had enough of the rogues shit.

Or, if he lacks a current mission, fucking join them

Yeah, not bad, sounds like what you'd see a villain do in an average issue of Storm Riders.
They'd still get their ass kicked.

Japan was widely regarded at one point by the US as 'the Yankees of the East.' They were a lot more accepting of western ideas and fit more of the ideal of what America wanted for Asia - essentially America 2.0. And then after WW2, Japan went from being an enemy to a country we were far more closely related to.

China, even before communism locked it off to use for decades, had always been backwards and insular. Americans didn't marvel at their history, or honestly even care. They wanted to focus on an idealized New China that never came to be, full of Christians acting just like Americans. American missionaries never made much headway, especially with so many other countries and faiths trying to do the same. The most America really ever loved China for China was in the 1920s and 30s, and that was the clean and tidy picture the Nationalists set up, with their leaders as Southern-style Christians and all their modernization and belief in good ol' American values, with their military junta style dictatorship hidden behind democratic trappings.

The Ranger rolls Stealth, my Brawler tries to strike up small talk, the Druid hides behind the Wizard (who she towers over by at least a foot), and the Wizard tries to remember if he knows this guy.

I think you just answered your own question

>backwards and insular
True (for other countries also, so nothing new there), but damn shot through the heart.

If it helps any, within the last half-century alone China's been amazing at pulling itself from the brink. It's downright inspiring.

In the late 18th century, a Manchu emperor took a Macarteny on a tour of his lands in an attempt to impress him, and Macarteny's journals detailed how it was falling behind technologically, how poor and impovrished people were, and how corrupt the government was. This was how things would (more or less) stay for the next two centuries.

In 1900, it was a tottering agrarian empire that only didn't cease to exist because the bickering of other powers, barely escaping being carved up as colonies. The wake up call helped, but modernization came slow as China fractured into juntas and warlords.

Today China is a major power, producer, and even consumer, with diplomatic relations with many other nations where in the 1960s the only country China still had relations with was Albania. In the 1940s cars were still almost unheard of in China, in 2009 they bought more cars than the US - and produce their own instead of just importing. In 2003 China finally built a damn on the Yangzhe they had first discussed building in 1912. It might still be very rural in some areas, but it's modernized well despite its growing pains - it's a very interesting example of a communist country surviving and even thriving, with a growing and well supported middle class. It's not perfect, but it's a damn large amount of progress.