Hardcore

Last session of Mutants & Masterminds our party hijacked a cargo plane full of PMCs by having one guy use gravity manipulation to send a 1000-pound cargo crate flying through the center of the plane, while my character rode on top of it, shot up the passenger section where the PMCs were, causing the passenger section to depressurize and suck most of the PMCs out. Then the crate crashed through the cockpit doors, sending my character flying into the pilot's lap. He knocked the pilot out, grabbed the controls, and crash-landed it into New York Harbor after opening the cargo hold and dumping millions of dollars of private military equipment onto the streets of Manhattan.

Did it all without making any Bane jokes too, which is extra special because my character also wears a mask and speaks in a muffled voice.

Druids don't have quarterstaves, that's a civilized trash term. They have big whacking sticks.

Well yes, but the rouge and GM insisted on calling it a quarterstaff, so I humored them.

>Dark Heresy 1e
>Investigating shitty world which has a woefully misguided Adeptus Arbites
>They decide to let criminals rot in some gigantic fucking dig-pit rather than kill them
>Including those who are psychically active, and known worshippers of Dark Powers
>Flat up tell the presinct leader that he's fucking retarded, and a borderline Heretic for permitting Heretics to go unpunished
>Show him straight up uncontrovertible evidence that his negligence is leading to a spree of cults across the planet's surface
>He gets pissed for "disrespecting their culture", showing he's even MORE inept, thinking Planet trumps Imperium
>Get my Cell, and load up for heavy duty combat, march through the Arbites emplacement to go and purge the surversive elements in the Pit as best we can
>Arbites try to arrest Inquisitorial Agents for alleged "crimes", shoot them as the Heretics they are
>Get to the pit loaded up with Arbites Shotguns, and fight our way down a fair way
>Fight off a coven of Warp Witches, now rocking crazy insanity and some not insignificant Corruption
>Had to shoot my best friend in the head as he was Possessed by Warp Spirits
>Have to murder our way back out, Pit's now even more of a charnel pit than before, but now mostly full of Corpses, rather than Heretics
>Arrive at the top, to about 3 dozen Arbites waiting for us
>They shoot me dead for "crimes against public order"
>Ungrateful fucking shits, I hope they enjoy not choking to death on Demon Dick

To this day I don't know if the GM was playing this world straight, or was well aware of how deeply he had fucked up his knowledge of the Arbites

Used to play a Blue Mage in an ffrpg campaign.

His story was that he was a member of a hunting group, and he'd pissed off a demon personally, so he was seeking to amass power so that when said demon returned, he'd go down fighting.

He wasn't a glory hog- his spell selection meant he could heal or attack, a good thing, as our chemist was hellbent on using his Mix ability to attack.

He was also brutal as fuck against anyone who acted sociopathic or wantonly cruel. Mind-controlled schmuck? Heal them up after a non-lethal beating. Poor, insane beast? Put it down humanely. A druid who offered to turn on her employer to save her own skin after trying to kill hundreds?

He broke her neck with his bare hands.

Demon-worshipping 10/10 cutie tries to seduce him? He vomited acid all over her new dress.

Haughty magitek-armored punk gloats about how he'll usher in a new world order? He spent a good solid minute tattooing a dirt road with the punk's face.

When the demon finally caught up to him, he had studied enough crafting and enchantment to render himself immune to the demon's shadow elemental attacks. During the fight, as his allies proceeded to pick off the demon's allies, he stated his conclusion from the whole journey: "It is not us who should fear you(demons)! You should fear us!"

Then he blasted him in the face with Holy for the third time, an ability he wasn't supposed to have, but the GM decided that someone like him deserved a sign he was basically a mage-paladin.

Then we killed an evil god, and the blue mage fucked off to be Madeen's (Holy elemental God) prophet.

>Pathfinder
>Im playing an inquisitor
>We go to meet the leaders of the church of Sarenrae
>I find out from the head inquisitor of the church all the head clerics are demons in disguise
>Not allowed by party to attend the meeting with the clerics due to getting into a heated debate with one when we arrived in the city
>Me and head inquisitor decide to storm the meeting
>We enter by shattering a glass panel above the meeting rooming and climbing down a rope in
>Old ass cleric man starts to yell at me and I accuse him of being a demon and a heretic
>He calls for the guards to escort me out
>Before me and the head inquistor get grabbed I let loose an arrow at the head cleric, as the arrow hits he gets pissed and he turns into a six armed demon with six swords
>IDunFuckedUp.jpeg
>Party starts to flee but I have a shortsword of wish (We fucked with a deck of many things, as we wanted to end the campaign early)
>I used it to cast Form of the Dragon III
>The other inquisitor traps the demon inside a circle against evil so it cant retreat and I start to clean up the smaller demons who were the other clerics
>Head inquisitor bits the dust 1 round after making the circle
>I get a bright idea to fuck up the six armed demon
>Fly up about 500 ft, and drop straight down
>DM decides, fuck rolling damage, it dies
It was fucking majestic. I got to five star frogsplash a demon to death as a dragon. Definitly the most unique thing Ive done in a campaign

Right after I took Hellfire to the face, my character bear-hugged the death knight so hard that his armor completely shattered due to crit-ing a grapple check.

My character tried to pick up the massive hammer he was using too and throw it at the accompanying dracolich, but it was too heavy.

I did get to punch through their back, lift them up by their spine and squeeze them in half.

Also my character bowled through a significant chunk of an undead horde and took 70 damage but survived. I didn't do jack shit because the DM decided to have the horde as a 25,000 HP pool and only the casters could do anythign significant. It wasn't the worst that campaign had to offer though.

RIP AND TEAR

>D&D 3.5
>1st level party, going to kill "Boggarts" in the swamps beyond the mountain
>Playing as an Aspiring Knight (Paladin) of the Land of the Three-Lion Banner (Can't remember the fucking name right now, basically high fantasy england).
>The other members of the party are a sticky-fingered NOT!-Scot rogue and a big ol' half orc barbarian.
>Walking to the swamps through the bigass forest because we're poor fuckers who can't afford a horse (I literally just started my pilgrimage in my paladin order, no supplies, just go out and do good)
>going through a bunch of slot canyons because the other ways through the area are all long ass hauls that we don't feel like hiking.
>Start hearing noises, rocks being disturbed, movements. Group gets worried, draws weapons. I draw my bow and get ready to shoot at the first sign of trouble.
>after a few minutes of us walking slowly and methodically searching, I hear a noise behind me.
>I spin around, ready to catch whatever brigand is hiding in these canyons.
>A fucking rabbit is walking around, unafraid of humans.
>I say fuck it and shoot it, then collect it because it's food and that means we don't need to eat dried nuts and jerky tonight.
>Turn around and nock another arrow, continue looking around.
>Big ass crash behind me
>Turn around again, this time I see a fucking Stone Giant
>It shouts and yells in Giantish, I don't speak anything but Common because it is the superior human tongue.
>I turn and run for my fucking life, shouting to my friends.
>The Giant starts chasing me, but the canyons get pretty narrow in some places so I manage to keep out of his reach. My buddies are running like shit from this thing too.
>After a lot of running back and forth, the barbarian is stuck at the back of one of the narrowest canyons, the giant is on his belly, reaching as far as he can with his body pressed up against the canyons walls.
cont...

I was playing a merc who was a florist. End up being paid like seven times for the same job.

Dirty Corp legal department was basically covering up that they were using demons and magic to manipulate business deals. All of them became corrupt and paranoid that someone would squeal.

PC politician finds out and contracts me to eliminate them and all evidence that he had ever dealt with them. Before making a run at the city council.

I Deliver flowers in the name of PC client who was helped and plant loose evidence that someone was ratting to the police. Get hired by all four to kill the rest to bury their sins over the next few days as they all had their own underworld connections. They all had separate bag men and so none knew the plans of the other.

All pay in advance as my reputation was impeccable.

I study them for a few days before making my move and kill them all within about six hours of each other.

Poison one with foxglove in his rum and coke late in at night.

Push one into oncoming traffic while on a morning run early the next morning.

Another slipped on some ice on a loose cobblestone on his porch stairs and died of a broken neck.

The last arrived early at his office and took a bite of his bagel and went into anaphylaxis and died alone.

Because of the beautiful floral arrangement left initially get four arrangement orders from corporate office.

Deliver flowers to CFO as a thank you for the business/sorry for your loss gift and use the opportunity to scrub incriminating evidence at the office

Payed by PC politician and then hired as personal florist.

I have so many stories of Conrad.

Our party was stopped by some bandits demanding a road-tax ("All your gold!") and so I tossed a gold piece into the dirt, claiming it was all we had. They continued to press us, demanding our weapons, because "[they] look like they're worth something"
I asked the leader, who was making the demands, if he was sure. He was, so, I approached, one hand on my flail, holding both the grip and the chain.
In a single smooth motion, I drop the chain, and crush the bandit leader's head. He dies in a spray of gore, and I posture for the rest of the bandits, offering them a shot.
They decline the offer, and flee.

Ill add on another story I just remembered
>Be a few sessions later, were leading a crusade against an army of hell
>I volunteer to lead the army since I have the banner spell, which applies a spell over a massive area, to creatures that meet certain requirements (You could include and exclude things based on type, race, alignment, and such)
>I only applied to effect to effect demons
>Choose some spell that requires a will save each round
>It renders about 3/4 of the army crippled at a time due to shit rolls (We rolled around 20d20s and use that to determine how much of the army was failing their saves
>Start dropping flamestrikes all over the army of demons to try and take out as many as I can
>Meanwhile the party is kicking the BBEGs ass due to him failing a bunch of saves and missing all his attacks
>I manage to eventually wittle down the army to just their demon general who's fleeing
>I see its the six armed demon before and this time Im out of wishes
>Demon sees me and charges
>ThisIsHowIDie.gif
>Im hyperspecialized into longbow, and drop an attack using a combo of feats I cant remember
>Around +25 to hit, and will deal around 50 damage if it hits (Using my greater bane, enchantment bonus, double shot, etc)
>GUESS WHAT I ROLL
>It was a 15 or some shit, no nat 20s today
>Still deal enough damage to take out around 1/4 of its health bar
>Demon decides fuck this and decides to run, since it doesnt want to get hit with this every round while he tries to slowly push through the few men I have left
In the end, the army chased the sword demon and slayed it again, returning it to hell. The BBEG was killed by the party in a few turns due to him botching like 5 rolls and the party rolling the best they did the entire campaign.
Not as good as the first story, but I had a fun last stand story.

>The Rogue is torn between wanting to run away and wanting to have the barbarian as an ally.
>My honour forbids me from leaving a comrade to die while I flee like a coward.
>I charge, swinging my greatsword at the giant's feet. It misses, but distracts the giant long enough for the barbarian to run up the Giant's arm and across his back and turn to face him with his axe.
>The Giant gets up and picks the barbarian up and shouts something in broken common about "My fuzzy!"
>The rogue gets the bright idea that he could trick the giant and get us all out of this. Offers us his blackjack and says it's "A fuzzy."
>Giant is old, can't see well. Puts the barbarian down and walks over my to see the rogue.
>Jesus fucking christ it isn't wearing anything but a cloth loinskirt.
>It's dick smacks me, the damn thing is as big as a dog.
>I'm still keen to fight the thing, so I do the first thing that comes to mind, I sunder.
>Off like french heads during a revolution.
>Resultant scream deafens the Rogue and Barbarian
>Agonized Giant chases us as he run, clumsy and fumbling to catch me in particular.
>Round the corner and book it.
>Hear and crash and then pained sobbing.
>Don't look back and keep fucking running.

And that was how I castrated a Giant.

Well my DH Cleric shot a guy in the head and said "Does HE look like a bitch?"

>playing a very Pulp version of CoC
>we're in a blimp
>bad guy we thought was a sorcerer turns out to be, possibly, Nyarlathotep
>he starts to change in front of us
>I make my SAN roll
>I'm okay
>I lunge at him and take him with me through the open door
>fucker got wings now and tries to shake me off him
>I pull a Johnny Utah and keep holding on as we fall/fly through the air
>make DEX roll to keep holding on with legs and one hand and take Elder Sign medallion around my neck
>touch Nyarly (if it was him... the Keeper never told us) with sign
>sign explodes with 3D6 damage (we were using 2nd edition CoC, not sure if it's the same in other editions)
>Luck roll
>made it
>Nyarly gets 2D6 damage (7)
>I get 1D6 (6) (MY HAND! IT'S GONE!!!)
>POW roll to see if I keep holding on to a flying monster after losing my hand or if I pass out
>made it
>Nyarly gets back inside the blimp with me still holding on
>friends start to shoot him while I'm still on him
>2 bullets miss him, I make Luck roll, fail one
>6 damage again
>3 Hit Points left
>monster is still standing
>my turn to act and after that it's Nyarly's turn
>I lunge at him again and take him back outside
>fail to hold on because of missing hand and fall to my death while my friends shot the flying monster until it starts to fall too
>my last sight before I touch the water below with enough force to destroy all my internal organs is of the dead carcass of the Avatar/Mask of Nyarlathotep falling down to join me in a watery grave

Threw a 1 year old baby out of a moving carriage because we already had enough children to please our master (needed 13). The DM described in detail the sound of its skull hitting the pavement.

We're all mentally scarred from that session but hey, roleplaying evil, cant complain too much.

RIP Walter Jonstone, my 73 yo, former soldier, Antiques Dealer

Sadly I always get shafted with DM duty because I'm the only one who knows enough of the rules.

But I once had a bard lull an elder wyrm to sleep by singing bad 80's music.

Not me, but I saw it happen.

> 3.5e, all excited newfags
> seriously optimised party - DMM persist cleric, Dragonborn Water Orc Charger, etc.
> One guy, only oldfag, rolls up a monk
> DM checks if he's sure he wants to play someone so low-tier
> Guy's dead set on it
> Time to choose feats
> Monk chooses improved bullrush and cleave
>wat.jpg

> Combat encounter time
> Dark elf riders coming in to kill everyone because of a diplomatic fuckup
> Party's standing in a field trying to figure out what the fuck to do
> Monk just charges
> wat.jpg

> Provokes an AoO for entering the elf's space
> The elf rolls and crits
> Mega damage
> ohshit.jpg
> But wait!
> If you AoO someone who's bullrushing, there's a 1/4 chance you'll hit the other person in the square
> Elite rider cuts off his horse's head
> Rider falls prone on the floor
> When he tries to get up the monk mashes him up

And that's how the monk became known as the most powerful member of our party. I've got more stories from this campaign if anyone's interested.

> fleeing on a wagon
> 20+ lion/cat warriors after us, clearly designed to take us as prisoners
> they catch up because slow as horse
> we decide to fight
> rogue gets hit by poison dart
> mage trapped under a net
> me, metalbending bloodlusting warrior, against 20 beasts
> find out they have an absurd leader cult
> challenge their leader to 1 vs 1
> steps forward 2,50m with an equally big axe
> crowd around us cheering and stomping
> block his axe with my shield, but let it sink in and forge both together
> while he is confused ram him down, while simultaneously stinging my sword into his stomach through his balls
> assert my dominance and behead him with his whole tribe watching
> cut and throw his testicles on the ground
> shout who is next and watch all the little pussys running away
> laugh at my companions for beeing noobtards