Mages Guild: Better representation edition

Well, if you haven't noticed, it's making the whole guild about as cold and damp as hydromancy usually is.

I say it's more an undying art, personally.

I guess so.
Do they even know we're here? For all we know this could have been a deal for months and Antruthius just decided to make the meeting out of a random fit of cocaine fueled decisions.
I hope they become Oozemancers...
Some of the oozes can explode.
Some.
That has got to be a bad pun because the Necromancy Department is one of the biggest Departments in the Guild!

>HITTING HANDS ON WINDOW WEAKLY WHILE DROWNING

You would.

>SUDDENLY
>MAGIC
>THEY ARE INSIDE
>THEY HAVE STOPPED DROWNING
>BUT NOT BEING WET

Stevecus here, I was told by my school I was a joke and you were all the only hope I had of becoming a decent wizard. Caw!

Excuse me, where is "Bargaining with beings beyond my comprehension for unfathomable power" being held today?

Hm... I feel my department needs more teachers.
Demonolgy Department, just like every Wednesday.
Well, what kind of magic do you want to do?

Can you tell the demonolgy team to give me the tomes they stole back, that would be grand,

I have in fact noticed. It's quite pleasant, and it helps prevent accidental fires. As long as we can keep the corpse storage dry there shouldn't be any problems with our current situation.
I have no idea, but if they do know then there are always teleportation magic. If they are incapable of setting up a portal, or something like it, then they aren't worth our time.
Hmm... crude, but impressive. How far down are we now again?
Well, welcome to the REAL Mages Guild. By reaching the meeting hall despite our relocation you have passed the first test, good job. Here, have a map and an entry form.

yes and no, we know who did it thanks to the interrogation of what's left of first victims/experimenters but the corpses refuse to divulge the secrets of their accomplices for fear of academic discipline on behalf of their comrades.

yeah but we still only have a third of the budget of the divination wing, paying gravediggers for corpses isn't exactly cheap you know.

Transformations. Caw!

>VIOLENTLY PUKES OUT WATER

Down the hall and to the left.

Well hire some then.

True.

Well, at least you're alive.

Oh sure, I come to talk professional to professionals and get ignored, but they give you a fancy staff and hat and you fully merge their student base. More corrupt than the government I swear.

Wait a second..where the hell is Mr. Pierre?

Wonderful! A projectile vomit-mancer. Again.

Well the next time you interrogate them you can inform then that if they do not give you names soon then I will run out of patience and take care of it myself. And I'm not known for my mercy when I'm out of patience.

Good initiative on your part though, what was your name now again? Jane?
Welcome to the Mages Guild, and congratulations on making it here.
In this particular case, I couldn't agree more.

Don't look at me, we bribe him with cocaine.

I hear the Drow academy of enith-moz are looking to begin an oozmaster exchange program. according to my vampire peer at the academy.

It shouldn't be based on bribes at all!
Its mostly the principle, None of the students in my school are worth submitting to the mages guild anyway.

True. The mages guild doesn't really have any defense against portals being created in it, does it?
You and I both know that is bull shit. The Divination Department gets their money from investments and stocks.
Ah, of course.
Well, I have other people transform me. And I don't know the direction of the department right off hand.
Like my graduated students?
Drow? I didn't realize they had ooze magicians.
I should see if they can trade notes with me.

>Puts one of his feet in an inkweel and signs it by planting them on the dotted line, leaving a signature of a birds foot and passes it back.

Where do I go now? Caw!

Well compared to the insitution of a 1000 years ago. Its one hell on an improvement!

And what do you mene none of your students are worthy? We take all sorts of misfits.

Janet sir, iv been with the department for quite some time, although to be fair I spend most of my time in/under the field rather then teaching per say.

you know what they say a rolling bone gathers no bloodmoss.

indeed, according to what he sais thieve been working on some sort of eternal burning fire elemental ooze hybrid. fascinating stuff , if you care for that sort of thing.

Its more a matter of deserving it, They would do nothing but insult the already barely known name of our institution.

Look, you want him to do stuff, you bribe him. That's how it works.

Well, yeah. That's usually a good place to look.

Last I heard he was still working on some project of his.
I'm glad you have the insight to see that.
It has defences against mass portals, as well as portals in certain parts of it. But as long as its a single stable portal aimed at the Hall of Portals or the Main Hall, which we are currently in, then no, no defences.

Well, unless they are portals from other planes at least, there are wards against those, on Adam's inssitance if I'm not mistaken.
You either sit down and complain with the rest of us. Introduce yourself and try to convince us how great you are, or you ask around until you figure out what department you should be part of.
Yes, I'm well aware of the expression. Made any progress out there? Or are you more of a problem solver?

>A man in ink-flecked robes, directing a quill with one hand and a scroll of parchment with the other walks in.
"Who was responsible for building accommodation for the new intake? I was going to talk to Rogok and Rogob, but they didn't return my memo."

I already made that.
>Creates a fire ooze
>Creates a lava ooze
>Creates a bunch more oozes of various types of magical fire
Hm, I guess I can offer them jobs. Especially Dylan.
Ah, that's good to hear.
Um, was it already decided?

There is allways room in the archive, they can set up on the 196th floor if they want.
We recently moved the Arakzaz Anomaly out of there anyway.

Noted.

Let me tell you all about the problem with that other mages guild! It was all rules this and rules that! Stop polymorphing other students. Don't true polymorph yourself, Stevecus I know you were the gibbon who shat on the archmage's hat.

You make one little mistake, get stuck as a bird and they tell you to hit the road. Caw!

Why?
I miss the days when magical talent was the requirement for magical teaching, not rich parents.
>Slight anger

Because he really likes being bribed with cocaine.

See? There, you've got a at least one you can hire.

Eh. These days it seems to be neither, makes it more interesting.

"Well, thats why I'm here. To make sure that we don't have the new intake sleeping in the corridors"
"and where did it move to? Really, it so hard to keep proper track of all these experiments."

>Guisome pulls out a scroll case and pulls out a scroll about 1 metre thich. It unrolls about 10 metres of itself, and the quill crosses something off. The scroll Guisome was holding floats inside the scroll case.

Exactly, Its getting WORSE! anyone with a bag of gold gets to send their brat off to study magic!
Not what I meant...

>Raises his hands
My parents weren't rich! In fact I used to be a Kuo-Toa.
Fair enough. How's your department been this week?
>QUINTS WITNESSED
So, do we need to do renovation?
Because if so maybe try the Geomancy Department?

The goblin duo?

Well they don't seem to be here at the moment.
Portals usually aren't that big of a problem. Few have the resources, or are mad enough, to attack the Mages Guild. Other than the Drow invasion two years ago we haven't had much to worry about.
Don't worry about that here. We're pretty loose on rules, I'm not quite sure how harsh the rules we do have on polymorphing is. But what I've seen in the last few years seem to indicate you shouldn't have a problem.
In my department it still is. If you can't teach, then you study, if you can't study then you're studied.

Whereabouts do we stay while here? Caw!

Some of you guys are alright. Don't come to Cyrodiil in 3E 433.

We've been alright.

Im going to take that as an insult. We here at the archives take documentation quite seriously.
It was moved to the 503rd Floor.
Your eliteism is actually quite funny. Tell us your tale! How did you get your doctorate?

A fair bit of both id wager, I was actually on to something interesting in terms of calcivor research a few months back when my work was rudely interrupted by the local branch of the paladins of righteous order, despite having all my permits in order.

Honestly for an order that seems to represent the law you think they would heed the laws of the local government.
>shrugs

There are dorms.
Is that where, and when, you've been all this time? Take a seat, I'm interested to hear what you've been up to.

Yes, Occasionally magical talent makes it through, and its great until someone /tells/ them they have magical talent and it goes to their head and they become even more insufferable than the nobles.
A great way to handle it.
Sixty thousand page thesis detailing how to solve world hunger using simple spells any farmer can memorize and apply.

I often find myself thinking the same, it's a good thing at least some paladins respect the law. Makes them better than the druids who bother you about "upsetting the natural order" and other such nonsense regardless if you have permits or not. I hope you haven't had any problems with them, have you?

Which paladin order was this?

We'll have to have a chat with them about respecting guild business.

Time to grind some fresh meat

the morgue is also available during those odd times when we have an overflow of living non extraplaner visitors.

Managing my order, raising corpses, sabotaging the mages guild... nothing special really.

I'm glad someone approves. Apparently the diplomancers think it's poor form.
>raises an eyebrow
I thought you were disbanded, and with extreme prejudice.

Could I get a copy of that. sounds like a decent read.
I've got plenty of time to read it now days with all the retainers I've managed to aquire to run the archives.

>Aaliyah wonders in, copper cup of kave in paw.
What did this one miss, shi was awoken late.

Holy shit you're alive again.

Did you bring the rest of your department with you?

What was that last one?

>They jump out from behind him, wearing sunglasses and crossing their arms
Fuck yeah, we're back with the boss of all badasses!

"Not really renovation, more allocation of space. We will have new students as well as the intake from the Adventeurs, and I want to make sure they don't feel like a 14th wheel, or under anyones feet."

"Well apparently being dean of students wasn't enough to find that out. Thank you."
>The quill makes a note on the scroll, before it rolls back up and moves to float behind Guisomes left shoulder.
>The scroll unravels again to about 50m this time.
"I believe the dorms were fitted with shielded windows and perches for your exact situation."

That motion was never passed, amigo.
Only suggested with extreme prejudice

That Tamriel Mages Guild I hope? They sounds like a dreadful bunch, banning Necromancy? Such a waste of talent. I hope you manage to destroy them eventually.
Don't make us wake up Arthurius again.

Yeah. Just the occasional paladin order and they aren't a big deal.
That's good to hear.
Ah, yeah, I know about that.
And really? Sixty thousand pages? That's incredible.
Hey, you finally recovered.
Lurco was distraught when he was told you were dead.
Not much, chainsawmancers are making a come back.
Hey, can you guys not try to take over the guild again?
Well, which Adventurers?

You can't kill justice.
Not when there's skeletons around
>mauls a random skeleton

I believe there is a copy in your library, One of my colleagues saw fit to publish it under his name, With a small note detailing that it was my thesis on the last page.
Times are changing sadly.
Well I had to tackle several problems, Such as difficulty translating without altering the spell, different climates needing different spells, so on and so forth.

No, I'm fairly certain the Archwizard dealt with you.
And even less so now that we're at the bottom of the ocean.
Oh for crying out loud, please stop destroying the minions.
That they are, that they are...

Sorry I'm late for the meeting. Anyone able to clue me in, and does anyone have some way that I won't have to listen to the chainsawmancers?

Well now that is rude, I'll make sure our copy is ammended to your name at once.

>dubs
Hah, we may have lost a bit of guys..well..actually..two..three..a..dozen..two d- Ah, but we're the badass mothafuckas around here, and we run this town!
>One of them frowns
That depends, will the guild try to disband us again?

Yeah.

Bit of a mishap with a cake yesterday, but aside from that, we're fine.

Hey!

That was probably someone's!

The new mages, Oozemancer. The ones from the International Adventurer Mage Collaborative, which we are providing with world class teaching and the greatest campus in the worl... Sorry, went into open day mode there for a moment. Also, when do you want the plumbers to look at the drains of the junior apprentice lab? They need to know so they can hire out the potions of acid resistance, and they'd prefer not to have to kill whatever is blocking the drain while you or one of your staff members is teaching."

Apologies for being late esteemed colleagues... or was it early? No matter, for now.

This is truly a marvelous development Archwizard. The Chronomancy Department could use more Aspirants in our continued work on Retrocasuality Manipulation.

Hopefully this time the Necromancy Department shan't have the lions share of the students. In all timelines I might add!

I appreciate it.
Did you know I'm not allowed to turn students into mice anymore as punishment? Just because some dukes son was eaten by a familiar, That's the ENTIRE POINT of the punishment!

He dealt with me.
I got over it. Mostly, he took my arm, now I have this awesome chainsaw-bow
Come on now, spooky guy.
It's not like you can't just resurrect it again like the diabolical bastard you are

no, no real problems, well until the giant snake made entirely of the bones of condemned criminals got loose thanks said paladins turning off the containment field then fleeing into the woods next to the municipal graveyard, but I suppose that's the druids problem for now. until they ask us to fix it, for a modest fee of course got to pay for those intern burials some how, or what's left of them at least

as I said the paladins of righteous order unfortunately im not sure unto which god of order they cleave to so that may be difficult

pleases refrain from mauling the skeletons that was jimmy in class c's I wanted to present that one. the kids got a good headnot on his shoulders mind you but a good head none the less hes going to go far

Yeah, that's simply incredible.
How long did it take you?
True.
I love the location change.
Probably not.
Cake?
Right, those Adventurers. Hm, I guess I should great them as the representative of the Adventurers' Guild of Midway Island.

We'll have someone pay them a visit then.

Well, I mean, that's a fair point...

It exploded.

It wasn't that tasty, either.

A good ten years of my life, It was worth it though.

Anyone from Pyromancy willing to work with us to investigate the fissure vents outside our new location? or are you still too busy with the whole basement issue?

I think one of those new under-water boats from the engineering lads would be good as well, much classier than just getting an air bubble (no disrespect to the Hydomancers though)

Question to my esteemed colleagues. When will we be getting live test subjects for recent experimentation? Using month old storage blood to teach classes is all well and good but my god it loses it's power if it's not fresh. Have you ever tried to teach basic fighting techniques with old blood? It's like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

You quiet your hush mouth, lady. I don't take sass from people past a '6' on "looks like a bad guy" scale
Your damn right it is.

You haven't missed terribly much, we discussed how the new applicant would make it to the guild now that it's at the bottom of the ocean. Then we revived a few new applicants who managed to make it. And now the chainsawmancers have showed up.
Try not to cause too much of a mess this time. The corpses you leave behind tend to be useless for necromancy with all the damage you do to them.
We'll see how it goes. I don't think I have to tell you that history has favoured the necromancers when it comes to raw numbers.
Nobility should mean nothing inside these halls. Eithe you have magical power, or you have no power at all.
I'll give you credit for sheer determination, I can respect that.
They broke the containment field? They need better education before they go necromancer hunting, or stay out of our way so we can do our jobs.
You and me both. Do you know how much it has done to keep fires down? It's incredible.

We don't house many criminals so Im afriad I can't help.

Chainsaw what?
>Shi pauses to look at the carnage.
Wait... This one saw it, somewhere.... A haunted pumpkin patch somewhere yes?

Then we wont fuck with you sons of bitches!
>they walk over behind their department head, still acting like try hard cool kids
Tell that wench, boss!
Psh, whatevs!

I'm here to stay.
Plus I left my DVD player in the department.

>The 1 m wide scroll vanishes back into the scroll case and a small one on black vellum comes out.
"Maybe you should talk to the Necromancers about this list of people potentially thinking of taking the Lichdom retirement package. We're looking to add in unnecessary body part donation to the list of requirements, but are having trouble justifying it."

Okay? Um, what were you guys doing with the cake?
That's really diligent of you.
So, you said you were from an outside group?
Yeah. Plus there's fresh food just swimming around us!
Yes we do. They're called co-workers!
>He laughs
Good.

Here's the coffee for everyone

>thumbs up

to be fair we in the Necromancy Department due have a lucrative undead labor job market post graduation while along with tax breaks. The Chronomancy Department is a very theoretical field. no offense of course.

It was Obsidia's birthday.

I know Justin was there, he didn't tell you?

Thank you, Mort.

Don't...don't open portals underwater. The pressure alone does nothing good, and I don't want to have to deal with any of that.

That's probably not going to have any-

Oh thank you Mort.

What player? This is some new BetaMax technology yes? Much rained down from the heavens a few weeks ago.