What inspires a hate against DMs?

Lack of communication.

Berserk has never been low power or non-magical.

FFS, Guts was born from a fucking corpse and could wield a sword as tall as he was when he was only eleven years old.

Not to mention Zodd and the rest of the apostles.

Bad DMs

and this

>And the worst one of all
>>The GM has 0 hygiene
I have one better
>The GM is a cunt

Since he was 5*

>Thinks horror campaigns are all about killing people in the most bullshit way possible
>Shoots down ideas and strategies because they don't line up to the railroad and claims you're stupid for not knowing his plan
>Lack of communication
>Believes that he has a right to change the rules in the middle of the session without any warning just because he's the GM.
>Creates GMPCs who are better than everyone else, are unstated, and generally act like arrogant cunts.
>The GM spends most of the campaign stroking off his NPCs for being badass.
>Will constantly use GM fiat to make sure that any awesome equipment that we could gain from an enemy is destroyed, no exceptions.
>Gets angry if you disagree with him.
>No hygiene
>No tact
>No self-awareness
>etc.

And most of these are from the same session too.

He has a fetish for killing and then fucking elves. His computer is full of self-made CGI sketches of elf girls getting impaled. It's also his desktop/phone
background.

IIRC, he started training when he was six but he didn't kill his first man until he was eleven.

Stories?

I'll try but don't expect too much.

>GM starts a Star Wars d20 campaign.
>Tells us that everyone will be either a Jedi or a Sith.
>Party is comprised of two Jedi and two Sith
>Go to some beach planet to investigate some temple.
>When we get there, GM has us roll perception
>Said perception was just to see a fucking hill that we were only a few meters from.

It doesn't get better

>Anyways, we all meet his GMPC, some punk kid who is basically a Jedi and a Sith and is unstated so we couldn't possibly kill him (GM's own words btw).
>We reach the temple and we all use our force powers on it, door opens up, hologram of some dude comes up, basically tells us to find five macguffins on five seperate worlds.

Long story short, we only got 2 of the keys and we eventually kicked him out of the group for being an asshole.

The only highlights that I can recall is one point where he spent 15 minutes describing how his GMPC killed a group of guys who "would totally kick you ass" (GM's words again).

I'm not good at greentext stories.

What if the GM is a cunt with bad hygiene?

Honestly? Inconsistency in application of rules

Then he'd reek of fish.

>Borrowing character, plots or themes from popular fantasy works.

That doesn't always mean it's gonna be a shit game at all.

>Okay you guys are gonna be playing as these guys in Dwarf Army while I get to DMPC Bilbo and crew while you look at your phones for 15 minutes

But there are differences between that, and say introducing a monster/npc/hook that was inspired by something you read/watched, as long as it doesn't steal the entire campaign.

My dm is a major fucking troll and fucks with us constantly
>Group of 6
>Looking for elf princess apparently taken by a neighbouring elf village
>but they are bad elves
>we walk across a door with a hole in it
>Suspicious.jpeg
>Advises us not to fuck with it
>He says it's completely blank inside
>Our barbarian puts his arm in it
>Its cold
>Shine lantern
>Nothing
>We decided not to open it
>We all sit for a good 45 minutes in town talking about a hole in a door that's pitch black
>Farmers looking at us like we are bat shit insane
>we come back
>Archer shoots arrow
>Loud thud as if hit into a creature
>The DM laughs like a fucking faggot
>mfw we killed the princess
Appearently the elves got corrupted and used nigga magic

He likes to add tiny details such as door holes in the campaigns BECAUSE he knows what we do
>A fucking sandwich at the end of a huge ass dungeon
>"Eat it"
>Let pet doggo take a nibble
>Dog catches on fire turns into a mini draggo
>Whut
>Our druid thinks that was sick af
>Takes a bite and instantly vaporized into nothingness
>Told to leave room
>See them both snickering upon return
>he is gone for a larg portion of campaign occasionally rolling dice
>Druid spawns back with +7 weapons and a substantial amount of gold
> "I rolled realy good"
I still have yet to figure out what the fuck that sandwich was, also wasn't too op since we were like level 15

>magical item has different effects depending on the being interacting with it

I hate this. If the fountain turns the old woman into a young maiden, and it turns the middle-age explorer into a young maiden, then it should also turn the baggage mule into a young maiden.

Hold on a second you tried using a fountain of youth on a pack mule...

>Wasting a perfectly good mule by turning it into a girl

R u me

I dont feel like linking the oglaf, but thats from an oglaf

And that wasn't even the fountain of youth, it was the fountain of girl.

What if I put the sandwich In the fountain

then you fulfill by very obscure and specific fetish.

Not showing up for first session.

>Be GM
>Try to run a campaign
>Be fucking awful at balancing encounters
>Be fucking awful at managing combat
>Be fucking awful at thinking about the story should advance and how to move the players forward
I am just a shitty GM. Prep time won't do shit to fix that, I would plan my shit long in advance, I'm just bad at GMing. I did the only reasonable thing and ended the campaign because it was terrible and depressing.

"Bill the Pony was going to be sucking on more than Turnips tonight thought Sam."

>using memes during a game

Why must you expose your power level this way

>be you
>be a literal retard
>do retard things
>continue doing retard things, like thinking you're retarded
>never learn to stop being a retard because you're all too happy to continue you cyclical retard chain of events

>prep time won't do shit to fix that
>I would plan my shit long in advance, but I'm just bad at GMing
What does this even mean.
>I'm bad at calculus and reading the books won't do shit to help me
>I would study long in advance, but I'm just bad at calculus

literal retard

Just run good modules , they not only make life much easier for you but teach you how to design and structure an adventure.

Also make things really simple. You don't need to be Shakespeare, or even Monte Cooke. Remember the entire GreyHawk setting started out as a village and a couple of layers of Castle GreyHawk. There's nothing wrong with just having a starting village ( that you can steal ) and a nearby dungeon ( which you can steal/randomly generate.)

If your players run into the wilderness instead just roll random encounters then throw another random dungeon at them.

should turn girls into mules huh?
Am I rite lmfao.

Brutal pragmatism

It's usually done by DMs who aren't good enough to either make something of the material they're ripping it off, or rip it off in a way that does it justice. I'm not talking about just taking random pages from Sword of Ass and Fire; someone who thinks he's making a good game by stealing random bits from Tolkien probably doesn't have the education necessary to know what's worth stealing or how it works. Popular genre fiction is the lowest of the low literature for a reason.

When the GM tells you something, then a few minutes later says something entirely different, and denies they said the other thing earlier.

"The ceiling is ten feet high."
"Five minutes ago you said it was fifty feet high."
"I never said that.

You would not believe how many different GMs I've seen who do this shit non-stop.

>I'm not good at greentext stories.
You could always write your stories using sentences. Like a human fucking being.

>The GM lets his girlfriend play
>She plays a thief and tries to pickpocket everyone in the party
>There's literally nothing you can do

...

I'm not really sure where to post this so I'll drop it here.
>Be me, like 3Rd time playing d&d with some friends in highschool, so I'm still new to tabletops
>We're in a cave system, just woke up on a ship
>Get the group out of the locked store room, I'm feeling good about this one.
>Walking into the caves, their is holes all around with spider webs and shit
>That guy decides to charge and knock me into a hole with him
>Can't roll to dodge because I'm surprised
>He grappled me so my 14 reflex roll didn't work
>Instant death

Well that was fun, d&d is great guys, lol so randum.
>I was pissed.
Didn't reroll because how am i supposed to join them in a mysterious cave system? Played war thunder while they went on, they all died like an hour later. Getting to level 2 is a feat with that group, haven't played a tg game in 3 years.

>Best friends with that guy, but fuck that night.

>there's literally nothing you can do
"Could you stop pick pocketing us? We can't work together if you're going to be a constant distraction"

Don't take action. Just ask her to stop. If she continues, it makes her look bad. If the GM does anything against you, it makes him look bad. Either way, your problem is solved literally by using your words and talking to people.

That's not even bad by "GM invited his gf" type occurrences. She's not getting obscene magic items, they're not ERPing, etc., etc.

You are the kind of player who tries to use pickpocketing to tell lies.

>be me
>third time playing
>in highschool

user, this is an 18+ website.

>Getting to level 2 is a feat with that group, haven't played a tg game in 3 years.
I may have failed english, but I still have better reading comprehension.

I thought the implication that we tried telling her to stop being a bitch was obvious but I guess not.

That's exactly what the guy is saying. Learn to communicate.

No, it isn't hard to understand these things through text. You are just retarded.

Kek I'd throw her under the bus so hard if she pulled shit like that.

>then it should also turn the baggage mule into a young maiden.

>be evil
>bring cheap animals to the fountain
>let them drink from it
>sell the resulting girls into slavery
>profit

A DM of mine constantly does this, and it's plot important things, too.

>You gather rumours of the sword of the first lich.
Oh nice, we have a necromancer in our party. He'd be very interested in that item. +8 motivation.

Next session.
>So, after much progress you finally make it to the temple where you believe the sword of pale flames is located.
>What do you mean lich? Sorry, it's not related to a lich. It was created by fire elementals.
>It's in my notes! You are the only who is saying it's the lich sword!

Half of the players agree with him, the other half with me.

I think it's because he sometimes runs the game for only a couple of the players (if the others are unavailable etc) so in these sections he might have messed up since his notes are a huge mess, too.

I let my gf play once and she tried stealing the party's gold. A guard saw her though and cut her hands off on the spot.
I slept on the sofa that night.

>Those girls walk on all fours
>Scream instead of neigh all the god damn time
>Eats grass
>Hairy
>Kicks anyone trying to mount them
I'd buy two

I don't think they'd be any more hairy, user.
I'd still buy two, though.

Is he the guy whose ex-girlfriend looked a bit like an elf and got back together with him (kinda) while you guys played a three-person campaign together? Want to say his name's Greg?

I think he was just agreeing with him and going into detail as to WHY the gm was so fucking wrong.

That's literally a James Jacobs adventure

>James Jacobs adventure
I know nothing about it, elaborate, please.

>they develop brains like human girl would
>start learning to not be fucking retarded
>if she was a dog or something, her old insticts will make her into obedient servant of her master

Porphyry House Horror, in which you investigate a brothel where the prostitutes are all monsters polymorphed into human form.

Noice.

This comes from fear that if the GM is wrong players will disbelieve the world or he'll screw up his game. Doing so ironically causes these thing to happen.

Personally if the mistake is spotted immediately I'll just admit to it and correct it. If it's a longer plot issue the elemental sword will just become the liches sword and i'll change things to fit.

Man of Steel is that you?

>You getting the sofa for doing the right thing and refusing to allow her to be a cunt
Bullshit, she was in the wrong.

You do realise people can grow older right? I wasn't born an adult and I'm pretty sure you weren't either.

magical realm detected

That is completely fine. A lot better than "You tell me" kind of DMs.

I get that reference

But it's quite logical for this half-giant to crash this Orien airship and make sure none of the pesky small folk survive the experience, expecially the funny Tharashk investigator, he's a fucking big ass fugitive

how gauche.

greentext is made of sentences, you doof.

I haven't hated a GM that I've played with, but every time I've heard about someone running a Battletech RPG campaign, my excitement for the possibility of playing is always proven premature when I hear about their cringeworthy "Improvements" to the game.

>We have force powers.

>There's a donut steel still alive from the days of the star league that all the successor lords know and fear because he commands a hidden super-science force that is more powerful than the clans.

>Everything after my favourite time period sucks so I ham-fistedly rewrote the lore so that it's perpetually stuck in the era I like forever.

Reading all these (mostly justified) complaints, I am slowly being overcome with crippling self-doubt regarding my own skills (or lack thereof) as Eternal GM.

After all this time, I think I've become decent enough at improvising when my players pull unexpected shit and I never show my 'oh fuck, what do I do now?!' face, but whenever something crazy unexpected goes down, I'm still anxious I'll fuck it up for the players.

Thanks, assholes.

We try guys, not all of us are dicks. We're just human.

Sometimes I just can't handle the curveballs or stop you all from fighting each other.

Generally, when you realize that your DM isn't interesting in collaboratively creating a story, but for him to tell a specific story and you're all just along for the ride.

I give u hint my friend
2 things to fix those problems
1 is make sure there are always stakes that aren't "you'll die!!!" every combat
2 is if the players think they have solved big mystery or figured out weak spot act surprised like they saw through your master ruse and make it canon

>5e
>Spirit Guardian
>Attacked by flying creatures in a mountain.
"No, your spell can't go up or down, it must be on the same height as your character. The spell doesn't have the sphere description to it, so it means it works like in pathfinder."

I love my friend, but some times I just wanna kill him.

I was birthed fully grown. By the time I passed from my mother, I was already a man. I lost my virginity that day, for the second I came out, I turned around and thrust back inside.

I'll die a child, innocent and pure, small and helpless. Such is the fate foretold by my father. He's reaching the bold age of 12 already, he hasn't got much longer.

Following that
>Module Railroad
>Jesus Christ, when he runs a module he railroads the fuck out of it.
>Reign of Winter game, allow us to try and climb the tower. The wizard in our party decides to do some spells and have our 500ft rope with grappling hook fly and attach to the tower.
>Does not allow us to climb the tower, even after rolling a 30. (Nat 20 + bunch of bonus to climbing.). Makes bullshit excuse about the tower being smooth and slippery, while I'm trying to use the fucking rope.
>Says that even if we could climb it, the windows of the tower aren't actually windows, but blocks of see-through ice and they are indestructible.
>Later, fighting the boss
>The boss flies away, the barbarian is grappling the boss as they both brake the window easily.
>Try to point out the retcon, get's ignored with a "I don't care. The boss casts animate object on the ice dragon statue."

This kind of attitude really really gets me mad. Changing rules on the fly, railroading us, not being open with your players and just telling them they can't do that instead of giving a false sense of being allowed to do certain things, like the tower.

In summary, acting as if it was a Us v.s Him game. RPGs aren't supposed to be that, GMs should be open and actually talk to the players, not just tell what's happening.

Rule 0
The FUCKING Rule 0
Jesus Fucking Christ, fuck the Rule 0. It makes the DM's go power hungry, and protect them from shit as they bend the game to make their wee wees harder. They should have never invented Rule 0.

Rule 0 has its place though.

It filters the good GMs who use it infrequently and only to maintain the flow of the game from shitty GMs who use it as a last ditch effort to force compliance.

My rule of thumb is, if the GM makes a stupid call and he uses rule 0 to defend it, it's best to just leave after the session is over and move on to greener pastures.

> Insulting, belittling behaviour
> Snapping at players
> Players don't figure out a simple puzzle, so I can insult and get angry at them
> Asinine actions (PC clearly says something out of character, GM decides it's now an in character action)

We play on roll20 with a group of friends, and you ca hear the sound of Steam messages going off, which is usually a sign of "GM messaging player X about how retarded the other players are".

I guess that's he likes to give them the shaft.

To be fair, the Dark Ages does kind of suck.

>skindentations
Why am I aroused by such a simple and poorly drawn image.