The Ultimate THAT GM

Do it up Rage style.

Either openly mock anyone who plays a divine caster while including an "enlightened" atheist Mary Sue GMPC, or go full evangelical Christian and have the plot just be you asserting the dominance of a new monotheistic religion over the established pantheon of the setting. Choose whichever option is more likely to piss off your group.

Do the latter while insisting "I'm not super religious, you guys," then at the end have a Mary Sue GMPC kill God while misquoting Nietzsche and calling him a nihilist.

Are there more of these?

It depends. What's your goal? Get rid of the players as fast as possible? Give them the worst gaming experience possible? Keep them as long as possible despite them hating the game? Turn them against each other in real life?

There's a lot of options, and a lot of nuance in being a real piece of shit GM. So you'll need to be a bit more specific.

we can go deeper

penis vore with accompanied unbirthing

Oh shit that sounds good. I'm picturing him as Coldsteel the Hedgeheg meets Otto from A Fish Called Wanda.

I think the very worst would be this:
>Keep them as long as possible despite them hating the game?
Followed by a final session of this:
Give them the worst gaming experience possible?
That results in this:
Turn them against each other in real life?

>In order to simulate improper hygiene without actually having to live like Chris-chan for several months soak a shirt in a tub of melted butter for an hour, then hang it to dry in the sun. Wear the shirt. This is a test of endurance.

Sadly, turning them against each other in real life while *also* giving them the worst gaming experience possible relies too much on the players, and isn't controllable by the GM. You need to have the right group for this to happen.

Also, while it is possible to keep them as long as possible despite them hating the game, it's very hard to do that and then make the last session the worst gaming experience possible. Mostly because for the worst gaming experience possible you need to first have investment, so that they stay through the whole thing. If you've already created a shitty game they hate, chances are that when things *really* take a turn for the worst they'll just leave.

It's all possible, of course, but it takes the required skill of being a shit-head up to an entirely different level.

What's the closest you think you could get if you actually tried?

A couple.

Really, picking one thing and going all-in on it would be the best choice. Gives you the highest chance of significant player suffering.

Trying to do too much, getting greedy for that extra sorrow, you're just likely to get nothing at all. They'll catch on, or you'll drive them away without extracting any real anguish.

That said, I find that the lowest lows tend to accompany the highest highs. So given the choice, I'd go for making a good campaign, and then at the end going for the worst experience I could manage in the last session that would also turn the players against each other in real life. That strikes me as the most doable.

There's a special place in hell for you and all the other chucklefucks like you.

This user understands.
To be a bad GM is easy, just mimic a few bad habits from Veeky Forums stories until your game explodes.

To be the worst GM you have to go deeper.
Remember that virt was a horrible human being that still received praise for some aspects of the games he ran.
The trick to running a game as the worst GM is to make parts of the game so fun and compelling, that the players return for more abuse.

Ideally have at least one set of roommates or a couple in the group.
That way, when your fuckery creates friction, you can shift the antagonism onto their issues and blame it all on their relationship drama.

But my real contribution to this thread is the endgame.
Many will tell you that party implosion is best end to this game of ours.
This is wrong.
The best end is when one of them gathers enough testicles to seriously confront you about your dickery.
In response you completely and totally... reform.

You change.
You employ good hygiene.
Your no longer use abusive language.
And your campaign becomes everything they ever wanted and never knew.
You dovetail every in game event and all their backstories into one plot against one alpha villain.
You lead them on a heroic campaign escalating to a final battle at the villains lair.
Show them the thick book of notes you have for the final session.
Plan a whole day around the final battle.
Arrange to have food delivered, have everyone set aside the whole day and night to play out the climactic confrontation.
And then you... disappear like Keyser Soze. Leave nothing. No trace. No notes. Your never existed and their campaign will never end, secrets will never be answered, vengeance will never be had, closure will always elude them. They will be left with a massive WTF that will never be resolved.

And that, gentlemen, is how I would be the worst GM.

Make random rolls and don't tell the players what they are for, and pass out notes to certain players expressing the need for them to keep it secret from the other players.

Lawful Evil

That made me wretch with how evil it is, Good job.

That's legendary. They'd have to make a Guinness World Record for that shit.

Thank you gentlemen.
It's gratifying to know my evil mind is appreciated.

Can i suck you off now?

...

Bait

capped

Also, make sure ALL the notes just say that you are only giving them this note so that the other players don't get suspicious that they are the only one not getting notes.

This way you give the illusion to each player that they are your least favorite and everyone else is getting really cool stuff.

That user here.
Thanks for putting it better than I ever could.

This is basically how I ran Out of the Abyss

High praise

I appreciate the offer, but the position has been filled.

Thanks for considering it capworthy.
But, why is it everytime I do something that gets capped, I only see my typo in the cap?

Meh. Not impressed. Your players are still legitimately having fun. That's not really worst DM quality. You're trying to turn it into this philosophical wank fest of "No! We have to torture them through quantity, not quality!"

Fuck, your twist ending isn't even all that special. What if someone says "Fine, fuck it, I'll DM the last session"? It's not like they didn't know where you were going with the plot at that point.

2/10, you're not a bad DM at all, and that's a weird statement I had to make.

Raise your standards, bub.

>start out with a system that isn't that complex but has a few really counter-intuitive rules
>invite like 7-8 players, with 3 or so of them being new to RPGs
>subtly make new players feel stupid for not understanding all the rules right away

>railroad just enough that players get frustrated, but not quite enough that they start calling you out (and if you HEAR one of them say the word "railroad," immediately stop for that one session)

>give players one magic item of a type that will be good for two characters, or that benefits one character mechanically but fits another player's character fluff-wise

>create scenes that allude to real moral quandaries or IRL political hot-button topics and never step in if players start arguing

>after a month, pick the players who are THE most into the story, and send them a very carefully worded email explaining that you're really sorry but you can only keep 4 because it's just getting overwhelming to run for 7
>make sure one player who goes and one player who stays have something in common (both women, both black, etc.)
>say to the one who stays, "whatever (one you're talking to's name) was annoying anyway"
>then catch yourself, act really sorry and say "oh my god I'm so sorry, I meant the other one!"
>then wait a second, get even more horrified, and say, "(other person's name)! I meant (other person's name)!"

>be as passive aggressive as possible at all times

>whenever the shyest player tries to contribute, stare blankly at them for ten seconds, act like you're holding in a sigh, then give a half-ass description of what happens

>add unnecessary, badly-worded house rules, and forget them whenever it's most important
>don't write them down anywhere, and make sure there are enough that if anyone calls you on them, odds are nobody's going to be sure if they were right

>otherwise run a game with a really good setting, interesting NPCs, a compelling hook, etc., so they can't place their complaints and are likely to stay

r8 pls

Ice cold.

>Meh
Well, each to their own.

>What if someone says "Fine, fuck it, I'll DM the last session"? It's not like they didn't know where you were going with the plot at that point.
You lack imagination, but that's fine.

Feel free to enjoy the instant gratification of ruining a session with a bit of bad GM behavior.
They might even tell a story about that one game you ruined.

As for me, after torturing them over many sessions with foul behavior that they endure for as long as they could stand, I would lead them up an engaging precipice of intriguing villainy and converging mystery until they are anxious to see how it all turns out.
If they could easily know where the plot was going, then there would be no unrevealed secrets as I mentioned.
I would lead them on a lengthy campaign through a river of shit until they could not stand it anymore, then "reform" and raise them upon a cliff of ecstatic adventure, and then deny them any hope of climax.

By all means, enjoy your tasty candy of whatever flavor of Worst GM you find best. I don't doubt it is quite sweet.
I'd prefer a sumptuous meal of delicately prepared eternal frustration and exquisite impotent rage forged by dreams raised and dashed over many months.

I feel like implying that you can't tell black people apart would probably be going to far. There'd be a good chance of losing the group at that point. Otherwise this is spot on.

Not that user, but given that you wrote that other post, I'm curious what you think of what I did here:

It has lofty ideals, but it would never work. A lot of the ideals are too lofty, such as the "railroad not-railroad" line toeing. The line where the players get frustrated IS over the line of being an actual railroad, and they'll call you out during the first, maybe second session.

The magic items can be shuffled around

And millenials are so entrenched in their "You're with me or against me" attitude about their hot-button topics that the second an argument forms, you're going to lose half the table right away.

5/10, the ideas are there, but just aren't feasible for the long term

>You lack imagination
>You don't understand my genius! The only way this is possible is that you fail to understand it!

It's not my imagination that's the problem, it's you greatly over-exaggerating the "ultimate evil!" into a philosophy of time vs. quality.

Do you know why I know you're idiotic plan won't work? Because you went through this huge wank to describe basically everyone's game with an evil tent on it. "OOooooo, it's going to be juuuust good enough to keep you coming back, but it'll have bad parts in it toooo". Yeah, buddy, that's every game. No one is perfect, but as long as people have fun and keep coming back, the game is successful. And the "I'll reform and build the perfect adventure and then suddenly flake out! OOOooo I'm EEEEVIL" bit? Wow, talk about ending a game like, oh, I dunno, every third other game in existence? Real spooky.

All you're doing is taking a mediocre-to-okay game and applying a "I was retarded on purpose" mentality to it.

>By all means, enjoy your tasty candy of whatever flavor of Worst GM you find best. I don't doubt it is quite sweet.
>I'd prefer a sumptuous meal of delicately prepared eternal frustration and exquisite impotent rage forged by dreams raised and dashed over many months.

Whoa, careful there. You're getting incredibly close to fedora tipping. Might wanna stop sniffing your own farts for a second.

>And millenials are so entrenched in their "You're with me or against me" attitude about their hot-button topics that the second an argument forms, you're going to lose half the table right away.
Maybe it's because I'm a grad student, but I have really intense, like, we're both really passionate, debates with other students about politics all the time and we're chill after.

Buddy, I say this with full sincerity, you are a diamond in the rough. Please stay pure.

>subtly make new players feel stupid for not understanding all the rules right away
Good
>railroad just enough
Tough to balance well

>give players one magic item of a type that will be good for two characters, or that benefits one character mechanically but fits another player's character fluff-wise
This is very good at subtly putting the players at odds with each other while appearing innocent. Top notch.
>create scenes that allude to real moral quandaries or IRL political hot-button topics
This less so.

>after a month, kick the players who are THE most into the story,
Very mean.

>make sure one player who goes and one player who stays have something in common (both women, both black, etc.)
>say to the one who stays, "whatever (one you're talking to's name) was annoying anyway"
>then catch yourself, act really sorry and say "oh my god I'm so sorry, I meant the other one!"
>then wait a second, get even more horrified, and say, "(other person's name)! I meant (other person's name)!"
Kinda agree with the other user that this would probably not work well in practice and be a bit much.

>be as passive aggressive as possible at all times
Naturally.
>whenever the shyest player tries to contribute, stare blankly at them for ten seconds, act like you're holding in a sigh, then give a half-ass description of what happens
Excellent
>add unnecessary, badly-worded house rules, and forget them whenever it's most important
>don't write them down anywhere, and make sure there are enough that if anyone calls you on them, odds are nobody's going to be sure if they were right
Nicely infuriating.

>otherwise run a game with a really good setting, interesting NPCs, a compelling hook, etc., so they can't place their complaints and are likely to stay
This is how you do it. Keep it subtle so they feel like they’re being petty if they voice their issues.

Okay Captain Imaginationless,
I would explain again how you’re going out of the way to ignore several key points, but you already have planted your opinion in the sand and won’t move it for anybody.
That’s fine. Enjoy your happy little position of being “right” and speaking “truth”, never troubled by things you refuse to see or imagine.
As I said, each to their own.

But answer me this: What do *you* imagine is the ultimate endgame of the Worst GM?

I don't know how I'd completely change into the worst GM, but I know how I'd start. I'd buy John Wick's "Play Dirty" book.

I thought John Wick was that Keanu Reeves action movie, but I keep seeing Veeky Forums bring up the name as the worst thing ever.

Someone fill me in?

>What do *you* imagine is the ultimate endgame of the Worst GM?

There's three ways a DM can go wrong.

The first way is purely mechanically as a DM. Most people who post That Guy stories are ultimately just talking about shitty human beings in general. Such as Furry Rape Planet guy over yonder in the That Guy thread. Someone who is actually bad at the task of DMing in general would be boring.

I've had this DM. I joined his table with NO plot or background whatsoever. Without exaggeration or hyperbole, this is how he started the game.

"You come to a house after following the footprints in the snow."

That was it. It gets worse, but I'm pressed for characters.

The second way is through universal disapproval. Basically people who are bad and horrible shitty DMs to everyone involve, who get whispered or told stories about in That Guy threads. This is why you describe as the "short-term candy stories." I won't go over the details.

In my opinion, the worst DMs are the DMs that are popular. They're the DMs that encourage others to play the game THEIR way, which causes discontent everywhere.

Ironically enough, this DM is best known as John Wick. I will tell you about the horrors of John Wick in the next post.

John Wick is easily the most horrible DM in the world and he is not only somehow still getting games, but he is also insanely popular and a successful game publisher, having many popular games under his belt including Legend of the 5 Rings. John Wick not only buys into his own hype, but also does not actually understand when he is in the wrong, and takes any hate like Dark Side Phil does.

To give you a taste, John Wick, when he was a younger teenager, maybe about 12-14, I don't remember the number, had heard about how deadly Tomb of Horrors was. Eventually, he got his hands on it. But he didn't just put his group against it right away, he instead teased it at the end of another adventure. He gives the players a map, says "This is what we'll be playing next time", and even goes as far as to tease it even longer by creating a full session of them just traveling TO the Tomb of Horrors. Naturally, when they FINALLY break into the dungeon, his players hop into the Sphere of Anihilation at the end of the first hall.

John Wick responds to his long-term friends having just lost their long-term characters by hopping out of their chair and literally laughing in their faces about how they all just died, even showing them in the adventure where this was written.

John Wick's friends respond to this by punching him in the face and beating the shit out of him in his own mother's basement.

John Wick then spends the entire year by himself, friendless. He spent the ENTIRE rest of the school year re-reading through the Tomb of Horrors trying to figure out where the module, not he the person, but the module went wrong, blaming it at every corner for his fall out. To make matters worse, he didn't even actually make up to his friends. His MOM had to do it for him before he even got them back together.

His friends made a pact that they would tackle that Tomb of Horrors again, and this time they would beat it fair and square.

cont

Get a group that loves roleplay. Build a world that is the perfect setting for that group, whether grimdark, noblebright or anywhere in between.
Create characters that are memorable and invest yourself in those characters. As your players fall in love with your world, start corrupting it.
You don't want anything too much. Subtle is best. Make it so your players achievements become pointless after a time.
They saved that village at level 2? a bigger monster moves in and destroys them.
Helped that chapel with a vampire problem? demons raid it for an artifact that was hidden away there.
Slowly kill off or turn once loved npc friends into the enemy. Make everything the PC's built fall. Finally, once they hit the higher levels, bring up a boss that is just barely beatable at their best. Fudge a couple dice rolls, kill off one of the pc's and badly damage the others. Finally, just as they are about to beat the bbeg, Deus Ex that shit and have the BBEG's friend come in and slaughter them and rape the elf into a puddle of blood.
That is how to be THAT GM.

John Wick's idea of "Fair and Square" was cheating his ass off, providing more clues, and outright removing entire sections of the tomb, essentially handing his players the victory undeserved and not even honoring the pact he had just made with his friends.

John Wick never got over this, either. If you head to his blog and read this story, he actually goes out of his way to HIGHLIGHT AND MARK SPOILERS TO THE TOMB SO THAT YOU READ THEM ON ACCIDENT.

He then ends this story with a recounting of how he hates the tomb so much, that a few years ago at a convention, intentionally lead a pack of brand new players into the Sphere of Annihilation to steal their gold, and then justified it in character by moon-logic saying that the sphere was "technically not a trap".

You might think "oh, that's just him as a teenager", but the thing about him is that he never learned from this, because he still blames it on the module. He still acts like this to this very day. John Wick ACTIVELY encourages you to do shit like taking away or outright ignoring your player's hard earned powers just to put the twist to them. Such as giving the paladin, who is immune to disease, a "magical" disease that gets around that for literally no reason, and then making the antidote "technically a disease" and making the paladin immune to the cure.

He continually does this. The book user mentioned above, the Play Dirty book, is chalk full of stories like this. Of his exploits in a super hero game where he would just continually brow beat the PCs with retarded moon-logic to make their own powers work against them.

And the dumb thing is they ate it up. They took his signs of aggression not as aggressive player vs DM mentality, but as a challenge to be won.

I end this story by also detailing how mentally ill John Wick is with his story of how he "Outsmarted" Tracey Hickman, creator of Ravenloft.

cont

He was sitting around in a room playing a game of some sort with Tracey and his wife running the game, when John Wick stands up, basically self destructs, and says "I declare that you, Tracey Hickman, cannot kill any player in this room!" to which Tracey Hickman looked at his wife and said "Oh, okay. You do it then", whereupon she proceeded to kill the rest of the players and they all lost the game. Despite John Wick painting it EXACTLY this way on his blog, he still has the gall to write "I actually outsmarted him! I'm great!"

The worst part of ALL of this, is that people seriously listen to his advice about DMing and incorporate it into their games. He is actually poisoning the entire hobby with his shitty DM vs Player mentality and narcissism, and he is getting rewarded at every turn for it.

John Wick IS the worst GM. Every day that John Wick's face goes unpunched, is a day that there is no God.

End.

>"Outsmarted" Tracey Hickman
Oh, no! He fucked over one of my like, top 15-20 favorite comic book writers! Fuck this guy.

Holy shit, this is awful!

Where can I find out more?

He didn't even actually fuck him over, but he still thinks he did, is the worst part.

You can go read his blog. Just google John Wick Table Top. Should be in the top ten. If not, look up Legend of the 5 Rings or 7th Sea.

Okay. There's that.

While I still think that you misunderstood what I was saying, I can’t deny that “Being anything remotely like John Wick” would be a suitable example of an endgame for a Worst GM.

>He didn't even actually fuck him over, but he still thinks he did, is the worst part.
And his “fuck over” declaration was trumped with a move done in both "Waterworld" and "Demolition Man" that any teenager could come up with.

You can read his book at img.4plebs.org/boards/tg/image/1377/85/1377858602708.pdf

Step 1: recruit players from Veeky Forums

Step 2: attempt anything

Oh I get it. So all of the NPC quest givers can "legally by the rules of the game" railroad the players?

Even better. Have a horribly fetishized version of Cestree appear. If the players don't rape her, go on a Zack Snyder-esque rant about how there is no such thing as good or evil before having ogres do it instead. Now do the same to their waifus.

Thanks for the flashback, user :/
And the worst thing is, there's a few nuggets of hope, some honestly good ideas in his books, that makes so GMs may be lured into copying him. His gestion of npcs is quite good, for example.

And on the other hand, he massacred 7th sea.

It would probably be even worse if instead of saying 'the other one', you say 'the other nigger/slut/nigger slut'.

>Have a horribly fetishized version of Cestree appear.

How much more fetishized can a red-headed, big-breasted, nerdy succubus who transforms into a ten-foot-tall giger-esque monstrosity get?

There's also an rpg developer called John Wick. He is awful.

I don't know, but I have time on my hands and a fucked-up imagination. You probably do too. I'll think of something, but it will take time.
But a good place to start would be by making her mentally ill and underage, then fetishizing her mental illness and childishness. When in doubt, make it truly disturbing.

Have Cestree find some "soda" that is actually wine coolers then have her be naively drunk around them/borderline passed out so she can be taken advantage of by the players

this is gross, cestree a pure

>Such as giving the paladin, who is immune to disease, a "magical" disease that gets around that for literally no reason, and then making the antidote "technically a disease" and making the paladin immune to the cure.

That's at least funny.

It's funny in *concept*, because it's so totally unexpected and divorced from sanity that it falls out the other side to "funny". In practice, actually DOING it to a PC and killing the character as a result is pretty high up on the douchebag scale, and wouldn't be funny in the least if you're the Paladin.

One of the other Wick stories I recall (from the AEG forums) is Wick playing a low-ranking character's Lord/Daimyo and telling the PC to do a thing. If the PC refuses, he gets exiled and becomes an NPC (ie, ronin). So the PC does the thing. This pisses off another NPC, who has the PC killed in the middle of the night by ninjas. There's no roll, just Wick informing the guy that "you died" (because the ninja was "so badass" that Wick felt there was no chance the PC would hear him coming while asleep). Since it's Wick handling every step of this himself, in practice, what this is is simply the GM saying "I'm going to remove your character - you can choose exile or I can kill your character - and there's nothing you can do about it."

Give them a ten inch dick?

Three of the four players in the game I'm in right now are from Veeky Forums. We're currently playing a fairly serious game that's going well. You just have to screen players.

This, desu. If you're lucky you'll get one semi-decent player who has enough of his shit together to be able to play.