Five Word Adventure Plots

What it says on the tin. Write a complete adventure using only five words, anons!

>Orc wedding party raids town
>Bard captures hearts, steals minds
>Sheep disappear, werewolf shepherd blamed

Slave wants revenge, becomes slavemaster

Dragon invests hoard too wisely

>Massive church misplaces reincarnated prophet
>Interdimensional wizard leaves stove on
>Mistranslation reverses evil spellbook's effects
>Talking pigs' unstoppable moving fortress
>Summoning sigil actually means 'dinnertime'
>Skull-shaped island, undead giant
>Ghost orgy evacuates ancient palace

Jesus christ fucking goblins fuck

The moon is an egg.

Knight slays dragon, destroys ecosystem

Worst Dr Who Episode Ever.

Rocks fall, not everyone dies

Your whore mum fucked a nigger.

Terrorist druid hunts industry workers
Supreme ruler chosen by height

That ________ stole my ________

The most effective adventure hook for any level.

Aboleth controls kingdoms capital completely

>We acquired some illegal mushrooms

Bards attend racial sensitivity classes.

That Dragon stole my bike!

Ork pulls sword from stone
Gay dragon kindaps male princes
Communist goblins only raid bourgeoisie

Moutain gets up and leaves

>Communist goblins only raid bourgeoisie
Would play.

Skeleton wants to be good.

>we acquired some illegal myconids

Party shits in royal court

I have always wondered.... Is shitting called shitting because its the active from of shit? Or because its the act of taking a shit while sitting.

King orders paladin to kill democrats

>Dwarves delved too deep again.
>Eldritch things love humans excessively.
>Lost ghost wants her mommy.
>Magical blights killing elven forests.
>Kingdom's cats suddenly gain sapience.
>The treasure map is real.
>City's priestesses are being murdered.
>Cursed princess seeks a cure.
>Haul a ship miles overland.
>The Headless Horseman rides again!
>Forgotten antisocial goddess craves worshippers.
>Town plagued with fae freeloaders.
>Dying holyman shares terrible secrets.
>Time for a beach episode!
>Cantankerous wizard loses his shit.
>A strange floating island appears.
>Help lesbian blacksmith find love.
>Thieves' Guild needs new members.
>Demonic merchant offers Faustian bargains.
>Bardic insult comedian hires bodyguards.
>High stakes diplomatic tea party.
>War threatens small neutral kingdom.
>Firearms invented in medieval fantasyland.
>Mirrorworld reflections attempt hostile takeover.
>Apocalyptic "wishing star" meteor shower.
>Groundhog Day loop afflicts capital.
>Ancient golem comically short circuits.
>Dragons offer kingdom a truce.

Oh look, another shitty dungeon

- Orcs dressing fancy for infiltration.
- Archmage turns people into stone
- Sculptor moves in,people disappear
- Titan demans audience with king
- People will not stay dead
- Demons go to sunday school
- Troll politician running for mayor
- Graveyard banishes overnight,fairies suspected
- The great ghost train robbery
- Former,undead archpriest declares crusade
- Ancient castle becomes stone golem
- God hit by identity crisis
- Benevolent dragon dies,hoard auctioned
- King dies,rises as ghost
- Chosen One is an orc
- Frankenstein's petting zoo in town

>dragon divorces princess, party mediates
>local dungeon occupied by squatters
>local dungeon occupied by Starbucks
>medusa union corners quarry markets

>illegal myconids

"I can't believe the government doesn't deport these illegal myconids! It's bad enough that they're stealing our jobs, but before you know it, they'll spread their spores everywhere!"

That forest is getting closer.

>Dwarves delved too deep again.
I feel like that should be "Dwarves delved too deep. Again.", just to imply the correct tone of voice.

>You must construct additional pylons

>That forest is getting closer.
Shit, I tried to run that once. Players didn't bite the hooks...

War of the Worlds: Sigil

>>Cursed princess seeks a cure.
>Haul a ship miles overland.

The princess has suffered a cursed transformation and is now an enchanted ship, complete with a figurehead in her old likeness. Luckily, the curse will be lifted once she's placed in the waters of a sacred spring. Unluckily, that spring is located thousands of miles inland.

>Players must entertain bored lich

giant otter island threatens colony

- Unemployed adventurers build own dungeon
- Midlife crisis dragon donates hoard
- Cribs : Lifestyles of Famous Liches (this was originally Lifestyles of the Lich and the Famous, but 6 words so fuck you)
- Intelligent Rings of Animate Ooze

>Terrorist druid hunts industry workers

This was actually a PC in one of my games. He claimed he was a druid and loved nature and animals and shit but all he did was burn down sawmills and kill carpenters and shit.

Any time there was some kind of supernatural danger, he'd usually turn into a bird and fuck off.

It was pretty funny, actually.

Prodigal son returns a wizard
Bad weather caused by hubris
Loan shark employs actual shark

"Loan shark is actual shark" might be better.

Shit, this looks fun.

>>The Headless Horseman rides again!
>>Help lesbian blacksmith finds love.

The Headless Horseman is terrorizing a village, and the party needs some sort of specially-crafted sword to fight him. But the only blacksmith capable of forging said sword has become despondent after realizing she's the only lesbian in town, and thus will never find love. The party must search the countryside for another lesbian while evading the wandering Headless Horseman, then set the two up on a date (which the Headless Horseman will inevitably try to ruin).

>War threatens small neutral kingdom.
>Firearms invented in medieval fantasyland.

An orcish warband captures a famous dwarven inventor and forces him to create weapons for them. He ends up developing guns (early matchlocks or wheellocks), allowing the orcs to wipe the floor with literally everyone they come across. Their next target is a small, neutral kingdom without a standing army, which hires the PCs as mercenaries.Think Magnificent Seven, but with the heroes being inferiorly-equipped as well as outnumbered.

Thats 65 words too much

Bonus secret super adventure:
The headless horseman is a headless horsewoman. This can be found out through various means. (finding her head, damaging her armour enough, finding certain paintings or using certain spells).

She'd be quite happy to settle down with the blacksmith, if you can manage to communicate with her.

If you do it, she can reward you with the secrets of her ancient family estate, as well as offer protection for the region / settlement.

>Shadowrun in a nutshell

Mimes took all speech away.
Ents are still alive, angry.
Baba Yaga's house starts reproducing.
Sidewalk crack leads to otherworld.
Friend Computer is actually sane.

The business failed, dungeons? No!

The knives have come alive

>An orcish warband captures a
Shit adventure i tried to run something similar

>Baba Yaga's house starts reproducing.

Semen powered magic destroys economy

Scumbag pays party for PR

Goblins create a legitimate state

not saying its cthulu but.........

When was the last time someone awoke unspeakable ancient evils by climbing to high?

orcs are like the least well suited to make use of firearms though

thats six words you illerate chud

Modrons are at it again

Unstoppable juggernaut.
In love with...?

Galadriel actually take the Ring.

This works for pretty much any race to a certain degree.
>humans are at it again
>dwarves are at it again
>elves are at it again
>orcs are at it again

>wizards are at it again

>Winged elves awaken ancient evil
>Cultist calls down belligerent asteroid
>That cloud hates our fun
>Mountain climbers disturb homicidal monk
'Climb too high, awaken unspeakable ancient evils' has some potential.

Cosmic Kazoo Entity plots assimilation.

That was about the statue of liberty being a weeping angel, silly.

Barbarian Hoard Burns down Sun

I just realized how many potentially hostile and powerful beings there are on mountaintops in my setting. What have I done?

Yeah but at least modrons pretty much only do one thing, modrons are only "at it" when they do the recon march

Well,those martial artist monks sure love their mountain top retreats. I'd be fucking mad if someone came to the place I especifically chose to live in due to its isolation from the outside world.

Have the sequel for "Mountain climbers disturb homicidal monk"
>Homicidal monks horde invade kingdom

>Serial barber terrorizes dwarven village
>Brewer accidentally invents magical napalm
>Awakened dire rat follows party
>Ogre woman kidnaps baron's son
>Lich develops taste for music
>Kingdom's newborn prince is half-orc (I suppose this counts as 5 words)
>Extraplanar tourists invade country town
>A little girl achieved godhood
>Cyclops looses lense. Hostility ensues
>Giant cat burglar steals relic

Already an adventure in 2e

They were human beings, once.

Oh, hell no she didn't

Strange pants become religious symbol

Go get your virginity back.

Dogs, more like terrorist bioweapons!

I ate frogs, your turn.

Actually, only one of those dudes is there for solitude.
>Incredibly powerful archmage werelizard with a crossbow bolt in his heart (the solitude seeker)
>Coven of free wizards, the mountaintop is a challenge if you want to join them
>A mountain titan bound to a particular mountain range at the beginning of time
>Dwarves
That's all I can think of off the top of my head, but there's more.

>>Incredibly powerful archmage werelizard with a crossbow bolt in his heart (the solitude seeker)

Please elaborate. This sounds weird but cool.

Alright, here goes. But first I gotta explain the setting/magic a little. Keep in mind this is Dwarf Fortress.
>Magic = Secrets
>Gods are associated with various aspects
>They can tell a follower a Secret corresponding with that aspect
>Said follower can now do magic based on that Secret
>Secrets are conserved, so by telling a Secret to someone you forget that Secret yourself
>Secrets get pretty specific, I've got a list of 100+
>Also they're pretty brute force so no really complicated/specific workings

>The Dawn of Memory
>Everyone wakes up in their small towns with no memory of how they got there, but some idea how to do things
>There are only like 20 people per nation, meaning things get a little inbred later on
>Then, the first child born after the Dawn: Gust, a foundling
>I should mention 'gust' is Human for 'violence'
>Gust worships the god of wisdom and scholarship
>When he's an adult, the god of wisdom tells him he's been chosen and tells him the Secret of Fate (future/past sight)
>Tells him to scry before the Dawn of Memory, because even the gods don't know
>God makes him a high priest and makes that his full time job
>Gust meets with lots of failure, but does a lot of other scholarship, god is happy and gives him Wisdom and Scholarship
>Still no luck
>Also Gust got married and had like 11 kids
>Then Gust sees his own death, killed in a stupid war with elves
>He seeks to prevent it
>Starts worshiping the goddess of death, writing, poetry, and fate
>She gives him all those Secrets
>He thinks something is up but isn't about to turn down free Secrets, since he's now the most powerful Keeper of Secrets in history
>Wisdom god gets pissed and curses Gust to become a werelizard
>Gust has an oh shit moment, kisses his wife and kids goodbye, and flees into the woods
>Starts turning into a rabid werelizard every full moon, attacks villages
>Eats his own niece
>Basically gives up on the world/gods
>Starts talking to the other dark gods for more power
cont

>Dwarf Fortress

disgonbegood.jpg

>Ancient Evil applies for loan

Turns out it's a headless horsewoman!

>They give him free secrets
>Goddess of trickery, treachery, and lies tells him the dark gods definitely aren't doing this because they wanted to fuck over the other gods' little project
>Anyway, Gust has like 15 Secrets
>Still wants more
>Starts trying to hunt down Keepers of Hunting so he can hunt down other Keepers better
>Can't hunt the hunter
>Hunters hunt him back
>Someone discovers werelizards are weak to copper
>On an ordinary raid, someone shoots Gust in the heart with a copper bolt
>He keeps himself alive with Life and Deformity, but can't remove the bolt
>Retreats to his mountain fortress
>Builds it bigger with his bare hands since it doesn't have Earth
>Covers it in glamours (Trickery)
>Covers it in undead monsters (Life, Death, Deformity)
>Covers it in rolling clouds of horrible poison (Disease, Blight, Death)
>Sits and studies and finds new Secrets (Scholarship)
>Watches his children grow and spread and become two whole nations (Fate)
>Discovers how to control his transformations (the Moon, which no god has)
>Spreads his legend (Rumors, which no god gave him)
And now he just sits up there and hides from people that would rip the bolt out of his chest and kill him. Also he still can't see before the Dawn of Memory.

Damn,that's awesome,user. Thanks for sharing.

Also, that coven of free wizards is the Free Keepers, a group of Keepers who are unassociated with any nation. They're basically their own law, but can't stand each other except at the yearly meeting in the aforesaid mountaintop castle.

Thanks!

Slay evil princess, rescue Dragon

Would you like to hear more stuff about the Land of Omen? I will totally hijack this topic to talk about my homebrew world.

>slav wants revenge
> become slavmaster

Slavs would be tyrants should they get the chance.

Princess is actually a boy?!

Sailed. Tailed pale whale. Failed.

Good Deeds, accomplished by evil.

Moby Dick?

The Rum is always empty

>midlife crisis dragon donates hoard
>dragon invests hoard too wisely

I can see a hook around one of the greatest kingdoms around having its origins in a powerful ancient dragon signing a contract with its founders, expecting a return on the investment it made.

Of course, dozens of generations later none of the humans remember any of it, but the legal documents the dragon brought with it do have seals and signatures that match with those retained of the founders.

Dragon is actually the Princess

Dwarves delved into Deep Again

>Slam Poet is the Villain
>Shakespeare's sires were actual demigods
>Yellow Sign in Time Magazine
>Undead caravan sets up carnival
>Antique shop hosts dead kings

My next campaign.